Wisdom is built with experience and experience is what we earn as we build our life, our careers/businesses, our families and ourselves. There are times we need to rebuild, because life works that way, things change, we change and we are always evolving and our priorities change throughout life.

I do believe we learn from those that have been here, and that age is a beautiful thing because it means experiences, wisdom, and we learn as we get older that the small things really are the big things. As important as it is to push, work hard, dig in, it is equally important to be still, to rest, to practice self care, to take time to meditate or breathe, to nurture the body/mind/soul.

I gave a lot of thought this week to growth, and how much we grow in a decade.

Typically that growth comes from the challenges in our way, not from everything working out great, success is not linear, it is a messy line, and for most, a scribble.

I have spent my 30 year career in Leadership Development & Training dedicated to Personal Growth, I enjoy it, I have interest in it, I have had the opportunity to view it from a corporate level, to a entrepreneurial level and personally I had to go through my own reinvention a few times in life (and I am sure I will have more).

I have explored the male dominated space of Success, and have also been able to discover other Thought Leaders that are Women are they focus on Hope & Healing. Hope & Healing, this is something we all need, and there are seasons we need it more than others and more often than not, we are healing early Trauma’s be it big trauma or what be a smaller trauma. It is so healthy to get to know yourself, how you mange your emotions, how you process things, and also do you have a support system and framework in place to plug yourself into? It is really hard for women and especially Moms to put themselves first, and to realize self care is not a pedi and a mani, not even close. Any sort of Spa day, nail appointment, hair color & cut is a feel good thing, it’s either pampering or just a lift in the way your feel when a new hair doo or after a service. Real self care is so much deeper and some of it feels good and some of it is really hard. Self Care is and should be a daily practice, a part of how you experience the day and an earlier morning wake up is a great start. This is all fluid, don’t try and do everything all at once, pick a few things and continue to add various practices as you go.

Here is the key….

You are not going to feel like doing most of it. Truth!

Exercise:

Exercise is good for us but do we really want to either go for that run or go to the gym? Not always, it is important not to base these decisions on your emotions because often times you won’t feel like it.

Meditation:

How about Meditation, everyone is saying to meditate but you just can’t get yourself to do it.

That is so normal. Meditation does not come easily, in fact, I find it really hard sometimes. Each season I need inspiration, motivation and a new idea so that I can get better and more consistent with my Meditation Practice. You hear people say it’s amazing, but you just can’t get yourself to sit still, breathe and your mind just can’t slow down. That is okay, that is how it works. Start out simple. Shorter segments to begin, and you can increase time as you get more comfortable (which takes time). If it feels awkward, it is, until it isn’t, just like anything new or a change you make. Quiet the mind. Learn the power of the breathe and give yourself space and time to meditate and pray or affirm positive things and feelings in your life.

Mindful Mindset:

This is such a great practice and will truly help you live more in the moment and to be more present. Likewise, when you focus on a positive mindset, you lean into opportunity and gratitude as opposed to complaints and where things might be lacking. The power of our thoughts has a direct impact on our experience and outcomes. Focus on the problem, you will get the problems and they might multiply. Focus on the Solution and what is possible, you will create more than you could have thought possible.

Having a resilient spirit and being aware of this can truly help you adjust and reset throughout the day. Negative thoughts appear, they are normal, but are they good or healthy for you, not really. It is okay to acknowledge, and also to process but training your brain to think at a higher vibe and level will change your life.

Seasonal Vision Board:

Have you ever done a mini board? It is a Seasonal Board on things you want to do, create or be this Season. In Living HIPP, we plan our life and nurture our spirit based on the Season. It is a feel good approach, that connects you to the beauty in the season and to unlock those emotions that appreciate all the senses in each season on the calendar and in life. Fall is coming and now is the perfect time to get clear on your Vision this Fall.

What do you want to do personally this Season?

How do you want to Feel?

What business or career goal do you have?

What memories will you build that are Fall Favorites and ignite the spirit this season?

What 30 Day commitment will you commit to?

What will your morning practice be?

A New Season means a new opportunity to shift our energy, regain our focus, to establish boundaries that protect your peace and time and daily habits that feed the soul.

Living HIPP is all in the planning and preparation, it does require a plan, it does require a schedule, it does require a Formula and it gets even better with a Foundation (we build that as soon as we can).

Are you ready to fall in love with Fall?

It is all about the experience…. Taking time to enjoy the journey. Giving yourself moments of Joy. Feeling the senses greet the signs of the season, and being mindful of the season we are in.

We can feel this in our homes and we can feel this in our hearts.

It is a beautiful feeling, spirit and energy, don’t miss out on all the good stuff, which is the spirit within!

You can convince yourself you’re too old, you’re too busy, you can’t handle it or you are not enough.

You are not enough….

How many of us had held onto that belief, or have allowed that subconscious thinking to hold us back, set us back, allow our story to be written by someone else or just hope and pray to be chosen.

I did that, I felt all of this even after writing Living HIPP, after I reached what I thought would be my pinnacle and purpose, launching from there.

I did not realize I needed to grow. I was immersed in personal growth, yet I needed to grow more. I had only scratched the surface, I needed to go through it to grow through it.

So while my message was clear, I needed to experience more challenges and I needed to go deeper into my own healing and my own journey of feeling mislead and trying to find my way back to me.

How many times have we abandoned ourselves in the name of peace, acceptance, resistance or fear.

A clear message, a detour and It did not go down as I expected.

Rather, I was taken down. I thought my resiliency and grace was part of my growth (to some degree it was) but what I did not realize is that I did not protect myself like I should have, I did not speak up like I am capable of and while I was proud of my ability to be grace under fire, I actually allowed toxic behavior to happen to me and in front of me (it did not happen to me, I allowed it to happen to me). I can’t change that, but what I can do is speak up in a larger way on creating cultures and communities that genuinely commit to and support people be it a group, a team, a community or even a company.

I move forward with grace and I move forward with boundaries, and also a desire to turn another challenge into lessons and into a blessing, for myself and others, things get better when we get better.

This detour of personal & financial loss took away from my vision and dream of growing HIPP and having it be the brand I know it can be and more importantly, what we need. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and while it was not my choice, and it was hard, and unfair and frankly wrong, I grew through it. While it brought me down, it did not take me down—in fact, for the first time I stood up for myself like never before. I did not allow unfair circumstances and loss to drive me back to old thinking and behaviors, we outgrow places, we outgrow people and sometimes our values just are not aligned, this is true for all of us in various ways in life, in work and on our journey.

What I know now what I did not know then is that, I needed to experience more, more adversity, more experience and be exposed to rejection and see it as protection. Likewise, I needed to address the things within me that needed to be addressed, when we get sick and tired of our own old patterns and behaviors we make the decision to change. I decided to change. My foundation is solid, my belief system is solid, my values are solid and other people’s behaviors, opinions or actions are outside of my energy field.

I stand, I breathe, I inhale love, I exhale OPBS (other people BS).

I let go of wanting to please everyone and be liked by everyone.

I let go of a vision I had of what I thought I should be.

I let go of the shame of not performing or more accurately, fitting in and “on brand”.

I let go of the ego that wanted to prove them wrong.

Not only did I let go. I firmly built a boundary of superficial behavior—others can follow, no me, I have to lead and/or be in alignment with my core values, energy and depth, it is far greater than the surface stuff which many get caught up in and align with.

I stood up for myself.

I used my voice and in doing so, I spoke up for women everywhere.

I might have stood alone, but I stood up in dignity, respect, authenticity and truth.

When you align with your values, you know it and you honor it. It is pure confidence but requires humility.

So in the decade from writing the book, I had no idea how much I would need it this past decade and how it would become the tracks for me to run on. I have put it to the test, have created the framework, and the platform to create positive change. So as much as I thought I was writing it for others years ago, I ended up writing it for me. Not the words, but having to do the work, create the framework and create a capsule where I could support myself, my mental health and build my foundation.

I had a nerve to say to myself that I was not good enough, smart enough, connected enough, strong enough, or ready enough…. We all go there at times, I know you have said the same thing too. Let’s remind each other and let’s choose our Dreams over our Doubts. We are changing our story, we are digging deep and bringing our best selves forward, in love, in light and with intention to make the world a better place. It all begins with us.

Who am I to create a Global Happiness Brand that changes how we live and work?

Who am I not too? Why Not Me? Why not YOU?

My entire life I have had Visions and Dreams and the only way they came true was that I did not stop when things fell apart. I might pause, I might rest, but God does not put a vision or dream in your heart without knowing you are mean’t to do more.

One thing that I am so grateful for is the lifestyle I have built in this life of mine. Flexibility has always been important to me, and I learned to build a system of support over the years to be successful. Even when I did not feel successful, I realize it was just another sign post along the way, pulling me towards this thing that I know deep in my heart. My purpose is to uplift, teach and inspire millions, my voice needs to be heard by many and my words and story is that of resilience and following my dreams, not the underlying doubt we all experience. The timing does not make sense to me because I am more limited around what I will do, how I will work and balance, mental health and the freedom of space and time (I value this so much at this stage in life).

What I do know is this….

I don’t have to worry about all of the details: timing, fear of being too much, fear of not being enough and how can I possibly do this. I breathe and remember I am not alone, I am being guided, I am the leader I have been waiting for, I am the person I have been waiting for. I can’t control all of those things and I certainly don’t want to worry about them. What I can do is this (and you can too).

—Take charge of what is in my control: my attitude, my habits, my wellness, my mindset my beliefs

—Do the Next Right Thing

—Follow my HIPP Life Plan the best that I can (progress over perfection)

—Let my spirit soar, no one can crush that, try as they may, it’s belongs to me only

—Sincerely and Authentically Lead with Love, this has and will always be my North Star

—Go where the Love is, be with those that are positive, true blue and genuinely want the best for you

—Be brave enough to lead the way. People are wanting what I have, I just have to be brave & share

—The right people will show up at the right time. The people that need to hear me will respond.

As we begin another Season, it is the best time to get clear on your Vision and to move past your barriers and the things in your way. We are walking together, moving forward, leading with love and have hope and inspiration not only for us, but to share with others.

Let’s Do This!

This is 57, not a monumental birthday, just a space and time of feeling tremendous gratitude for the gift of life and personally, the gift of my life, I am a blessed woman. I have been doing a lot of reflection on my life this past year, it is part of my growth and healing journey, but also part of my calling to teach, motivate, relate and speak in a meaningful way about vision, dreams, goals, manifestation and being the designer of your life. It also requires me to be vulnerable, to share the set backs, the vulnerabilities and the challenges we face in life, the key is knowing what is in our control and that most is not.

This will always be a practice for me, and the only reason I feel more wise is because of age, it is the experiences and the lense that I look through.

The past few years have been monumental for me in a very quiet and private way. I have never had a problem speaking up, standing up or addressing things head on, I have had a mama bear, advocate, passionate spirit and voice for most of my life (my Dad would be the first one to say I had gumption and my Mom would say, Pamela just never would back down, don’t mess with her). I suppose being the youngest of 5 kids required that I found my voice early, but I have had to navigate using it through trial, error and purpose, which is super hard for all of us at times because our emotions, beliefs, sensitivity get in the way, as does our ego, it is hard not taking things personally—these are mind traps we step on through life, and in our journey to learn to live with grace, humility, encouragement, acceptance and a vibrant spirit is beautiful work (and hard work) and I am living proof of this.

