As I write this it is Thanksgiving week and I am feeling tremendous gratitude for my life, I am a blessed woman and I am beyond grateful for the life that I live. I believe every stage and every age (or decade) we evolve, it happens multiple times in a decade, and at times it is driven either by desire or it can be detriment, life happening, and the peaks and Vally of life, it is both beautiful and also hard at times. At middle age, and closer to 60 than 50, I do look at things differently, and there is something so remarkable about this period in time (Empty Nesting and having space and time for the first time in our lives). Clearly I don’t know beyond this stage, but I look at my friends and family as they are HIPPer and Wiser, with even more experience and wisdom with older kids and the blessing of another generation. I can only imagine that to be the most amazing time in life (I see it and saw it with my parents and my in laws). While I am not in a hurry for that to happen, I am so loving the space and time right now, freedom, and enjoying the time with my kids, as they fly in and out of this nest of mine, while residing in my heart forever and always. Every Mom knows this feeling and at the core of our humanity, it is this love we can access not only for our kids, but for ourselves and each other. Leading with love, and putting our heart & soul into our people, and starting with ourselves first. It is a practice, it is not one and done. Every day is a new day, and every day is a new opportunity and invitation to check in with yourself, your heart, your soul, your body, your spirit, your mindset, your mental health and live a life that you love, or at least one that you don’t want to run away from. I know both very well, but honestly, it has been far more love, far more gratitude and living life with open eyes, a full heart, vision, intention and also compassion and patience, as the gears need to change, and it is learning how to slow down and just be. I know grief, loss, pain, and the feelings that are part of life, they are real, they are part of the package and while we can let go of a lot of it, with grief, loss or trauma, it becomes part of who you are. It is invisible, but it is there, and it is yet another reason to put your mental and emotional health first, to simplify your life in order to reduce stress, which is really hard for ambitious women, and also women that have a lot on their plate. Gratitude continues to help me live and experience life from a place of love and abundance, otherwise, fear/anxiety/grief/pain would lead the way and I would miss out on the joys in life, the happy moments, the innovation, creation, reinvention and restoration that we go and grow through. While we move forward, we don’t leave all the pain behind, we heal, and in the situation of loss, we bring those loved ones with us, because love never dies. So when you see this bubbly, positive, charismatic girl, that has passion and fire, know that she also has a scars, wounds, and invisible challenges that she accommodates and carries every day. While she has been through a lot, she knows that so many have been through far worst, and she also knows leadership, love and the importance of resiliency, it is how she grew up, and it is how she lives her life. I share this because it is important and might help someone, none of us are getting out of here without the whole human experience, I refer to it as Whole Life. Whats more, it is not just loss, having financial insecurity completely is a part of who I am, I have so much compassion for many, because I know what it is like, and I see you, I hear you, and I want to remind you, you are enough, there is enough and you were born for greatness. Your gifts are inside of you, and only you can truly ignite the power within, but you don’t have to do it alone, so grab hold of your precious life, your dreams, your desires, your discontents and let's write an amazing life story. Happiness is a feeling, it is not a destination, and it is the art of knowing how to experience simple joys. Never underestimate the power of the small things, the present moment and the magic of now. I found that I learned this lesson over and over, because as an ambitious woman and mom, I also demanded more family time and being part of their daily lives, I built a team and system to create that at home. I am so grateful for every stage, because it created who I am today, and I am back to simplicity, and just being me, and a fun loving woman that is aging gracefully, or at least that is the vision. I am in the pause, I am slowing down, and the scenic route is so much better, I have no regret of the fast lane, but my wisdom and experience teaches me to simplify, modify and continue to reinvent, grow, experience and be.

Gratitude is one of the pillars in Living HIPP. Here are some of the things that I am grateful for today:

—Guyer 5, my family is my everything

—Growing up Mellor, it was not always easy, but my parents demonstrated love and gratitude

—My health and that of my family, this truly is wealth

—My cockapoos, life on WBL is amazing. We love our walks, cookies and cozy vibe at home

—My marriage, I have had such strength in it and from it, while it is not always easy, my husband is my home

—My Yoga practice, I am so grateful I “get to” do Yoga every damn day (or 5 days a week)

—My Life today, I am present, I have flexibility and time and space that I never have had like I have now.

—My extended family, my parents, my bumpa’s, my siblings, I love and care for them all so deeply

—My Friends, each stage of life, both old and new friendships, I love my people and they love me.

—My Home, I love love love my home. It is a dream come true, and it is a wonderful life on WBL

—My AF Lifestyle and commitment. I didn’t get sober, I got curious, I got better, I made progress, I stumbled (just literal I swear) & I became FREE.

—My Spirit. It is the one thing that if I could bottle and sell it, we would be billionaires.

—My Introvert ways, I need rest, restoration and alone time, that is how I restore. While I bring the energy, more importantly, I need to unplug and learned to

—The version of me at every age and stage. I love her, I don’t know how she did it, but she did, and she lead with love.

—My ADHD, while it is not easy, it makes me who I am. I love that is makes me innovative, creative, a visionary sparks my imagination

—My mentors in life and business, I am so grateful for the people that have poured into me and believed in me. I always want to be that for others

—The Beach, it soothes my soul.

—Magical Mornings, a morning routine is and always has been important to me (since becoming a Mom). My soul craves this connection & reflection

—Good strong coffee. It is my beverage of choice

—Humility, I have had to grow confidence, because I had to be my own advocate at times. I know what it is like to feel less than, not enough and not included

—Positive Energy, I know it, and I bring it. It’s too much for some, but I’m not here to please everyone. It is mean’t to ignite others that vibe with it

—My businesses: Both DS companies I have been part of, and Living HIPP, they influence each other in the most dynamic way.

