No Shame in this Game! Part 1.
The stereotype and the truth of Direct Sales, being a Mom Boss and advocating for Women, Teamwork & Integrity
How in the world did I get here? The remarkable similarities of Direct Sales Industry and the world of Recovery, thou different in many ways, they both are misunderstood and share some things in common like stigma, resistance, a spectrum (varying levels of beliefs, behaviors, personalities, demographics and practices). The one thing they have in common is this…. Most of us are not looking to be part of either community, it is not attractive and in fact, there is a stigma attached to both. We do not grow up with dreams to become a Direct Sales person and I can assure you for those in Recovery, we don’t grow up saying, I want to have a problem with alcohol or “name thing”, I want to join a group, ask for help or miss out on social things. In Post #1, I will talk about my resistance and reality in a 20 year career in Direct Sales, while it is not for everyone, I am here to advocate for it, because I have experienced both positive and negative, and it is time to ask women to RISE and speak up for each other, especially in areas that are misunderstood, associate with stigma and realize the power is in our uplift, rather than our tear down. I will get to Recovery in Post #2, but for now, lets talk about the misunderstood and controversial Direct Sales Industry.
"Hell No, I don’t want to hawk products in someone’s living room, I worked my butt off to get to the board room, this girl is moving on up!"
This was not part of my vision, and quite frankly, I can remember the feeling in my stomach when anyone approached me about hosting or buying from this sort of business. I too, had a stereotype and stigma associated with it, up until I started a business in Direct Sales 2 decades ago (I still cringe when I see people doing it in a way that is not authentic, transparent and in line with how it can and should be done. I personally, did not want to be “that person” (stocker in the grocery store always bugging people about my products or business). Rising through the social ranks of “your not good enough” (my own battle of wanting more in my life, but seeing social barriers and differences), I had worked so very hard for a decade trying to prove my worth, from being a first generation college grad, getting my Master’s Degree in Training & Development and building a career in HR and Leadership Development, always performing at the top, and producing results for my companies. Motherhood changed all that, and when child #2 came, so did the end of my corporate career, I became a full time stay at home Mom, and lost myself that year. While I wanted to be home with my kids (and wanted them at home, I did not love being the full time care taker, and I missed having purpose and passion that I once had in my career. I also missed making an income, I have been financially independent my whole life, I like to earn income, to invest, create, transform and grow (financially and personally), this all came to a screeching halt (in the name of motherhood, something so precious to me, and my desire to integrate and be present with my family throughout the day. I was in search of a part time career (and income) that was flexible, that paid well and I could do on my own terms (that did not exist and I did not have the bandwidth mentally & physically to create it, as I was overwhelmed with young children. Ultimately I wanted to be a Leadership & Team consultant, and help companies build positive community, teamwork, happy employees and performance/results (that was my wheelhouse in the corporate world, and I believe in the power of people, mindset, teamwork, positive leadership and higher performance. I can assure you, this feisty blonde, that worked hard to expand her border beyond her working class roots did not dream about doing business in someones living room selling lipstick, that was not part of the plan! Ding Dong! No, it’s not Avon, but it’s an invitation to an Arbonne party at my neighbors house…. I did not know my neighbor, but the words on her homemade flyer that landed at my mailbox jumped out at me “I want to be home with my kids, have a flexible schedule and am launching my Arbonne business”. Who the hell is Arbonne, and this is what I want too (yet, take out the sales, selling make up, and preconceived notion I had about women that did this, I was way too professional for that, and secretly in my head, I was “above that”. Long story short, I ended up reluctantly joining, with a ton of skepticism, and fortunately, an open mind, it was my open mind and positive spirit that led the way and lead to my success, I went from embarrassed about the industry to an advocate for it! I experienced so much good and I saw the benefits, and how it can be a positive experience for women be it financially, professionally, personally and what I observed most was women and moms having a sense of purpose, a positive community they were part of, and the power in dreams and goals, teamwork, leadership, and the difference between a caring spirit and putting people first. This became so much more than making money, it became a platform for building a better life, that is, with the right company and people around you.
Recently, a person wrote about the DS industry and referred to it as only a pyramid scheme, predatory, and in sharing her story she shamed the entire industry and every woman in it (or at least attempted to do that). However, if you know the industry and have had a positive experience (even with some negative situations or challenges), you see through the bashing and realize the bigger picture, the power women have in our words, and our ability to either lift each other up or tear each other down. Her tone and spirit was a tear down (melt down), and to me demonstrated the larger issue at hand…. Our beliefs, attitude, words and thoughts have the ability to either tear down or build up people, brands, companies, teams and communities and each other. I am not here to talk about her or her war on Network Marketing/MLM or Direct Sales—I am here to share the truth, the truth that exists in every industry, company, brand and community. Our attitude, thoughts and behaviors are powerful, so much that we have the power to either take each other (or reputations) down or build them up, it is that simple. It is time for women to build, build each other up, and remove the labels, the wide net and the sabotage that exists because of some bad or examples or behaviors which are found in every circle be it corporate, community, industry or profession. This industry in particular, is more complicated and also it is done badly by some, therefore, it is misunderstood, and rather than label the entire industry, perhaps we shine light on the positive and support the women that are making their lives better because of it (and doing it with integrity, authenticity, and similar to other entrepreneurs that have their own business.
I have connected some dots, something I could not put my finger on, but a feeling and knowing that needs to be said, needs to be shared and in the name of creating more kindness, optimism & positive support in all our communities, especially for women and moms, because the last thing we need to do is tear down each other, our industries, choices, lifestyle and journey. There is no shame in this game, and growth & recovery do not happen by a tear down, because in some ways, it is more of a meltdown, and that is when we need to look at what our intention is, and how is this impacting the livelihood of women, moms and those brave ones that become entrepreneurs—because this is not just an industry, it bleeds into the system and structure of business and where do we draw the line? Lets support each other more, and perhaps take on the bigger topics in the world that need our attention and advocacy like gun violence, safety in schools, inclusion/kindness, and words (yes, the simplicity of words, we use them for something or someone or against). Let's use a collective voice in the name of positive support and change and the power of being a builder rather than a basher (unless of course it truly warrants our criticism and voice).
I have been part of two communities and not by choice, the first one has been my career, which was a 20+ year career in the Direct Sales Industry. I reluctantly started a business in Direct Sales not because I wanted to sell make up, because I wanted to make up for the missing things in my life after becoming a Mom (purpose, passion, recognition, professional work, income, leadership, mentorship to name a few). I had my skepticism about this industry and I did not want to be that person, so I ambivalently started my business, with a combination of hope combined with fear and skepticism (are these people trying to screw me). No, everything I had thought about the industry (and the reputation historically) was not my experience—I saw a platform that embraced personal growth, leadership, teamwork, service, kindness and becoming better. I have to say, this industry blew me away, it is the best leadership and personal development training I have been exposed to, with a background in Leadership Development, this says a lot. There are parts that are uncomfortable, and there are companies, brands and people that do it in a way that is aggressive or questionable, and that is not representative of the entire industry and the positive experience that many women have.
The industry has become more accepted, and it is not uncommon to see a woman or mom align with a company or two as a brand advocate, some looking to build an organization but most just looking to make a side income for recommending products they use and love. There is a learning curve, and being able to follow a system for success (in the company) and be authentic in your personality/voice, is an art, an art we teach as leaders.