People will disappoint you, hurt you, talk about you, be threatened by you, judge you, misunderstand you, betray you, blame you, abandon you. I have learned this at many stages in life and what I have learned is this: other people’s actions are not your burden and also they do not reflect the truth of what really is….. It is humbling to be able to find grace, live with grace and practice grace both for ourselves and for others, this is a practice, and as I have grown, so has my ability to navigate this. As a passionate, emotion driven, deep thinking, heart centered woman, this is really hard, and it requires so much time and space to breathe, to become, to surrender and to build boundaries like never before. At this age, I have never been more in touch with myself than I am today—I did the best that I could years ago, but I was busy, overwhelmed, and in those seasons, did the best that I could and I think that is just how life works. Mid life (over 50) is a different time, because we truly get our time back. I have space and time in my life like I have never had before (and I relish in it). I have been dedicated to my HIPP Lifestyle for over 2 years of consistent Yoga, and moving beyond my formula (what works for me) and truly building my foundation (it is such good work, and while it has not been easy, it has been transformational). We all have a foundation, a formula and I created a framework which I am excited to teach others, and help them grow into their higher version, which requires us to dismantle the walls, stories and OPO’s (other peoples opinions or actions) and truly to own our power and never give it away as we have in the past. The key to all of this work and to living a HIPP life which feels authentic, joyful, aligned and loving is to truly understand our own values and to truly understand ourselves and to redefine how we live (what ever that means for you). In this we make mistakes, we will always make mistakes, we are human and that is what we do. Owning our mistakes and moving on is necessary, in life (and in business, I use this for coaching women) we are in one of 3 modes: blaming, complaining, or building. We need to build our life, and we need to build a solid foundation that allows us to live life full out, which for most of us requires rest, balance, alignment, growth, wellness, and a consistent practice for mind/body/spirit (HIPP). In this work, we surround ourselves with the people we love and who love us unconditionally—I have the best team in the world, my family and my people are my everything, they know it, I know it and those relationships are what matter most. Family is everything. Friends are like gems, the ones who love you, appreciate you and want the best for you through and through, those are your people.

You don’t do any of this work alone, this is spiritual work, it is a matter of handing things over and having faith you are being guided in ways that enlighten you, raise you, protect you, love you and free you from the people and things that are truly not for you.

I have asked God to do this for me, his answers have not been my choices, with the exception of freedom. He has worked miraculously in my life, and it did not feel that way, at times, it came in the way of hurt, pain or getting the short stick. None of that matters, what does matter is that we remember who we are, what we stand for and we stand up and do better, taking responsibility for ourselves and our experiences. My boundaries have never been better in my life and this has me standing on solid ground like never before. No achieving, no approving, no performing, no acceptance, no, none, nada….

Am I still ambitious, yes, but in such a different way, will I perform, not for anyone ever again (I did that for years and it was appropriate in corporate and in business), but not anymore, my worth is not in my connections, bank account, title, brands, networking/relationships, and what I observe and have done…. My worth and my life and love and spirit and heart are very simple, they are within me. They are me. They are not for everyone and everyone is not for me (this is HARD for a people pleaser, especially one that has a vision of changing lives globally). I’ve always had this spirit and energy, but what I have learned is that it grows and becomes stronger and wiser as we age. Life is far too short and far too precious to spend it on building someone else’s dream, falsehoods or the BS that happens out there, none of us are immune to it. We just need to awaken to it. Be in relationship with ourselves like we never have been before. Positive living, positive thinking and positive frameworks are essential, and sometimes they take negative experiences or challenges to arrive at. Keep moving in the right direction which is the “good” direction, it is where you are genuine, joyful, peaceful and free. It is leading with love.

What does this mean for you (the intention here is to write, share, and in my healing and hope and HIPP Life, I inspire you to be aware and to grow and evolve too)?

Before we make changes or grow or create more, we first need to understand the current situation and events, and get clear on our vision—this is what we do in Living HIPP.

Are you LIVING a life you LOVE?

The answer to that question is what will help you in your journey. I need to remind myself to be present, as I am a Visionary and finding that balance of here and now is important. True love, true joy and highly spirited living does not come in the form of what you have or things (even though they are fun and rewarding and pretty)—it is all in the JuJu. The life JuJu and Spirit, energy (your HIPP vibe) that holds value and is meaningful.

If I focus on the things that weigh me down, have not worked out and challenges (which we all do to some degree) I am only feeling it, attracting it and blinded by it (I know I know).

When we learn to shift and focus not only on what we are creating, manifesting and working on, we shift that energy. The key is not just on the creation, manifestation, the work is not just activity, the work is BEING. It is on the feelings, the emotions the energy and the present moment. It is both the simple joys and the tsunami of love you have for others. It is in the loving voice, the sarcasm and laughter, the magic that happens within you and between you and others.

You are the magic. You are and will always be the magic, and when you inspire others to discover, feel, their magic, you are lifting spirits and in doing so, lifting your own.

Okay, so the million dollar question is this….

How do you find your magic?

It is not outside of you my darling, it is not in that program, that person, that brand, that next venture or anything, it is inside of of YOU! It is you being you. It is you allowing your spirit to soar. It is you leading your life with love. It is you being the love, unapologetically and authentically—no one has access to you, or power over you or is better or less than you. You just need to show up as you and that better version of you. The better version os not the bitter version (oh I know, we all have that asshole in our lives, the inner mean girl, voice or gremlin that brings us down, it is always there and our job is to hush her with love, and take our power back. She is all the things that handicap our growth, our love, our leadership and our vibrant and authentic living. She is comparison, she is jealousy, she is negative talk, she is gossip, she is wrong….

People around you have her leading the way, so in order for you to truly rise and to truly lead your life with love, you need to be that magic, that love, that light, that beautiful version of you, it is your light. Your light is your love, it is your caring spirit, it is your positive thinking, it is your acts of kindness, it is the love you give to yourself, it is the love and service you are to others. Your light knows how to spark light in others, it is not competition, it is collaboration and elevation and edification.

Others will attempt to dim your light, this will always be the case, especially if you shine bright. Pay no attention to the dimmers and the downers and focus on the light and the love, that is what will not only light the way for you, it will light the way for many.

I have created a lifestyle and life that I enjoy (and I have bad days, and also fears and vulnerabilities), but for the most part, life is so good. Living in our Coastal home has been a dream for decades and to be here, at this stage feels really good. My daily schedule is by far a dream come true (I am so grateful for my business and GG, hard work does pay off).

--Magical Mornings (coffee, morning thoughts/gratitude, no hangovers or cloudy haze is magical), this is my happy hour.

—Yoga every day, it is a commitment to my HIPP life and supports me in mind/body/spirit. Beyond Grateful to drive through my communities to my Yoga studio by the river.

—Work from Home: I love getting cleaned up from Yoga, sitting by my big windows, seeing the ocean, sipping coffee or water and doing my work. Flexible work and working how much and when I want to is so important to me, it is how I have lived for decades. It is a gift!

—Walk the Beach: A Podcast and the beach, the sights the sounds, the smell, the beauty is breathtaking. Sometimes it is routines and sometimes I just pinch myself, when I am aware and present I pinch myself, and that gratitude shot is joyful.

—Music, Errands or Outings are always part of the day. The errands and running around are part of life, I just add music and enjoy the ride (spirit lifting, soothing, energy or healing). Outings are even better, giving myself the opportunity to have an experience be it meet up with a friend, go to a coffee shop or farm stand, or see a pretty sight or lovely experience (these need to be created, and they matter).

—Dog Walk: time with my furry friends, fresh air, movement is good for us all. Simple joys are abundant, we just need to look for them, create them, celebrate them and experience them by seeing them. Be it, feel it, do it, share it.

—Dance in the Kitchen, Stir up the Spirit, Share the Love and add this spice of life to your daily routine and your procrastination and your mundane list of things to do.

—Rest and Read: Rest, put your feet up, breathe, recharge, refuel, read something good, read something that takes you away, let words fill your heart and soul like affirmations, mantras and invitations but also allow yourself to get lost in a book and a story that takes you away.

Don’t wait until….

Create a lifestyle you love, it is that balance of doing the stuff you don’t want to do, delegating and saying no to what you can, and opening up space for simple joys, experiences, healing/heart centered living and giving yourself permission to retreat, be present, and shut down the noise around you, and tune into you.

I am an advocate for Direct Sales (aka Social Selling) for women to create more income and opportunities for themselves and their families.   This was not an industry I respected nor did I think I would ever be involved, but for 20 years it is what supported me in creating my HIPP Life.  

Not all companies are equal, so it is important to align with one that aligns with your values, has a fair compensation plan and provides a positive culture and community to grow and to create meaningful change.  I have had the good fortune of working with 2 great companies, which do important work, offer  great products and more importantly, a great opportunity to create an income stream while learning and growing.   

Things have changed in the two decades I have been a leader and associate in this industry, today, it is far more relevant to be an affiliate of brands, to sell on line through your personal brand and authenticity.   When I first started out in the industry, there was a big dream of living differently, and achieving that through this business model and community.  While that is true for some, what I like now is that it is a viable income stream, that can be what you want it to be.   I see far more people satisfied with being an ambassador and enjoying the part time income while sharing the benefits of the products and community they are part of.  The gig economy is a thing, and most people are looking for additional ways to make an income that can be done remotely and is flexible with their lifestyle.  Having an affiliate relationship with DS brands has never been more relevant because of how we buy products, the power of story telling/social selling and ones ability to share from a place of authenticity, which is important to all of us, we don’t want to be sold to, we want to learn more about why people are passionate about brands, products and their experiences.  

So, if this is a great option for many, why are some not doing it and why is it harder for reps to share the opportunity than it is for them to share the products?

This answer is so simple, yet not as easy to address when it comes to our misconceptions, and our ability to break that down is what opens up the opportunity for many more.  

First of all, most of us do not want to sell, we don’t want to be that person that is always asking for a sale—to this day, I feel this too (we don’t want to be something we are not, and that is a good thing).   I understand this because I had this feeling personally, and I have helped many to see past this feeling and see the opportunity and what it really can be and is.   I learned to become passionate about what it really is and what it really isn’t, and this passion helped me to help others see this too.  

I had break through my fears, my comfort zone and also all of my misconceptions, I had to get to the core of what it was and how I could help others with it.  In doing this work, my favorite “product” became the opportunity, because I clearly saw what it did for most people, and none of it was guaranteed, it was truly an option for what they deeply wanted and were willing to work for, which is the key in coaching anyone in a business like this. It is never about one option or what you want or the company goals, it is always about the person, what they desire, what they genuinely want, what they are willing to do and helping them get what they want (and to help them see that for themselves).  

Back to the theory of most people are not looking to do sales, in fact, most don’t want to.  What I learned is that many are and were looking for what I could offer, and that was the following:  

—People want flexible work, they want to be in charge of their own time and calendars.   You decide when you work.  

—People want extra income: this can be just an extra few hundred a month or thousands, everyone can use that extra income, and they decide what that will be for themselves.  

—People want to be part of something bigger than them, when you are with a company that has a mission or changes lives, it is meaningful work, which is something most crave.  

—People want to be part of a positive community, this is so important to our mental health, it can have such an impact on how we live.  

—People want to help others, that is at the core of who we are, we are able to do this through products and through the business, which is unique and powerful (it is perfect for that person that does not want to create it, they want to easily access it).  

—People want to grow personally.  We don’t talk enough about this because we have not adequately described what this really is.  Simply stated:  we want to feel a sense of purpose, we want to feel inspired, we want to feel confidence, positivity and a sense of wonder.  These feelings are all available, and it is our ability to be open to it, and also to share it with those that are seeking it.   

—We want to grow our Vision, we want to be able to Dream again, to be more present, to be healthier, to be active, to make better choices.  None of this is guaranteed, but it is a community that inspires these things, and also one where we are encouraging each other.   

These are just a few things that are hidden treasures in a Social Selling business, and for some, we grow as leaders and in business and it allows us to expand and lead our own mission and vision as a result.  

Not all companies or brands are equal and it is important to associate with those that resonate with you.   Fear will play a role in this process, I don’t know that anyone looks at this as something they do not see themselves doing and/or they do not want to be a sales person or “one of them”.  I have learned it is far from that, but it takes an open heart and mind, and the best thing you can do is be authentic, let yourself shine and use this as an opportunity to grow in many ways.  

For years I have been preaching “we can’t do it all”. This message is so important for Women, Moms and each age group be it Gen Z, Millenials, Gen X or Baby Boomers. We have created this false vision of what a Modern day woman is, and truthfully, the model is killing us.

We are stressed. We are depressed. We are over scheduled. We are tired. We are never good enough.

We get caught on that Hamster Wheel, you know the one where you are racing every day to catch up, and you truly are drowning in expectations that are fake, and other people’s dreams, and what you think you should do, and what others are doing. This framework is broken, it’s been broken and it is time for us to redefine how we live, how we lead, how we perform and how we fake it till we make it. The problem is this…. We never make it because we can’t fake something we are not. While we can have aspirations, and grow, evolve and step into our higher power, that is only the result of going within. To following our heart. To navigating through the chatter, the busy internet, the busy schedules, the BS we think we should be and are not….