—Humor. I truly don’t think I could do life without it. Laugther is in fact medicine.

—Music, the soundtrack of my life, the therapy to my soul. Music captures all of the vibes, emotions and moments of this thing called life.

Gratitude is so Powerful. It has become my top 5 tools that I have consistently practiced for almost 10 years. I was inconsistent before that and that was better than nothing.

I encourage you this season to begin each day with gratitude, for those that decide to join the membership, daily gratitude will be facilitated and become part of your daily rituals, along side other really cool things that help make life better: happier, inspirational, productive & peaceful.

It’s your friend Pam, for over a decade I have been talking about Living HIPP, this lifestyle brand I created. As I go through yet another re-branding, I also take in account my life lessons, my personal experiences, my observations and my framework (both the framework that I created for HIPP and the framework of me, the DNA of life experiences and how they shape each one of us).

For years, branding experts and consultants have told me to brand myself, even though I already had my personal brand, I did not want it to be about me, it was so much bigger than me, it was about us. A decade later it still is about us, but not all of us. We are not exclusive, we are more inclusive, however, not everyone shares the same values, spirit, mindset and therefore, this is not their thing nor should it be. This is for the woman or mom that wants to raise the bar on the modern day woman and how we define ourselves—the super woman mentality needs to go, and we need to nurture our mental, physical and spiritual health even more. Women are busier than ever, moms are doing double duty (this is a fact, now picture a busy woman, add children on top of it and she is not just busy and overwhelmed, her heart and brain are with other little or big humans, and that never ends, not until her last breathe. Clearly this is mostly women, and it is not to say that Dad’s have it easy, we know some are the stay at home ones. The fact is…. We need to unveil the truth behind the expectations and demands on women and especially moms because we are promoting it in a way, not even realizing it (which I have contributed too, and with HIPP I am trying eradicate that and talk about the importance of mental health, radical self care and balance).

There is no simple fix, and the important thing here is to operate and communicate with far more grace, compassion, love and kindness to self and to others. Yes, it is that simple but yet so hard…. Social media has made it worst (and I love SM for many reasons with the exception of this one, the highlight reel). Please don’t compare your insides with someones Kodak moment “outsides” on line, it is self defeating and far from the truth. Likewise, there is no need to compete with anyone, the only one we need to compete with is the version we were yesterday, ourselves, and be a better us, not a perfect us, just one that knows how to dance through life. This requires grace, humility, love, acceptance and a caring heart. I had a decade of both amazing things and really tough things and at the end of the day, beyond healing and growth (letting go and trusting) comes an undeniable confidence in the relationship we have with ourselves. The journey to self, loving her, getting to know her, respecting her, listening to her and leading her (and even protecting her).

You are the one you have been waiting for.

Let me say it again…. You are the one you need, trust, and who needs you, self care, compassion, love and belief.

Don’t try to win anyone over, not a person, not a brand, not a group, organization, no one. Look at yourself in the mirror and say this “lets go baby”. As I write this I realized I have not done exactly that (in those words), but in the past few years I have chosen myself, I have chosen my love over fear, and I have chosen to take responsibility to move forward, even in the face of adversity, betrayal and changes along the way. This is life, and this happens for us, not to us (I know it does not always feel that way and I certainly know it is hard for us to accept, at least it is for me). You are so much bigger than any of the stuff you deal with—if it does not impact the health of you and your family, you are just fine.

I struggled a little with this, and I fought, let go, accepted and denied all sorts of things, because it sucks when life is hard or people disappoint you or you betray yourself (that can happen because we are human—we can only make things right and/or do the next right thing). I had to learn (and ironically I knew this all along before creating HIPP), a company or brand does not define you, it is not bigger than you and it is not as important as you allow it to be. Meaning, when something outside of you, becomes more important than you or the only thing in your toolbox, that just is a house of cards, that will come tumbling down, at least for the woman that is clear on her vision and her values.

Also, people show you who they are the first time. Remember that, and trust your gut, she is almost always right. The decade of living HIPP, has taught me a lot, it does not change HIPP, it just makes it more meaningful for me. The concept is this….

Create a life you love.

I have done this throughout my life and it has been hard work, a hustle, adversity and some big wins, it has been all of it. As I grow and learned even more about myself, mental health and true joy, I learned to trust myself even more, and follow my spirit even more, and experience my gifts even more, and also learn to love the parts of me that are vulnerable, that need rest, solitude, compassion and grace.

I don’t fit into the work cultures I was part of because I have changed, the culture of hustle, or idolizing a company is just not how I think and look at the world. I feel passionate about brands and communities, but it is not the brand, it is the people, it has always been about the people to me. I could not exactly pinpoint, my love for an industry but also my love for personal growth more, not based on one company but based on one life. I love diversity, and I was missing collaboration with people and entrepreneurs in other areas doing other things be it a local business, or digital on line business. I wanted more, I wanted change and I also realized my worth, even more than I knew it a decade ago…. I have become more clear about what I enjoy, am passionate about and what I am good at. Speaking, writing, teaching, inspiring, loving, leading and helping women and moms to build a life they love with Vision, Values, Goal setting, innovation, creation and building belief in themselves, and building a foundation for success.

At this point in my life, work is not as important to me (gasp)…. There, I said it and that feels so good. A brand is not life to me, my life and my brand is (my personal brand).