HIPP is a framework that is for those that want more and want less. It is about building a stronger relationship with yourself, loving your whole self, making accommodations to thrive rather than survive, and it is a spirit that is loving, kind and positive, it does not compete, compare, criticize & conflict because it is not about a race, a to do list, performance—it is all about having a Vision for your life, getting clear on what you want more of and what you want less of. It is having courage to change, and it is curated for you and by you—the framework is the proven method, yet you are the key player in designing your life. The spirit is love, it is self love, it is lover of life, it is love for those around you, it is love for a neighbor or stranger, it is love and light in this world that is chaotic and has so much conflict. We can’t solve the problems of the world, but what we can do is work on ourselves—we are not broken, we have just been misguided, confused, busy, stressed, overwhelmed and surrounded by a story and image that does not exist, is not true and does not serve us.

It is time for women to surrender, hold that white flag up and say, we have had enough!

Enough of the Superwoman Image and doing life without breaking a sweat. That is a myth.

Enough of the competition and more collaboration, we will only truly RISE if we do it together.

Enough putting down others to make ourselves look better or feel better.

This has been a generational curse of women, and we will never truly lead the way if we keep leading based on the condition of the individual and not the team. Our power is when we bring out the best in ourselves and each other.

It starts with us. It starts with a decision to lead with love. To rise above the noise and the majority of people that are conditioned by this and to step up into a powerful position of strength—knowing there is enough room for everyone and knowing that when we lift others up, we raise the energy, standards and behaviors around us. We all rise.

The over/under exercise, is one that you can do for yourself. It is deciding for yourself what you will choose over the other. As humans we all have the ability to go under, it is what happens and in order to change how we do things, we need to be clear about what is important to us, and what we are committed to doing about it.

Here are some over/unders that I came up with, but I encourage you to make a list for yourself—based on the things you either want to work on, or that are already something you practice. Being aware of this is what helps us to live mindfully and with intention. Likewise, it helps us to show up for ourselves and each other in a positive way, rather than a negative reaction which we can all have at times. We are human so grace and compassion are always part of our journey, and highly encouraged as you human through life.

Joy over Pain

Love over Hate

Kindness over Cattiness

Compassion over Criticizing

Abundance over Scarcity

Authenticity over Artificial

Human over Hero

Faith over Fears

Dreams over Drama

Present over Past

Progress over Perfection

Balance over Busy

Simplicity over Stress

Family over Everything

Courage over Confidence

Healing over Harming

Friendly over Fierce

We are inundated with images of how to be, what to do, offers to change our businesses or change our life. There is so much noise.

We must turn down the noise and tune into our knowledge, wisdom and best guide, our internal compass which is the answer to our next step and path.

Getting clear on that voice requires us to live differently and with a caring spirit.

Begin your journey on taking back your power and your essence, and do this one step at a time.

What over/under list can you create to guide you toward your light. What whisper do you need to hear to tune out the noise, and tune into the wisdom and light?

Let’s Do This!

It’s not the company you are with, yes, double entendre intended, be it a company or the company and people you surround yourself with. These things are so important, but they are not the secret sauce.

You are the secret sauce.

You are the key ingredient and in order to truly rise, in order to lead your life with authenticity and love, it is you that you need to partner with.

Choose You.

Choose You, over and over and over again. Always choose you.

Stand up for all that is good, all that is kind and be the kind of girl (woman) that is brave to stand alone. When we try to fit in, we are sculpting ourselves and molding ourselves into someone else’s expectations and not our own divine light. Authenticity takes courage because sometimes it requires you to be left out or kept out (by your own doing), both become part of the result when you brave the elements of human behavior. This is next level growth, not a light topic, but the simple mantra to is to follow your heart and not the crowd. Being true to yourself is the bravest act and when we settle for less (which I certainly have done) we betray ourselves and our true spirit and gifts.

Let your light shine. When you do, the right people will find you. Have you spent too much time shining a spot light on others that you did not value your own light within? We have all done it because the intention is good. Often we are wanting to be “enough” and the truth is, we are not feeling it in some way—this is an old story that shows up in our lives over and over, with new versions and new distractions which blind our ability to see clearly and to see, what are we trying to “achieve” and where are we going?

At mid life and more importantly living in a space as an empty nester where I can breathe, see, reflect, grow, balance, nurture and play, I see life so much more simply, and through lenses of simple joys and the gift of true joy.

The world is filled with too many things right now, and these things are bringing women down, in order for us to rise, we must do things differently.

Perform, be beautiful, don’t break a sweat, do all the things, be at all the places, and most of which is just the highlight reel, the instagram worthy pictures and memories we create.

We need to remind ourselves and each other over and over that the pictures and posts are just a snap shot, they are the highlight reel (which is fine and good to celebrate life moments or simple joys) but they are the highlight, and we all have our behind the scene, sometimes they are small things and other times they are big life situations that tug at your heart. Non

Where do you stand in this sea of women, and moms and leaders, and groups and tribes?

Does everyone have a seat at the table? Are the relationships genuine or are they based on how you perform and what you offer? Is the sisterhood based on your loyalty to a company, brand or association or is it based on you? These are some deep questions that are not every day kind of questions, but they are important when it comes to authenticity and living a life that is positive, authentic, kind, sincere, genuine, joyful (true deep joy), free and based on your values, not the values of others or a framework.

Are you brave enough to be different, are you brave enough to stand strong with your own light and cultivating that from within?

This does not mean you are not part of groups, or companies and all the benefits that come with the power of this, we are in fact better together. What it does mean is that you stand true, in your own strength, power and light which is authentic to you. It is powerful to stand with others, and the power of positive, authentic, loving, kind women is unstoppable. It begins with us and our ability to rise and to stand for something but not stand for the BS that also can come in some circles.

This is not easy work, but it is such good work, and when we truly allow our light to shine, we can inspire that in others. It seems obvious and simple, but so many are not doing it. They might sometimes let their light shine, but they are blinded by someone else’s light which can lead to comparison, copying, fabrication and false living (trying to be a version of someone else). This is a problem, and this leads to false relationships, associations and recognition and value to some degree. Viscerally I can feel and see someone trying to be someone else or just desperate for the recognition, relationship, positioning etc…. Because at some point we have all been there, and the bottom line is this, it is really hard to try and be something you are not and even worst it is hard to grow to your highest potential when you keep yourself in a box and someone else’s framework, and footprint.

My intuitive nature feels on overload. I sense this and have sensed this for a long time—to the point it is something I feel the need to speak up about.

So what are some ways to let your own light shine and to authentically be you in your higher person and true nature.

—Spend time alone, write, journal & brainstorm what ignites you, inspires you and lifts your spirit.

—Write down what makes you special, yes, what is it about you that the world needs more of (even the most simple things).

—What does kindness mean to you? How are you kind each day?

—How are you kind to yourself? How do you speak to yourself? What do you do for yourself? How do you care for yourself?

—What is your Vision, what do you want this year, in 5 years and get clear on what that looks like.

—How do you want to feel? What do you want more of in your life? What do you want less of?

—What daily habits or routine can you commit to?

—Are you in relationship with yourself? Do you practice this each day and look for the simple joys?

—Be with the people that have good energy, not just on the surface, the kind of good energy that is genuine and from within.

—Don’t settle…. Surface relationships are just that, surface…. Invest your time, heart and energy in the ones that are deep, are genuine, are truly loving and true blue.

There is so much more to be said on this topic, but this is the start of aligning and growing like you never have before. It is you growing into the most authentic, loving, kind, confident and loving woman that you know.

There are those that follow and those that will Lead. Be the Leader of your life. Lead with Love: yourself, your family, your purpose, your team, community and passion and purpose.

Living HIPP is so much more than a feel good brand. Yes, it is all about the good juju and feeling good, but that only gets better and more meaningful when we lead the way with authenticity, vision, purpose, positivity and our incredible spirits. It is alignment and it is full on real, heartfelt, positive, dynamic, and it becomes who you are (not everyone will make the full life journey with you).

You are the one you have been waiting for. Spend time with her, get to know her, love on her and remind her that the answer is not outside of her, it is within her and it has been there the whole time.

Ignite the spark within and let your light shine bright! XO

This statement shifted everything for me, but it took me time and it was a journey in getting there.

What started out as a big Vision to help others and make our world a Happier place, became a personal roadmap with twists and turns for me personally as I launched lifestyle brand Living HIPP a decade ago, this past decade I put it to the test, and it became a framework, system and ultimately a formula for me to live my best life (with lots of turns and bumps along the way—that is life right there). This was not the path I chose, this was something that chose me.

I have been on this “Living HIPP” journey of personal growth for over a decade. What you may not know (or perhaps you do) is that part of that was addressing my relationship with Alcohol, addictive tendencies and getting to the root cause (this is hard stuff and not easy to navigate). I am fortunate in that I never had any sort of rock bottom, only because of the work I did this past decade (but I did have lots of pebble moments which was my internal struggle in my head and how that dulled my spirit & vibrancy). I have no doubt if I did not address it, it would have become a bigger problem, I believe that is what happens (that is why I have proceeded with caution and taken long breaks in hopes I just would not desire it). I was a “grey area” drinker meaning, it was not always that bad, I thought I could pull it back (and took long breaks gladly at times)—looking back, I realize that I put so much time and energy into trying to make it work for me because I could not picture my life, my marriage or my personality not having drinks, even on occasion (this was a while back but an important loop because I believe there are thousands of women and guys too in this space) but you are not that bad and you do the "detox to retox" thing, which we all know gets old. Even thou I knew it was not serving me and my best life existed Alcohol Free (AF), I allowed myself to go back a few times and I did not realize the denial I had, because “I was not that bad”. This kept me stuck in a pattern of long healthy AF breaks which was me “Living HIPP” (my formula and foundation of healthy living in mind/body/spirit (which became my tracks to run on). It is not just Alcohol for me, I have an addictive personality which can be food, work, tech, and some good things like Yoga, good juju, love & laughter—life is too short and we must have fun so the latter is the good side of this part of me.

In the work that I have done on myself to pull back the layers on this, what I learned is that I had untreated ADHD (I laugh about this but it played a role in my ability to stay AF) and Anxiety in addition to Addiction (that word is scary to me because it is so misunderstood and when untreated can really lead to serious problems for people). The fact is, we are all addicted to something, it is a continuum (or spectrum) and our society only looks at one end or the other (and so many of us are in our heads and bobbing in the waters thinking we are the problem, or thinking it is not that bad, or thinking, next week, next month or on Monday I will change and do better at XYZ. All this to say it is a journey, and shame, stigma and I’m not that bad keep us from seeing “it’s not that good”. I embraced “it’s not that good in 2022 and also embraced how happy I was without Alcohol, another long stretch of living HIPP which for me is Yoga, Hydration (water), more self care, gratitude/compassion/grace and a balance of rest and productivity. I was ready to fly, but I did not realize I left the bird house open and on my trip to Italy last year, I slipped (I drank a few times on the trip)—having a drinking culture and college age kids and a husband who used to be my drinking buddy years ago made it that much more of a challenge. Even thou this was a disappointment, it proved to me exactly why people who are sober just don’t drink (because it invites the behavior back in, and that is why it is really hard to moderate for a lot of people (seemingly non problematic drinkers that think about it, and the mental gymnastics we play in our heads, I did not realize how duped I was, even thou I learned more, I still had this underlying belief how much I thought Alcohol was normal and a reward or relaxing or fun. Many years ago it was some of those things for me, but at mid life, never ever ever have I said “I’m so glad I drank last night” TRUTH!