Empty Nest is a new phase and I pinch myself because even through hard times, I created a life I love. I don’t boast on this, I say it to inspire you to create a life you love. Will it be all love, no, it does not work that way. It is having a vision, it is getting clear on your values and it is not about what you do, it is WHO you are and how you are being, to yourself and others. Our purpose is beyond something we join, it is in what we create. Ironically, I am pulled back into some work, but that is okay, because I focus on what I love, which is the people, what the business model offers, and leadership, growth, personal development and encouraging and mentoring others in life and business. I am doing that with HIPP as well, and moving forward I merge the two, because they fit each other, at least in my leadership strategy and personal development interests—our mindset is so important, as is our physical and spiritual health. Also a belief in working to live rather than living to work, time leveraging and time to prioritize self care—that is important as is following our passions and heart, and the answer to that is different for everyone and changes over time.

Time is important at every age, and at middle age it is important to reimagine and reinvent how you work, how you live, and how you play. I’ve always loved flexibility as a Mom, and that is why Direct Sales worked so well for me for so many years, I love that about this industry among other things. It is still important, but also for me is freedom, at this point in my life, I value freedom so much. Not only in designing my day, but also in how much work I do, I’ve logged years and years of hard work, and I am healing from that. I will get a touch of guilt of feeling this way sometimes and my husband reminds me I don’t have to carry that weight any more, I carried it my entire life. I am not done, I still have a purpose inside of me, but admittedly, I am doing it part time and on my own terms. When I think about what I love to do and what I am good at and those two circles coming together in the center is this: she speaks, she writes, she inspires, she motivates, she loves. I use my life as my classroom, my professional experience is legit, but it is my heart, and my ability to know to keep going that keeps me in the game. What are in your circles? What do you absolutely love doing, what are you good at and how can you merge those two things. At mid life, to be able to do this on your own terms is important, you may or may not be there, and that is okay. Who and how do you want to be, that is where we begin, it always begins with Vision, let the work or purpose follow suit, but first, go deeper into your life, your internal dialogue, your dreams, your desires and your discontents. This is soulful and spiritual work, and it is no longer about building a career (at 50+) it is about stepping into your 2.0 (and this is not age specific, so this can happen at any age). At mid life, and as you begin Empty Nesting, it is real, it is visceral and it is magical, that is if you do the work, and the work is unique to you. Listen to your wisdom, your guide, your inner genius, she knows the way and she will surprise you, challenge you and lead you down a path that you need to pave.

I am in my own unique place, but feeling very blessed that I get to make these choices. While HIPP is the brand I have a big vision for, I am creating it in a way that is on my own terms which feels limiting but personally for me, it feels aligned. My commitment to myself, my mental & physical health is a priority and will always be that for the rest of my life, many women benefit from this message and hopefully will take some content or inspiration from my story, the stories of others and this brand. Likewise, the spirit, the spiritual growth is both a practice and part of who I am, I want to share more of that and teach others how to create it, which absolutely makes life better. In order to be that in my life and for myself and my family and my circle, I have my HIPP FRAMEWORK which I have customized personally into my formula and foundation—it has been the key to my evolution and growth this past decade, even through the difficult times.

HIPP is a Global Happiness Brand, who says that? I do.

I don’t know what that looks like, and I am not worried about it’s evolution. I don’t want to run a company, I want to lead a positive impact, one that has a legacy far beyond my lifetime—that is why I chose HIPP, it is not Pam Guyer (even thou that brand is about inspiration, motivation, self made and from grit to grace, this lifestyle of HIPP can go on for generations, inspiring us and those we love to focus on wealth (their health, mind/body/spirit and live a purposeful & passionate life). I believe so much in this, this spirit, this vibe, this need for self care, more love, more heart centered leadership, more positive cultures and teamwork, at home and at work (I have been blessed with both and I have had the burden of challenges too).

Unapologetic about blazing a trail that does not exist.

I see it, and it is as if I can’t explain it clearly…. So I just live it, and share it and teach it (daily practices, mindful living, positive thinking along side life happening. I also am branding it, and through this work, I share my light with the world. I am not special, we are all mean’t to shine our light in the world and we also need to know what to do when other try and dim it (which they will). “They” (who ever they are) don’t matter, F——forget them! Have you heard of the “Let Them Theory”, this is by Mel Robbins and it is so powerful. When others do things, say things, make decisions and it is not congruent with you or what you would do, appreciate or desire…. Let Them….. Let them go, let them lie, let them be, let them change, let them leave, let them make you the villain, let them make up their own story, let them follow their heart, let them grow and go their own way, let them be….

Life is a choice and your personal brand is being built by you. Are you a copy cat or are you the real deal? Do you chase or do you create? Are you willing to stand up for yourself and the truth? Are you willing to stand alone? The more we tap into our essence (our light, our love) the more we will experience joy, love, peace and true happiness. Does it remove the fear, sadness, emptiness and pain we feel, no, they are part of us too. Our job is to stay HIPP which is also Heal, Instinct, Prayerful, Patient—it has several layers as you go and as you grow. There is no right or wrong here, there is just compassion, grace, dignity, love and a second chance, we all deserve a second chance, including giving it to ourselves. Each day is a new day, a new beginning, an opportunity to choose happy, an opportunity to deflect toxic and to create a space for you to thrive and come alive, in your home, possibly in your work or passion projects, community, family and circles.

It occurred to me recently when I some fear around being happy (which is fair, we are not always happy nor should we be). Happiness is not a bad word, bad thing and should not be something we are fearful of (even thou we are sometimes, that is okay). It is a choice. I believe people that feel this, just have spent more of their life with negative thinking, pain, abandonment of self or others and what ever conditioning or people they were exposed to. Not their fault but I want to speak up and say, the person preaching to you, do you want her life? Is she the end all and be all? Perhaps, just maybe she is doing the best she can, perhaps she does not know what she does not know, and perhaps, she does not know the the level of happiness and true joy and spirit someone can truly live (it is magical, and I am here to tell you I know it, I love it, I feel it, and I go back to it). Does that mean we are fearless and that we don’t get sad, have fear or self doubt? No, of course we do, we are human. However, we are miracles too. So don’t you dare go trying to dull down your spirit or think u need to be plain vanilla, no, no, no, no, hell, nooooo!

Get those “jimmies” girl, you get those jimmies and you sprinkle them on top—chocolate, rainbow, all the types, we love them all! When I was a little girl we could not afford to get the jimmies on our ice cream cone most of the time, I swear to God (but at least we got the ice cream cone). This is not a “poor me” story, I had a lot of love in my life, but also I wanted the jimmies, and I built a life I can have all the jimmies I want, in fact, I could buy the ice cream stand if I really wanted, but I don’t, because it’s not about the ice cream cone, it is about the acceptance of that was then and this is now. I was blessed then and I am blessed now, grateful for both experiences as the shape who I am today. Attitude is a choice, and attitude, belief and mindset is everything, it really is. So when someone says, beware….. I want to look at them and think, do you want their life, not what they have, do you want their effervescence and spirit…. Look for the thought leaders that are joyful, powerful, authentic and believe in more. I’d rather be looking at life through rose colored glasses than criticizing and dissecting it under a microscope. We are whole humans, we are built with darkness and light, we have seasons or days of darkness and light, it is just a fact. Find your light, let it flicker, don’t dim it, let it shine bright. Not only do you need your light to show you the way, the people around you need your light too. It is not bad or wrong or too bright, it is meant to shine and you are meant to shine. We shine for each other, and our light might help someone get through their darkness. HIPP does not focus on our problems, it focuses on our gifts, abundance, blessings and shows compassion and grace in our hard times too. XO

I am learning how to be and not do. I’ve been learning this for a while but more than ever before. It is weird and hard for me, I know how to rest, I’ve got that down nicely, and I love it. I just don’t know how to be patient, as my husband shared with me about me, I am wired to work. The hustle days are over and I am never going back—this stage of life, my mental health, and worthiness come first, and I perform for no one. I am writing this because you need to hear this. Your story may not be mine, but you might need the reminder to stop choosing and looking outside of you, and choose you. The magic is there, it will always be there, it won’t leave you, it just might need to be accessed over and over because life happens.

You are the power my Darling Girl, the Power is you!

Whole Heath: Mental, Physical, Spiritual

We all have mental health…. Some are diagnosed and treated while others self soothe and manage to not manage it until they are ready or it escalates. In Yoga the other day, I heard a reading on how MH should be prioritized over physical health and I have to agree, lets not wait for things to go south, lets build resources, and normalize the need to have a Wholeness Plan and create less toxic environments for people (Kindness Matters, it matters a lot).

There is such a stigma attached that it prevents us from truly living in a way that nurtures our Mental Health as opposed to triggering it. Like many sensitive topics, we tend to ignore this every day challenge and allow things to build and become a problem and that is typically how we address our mental health. It is so backwards and it is so damaging to many, the MH becomes a conversation in the head, a battle, a shame, a “what’s wrong with me” state of mind, when in fact, it is quite normal to feel anxiety, depression or other MH issues. It is important for us to take back our power and to break through any shame or stigma that surrounds this topic. You are human, humans will experience mental health issues throughout their lifetime. Some of it may be situational and based on events and for some it could be a baseline of how their brain/body transmit and is wired. There is nothing wrong with you, what is wrong is the lack of awareness and making it fundamental to our wellbeing. For many, it is both, and for many, we avoid the topic until we reach a point that our coping skills become maladaptive, and that is an invitation to look at ourselves and to care for ourselves equally in mind/body/spirit.

Women are master’s of disguising mental health issues, even to the point they may not be fully aware. MH is hidden in many things and we normalized doing it all and having it all together when in fact, we don’t, and rather than normalize our MH, we normalize performance and our ability to raise a family, build a business/grow a career and look good while doing it.

There is nothing wrong with any of those things, in fact, that would describe myself and many others I know. However, inside we feel spread thin, overwhelmed, stressed and for some, burnt out. Rather than normalize the race, the unrealistic expectations for women and moms, why not normalize the importance of “balance”. When I say balance, I don’t mean a perfect schedule with perfect parts (that is not the goal), it is being able to look at one’s life, one’s wellness, one’s schedule and commitments and see where we can simplify, delegate, remove and normalize this as a way of living. In Living HIPP the Framework, we build a support system, and this is a continual process each season which empowers us to focus on our gifts and not our challenges. Superwoman is a myth, and none of us as Moms should strive for that role, because the result is truly Super Stressed Woman—but, we can put our hearts into our homes & families as well as have meaningful work. This requires grace, compassion, a framework for success and a PDP, Personal Development Plan (which we have in Living HIPP).