After Italy I had that WTF, you were doing so well, how did this happen? I also thought back to how great I felt, Yoga every day (that is my biggest tool), time for self care and loving my AF life. At times I used to think I was missing out, but in the past few years, I looked at it differently, I realized the magic for me is in just being me (AF), being present, grounded, balanced, I no longer wanted it, I love my AF life, magical mornings (hang overs suck), happy hour (coffee in am) and simple joys each day (clarity, peace, alignment, authenticity). When u let it back in, you open the door again (all the hard work I had done each year went out the window, but I finally closed the door). In mid July of last year, we went back to our home at Boardman to visit and see it before they sold it (that was awesome, emotional but really good). Following that I had a difficult work call about a challenge and I drank that night (even thou I had been through all of these challenging work situations and stayed AF all year and previously) I slipped that night. I had a conversation with my sister (who is AF and a certified coach in this area) and she helped me to see that it was my thinking and old beliefs (even subconscious to some degree) and that I had to work on that. She hit me over the head, at that moment it clicked, here I am teaching mindset work, studying this stuff, practicing it but I could not see it clearly myself (or I thought I did). On July 15th I said “I don’t drink anymore” (I never said this, it sounds so simple but I was finally owning this choice). I said it to myself, I said it to my husband, I said it to others if asked (or in a social situation) and this is the moment I felt FREE from it. I was waiting for this to happen (freedom), I knew it would, I just did not know how, I thought it would just happen. I am sharing all of this with you because I would have had a few years, but I slipped last summer—fortunately, I rebounded right away and in that, I accepted my truth, and for the first time in my life I feel freedom from it and I look at this as my super power rather than my problem. I realize I have not arrived, and I will continue to make this a priority in my life, I love my AF life, and I want to protect it like I protect my children (Mama Bear).

I know so many women are in their head on this topic, and to me it is just so misunderstood and also not black and white (and that is why people have rock bottom moments because there is not enough space and awareness for Discovery (and what the real journey looks like for most every person that struggles with this). I have done long breaks AF, in fact, much of my time in the past decade has been that, but I did not feel free because I always gave myself the opportunity (so slips and sips happen: also known as the F it’s, and this is the biggest set back)! I have had many long breaks 90 days, 6 months, a year etc…. (I always allowed myself a window to go back even thou I was doing so well without it)—I used my marriage as an excuse, and that I was not that bad which felt truth because I heard some scary stories. The thought of it now makes me shocked that I did this rinse/repeat cycle, but that was part of my resistance to some of the antiquated beliefs, support, programs and misconceptions about this hugely relevant thing many deal with in the privacy of their own heads, we don’t want labels, we don’t want forever, we don’t want to be one of them (gulp)…. I think it is time we normalize this conversation, we socialize in an inclusive way, lets level the playing field for those that don’t drink (for what ever reason even if it is just a break) and likewise, no shame for those that do (if you got em’, smoke em’). I want to disrupt social norms and level the playing field (because I know what it is like to be on both sides of this, and it is high time for change).

Today, I am in a different place, this past year (and more) means so much more to me because I am in with “two feet” and I never, ever want to go back. It is my choice, and it is a choice that aligns with my best life—and that is why I won’t have a sip if my monkey brain in the future says oh, but u deserve it, you were not that bad. I will remind myself NAFS (not a fucking sip) because it offers me ZERO. Plus, I have this freedom I would not trade for anything, I am so happy, I am so aligned with myself, I am a work in progress but I am doing the work, Yoga is my daily habit and I am grateful for my own path and healing. What I have learned about Alcohol is astounding and I am not anti alcohol, I am pro education, pro healthy living and pro, lets change the narrative of this toxic substance which can create toxic harm to our body (um, that hang over is telling you something), toxic thinking (I know how shitty it feels to feel shitty about this topic) and toxic behavior (yep, even once in a while, we can make an ass of ourselves or say something stupid). The toxic behavior is really in our own behavior and that we would know it makes us feel like garbage and does havoc on our brains/bodies/spirit but we do it anyways because we think it is fun or relaxing or belonging. No shame, no blame, just light, lets shine a light on this taboo topic and I am going to be a beacon of light because the truth is, if I did not address this, go through the process (mine is not a straight line, it is a toddler scribble with a crayon) but I am on the other side of it (thank God) and while the other side is AMAZING, I need to live HIPP (daily practices, community, mind/body work) to stay here and most importantly, thrive here!

I did not want to deal with this, I did not want this to be my story and I am humbled by saying this is who I am and this is something I am proud of and thankful for (when I once felt shame and regret and worked so hard to make it not my thing). The fact is, I do not have a Happy or Inspirational life without my AF lifestyle and Productive and Peace only come from Living HIPP (which is my daily practice, mindset and spirit that is vibrant and authentic). To be clear, there is no shame in drinking or not (that BS has to go), I don’t want everyone to stop drinking, I want us all to gather and support one another in a positive, inclusive and healthy way. Cheers to Us! Also, I want to shine light on the truth, that while we all think drinking is fun, sexy, cool and how we connect and vibe together, it is total BS, and I have learned that it just dulls our spirit, makes us feel like shit, and life is so much brighter and vibrant without it for some of us. “Celebrate Good Times Come on” this was a song in the 80’s and a party spirit I have lived since being a teenager. I branded and bottled the spirit (HIPP), it is not the booze we crave (even thou we believe we do and some are physically a slave to it), it is the spirit we crave, the joy, the bonding, the laughs, the love and I am telling you, it is brighter and better and more whole, true and authentic when you learn to have that spirit without the lubrication of ethanol. It might not be ethanol for you, perhaps it is negative thinking or vibes or old behaviors where you just protect yourself by a critical mind or skepticism, perhaps you need to shift your thinking, energy, mindset, thought patterns and embrace some happiness, joy, feel good vibes and even more deeper, love and grace.

We are all working on something, and it is not easy, life is not all rainbows and butterflies, but it is pretty damn magical and every single day, I choose magic, I choose happy, I choose simple joys, I choose progress (not perfection) and I choose me. I have a huge spirit (I always have), and from the time I was a little girl, people felt my magic and my spirit (and yes, some did not like it—F them). Most did, and what I did not realize is that it dulled down drinking (and I thought I was the life of the party), it turns out I am still the life of the party, only a more authentic and genuine version. It’s a unicorn lifestyle, at least while living HIPP, this is a Unicorn brand and the worst and best kept secret. It takes time to get there and I think we need to honor that and be okay with that. Also it is not just two camps, it is a process and steps and reduction or mindful is better than ignorance or worst, rock bottom.

In growing HIPP, I am going to talk more about this topic in the context of “Discovery”—as in helping others explore their relationship with Alcohol, and making this a conversation we have, one that we don’t wait until the wheels come off the bus. I am giving more thought to this and how I can help others but also the bigger picture of living a life you love (vision, values, balance, work/life, and happiness (it’s real and it is a choice every day). Progress over perfection in all areas of our lives, no shame, no blame, just building a life you love and building a system of support that helps you heal, grow, accommodate your mental health and face life challenges (none of us are immune, and the more we unpackage this, the more we will normalize it. Living HIPP is a exploratory safe space to land, to build better habits, to embrace progress over perfection and to focus on the solution and not the problem (yes we need to deal, heal and be real and open, but we don’t have to stay stuck in those rabbit holes which can be a downside of some recovery communities). No one is doing it wrong, every single community is right, they are just different, and it is important for you to see who and what you vibe with (there are some pretty cool people and programs out there that I can introduce you to). I want to see more collaboration in this space because it is so broad and there is such a big spectrum and we need to meet people where they are at and that is okay. I am AF but I still have a drinking personality (that sounds so weird as I write it), my point is, I know what it is like to enjoy the break or escape and I get it…. I get it so much that I broke through the BS and created in my own head, and it isn’t about the Alcohol, it is all about the spirit (more to come on that). BOOM!

I could not do this alone, and I am grateful to my family & friends that support me, mostly my husband Charlie who was my drinking buddy years ago, we have changed our lifestyle, while he still drinks, it is not daily and our home is AF most of the time except when we entertain or the kids are gathering on the w/e. My children laugh with me and I know they are proud, I am rewriting the story of our family and our life (and that just means being an example to them and I am being transparent so they see they have choices and life is far more fun (for me anyway) AF! They are crazy college kids and young adults finding cool bars and living that life (as I did), I am doing the best I can by showing them, my example and also that there is this other side to the fun and fancy, it is also destructive & a DB. All of you, friends & family, thank you, I have found peace in meeting up with friends, they drink, I don’t and we respect each other (either choice is okay, lets just be clear on what it really is and what it really isn’t and stop the BS & hype we all believed in. We entertain, but not as much as we use to, and I know my boundaries, limits and desires well, that is important to know and to build as I am AF but my life is not.

This is my Toolbox and resources I use, not just for this but for life in general and giving myself wings to fly. While I am an Empty Nester, I am building a Nest that is sustainable and truly the best place for me to land. Thank you to the following people, teachers, coaches, leaders and resources/programs. I highly recommend all, and in the future these may become vetted brands/services of Living HIPP (it is all coming together). I did not want this, because it does not define me (I know you don’t want it too, so we avoid, deny and escape, that is okay but at some point you will call yourself on your own bullshit). I have a big voice, a passionate heart, I love inspiration, motivation, my dreams and vision are huge, but there is no way in the world I could do any of that without addressing this for myself personally. Likewise I can’t empower and motivate women, and change the world like I think I am suppose to without being transparent and sharing my story, in the hopes it helps others create their own. It might not be alcohol for you (because it is not just that for me) it could be other things that hold you back, weigh you down (it could be your thinking) and I am here to shine a light and say, don’t worry, it is not you, it is life and it is normal and there is a better way. Let's define your path so you can create more of what you want in your life and less of what you don’t. My life is incredible (I am in awe sometimes of how blessed I am). I did not have a life I wanted to escape from, but what I did have was a little struggle in my head, that when things got hard (and hard things happened this past decade) it would be the boulder on my shoulder, and it is amazing to just release the weight and flow with life.

I can’t emphasize enough that this is a journey, there are so many good resources out there and what is lacking is Discovery and I will talk more about that. Likewise lets normalize the conversation, drop the labels (but use them if it helps, there are no right or wrongs, there are just different ways and their is a path and journey for you). It is about self awareness, assessment and building better habits, and better thinking (yes, your mindset is everything when it comes to this and quite frankly when it comes to living HIPP).

I have a Tool Box which includes Daily Practices and Resources that keep me on track. You don’t have to be AF to do these things, but they will help you move in the right direction. I am fully committed to my AF Lifestyle and yes, I am still the life of the party (well, not really but kind of true). I’m still fun, not because I drink or don’t drink, I’m just fun because that is who I am, who I have always been and who I will always be. I love to have fun, to laugh, to sing, to dance to play and I never ever want to dull my spirit again. At first it is awkward (not drinking), that is okay, changing any behavior or belief is awkward (removing your social lubricant) but what if we can make it less awkward, and more powerful, more fun, more exciting and more authentic. That is what I am doing and I hope you will join me in this Global Toast. Raise your glass (I don’t care what is in it), what I do care is that you are happy, you are joyful, you are kind, and you are inclusive to all, the drinker, the non drinker, the gay, the straight, the black, the white, the asian, the woman, the man, the “they” (I am still stumbling my words on that one, I’m human). The fact is this (mic drop):

“We are all connected and have more in common than we realize, lets embrace our inner HIPP (love) and take that love and light and share it with the world”. A Global Toast, A Global Hug, A Global Brand (HIPP).

Equal to my spirited personality, I love to stay home, I love cozy girl nights, jammies and not being social, this is my foundation and how I reset, and it is establishing this comfort without a substance which is most cozy, comfy, and real.

Here is my top tools (but have many more).

Yoga: Tricia (Elephant Tree Yoga), my favorite Yoga teacher in the world. This is my #1 tool, and a big part of my discovery/recovery.

Michelle Rene’ Coaching: My sister has been instrumental in my journey, she is a certified coach in this area and helped me to finally see what was holding me back.

Therapy: I have had 2 great therapists over the years, Jenn (who now is in the midwest) and my Yoga friend Jan, who I meet with weekly and we focus on mindfulness.

Treatment: I am being treated for both my ADHD & Anxiety with medication, this is important for me and helps, I want to be transparent on that & encourage it for some.

Gratitude: I was part of a Gratitude Group and continue to practice this every day.

On-Line Community: A group of bad ass people that are on this journey with me, we lift each other up.

Podcasts & Books: Reach out and I will recommend some great resources (and will be sharing more through Living HIPP).

Top Podcast: Hello Someday (my friend Casey McGuire Davidson) and top book: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

If you are struggling reach out, the first step is to ask for help. If you are thinking about this but like me “not that bad” and like me years ago, did not want to not ever drink again and just wanted to cut back, that is really the people I want to help because that was me and that is the reality that is out there, but people are too afraid to have this issue, problem, or they are not sure they want to quit (I totally get that and you don’t need to be anything, just be curious). It is not you, it is the Alcohol that is the problem. It is not you, it is how we have glamorized it in marketing, media and socially for too long. It is not you, it is us, the collective belief we have needs to change as does the narrative. It is not you it is about us, supporting each other and being unapologetic in how we socialize, we all can raise a glass to better living (and the irony is that the alcohol is poisoning us, making us addicted, and that is not the person at the end of the spectrum, it is the person in the middle that cannot live without it (I know, I know). What if you did not have to worry about quitting or not, or being sober or not. What if you just took an honest look at how it makes you feel (not in that first 20 minutes, that part feels great), it is the rest of the time when you are chasing that buzz that never builds, but you think it does because we get caught in the trap of more. Let’s disrupt the narrative, the marketing, the fake fun and really look at what it is (even if you have to in baby steps). This is not about right or wrong, one decision or the other…. This is about having a Vision for your life, how do you want to look, feel and how do you want to spend your time. Do you feel a sense of purpose, in alignment and like you are living or on the path of living your best life.

For years I thought it was the answer at the end of the day, the reward, the fun, the connection and the relaxation and break from stress that I needed (I really did). In the past decade, I did all the things, removed it, was mindful, tried moderation (this works until it doesn’t, meaning this doesn’t work, it never works unless you could truly take it or leave it). I did long breaks, I enjoyed being AF, I fought the negativity/beliefs/stigma/spectrum and I wanted someone to change some of the misconceptions and how vast and wide this topic is. Here I go again (I’ve done this in business), we should do this, that needs to change). I was waiting for someone to fix it when I was the one who not only needed to do that for myself, I need to use my passionate voice for a bigger purpose.

I am not an expert in this area, and I really don’t want a focus on quitting drinking because I want to focus on LIVING and life is beautiful on the other side. I do believe we are missing a whole piece and step and that is discovery, a soft place to land, to consider it, try breaks and/or drink mindfully. It is a start and that conversation is a good one to have. While dry January and Sober Oct are good (I am in favor) the downside is that some people are waiting to have that drink on the 1st of the month and that defeats the purpose and it’s not about white knuckling it, it’s about learning to change patterns of behavior, old beliefs and finding the joy in being present. My desire became freedom and I am there and I am so happy to share that it is amazing and life is in fact better. I did not get here by way of a simple decision, I got here by way of learning, growing, failing, and repeating. Lets take your messy toddler drawing and make it a masterpiece. Live vibrantly, and with buoyancy as it is a process and journey and there are so many signs along the way, we just need to be open and look for them. XO

There is so much I want to write about, and will do so here and in other locations—but it all takes courage, and courage is part of living a beautiful life (HIPP Life). We are often afraid to speak up, take action or address situations or create change because we are afraid of failure or success, what others will think, being misunderstood, being something we are not, and being vulnerable, being transparent and being Brave are not for the faint at heart.

The best thing we can do is to lean into ourselves, our intuition, our love, our hope and our greatness (essence) and not dwell in our fear, our misconceptions, our old beliefs, and validation on the outside, none of that will serve you if you stay there, let it be a directional to go another way, or to go within (listen to your voice, your wisdom, your inner guide).

Here is what is most fascinating (and frustrating) do it over and over and over and over again). If you did not get the lesson the first time, it will come back to teach you. It will continue to come back louder and louder until you hear it or it hears you. Why do we operate in a way that we try and live under the radar, and think we can do it all. I can say this because I have done this. I also have asked for help, built in support, discovered resources, and created a vibe that vibes with me.

The important word in my vocabulary and in those living HIPP is this (among many): Choice.

At any given time, we have a choice and while at times it can feel daunting, I want to remind you it is empowering as ever. When I go into daunting mode (which in some situations I do and it is normal and I need too because hard things are hard things) I am able to navigate through and choose empowerment and in that it is either action or acceptance or both.

No one knows your story, the untold one, only you know the dreams, the desires, the discontents and the discomfort you have felt or you feel. The love you feel so strongly that it is crushing and overwhelming at times. The obstacles in your path that you demolished that almost demolished you. The loss, the grief, the hurt, the pain the shame and self betrayal. Let me remind you that you also made it through every single one of those things, they are still with you but they do not define you or they should no longer weigh you down. It is your birth right to lighten your heart, body, mind and soul and to find the courage to RISE. You feel this incredible pull to do something or be something, you know you can and you are stuck in the fear or the old beliefs. I am here to say, it is okay, we all feel fear, or that old belief of “not enough” (no one is exempt from that). Here is the good news, the bright side and where we need to go (and try and reside in our head and hearts), you are being called to do more, to be more and to love more.

Might I remind you (and all of us), life is not a dress rehearsal and we never get our time back. We don’t know the time we have, and rather than stress over that, lets just embrace life, living HIPP and LIVE OUTLOUD.

Yes…. The world is a scary place, things are messed up and we all went through a global experience which created stress and put a light on how we live. To me, while it was a tremendously challenging time for many, it is now an invitation for us to step into our strength, our greatness, our best selves and walk this path together.

I am doing this work. I do it every day, some days it’s easy and other days I say do I really need to.

It goes back to this…. The choice, our lives are filled with choices daily that either move us towards our dreams or away from them. Stop avoiding yourself, stop choosing others, stop choosing the crowd and start choosing YOU.

Choose you every single day. Choose a positive mindset. Choose exercise. Choose good food and hydration. Choose Yoga (or meditation). Choose love. Choose light. Choose community. Choose the good juju.

As an Empath, HSP and person that is all EQ, Feelings have always been a big part of my life. There are times they have served me well, other times I did not know what they were and because of that, have held me back or paralyzed me in Fear or uncertainty. We all come with Feelings, and they are full spectrum from happy, sad, excited, regretful, anger, elation, love, angst and life stages or seasons can trigger any of these emotions at any time. Many want to escape, numb, ignore, erase, deny many feelings and emotions—it is easier sometimes to just ignore and move on. While it is okay to do this once in a while, it creates more problems when we don’t acknowledge them (feelings), sit with them, be with them and care for them (we even deal with emotions from every decade and stage in our lives, our bodies hold the stress, trauma be it small or big, is stored in our subconscious mind and in our bodies. Part of life is building a relationship with yourself and getting to know yourself better, how you manage your emotions and how you take care of yourself and your feelings. There are times in our lives we are so busy, we can’t even think about it and we go on auto pilot and just warrior on. This is okay at times, but is not sustainable and also can be damaging when we don’t address what we need to and allow our feelings to process and be heard, held and healed. Healing is a practice, an evolution, a season and in Living HIPP, it is part of life and is practiced in radical self awareness and care.

The feelings are the emotions and the healing is the journey in holding space for your whole self, and learning to create space for addressing either current events or things that have happened in your life.

When I think of my own life, I do see there have been many things that I have needed to heal both big and small (Trauma, Big T and Little T which are big Trauma and small Trauma’s). The thing that I have had to revisit, address and give myself so much more compassion, attention and space to heal is the death of my Father. While I thought I Grieved and knew this changed who I was as a person, what I did not realize is that it created this hole inside of me that could not be filled, I am in the process of still healing that hole. Grief is something none of us are prepared for and it is hard to understand until you experience it personally. It also requires some resiliency, and if I did not exercise resiliency, I would be in an entirely different space and that would have made things worst, so while we need to feel our feelings, understand the layers of emotions, trauma and events we had to endure, we also need to move forward, and in that process, make healing part of our journey. Writing this post is in fact, part of my healing journey and in doing so, I hope it helps someone build or strengthen their own healing journey too.

We are all healing from something. No one is exempt when it comes to hard times, things or experiences in life; resiliency is so important, as is compassion, self love and patience in this process. I realize now (what I did not then) is that our life should have time and space for healing—we may not even know that it is healing, it is more about nurturing our body/mind/soul (this is the healing in addition to the dealing with a situation or the hard things in life).

To be Real, is to Heal. To Heal, is to be Real. It amazes me that we don’t talk more about this, especially because there are so many situations that people need to heal from that are not necessarily anything they can speak about, at the very least, speak to a trained professional, therapy is a space for continuous growth and healing. I think it should be part of everyones Wholeness plan, a person to check in with on body/mind/soul and also to discuss current events, or better understand previous events, and how we can learn from them and most importantly, move on.

While my spirit is lifted and I am living life, I feel a ping of angst or worry and that is just part of how I used to live and also the fear of loss. I have spent more than half of my life without my Dad, and somehow, I just can’t believe it or understand how I actually survived and thrived (albeit with some pain and more healing to do). I try and keep him alive in my family, I talk about him often, I think about him and often times quote him, his wisdom, his humor and while the years go by, my love for him is alive and ever present—he is in me, as is my Mom. As a sensitive person, this loss can be felt physically, and there have been many times I have had a lump in my throat. There have been times I want to scream to the world or someone bitching about something so stupid, “do you realize how stupid that is and that I lost my Dad, that you are worried about something so trivial and people we love die, and other stories across the world of innocent people dying in tragic situations. Yes, I try not to live in this space, but my emotions and anxiety has been there and can go back there when triggered in some way. I was 27 when my Dad died, he had a heart attack and we had to call 911 while he was unconscious in the driveway, it was a nightmare. I grieved his loss, I cried, I screamed into a pillow, I ached, my heart ached so much, knowing I would live the rest of my life without him in it. I was sad, man was I sad, and each day I got a little braver with getting back to life, with tears in my eyes, and a pain in my heart that eventually did not ache as much, and joy came back each day in some small way. I did not go to therapy, get help or do anything, I just did not know that was an option and that was not part of my family culture. My Mom was a warrior, strong as ever and she led us forward, and I give her a lot of credit for her strength and ability to integrate back into life, and making sure we did the same. The resiliency and spirit she lifted is something I will always practice, teach and empower others with, because there is light, and it is important that we find it again, and feel it inside of us and know how to access it for ourselves and for others. Even thou we experience darkness, it is the light that helps us see our way out.

Trauma….

While I knew it was a nightmare (and the moment I was afraid of my entire life was actually happening), I did not know how Traumatic it was. To be woken up early morning, hearing a bang of the kitchen door being swung open and hitting the cabinets so loudly and a voice screaming “Call 911, it’s George”. My heart dropped to my toes, my body felt like rubber, and my mother and I were on different phones trying to call 911, an absolute nightmare, panic and emergency we were not prepared for, even thou we have been fearful of it every day.

We ran outside after the call and Dad was sitting up against the porch in the driveway, unconscious and we did not know what happened. Mom tried to lay him down for CPR but he was stuck between the car and the porch, a neighbor came over in her pajamas and she told my Mom she could not find a pulse. We could hear sirens in the distance, it felt like forever for them to get there. My sister and her husband ran from their house down the street, he pulled Dad out on the lawn to give him CPR, my brother raced down the street in his truck and screeched as he stopped in front (he saw the ambulance from the top of the street and raced home not knowing what was happening), he left tire marks on the street. I screamed “I love you Dad” and they put him on the stretcher and into the ambulance. Please God, let him be okay, and can we please get him to Boston where his Doctors are (that never happened as we lost him that day in our local hospital where I was born). My entire life, from the time I can remember, I was afraid of this moment. I knew Dad had a bad heart, and no one knew the anxiety I felt every day, afraid he would drop dead at any time, every single year of my life.

The Trauma was that day, but also I later learned the Trauma was every day, anxiety that rattled inside of me, fear, angst, anxiety and something that would become my way of life. A smile on the outside, and a combination of happy feelings, and scared feelings were a constant in my daily life. If I heard a loud noise, I was afraid it was Dad. When the phone rang, was Dad okay, we never said these things aloud, it was the internal dialogue in my head, and my nerves—I would escape it with happy thoughts, laughter, playing with friends or watching a TV show.

My story may be different from someones else and I also realize I am blessed too (and that there are other situations that others deal with that a far worst). It is not a contest, it is not a comparison, it is not anything but a life experience and in all our experiences we have love, happy moments, hard times and fear/sadness & loss. This is the the whole human experience and to me, this is Wholeness.