The Mom role is just double of everything, I will advocate and speak up for Moms as I know when you become a Mom, your life is forever changed and your focus is no longer linear on a career, we can offer programs of support for Moms and work/life balance that helps to create better work environments and the care and support Moms need and deserve. My nerves were fried raising young children. While I loved every part of family life and having a business, my home, my kids, I lost myself to some degree in the hustle of trying to do it all. With 3 babies born in 3 years and leaving corporate, I was working as hard as ever, and no one was recognizing my efforts with the exception of feedback from my MIL at times and my husband. When I started my business, I did make accommodations, had help with the kids, support structures in place, so that did help, what was missing for me until my early 40’s was really nurturing my MH. I grew up where you “sucked it up”, hard work and being strong were pillars of how to live. It came from a loving place, and some of this helped shape who I am and it has been good, but the downside is that you dismiss the feelings, and processing the emotions that come with being human.

This topic is one that we assume things are real bad and/or many of us don’t want to wear any labels or feel exposed in a way that we don’t show up as our best selves, our zest for life and with MH attached to our names. The truth is….. it is attached to all of us in some way, and should be a priority on our schedule and in our lives daily. If I look at this topic, and women and the real, real—most women that I know have dealt with some sort of MH challenge and/or have it but are self medicating or hiding it in other projects be it work, home, career, fitness, etc..….. Both my Mom and Mother in Law dealt with MH, and the interesting thing, they came at it from two different schools of thought and how they managed it.

My MIL was very open and honest about her MH, anxiety and some depression, she had a difficult childhood and shared with me that when her kids were young, she went through extensive outpatient therapy to deal and heal with some trauma from her younger years. I was so impressed that she was so progressive in the 70’s where by she dedicated time and resources into her MH and she explained that it was important to her ability as a Mom and her being there for her family. She was so aware and sensitive of women’s health (and specifically MH), when I became a Mom, she was so supportive and would think I did too much, or would say she doesn’t know how I do it. At the time, my working class mentality kicked in, you just do it…. Mellor’s raise babies, we just do it, and we create a nice home and family environment, it was just what you did. Being the youngest, I watched my sisters become Moms, and I watched my Mom be a Nanny to all these kids and it was all about home, family, babies and love. On the contrary to my MIL, my Mom was the example of grit and grace and we didn’t talk about MH, you just created a routine, and used your instincts and organization and love to raise your babies. While my Mom was so kind and compassionate, she just lived off of strength and marching forward, and did so with such grace and cheerfulness. Looking back, we realize my Mom had anxiety, however, it was not treated, she self soothed with sweets and was so dialed in to her home (playing the role of homemaker and handyman as my Dad was not able to do any labor with this health). My Mom’s MH became an issue when she retired, so her anxiety was wrapped up in her busy life, playing two roles for our family, her work as a teacher and being the light and love to everyone in her world—she submerged it, and let her strength and grit be the driver in her life alongside her love and affection. Once she did not have work, and her routine and and it was an empty nest, and my Dad was gone, she faced a depression that I am guessing was years of suppressed emotions of all that she endured with my Dad’s health, losing him and leading our family forward with strength. Mom was not as open to therapy, she was definitely old school and while she was treated with medication, she would laugh with her doctor and say she had no interest in therapy, this was her personality, she was a strong woman with grit and grace that was used to a stand up and march forward way of life. To this day, this part of my Mom serves me well, we all need resilience and grace, so it is not all bad, it actually is good, but it is important to have support, therapy and to work through life events.

So the dichotomy of both women in my life was interesting, on one hand I had my MIL saying things like “take a nap”, “oh Pam, you need a break” which I was not used to, I have not napped since I was 3 years old. My Mom was loving, but it was just expected you show up, you do your best, your a Mom and that is what we do. I will say, advice from both helped me as a Mom, and when I experienced mild depression for the first time when my second was born, both my MIL and Mom were very supportive and were proud that I asked for help. Then my asking for help was simply… “I don’t feel myself”. I felt okay to take care of the babies, but I did not feel joyful and myself, and that was my first experience in treating my MH. I got through this, and realized, that I needed something outside of being a Mom, after my son was born, I left my career, and in that I left my identity as a professional, this was a post sign that I was a person that needed either a purpose or career outside of being a Mom. We should be unapologetic in how we work, when and where we work, everyone knows what is best for themselves and their families and we as women’s and moms need to support each other more. It is by far the hardest and most rewarding job on the planet.

Baby 3 came along, and so did my decision to build a business from home in Direct Sales. I did not have time, and I did not know what I was doing, but I needed something that did not include the demanding work of being a stay at home Mom (which in some ways was a gift to me). This became my platform to grow as a person and grow as a Mom, it allowed me space and time to nurture the side of Pam that was dynamic, a go getter, speaker, leader and Mentor. Earning income was important to me, I have always been independent financially, and missed having my own income and ability to earn. Looking back, it did not make my life easier or more simple in building a business from home, but what it did do is give me an opportunity to create balance, meaning, dual roles in my life and that proved to be important to me and my family. This experience made me a better Mom, wife, friend, leader and professional, building something once again from the ground up (and from the comfort of my home). As I built a business, and my family and worked super hard at both, my MH was good, I had support in place, I had flexibility and I was able to use my voice, speak, teach and inspire others, something I have done my entire corporate career.