I am sharing all of this because we all have our untold story. We all have our Trauma be it Big T or Little T, we have experienced the best and worst of times. It is important that we not reside in the Hard Times, in the Fear, in the Anxiety that seems relentless at times (it is real, we can feel it, acknowledge it, care for it and release it).

I cannot change any of it, I would give anything to have had my Dad live longer, to not have that awful day, that unexpected loss at such a young age (there are some things in life we can’t explain, we can’t change and we just need to believe we will be okay). We did not stay in the camp of, why did this happen, this isn’t fear, and I can’t go on (even thou we all had those feelings at different times in the grieving process). Mom facilitated resiliency, she reminded us to put one foot in front of the other, and that we would live life and go on with him in our hearts. We did that, and that resiliency is something we all need, it is that balance of healing and moving forward and that is where positive belief, thinking, love and hope help us heal. Spiritual growth is important, and this tested my belief in God, and I chose to believe, and it is the feelings of love, belief, hope, connection and eternity that helped me live life and experience spiritual connection with those around me, my Angels, and the people in my life.

Today, my life is designed with time and space for recovery and healing. We all need that to some degree be it reactive or proactive—healing is something our body/mind/soul constantly needs. It can be found in self care practices, in ways that we practice love. Love comes in all sorts of ways, it comes in the feelings we have for others (and ourselves), it is in words, gestures, gifts, hugs, kindness, compassion, grace, forgiveness and boundaries.

It is important that we share this with the people we love and who are important to us. Say it, write it, show it, be it.

Healing is doing better…. You might not be able to go back to the person you want to and say more, but what you can do is be the person you want to be, lead with love and share your love with those that deserve it. Yes, not everyone gets your love, and it is not your job to make everyone like you or accept you. Let go of that and lean into you, your love, your heart, your essence and first, share it with yourself, and share it with those around you. We do recover. We do heal. We do build strength. We do find our voice. We do share our voice. We do stay true to ourselves when we let go of the things that no longer align with our energy and being.

I have so much love in my heart. It over flows at times, and if I get overwhelmed with any situation or challenge, I always get centered, and lead with my heart (and I have learned this over time and through trying too hard, when we dismiss ourselves in that process, we betray ourselves and our healing. Love is truly the most magical emotion that can heal not only yourself, but you can help to heal others (a micro heal). Share a smile, kind word, your positive energy, outlook and light, share that light with those around you. This is love. This is healing. This is hope. This is authenticity and far more powerful than anything you can purchase, build or become—it’s all about the spirit, the zest and ability to love deeply, laugh loudly and to have hope, humor and healing along the way.

When it comes to lifestyle and living better, the personal development space, thought leaders, brands and trends are all over the place. I have been observing a lot and in this era of an open market place (Social Media) it is loud, noisy and anyone can be an expert, sigh… Contradiction seems to be the “hook” in marketing, but is it really helping others in a positive and growth oriented way?

There is so much good information out there, and inherently, I believe people sharing it have good intentions, at least many do. There is however, this trend of contradicting any statements, beliefs and theories, mainly to grab attention as opposed to creating a viable solution and putting things into perspective. There are so many content areas and topics that I am seeing “Don’t do This” or “This is Wrong” which to me, only adds to the confusion and disruption in this space—I believe we can find that “happy medium”. Lets take a look at a few schools of thought….. I will be expanding this summer on all of these topics on the Podcast this Summer.

Happiness

Happiness and Positive Thinking, is it Toxic or is it Healthy?

My answer is this, it is both and we need to better define the context and also protect the importance of positivity, mindset and how we can embrace it to fuel our life and experiences.

Hard Work

Some say Work Hard, Hustle and Push Push Push, while others talk about Flow, Rest and the power in Pause.

We know hard work is important, but where do we draw the line and how do we sustain this lifestyle. My answer is that it is not black and white and that both hard work and rest are important to establish in a healthy lifestyle. Here is the key, some people need to hear work harder, and need that push, while some people (Type A) need to hear, slow down, be present, rest, restore and just be.

Balance

Some will say there is no such thing, and many women and moms in leadership roles have thrown balance into the realm of not possible which adds to the expectations that we put on ourselves and each other, since when did Balance become a bad word. Having done the work hard/play hard, raise the family, be out of balance, try and restore balance and also try and have a family centered life my thought is that “Balance” is something we must bring back, and it is a healthy strategy to building a better life and one that supports the whole human experience. Balance does not mean we are always “balanced”, building balance into our lives is helping us be aware of what is important to us, taking care of ourselves in mind/body/spirit and prioritizing our schedule and life around our value system.

Excellence

There are some experts in the Personal Growth space that teach excellence, which in theory can increase performance in life or work. The problem with this approach is that Excellence can often be misinterpreted for Perfection and when we works towards Perfection and look for the Perfect and think as a Perfectionist, we set ourselves and those around us for failure and unrealistic ways of living. Certainly there are some stages in life or seasons for Excellence, but excellence as a way of life I think can do more damage than good. I would want to replace Excellence with Empowerment—which is a positive, forward momentum that helps us build confidence, belief, trust and emotional well being and safety in all we endeavor. Would you rather have your kids be excellent or would you prefer they be and feel empowered in their life?

Progress

Progress over Perfection—this is the theme in Living HIPP, it is never about perfection and is always about progress.

Black & white, right & wrong, this linear thinking can create more problems than positive change. Life is not linear, it is a scramble, a back and forth, a dance, a winding road, a step forward and a step back, as such, our spirit and approach to life should have that same flexibility and buoyancy. Ideally we expand, and in this expansion we grow, we open up and we create more space for better living. Likewise, we contract, inevitably we will contract based on our own doing or the circumstances out of our control. This is all part of the process, this is how we learn, this is how we grow. When we expect Perfection we are often disappointed and feel like a failure or not good enough because we did not achieve something or things did not turn out the way we planned or wished or expected. Life is always teaching us, and we learn that other things are mean’t for us and some things are just not meant for us.

So perhaps if we break down each topic, we don’t necessarily need to contradict and perhaps we better understand the context of each topic and how it depends on the person, on the circumstance, the season they are in and the personality type or environment they are in. Each topic here will be addressed this summer on the Podcast, Living HIPP—so that we can curate a plan that best supports us in the season we are in. None of this is “one size fits all”, our life plan, strategy, daily schedule and practices are on going and are created (and should be curated) based on our own personal needs and desires, that is what is most important. In addition to that, to have it impact the world around us and each other in a positive way is the key. We are better together!

Recovery, it is not what you think it is, and why I consider it Discovery and applicable to many.

Hell No, I don’t want to attend a meeting or be part of a Recovery community, I’m not that bad, and I am not that bad, that is for someone that has hit a big rock bottom. I don’t want to be one of those people, I want to be fun, fit in, and if I don’t drink, I won’t be that fun person. Many of us can relate to this truth we don’t say, but many of us think (or live by or believe). At least, I have had those thoughts, and I have seen so many people say, do and live the same way, unknowingly living a lie around the truth about alcohol or addictive behaviors.

I am talking about this because it is truth, and a topic and area that is misunderstood, similar but different from my career in Direct Sales. I am not a person that “got sober” or has been sober for the last decade, but for the last decade I have looked at my relationship with alcohol, and have drastically changed my relationship with it, which was a process and not over night. I have been part of recovery communities for the past decade, some I like, others I don’t and I have learned to take what I like and need and leave the rest (much like we need to do in many situations in life). Recovery and the process (lets discuss alcohol) is a spectrum, it is not this or that, it is a process, a journey and requires self awareness, education, habit changes, acceptance, and also, having discernment, exposing yourself to things that lift you, and don’t bring you down (this has been my experience, and how I came to create my own tracks to run on. Today, I don’t drink, and have no interest in going back, but I did this in my own way, on my own terms, and also did not do it alone, I learned from others, I took what I liked, and I left out what I did not like and created my own Recovery which is Discovery, Living HIPP. This is a process, it is personal and it is not black and white for everyone so I want to shine a light on the grey (and how I influenced my process with personal development, vision, creation and healing). I know many of you drank much more than you wanted to during Covid, and while perhaps some of it was fun, comforting, etc… too much of it is far from fun, far from comforting, and you are in your head, thinking WTF is wrong with me (many have that conversation in their head on a Sunday morning, and while we say we will change, we go back to the cycle which gets exhausting). There is nothing wrong with you, it is just our society and we don’t talk about Alcohol for what it really is, it is toxic (yes it is fun, yes it can be medicinal, yes it can be social), but it also damages us, slowly, temporarily (until we over do it again) and it just is a cycle of frustration & exhaustion for some. So, if this is you, don’t be afraid to reach out, you don’t have to quit, you don’t have to have shame, you don’t have to do anything, but be brave enough to explore it, ask for help and perhaps learn more. I am convinced if we have this conversation more, than more people would look at this like we look at food, and all the things we over do in our lives. Now there are some that could take it or leave it, I am not talking about you, I am also not talking about the person that is already in recovery, I am talking about the person who is in their head “I should cut back, I should take a break, or waking up feeling like shit”, know you are not alone. I tried to avoid this area and the recovery circles because some of it, I just don’t like. However, what I have learned and what I do like is the wisdom of people, the humility, honesty and example, it is compelling and it is social proof, you can and will get there some day, if you decide that is what you want and desire.

I think food & alcohol are the biggest “things” for people in their way to cope, over do it (we all have our thing), but also for some it is work, spending, but I don’t see those as damaging to how you feel in body/mind/spirit (however, for some it is, it is really about the individual and their own experience).

We don’t want to be labeled, I sure don’t and my response to it is you don’t have to. I always felt something was missing and what I learned is that it is a process, and progress over perfection is the spirit that works best for me and for many. We avoid all this because we don’t want to be here, and for some, it is a big rock bottom and they end up here as a result. It does not have to be, and that was not my experience at all, but if I did not create change, made progress, asked for help, I would have been led down a path where things got worst, and that is what happens.

The irony, at one point in my life the thought or idea of no longer drinking or being able to imbibe was depressing, I did not want to make this change and I also did not want to join any anonymous groups or label myself. So I didn’t…. I will share more on my own journey another time, but this post is about doing the unpopular thing and how our opinions and stereotypes can get in the way of truth and/or of creating what we actually want. Much like Direct Sales (see post #1 No Shame in This Game) as I write about my reluctant start with Direct Sales, and how the industry proved to be a positive thing in my life. I battled with the stereotype and stigma, and learned to let go of that, and see the opportunity and truth and to run with it. I believe in anything we do, we need to find our own voice and our authenticity. Likewise, we need to take what we want or like and discard the rest. In my DS business, I learned a lot about mindset, it has changed my life and many others in such a positive way. I believe the Recovery community could use more of it, and while some groups are black/white and right/wrong, many look at vision, and steps to make improvements in your life. Both areas share that quality, but it can be uncomfortable because it is an art, and it takes a quiet confidence to be willing to step into a system or school of thought, which might be outside of what you are accustomed to. It is becoming more accepted and truth be told, we are all recovering from something (it will always be that way), as that is life and that is growth. Some more than others, but having a positive alignment and process is what I have chosen on both paths, these paths chose me, I certainly would not have chosen these paths.

I also created my own path of Recovery, and with Living HIPP, it is the process of discovery and recovery and is a continuous lifestyle and way of being. For me, I am 100% AF, and God willing I have no desire to go back. It took me time to shift, and I want to say that is okay, and rather than respond and/or recover, why aren’t we talking about discovery, and lets give people the opportunity to cut down, cut back, take a break and for many to realize they are better off without and then to truly become FREE of the grip alcohol has on many of us (I’m talking about many drinkers, the many many people I know that can’t live without it). Do they all need to quit? I don’t know, and what I do know is many don’t want to “get sober”, I surely did not, but what I did want was to feel my best, to be free from the cycle of off/on and the reality of how addictive alcohol really is, I was bamboozled big time, and that is what I want to share. Also, I want to open up Discovery (Living HIPP) to everyone, even reducing is better than pretending, and I think in order to normalize this, we need to be more honest with the process, and that it is a personal journey for everyone, and people can create their own patchwork (as the Founder of She Recovers shares so compassionately).