Looming in the background, but was not really evident was that I had anxiety which was not treated and really should have been. The way I dealt with it (and what many Moms do) is that glass of wine (or 3) at night. This became my thing, and for a while it worked (or at least I thought it did), because after a 7/8pm bedtime for the kids, it was my “deserving” time to relax and unwind. This became a habit and at various points it did not feel right, but it seemed so normal so my “mommy juice” was medicinal and how my husband and I “connected” after long days of kids/work/life—this became part of our nightly schedule. Years later it would become that monkey on my back, and in my early 40’s, I got super healthy with my eating, removing alcohol, got into Yoga and felt amazing. While this transformation was great, I still did not deal with the issue at hand, and when life got hard again, the self soothing habit came back, and so did the cycle of trying to moderate something that just made me feel worst. I am surprised wellness professionals don’t talk more about the direct correlation of Alcohol and Anxiety/Depression, it literally makes it worst and is like adding fuel to the fire. We think we are “relaxing” and letting loose (which feels good), it is screwing up our organs, specifically our brain, our sleep and our over all well being, we feel tired, exhausted and then the cycle of drinking off/on enrolls so many that don’t talk about it, because they either don’t want “a problem” or they can’t imagine life without it. I understand both, and I worked my way through both of these topics, and what I can say is that life is so much better, brighter, calm, peaceful, happier and authentic being AF. It is a process of discovery, recovery and ultimately, reinvention, making it so irrelevant in your life.

This past decade, I focused more on my Mental Health than I ever have. Life events triggered some of this, but what I have learned is that we can only submerge it so long, at some point we need to deal and heal (that applies to anything in our lives). After a few years of a lot of stress, a lot of changes and loss, I was able to come out of that realizing I needed to make my MH a priority, and I took charge of getting to understand this and myself and also getting professional help to navigate this topic that comes with shame and secrecy because we don’t want to appear “weak” or like we have a problem, so once again, we contribute to the maladaptive coping and conversations around this topic. I lead this process, no one was saying, let's look at this Pam, but certainly my primary care was fully supportive and helped with resources.

I do not label myself, I am not my MH challenges (or gifts), they are just something that I accommodate in my life (and I prioritize this commitment because life is better when you feel better, grounded, whole and happy). For me, the leader of the pack is ADHD, this is the one thing that has made everything a challenge for me and I had to work extra hard to compensate for it, not even knowing how it was impacting my life. Next up is addiction, yep, I said it, I don’t call myself an addict, but my personality and what I live with is addiction, this is not one thing, it is a concept of how I live and I just need to be aware and not expose myself to anything that is highly addictive. A lot of people have addiction or have addictions, we just don’t talk about it, because addiction is a scary topic and once again, comes with shame and stigma. It is so wrong…. Addiction is not bad, it is not a character flaw or weakness, it is a behavior that stems out of a few things, one being that it typically is either a high achiever or performer, who is challenged with the ability to find balance and moderation in all things. I am so much more aware of this now that I had to learn more about it…. Addiction is not the user on the streets (and these people are not criminals, they are sons/daughters that are addicted and need help and I pray we do more)—it is mental health hidden under a destructive coping mechanism. Addiction is also that stay at home Mom that appears to have it all together, but what you don’t know is that she is falling apart inside. Addiction is that leader, top performer, athlete or type A that exceeds in his/her zone of genius. Addiction is that runner, that wellness owner, that lives/breathes/sleeps all things wellness or performance, it is not all bad, it just has a bad rap because we don’t normalize that many have varying levels of addictive behavior. Mine is significant, meaning if I don’t treat it or “Live HIPP”, I am vulnerable to the challenges it presents. This is work, it takes tremendous work to change behaviors, understand this, accept this and to manage it, it never goes away, it just gets accommodated and treated, so while Living HIPP seems all cool and fun, it actually is tracks to run on to deal with MH and overall wellness. Anxiety is up next in my own portfolio of the wholeness of me. I have had anxiety my entire life, and I was not diagnosed until my adult years. Medication can help, and in addition, I have daily rituals that help calm the mind and soothe the soul. Drinking was no longer an option as it was years ago to deal with my anxiety (not knowing it made it worst), so I have practices and tools that I use to calm my mind or my racing thoughts. A flexible schedule is important, because we need to rest, pause, breathe and in this we heal. We all need this and rather than do all the “do”, how about we be, and breathe, and practice mindfulness and breathing. I get this now, but this took me time, and practice.

I don’t appear to be an anxious person, I have learned how to appear vibrant, calm, engaged and most times I am, and preparation is important, as is self care. The ability to rest, recharge, and reset is so important for my anxiety and my overall MH. With anxiety, along comes it’s friend depression, which for me was a hard thing to accept and accommodate. While the others are more prominent for me, depression can show up and when it does, it just requires a pause, extra self care, and nurturing the mind/body/soul. I seem to experience it more mild, but I have experienced a few times being paralyzed with it, and for that reason, my HIPP rituals and daily care is so important as preventative care. I am an Empath (Highly Sensitive Person) so while that is great for people in my life if they need support or understanding, it makes it harder because things hit me harder.

As I shared, Living HIPP is positive and intentional living—it is leading with Love, and for me, is designed to accommodate my Mental Health—we are not clinical, we are lifestyle and self care based (love for self, love for others, love for life, how much more simple can it be). Over the years I made changes, and have spent more time addressing this important topic, and at this stage in life as an Empty Nester, I feel time and space to breathe, to do this work, and teach this work, not as an expert, just as a woman, mom and person that desires to live her best life, and be real in the challenges we face. Self Care and being Self Aware are so important to our well being and Mental Health, so the first step for anyone is to change some behaviors (progress over perfection) and put rituals and routines in place that support your growth and being grounded. I first started with a formula, which is something I followed and when I did, it worked. I realized I needed a foundation, that some things in my formula needed to become my foundation, my bedrock, my no matter what, this is what I do and this is how I live. Today, this is my Foundation for Living HIPP and how I accommodate and treat my mental, physical and spiritual health. I am Alcohol Free (AF), this has been the most profound self care I have done—it was a process, but I now live an AF lifestyle and do so in a way that is fun, active and engaged. Medication and vitamins have been important for me, I am a believer in doing what works, be your own best advocate and be willing to try different things. Yoga is another tool, I do 5 classes a week, in addition, I work on my meditation practice (truth be told I am not great at meditating, but like anything, you just keep showing up, keep doing it and then you get better at it). Water and eating well, the water I am usually good with, I like to eat well but I have my moments I go off track, sugar can become a problem and I find when I remove it, I just feel that much better. Obviously sleep and building rest and down time in my schedule, this has proven to be really important, we all need to replenish and restore our energy. Routines and Rituals, these are so important to my MH, they take the the guess work out of everything and you just do it. A morning practice has always been a good thing in my life, it is really important to give yourself some time in the morning to either read, write, pray or at the very least, practice gratitude. Walking outside and fresh air, so important to our well being, this is something I think everyone should do, even if it is only 15 minutes a day. Exercise and movement, the endorphins increase which makes you feel better, I also like that it helps me make better choices, so our wellness practices often influence our choices and decisions. Living mindfully and in the present, this is a practice, and one that I do well and struggle with, but again, keep at it and that is how you get better at it. Small changes every day. Don’t try and change everything over night, give yourself grace and compassion to build new behaviors, new habits and new ways of supporting your mind/body/spirit. XO

Cheers to You, Cheers to Us!

Redefine how you drink & how you think!

Living HIPP, is a lifestyle brand that promotes being happy (and healthy), being inspired (and intentional), being productive & peaceful, women crave peace and it is because we need to disrupt the expectations and how we live.

The truth is, we have to live differently…..

The expectation and landscape for the modern day woman is a MYTH.

She does not do it all, she can’t, she is not that social, pretty and without pain, it it total BS.

We are taught to do it all (and some of it is well worth it and quite frankly, what I wanted):

—The Beautiful Home

—The Beautiful Family

—The Successful Career/Business

—The Volunteer & Stay at Home Mom

—The Pre Baby Body

—The woman that flows, does yoga, does not break a sweat and meditates (Squirrel)

—Raise great humans

—Make everyone happy and accept you

—Look like you have it all together

—Look Beautiful

—Do all the Things

The past decade has made it all worst, and it was hard more than a decade ago…..

Social Medial, also known as the “comparison reel”. We listen to the influencers, we see the highlight reels, we compare those beautiful lifestyle photos to our reality when in fact they are just “Kodak Moments” for those of you who are younger, it basically means they are just captured moments, the pictures we take, the stories we share. There is nothing wrong with them, share them, share your wins, your wonderful and joyful moments, share the love, we don’t want to see complaints and woe is me on SM. However, remember in your scroll, to know that when you see others highlights, remember, that is exactly what they are. We all have the BTS story, situation, struggle or season (none of us are immune to that).

Let’s not judge it, judge ourselves, judge each other…..

Let’s just celebrate life together, and understand, life is our gift, and when we live it with gratitude, presence and a positive spirit, it is that much better. We also need to be willing to grow, willing to get uncomfortable, willing to be vulnerable and willing to fail. This is how we evolve, success or Living HIPP is not a straight line, it is in fact a scribble (a toddler one at best).

We hide behind the veneer at times, which is okay, but don’t allow yourself to go too far. The veneer can be many things, it can be a busy schedule, a fashion statement, a distraction, or anything positive or negative. It can also be the numbing out which we confuse for chilling out. We all need an escape, but unfortunately what we think of as the escape we love, often can become the escape that brings us down. The example for many (and we just don’t talk about it) is DRINKING. Yep. That thing that helped us belong, be cool, be included, melt our nerves, feel confident, be funnier, be fun, be real, be festive, be relaxed, be nice, be a people person, lets admit it, it worked, for many of us. But let me share the other side that we don’t talk about, that is real, that is truth, and it is killing our true and authentic joy. It is not only our drinking, it is also our thinking….

While we think it does these things, it actually does not do any of them….

You have been duped, in a big way…. Does it mean you need to not drink, no, it just means you should really explore your relationship with it, and if it is something you can’t live without, that is a sure sign you are addicted (I’m sorry, no one tells you this because addiction is scary, it is a wide spectrum, and you don’t drink out of control, or in the morning, or like the horror stories you see in the movies or you hear about. No, you just like to drink and you say “in moderation"….. I get it because that was me, and I did not want to quit, I did not want to “get sober” and I did not see myself as this rock bottom person, I had my shit together, and I worked hard to keep it in check. The black & white boxes we use, keep us stuck and in the grey, which is in our heads, which if we could see the bubbles over your head, it would not be warm and fuzzy, not when it comes to the WHOLE story.

Living HIPP started over a decade ago because I completely distrusted my habits, daily priorities, lifestyle and self care. I put myself first like never before, I discovered yoga, I discovered my relationship with Alcohol (and Food) and I changed it, I did better…. I was so mindful, that I did not completely give it up (I was not ready to say that or do that, note: it still had a hold on me), I was just limited in doing it. This worked until it did not work. But I believe it is okay to say, that is part of the process, reduction, removal, rethink, relapse, rinse, repeat, and it becomes like a diet, and the back and forth thing can really suck.

You can be on the AF Diet, and do that until you finally embrace the AF lifestyle, which is freedom from the social pressure, the self pressure/thinking, the desire (I know, I loved it too) and the demise (hangovers and 3am wake ups suck).