In these two blog posts, I am speaking up about two areas that were hard for me to integrate into. I had my own bias, I had my own stigma and I really did not want to do either, until I figured out a way of doing it in an positive, curated and authentic way. This all comes down to a bigger topic beyond the industry or beyond recovery, it is about how we have the power to lift each other up, support one another, try something out, and ease in, without labels, without putting others down, without shaming or blaming. There is so much shame attached to this, and I want to lead others (and everyone) from shame to shine. Let’s shine a light on this and lets help each other shine.

The stereotype and the truth of Direct Sales, being a Mom Boss and advocating for Women, Teamwork & Integrity

How in the world did I get here? The remarkable similarities of Direct Sales Industry and the world of Recovery, thou different in many ways, they both are misunderstood and share some things in common like stigma, resistance, a spectrum (varying levels of beliefs, behaviors, personalities, demographics and practices). The one thing they have in common is this…. Most of us are not looking to be part of either community, it is not attractive and in fact, there is a stigma attached to both. We do not grow up with dreams to become a Direct Sales person and I can assure you for those in Recovery, we don’t grow up saying, I want to have a problem with alcohol or “name thing”, I want to join a group, ask for help or miss out on social things. In Post #1, I will talk about my resistance and reality in a 20 year career in Direct Sales, while it is not for everyone, I am here to advocate for it, because I have experienced both positive and negative, and it is time to ask women to RISE and speak up for each other, especially in areas that are misunderstood, associate with stigma and realize the power is in our uplift, rather than our tear down. I will get to Recovery in Post #2, but for now, lets talk about the misunderstood and controversial Direct Sales Industry.

"Hell No, I don’t want to hawk products in someone’s living room, I worked my butt off to get to the board room, this girl is moving on up!"

This was not part of my vision, and quite frankly, I can remember the feeling in my stomach when anyone approached me about hosting or buying from this sort of business. I too, had a stereotype and stigma associated with it, up until I started a business in Direct Sales 2 decades ago (I still cringe when I see people doing it in a way that is not authentic, transparent and in line with how it can and should be done. I personally, did not want to be “that person” (stocker in the grocery store always bugging people about my products or business). Rising through the social ranks of “your not good enough” (my own battle of wanting more in my life, but seeing social barriers and differences), I had worked so very hard for a decade trying to prove my worth, from being a first generation college grad, getting my Master’s Degree in Training & Development and building a career in HR and Leadership Development, always performing at the top, and producing results for my companies. Motherhood changed all that, and when child #2 came, so did the end of my corporate career, I became a full time stay at home Mom, and lost myself that year. While I wanted to be home with my kids (and wanted them at home, I did not love being the full time care taker, and I missed having purpose and passion that I once had in my career. I also missed making an income, I have been financially independent my whole life, I like to earn income, to invest, create, transform and grow (financially and personally), this all came to a screeching halt (in the name of motherhood, something so precious to me, and my desire to integrate and be present with my family throughout the day. I was in search of a part time career (and income) that was flexible, that paid well and I could do on my own terms (that did not exist and I did not have the bandwidth mentally & physically to create it, as I was overwhelmed with young children. Ultimately I wanted to be a Leadership & Team consultant, and help companies build positive community, teamwork, happy employees and performance/results (that was my wheelhouse in the corporate world, and I believe in the power of people, mindset, teamwork, positive leadership and higher performance. I can assure you, this feisty blonde, that worked hard to expand her border beyond her working class roots did not dream about doing business in someones living room selling lipstick, that was not part of the plan! Ding Dong! No, it’s not Avon, but it’s an invitation to an Arbonne party at my neighbors house…. I did not know my neighbor, but the words on her homemade flyer that landed at my mailbox jumped out at me “I want to be home with my kids, have a flexible schedule and am launching my Arbonne business”. Who the hell is Arbonne, and this is what I want too (yet, take out the sales, selling make up, and preconceived notion I had about women that did this, I was way too professional for that, and secretly in my head, I was “above that”. Long story short, I ended up reluctantly joining, with a ton of skepticism, and fortunately, an open mind, it was my open mind and positive spirit that led the way and lead to my success, I went from embarrassed about the industry to an advocate for it! I experienced so much good and I saw the benefits, and how it can be a positive experience for women be it financially, professionally, personally and what I observed most was women and moms having a sense of purpose, a positive community they were part of, and the power in dreams and goals, teamwork, leadership, and the difference between a caring spirit and putting people first. This became so much more than making money, it became a platform for building a better life, that is, with the right company and people around you.

Recently, a person wrote about the DS industry and referred to it as only a pyramid scheme, predatory, and in sharing her story she shamed the entire industry and every woman in it (or at least attempted to do that). However, if you know the industry and have had a positive experience (even with some negative situations or challenges), you see through the bashing and realize the bigger picture, the power women have in our words, and our ability to either lift each other up or tear each other down. Her tone and spirit was a tear down (melt down), and to me demonstrated the larger issue at hand…. Our beliefs, attitude, words and thoughts have the ability to either tear down or build up people, brands, companies, teams and communities and each other. I am not here to talk about her or her war on Network Marketing/MLM or Direct Sales—I am here to share the truth, the truth that exists in every industry, company, brand and community. Our attitude, thoughts and behaviors are powerful, so much that we have the power to either take each other (or reputations) down or build them up, it is that simple. It is time for women to build, build each other up, and remove the labels, the wide net and the sabotage that exists because of some bad or examples or behaviors which are found in every circle be it corporate, community, industry or profession. This industry in particular, is more complicated and also it is done badly by some, therefore, it is misunderstood, and rather than label the entire industry, perhaps we shine light on the positive and support the women that are making their lives better because of it (and doing it with integrity, authenticity, and similar to other entrepreneurs that have their own business.

I have connected some dots, something I could not put my finger on, but a feeling and knowing that needs to be said, needs to be shared and in the name of creating more kindness, optimism & positive support in all our communities, especially for women and moms, because the last thing we need to do is tear down each other, our industries, choices, lifestyle and journey. There is no shame in this game, and growth & recovery do not happen by a tear down, because in some ways, it is more of a meltdown, and that is when we need to look at what our intention is, and how is this impacting the livelihood of women, moms and those brave ones that become entrepreneurs—because this is not just an industry, it bleeds into the system and structure of business and where do we draw the line? Lets support each other more, and perhaps take on the bigger topics in the world that need our attention and advocacy like gun violence, safety in schools, inclusion/kindness, and words (yes, the simplicity of words, we use them for something or someone or against). Let's use a collective voice in the name of positive support and change and the power of being a builder rather than a basher (unless of course it truly warrants our criticism and voice).

I have been part of two communities and not by choice, the first one has been my career, which was a 20+ year career in the Direct Sales Industry. I reluctantly started a business in Direct Sales not because I wanted to sell make up, because I wanted to make up for the missing things in my life after becoming a Mom (purpose, passion, recognition, professional work, income, leadership, mentorship to name a few). I had my skepticism about this industry and I did not want to be that person, so I ambivalently started my business, with a combination of hope combined with fear and skepticism (are these people trying to screw me). No, everything I had thought about the industry (and the reputation historically) was not my experience—I saw a platform that embraced personal growth, leadership, teamwork, service, kindness and becoming better. I have to say, this industry blew me away, it is the best leadership and personal development training I have been exposed to, with a background in Leadership Development, this says a lot. There are parts that are uncomfortable, and there are companies, brands and people that do it in a way that is aggressive or questionable, and that is not representative of the entire industry and the positive experience that many women have.

The industry has become more accepted, and it is not uncommon to see a woman or mom align with a company or two as a brand advocate, some looking to build an organization but most just looking to make a side income for recommending products they use and love. There is a learning curve, and being able to follow a system for success (in the company) and be authentic in your personality/voice, is an art, an art we teach as leaders.

I could quote my Mentor Rita on so many things, in fact, I quote her constantly, she has been a speaker and expert in personal development for decades, she is the greatest speaker I have ever seen, and how blessed am I to have been mentored by her. I will never forget telling her that I wanted to be like her some day…. She asked me why…. I said, because I want to make people feel the way you make me feel (and the way you make people feel, you make us feel like we are special). It’s true, I said that to her in a Starbucks in Madrid, we ran into each other and had coffee, we were on the same trip together, but I did not know her on that one to one level that I do now.

I spoke in Austin, and she came to the green room to see me and cheer me on. “I’m here to watch you baby girl, I left my hotel suite so I could be here to see you” she said in her southern accent, as in, “I care about you and I want you to win, you are not alone on that stage baby girl, Momma Rita is right behind the stage”. I asked her, what do I do, how do I do the best job possible? She answered: “speak from your heart, be yourself, there is no one who can be it and say it like you”. BAM! I took her advice and got on stage and did just that, but also, I took this advice with me in every situation, because it is the most important advice that we all need to hear. Not only do I go back to it, but I teach it. Whether you are speaking on stage, at an interview, in a conversation, working, playing, what ever you are doing, do it from your heart and be you! That is the magic. It is always the magic. It is the best advice for all of us.

Another lesson that I have been thinking about this week that Rita would teach from stage, “What good are Low Hopes”. She would make us laugh and also remind us not to play small, not to worry about what others think, or think we are thinking too big etc…. I loved this. I have felt this way my entire life. Hope has been in my heart and what good is it too not have hope. High Hope (even the song) has promise, rhythm and a vibe or creating more. As does the song “Higher and Higher”, as we have heard Oprah use on the OWN Network, it is a feel good vibe about lifting ourselves and each other, higher and higher. These positive words and affirmations and songs just feel good.

Lift our Spirits, we are not mean’t to look down, we are mean’t to look up.

Happiness is a choice, we are not always happy, that is just not normal, but we can choose happy.

Compare yourself to no one except who you were yesterday.

Be Kind to Everyone, you never know what anyone is going through.

Joy over jealousy, it is so much better to feel joy for yourself and others, no one is a threat but you.

Ask yourself “how you can be of service to others”. You are made for more!

Let your light shine, even on your dark spots.

Believe in the best in yourself and others, your spirit creates the vibe.

What you think about you bring about, think good thoughts about yourself and others.

The power of our thoughts is huge and it is the one thing that I work on daily. Negative thoughts are part of how our brain works as humans, it’s okay, and yes, we have bad days or moments. However, we don’t want to reside there, and live from that space of scarcity thinking.

Last week, I experienced an interaction with another woman/female entrepreneur & coach. Man, did she “put me in my place” when I spoke up about the book she just published which is a tear down of the industry of Direct Sale/Network Marketing which is an industry I have been a part of for 21 years. I tend to speak up, especially when I believe anyone or anything is being unrepresented in a fair way. This is both a strength and a weakness, I rocked her boat, even thou I was diplomatic in my feedback, I also wanted to share that there are positive things about the industry, and while her experience was negative (and there is a negative side) I have experienced both positives and negatives and wanted to share the positive, which is not "toxic positive”, it is just TRUTH.. I was shot down for sharing my truth!

I do not know this person, although she is in the recovery community and formerly in Network Marketing Industry—so we have some similar circles. I share this because, in all fairness, I don’t know her enough to know the context and to perhaps see where we might agree on a few things (in fairness to her), however, reading (listening) to her book did not convince me of anything but the scorn she has for a top leader in the NM industry, her cattiness and mean spirit that quite frankly roared even louder than the shitty behavior she experienced at her company. This conflict and gossipy/mean girl behavior is the problem that needs to be addressed in American Culture—can women stop shitting on each other? By all accounts, she (Author) is smart, a loving and devoted Mom, and is a natural influencer, and motivated woman. A FB friend & leader in the Recovery Community (and someone I respect) recommended her book which basically slams the Network Marketing (MLM, Direct Sales) Industry—calling it predatory, a pyramid scheme, and so many negative things (which we all know, none of us want to be part of any cheesy schemes or cringe business). The industry gets a really bad rap, and some is understandable because some companies, brands, and leaders give it a bad name and practice and build in a way that is not ethical or okay. However, there are many companies, brands and people in the industry that do good work, lead with integrity and many that benefit from the industry. I politely commented on the post acknowledging yes, some of that does happen in the industry, but not all companies and not all professionals—I went on to share the positive experience I have had in my 21 years in the industry. Not only have I had a positive experience, but I have either helped or observe many benefit as well, some financially, some professionally, some personally, and mostly, seeing women feel empowered, be part of a positive community and thrive in their relationships which go further than business, we have many life long friends. The feedback was not well received, the person that posted was respectful and acknowledged my POV, however, the Author of the book commented and her response to me (she does not know me) was rude and condescending (she took it down hours later). Oh hello Author, I’m Pam Guyer, this Mean Girl BS behavior does not fly with me, I welcome a word in private hun, so we can talk about this toxic behavior, that you are promoting in your book (anyone just has to download to audible and hear your tone, the bitchy vibe and see that you are doing the same thing, shaming other women as you mock and belittle other women in your narrative of people in the industry. Clearly you and Kimberly (top leader in your company) have had a tenuous relationship it appears she was jealous of you and you were jealous of her (from what I can see). Rather than see this conflict and also the parts of her and this you do not like or subscribe to (which is fair and fine), you decided to take down the entire industry and everyone in it (or at least attempt to, but my thought is that you only showed your cat claw rather than growth. Have you thought of taking a break from the scene, perhaps recover some true personal growth and to lead with grace and be better than that (sure, call out the industry on some bullshit you see or have experienced, but to use such a big microphone and blame the industry for your drinking, and all your wrongs, hun, it just does not make it right! You have been on the crazy bus for for years (meaning a busy life with triumphs and trauma). 5 Babies alone is enough already, most women find it hard to cope as a Mom and you are so right, it is isolating and people want an escape (my DS business became my great escape and was actually good for me as a Mom, and yes, it did not make my life easier, added work is hard, lets be real). You then went on to launch a business, you say u didn’t mean for it to grow, but it just happened, yes you did, like me, you probably did not want to do the business because u were embarrassed and did not want to be one of those people, but you saw these women making money and you said “why not me”. In your “all or none” (assumption) way, you dove in head first, your life became all about your biz and you lost yourself (is that you, is that the industry or is a bit of both)? You were way busier than you planned to be, you lost balance in work & life, but the carrot in front of you and your personality was all about winning, being praised and you got caught in that cycle. You drank your ass off (coping with a crazy and unrealistic schedule) and you lost yourself (it sucks to try and pretend to be someone you are not, no wonder u felt like shit). A DUI on the night of your car presentation must have been more traumatic than u can explain, and the pictures of you sitting on the laps of executives, smoking cigarettes and drunk (that really sucks) and it is embarrassing and it must have really sucked that someone would post pics of you like that (it is total BS and I am sorry you did this and that this happened to you). I would be mad too if someone did this to me, trust me, I am mad too about some things that happened in my business from other women, and it is worst than what you shared. But, it’s not the industry, it’s not the companies I was with, it was what happens with women (and some really shitty things happened to me which were unfair and BS). I don’t blame the industry and brands, it is a deeper issue of women, as beautiful as we are, we can be ugly, and man, did I see the ugly in others.

The drunk escapades captured on SM is another trauma, and good on you for eventually getting sober, I am in awe of that win, you took on another really big thing and that is bad ass and thank God, because we all know the demise you avoided (you had your bottom and you stood up), truly a miracle, I mean that in all sincerity. The cancer diagnosis and it coming back, again, another trauma: 5 babies, mom of 5, built successful business, rock bottom DUI, hospital stay from drinking, cancer diagnosis, surgery, sober, sober recovery, coaching program, book, new business (sober coach), another book….. I am tired writing this. I am exhausted because even thou it is not a hashtag life anymore, doing all this, having all the projects and deliverables and packaging all the shit you did (lost yourself in your success, didn’t feel aligned with the company and people you were with, felt shitty, did shitty things and then packaged it all into MLM, that cheesy industry and that leader Kimberly, it is all their fault and we are going to take them down for all the shit they did (and I did). Otherwise I am now a recovered good person and I continue to perform and produce but with information that distrupts an industry, I am the new disrupter and I am going to make a name for myself and tear her and them DOWN! You must be exhausted and that one last opportunity to knock down the Queen (Kimberly), did that feel good, are you satisfied or do you need more, is the white supremacy your way to get on TV and more PR? Really? When does it fucking stop? Like Rachel Hollis, when are you going to stop, learn, breathe and live (off social media, off of making money from people (yes, you still do that) nothing wrong with it, but come on now, where do we draw the line? Hate and jealousy are loud in your book (no, not just the mlm people, YOU)! Perhaps a little less…. Less words….. Less promoting (I want to be authentic, scathing tone about filtered pics yet your videos on your page are mom shaming and all filtered. Nothing wrong with that but c’mon, you are doing what you are putting down others for doing, what is up with that? You still have the hashtags, but it’s convenient to put down the industry because some of it is gross and cheesy, we all know that, but you had to make every point to instill fear, shame, and attack the credibility & authenticity of those in the industry that do great work and who are great leaders and representatives for the industry, for the “Boss Babe” for the “Mom Boss” and the woman that wants to be part of something outside of her home and perhaps her community of people that nag and complain on day long.

You brought such shame and blame to the Boss Babe, Mom Boss or anyone that chooses to call herself what she wants to (who gives a shit what we call ourselves)!!!!!

While the Author experienced success (which is not easy), she eventually realized this was not for her, she had some negative experiences and left the industry (nothing wrong with that, it is not for everyone and there are parts of it that can feel inauthentic, if you don’t use your personal voice, share your view and do things your way (as long as it is compliant and true). I too, have had awful experiences, but I don’t blame the industry, it is just what can happen in any industry with women working together. I have also had such incredible experiences and a mentor that taught me so much about mindset, heart & humor in leadership & life. It is the best lessons I have learned on leadership, teamwork, empowerment, and women edifying each other and the power in that (not condescending comments about love bombing which ruins the whole point of actually love and integrity that exists for many leaders in and outside of this industry.

The book is not a fair and accurate account of the industry as a whole and the thousands of women that enjoy it, it focuses in on the negative, which does not apply to every person, company and brand. While I don’t argue some of her points (I agree, some companies, people and practices are YUCK), but also they do not represent the entire industry, and her strong words talked about “all companies”, which is not true, and not a fact (even the failure rates, which there are a lot of people that don’t stick with it, it is hard, it can be uncomfortable and it is not get rich quick. Many people join a company to get the consultant discount, they are part of the “failure rate” but they are not even building, they never wanted to, they just want the discount, again, there is more to the story. Also, she had a bad experience, and it no longer aligned with her and her values, that is okay, but to try and take down an entire industry is irresponsible and in doing so, she is black balling millions of women and mom entrepreneurs, that enjoy their business, make enough to pay for soccer cleats or dance lessons, or maybe they are not making money but feel confidence and growth in their community. It is not black and white, it is not all or none, it is okay to uncover some things that can happen in a company or industry, but it is not okay to tear down an entire industry (for profit no less), because you want to be the next Author & Speaker to emerge. The connection between the recovery community and NM industry is interesting, I would want to explore that topic more, because I see both positive and negatives in both communities, and ironically, I feel the recovery community could benefit from some of the personal development and great training I have had in the DS Industry which has helped me in my own journey. I find it interesting that a female leader in the recovery community would shame women and the industry they are in, there was absolutely no grace, slack or fair assessment given, her black and white thinking came through powerfully, so if I were not familiar with the industry, I would think they are all scammers and all people involved are dumb (brainwashed) or unethical, which for most that is not the case. The white supremacy (tagline in the book) to me is unfounded and a reach, I think that sells more books, and is just not relevant to this industry, I am all for social justice and I am more concerned with what was happening in marches on the streets and not “white girls” selling lipstick or a dream. I am interested to learn more, but I have to say that in my experience in the DS community & recovery, they both have so many benefits and yes, some flaws (and both are totally misunderstood so to me, they are similar in a strange way but very different). To blame an industry on your drinking is absurd, perhaps the stress can contribute (I understand that personally), but it is not because of the industry, it is our coping skills, the social dynamic of drinking and how we as Moms or women use maladaptive ways to cope with hard situations. I left a successful business (a huge income that was residual) to join a newer brand that I was recruited into as a seasoned leader, I have every right to scream from the roof tops my frustration and disappointment in both the companies and the industry (shitty things happened to me too, far worst than what happened to the Author). However, it is not just an industry thing, it is not the company it was things managed poorly, which can happen in any industry. Making this about an industry that employs (contractors) many women and causing that damage is not productive, because at the end of the day, this exists in all industries, and the far bigger issue is leadership, women and how they treat one another and how we allow this bull shit to happen.

Enough about her linear experience (which does call out some things that need to change in the industry), I want to share my voice, what I have experienced and while I have had both success and failure in this industry, I own it, I have had some really difficult challenges this past decade, it would be easiest to blast the company and industry, but that is not fair or true, it is a specific leadership/mangement issue and I also own my part in it too. No shaming, no blaming, just me handling my personal situation in private because it is not an enterprise wide issue. What ever happened to hate leads to more hate, her book is a hate letter to her former company, to it’s top leader and to every person involved in the industry. This is total bullshit, some things shared are truths or the worst case scenario, but there is also so much good, so many leaders that have integrity and are heart centered, and so many truths that she did not tell because she could not, she was on a mission to burn down the industry, tear down it’s top leader and even made sure she got the last word in (true, the end of the book she even says “to Kimberly if your listening", that was the biggest passive aggressive bitch slap). It is actually embarrassing if you listen to the audio of the book, and how juvenile it is, and the bitchy tone and girl drama that she demonstrates in her “rhetoric” on this industry and it’s people. We can do better than this and I believe she can do better than this.

Truth be told, we can rip apart this industry because it does have some questionable things, and it is about an uncomfortable topic, selling and selling to friends (I had my challenge with that, and we can all admit we don’t want to be that person and we don’t want to be sold to, used and we don’t like fake and insincere people. Duh Hun, those people exist everywhere, and in the DS industry you can smell them a mile away, in fact, sometimes we think that about everyone in the industry, until they prove otherwise (been there and done that).

Calling the industry and those involved predatory, is not fair and is quite honesty not accurate (yes, I am sure there are companies and professionals that are, and that is not okay, let's call them out. So when she made these comments, she was insulting some people that I love, from Mentors, to Leaders, to Teammates and Sideline Friends and the amazing people and leaders they are. The reader heard what they always assumed, I heard insults directed at people I know that are not doing this or that are not like this (she cast that net too wide).

First of all, Rita Davenport has been my Mentor since my first year in business. She was the backbone of my previous company, and Rita was a motivational speaker, that used humor and heart to get her message across. I learned so much from Rita, I continue to quote her and use her lessons in my own business and life. She is a Master at building belief and confidence in others, creating a positive culture and community and elevating how women work together, expecting better from us. You (Author) could benefit from her lessons, they are universal and help people more personally than professionally. It applies to personal growth be it Recovery, Reinvention or just becoming a better version of you. She leads with her heart and leads with love, we used to call her our very own Oprah. She inspired me beyond the industry, because of her I want to encourage audiences and women as she has done with thousands but outside of the industry and in this ever changing work from home world. There are hundreds of examples I could give, and hundreds of leaders I know in this industry from both of my companies that I respect, admire and am proud to call either colleague or friend. They are mothers, doctors, lawyers, scientist, teachers, nurses, stay at home moms, and they work in retail, finance, construction and all industries—they all have their own story and own reason for being part of the industry and they have either touching, inspiring or impressive stories—and some have regular stories and they join for one reason, and stay for another. Some quit, in fact, many do, it is not easy to build a business and it is hard hearing no, working out of your comfort zone, asking for favors or the sale, and in that it can become inauthentic, and that is where strong and positive leadership helps coach and guide them and also for them to establish their own voice, message and connection to what and why they are doing this. There is always an up and down feeling in a business like this, sometimes you are on fire and up, other times you are feeling down or down, you heard no too many times, you started acting too much like someone else in the business and you did not stay true to yourself. With the right company and leadership, you learn to find your voice, grow as a leader, be authentic about what you love and to meet people where they are at. Some just want to work a little, while others want to crush it, we meet people where they are at.

I would rather have seen a more accurate and fair book written, it only included hate, negativity and did not address those that enjoy the companies, industries and communities they are in, there are thousands of stories, and I am one of them.