Living HIPP became my tracks to run on. When I was Living HIPP, I was AF. I use to like to drink, it was part of my personality, and while not a big drinker, I let it become an important part of my life (can’t we just drink beer on a Friday night). I was not a take it or leave it type, I liked it, I enjoyed the ceremony of it, the gathering, the letting loose, all those things that I associated with it, it was the reward at the end of the day (or so I thought). I was giving it up without a commitment with hopes I would no longer want it, but I still thought of it as the elixir that helped me to connect w/people, chill out, have fun, and all those things I conditioned myself to believe.

Back to the truth…..

The truth is, it was no longer any of these things to me. I am not a person that enjoys just one, or having to think about managing it, that mental gymnastics can drive you batty. Likewise, I was a middle age woman, still thinking to some degree that it made me cool, I liked being the party girl, and I liked the people that could chill (truth, I still do). I had to look at the facts…. The truth was it made me feel like shit. It never made me more fun, sloppy maybe, louder maybe but honestly, it was no longer that for me. It felt good for the first 30 minutes (okay hour) and then the rest of the time I was just chasing that feel good buzz (which you never get after that first 20 minutes (or lets say hour), you just get tired, sloppy and back in the drinking loop. I missed it thou…. This was a few years back but I missed it. I loved being AF but I could not commit to forever, and I did not want to be Sober Sally, the buzz kill of the party scene. I still liked the party scene or the drinks before dinner, or sitting outside al fresco, or by the fire, or the ritual of the gathering, the light hearted spirits, when people are nice and chill. We think it is the booze, in fact, we think that not only for ourselves but also for others. It could be in part, but the whole story, the whole life, the whole scene says otherwise. We see the vision of people having fun, the drinks are flowing and the party is going…. What we don’t see is the sloppy ending (for some). We don’t see or talk about is the late night, middle of the night or the next morning. It could just be passing out, only to wake up in the middle of the night with a racing heart, anxiety, pounding head ache and dry mouth. Maybe it is just waking up and not falling back to sleep (it does that to our bodies), then being foggy or fuzz the next day, but we shake it off, suck it up and say we won’t do it again or that night, and then there we are, breaking our promise to ourselves. This is addiction. Alcohol is addictive, and even if we are not physically addicted (like the scary stories) it is in our system, and it our body craves it again, that is how it works. Rinse/Repeat, sign up for the 5K, maybe that will get you on track again….

What if you lived differently?

What if you drank less? When you like it it is hard to manage and do less, I did this, it worked until it did not, that is why sober people make the decision to be sober, they finally get it out of their lives, and address the reasons they drank (ate, worked, what ever) in the first place. What if it didn’t have to be punitive, filled with shame, labels, black & white thinking etc…. That has been my journey with Living HIPP, I did not plan it, it is what happened…. There does come a time where the breaks are not good enough, and you want this to not have power over you (which is hard because society loves it, as does big alcohol, the marketing has duped most of us, me included).

I am speaking up because I just want to level the playing field and call it what it is…. Toxic. Yep, you can still have it, but let’s at least be clear on what it is, a toxic substance that we revere, and think is the answer for everything. Even wellness professionals will teach you how to moderate, which is a joke because that is not the goal (even thou we think it is). The goal is not to desire it. The goal is to have so much fucking fun, real conversations and joy without it. The goal is to see it for what it is, a carcinogen that wreaks havoc on your body. Now, if you don’t see it a problem in your life, have at it, my friends and family indulge. Let’s stop glorifying it, that shit has to end. It does not relax you, in fact, it makes you more anxious and depressed (TRUTH). It is not a reward, it is a liability that compromises how you act, feel and live. It does not make you more fun, it is fake fun, I did not know that until I learned genuine real fun (but no offense because I get it has been fun for many of us). It does not make you sexier or prettier, it actually makes you look sloppy and like shit. There is ZERO benefit to drinking, no it is not good for your heart, many people die because of it but it is under the cause of “heart disease”. TRUTH. Health: Alcohol increases risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, brain disease/memory loss, IBS, accidents and making an ass out of yourself. Beauty: this golden elixir or “clear/clean” (BS) makes your skin look like shit, red/blotchy/dull, weight gain, bad breathe, dull eyes, puffy eyes and a good chance you will eat like crap that night or the next day. It is CRAZY to me the marketing and story we fell for, I fell for, and I did the research, and I can tell you I finally walked away, for good!

Sober is boring! Yes and no…. I think the word is boring and I don’t like some of the beliefs out there and I don’t agree with all of the approaches because there is a spectrum, and we need to honor the process more. All approaches work, I just think people need to find what works for them. I borrowed what I liked, I plugged into likeminded groups, and also am speaking up about it as a lifestyle choice, and the process (because not everyone is at rock bottom). I break it down in these steps, it is not Recovery to me, it is Discovery. 1. Reduce/Research 2. Remove/Recover 3. Rebuild/Rebrand 4. Freedom Cheers to all, the drinkers, the non drinkers and having no shame in this game!!!!!! To be clear, I think sober people are bad ass, my approach is about positive mindset/living, empowerment and redefining how we have fun.

So why give it up, why not just do it once in a while….

Great question and the one question everyone asks or tries to answer for themselves….

I tried, it does not work that way…. The truth is, I am so much better AF, and deciding to walk away for good “I don’t drink anymore”, gave me a freedom I have always wanted, but did not know how to achieve. I have an addictive personality, so I tend to go big or go home (balance is key, and I try to apply that to most areas of my life). Trying to keep drinking in my life is way too much work, if it isn’t the drinking (and shitty feeling that comes with it), it is the thinking, and caring so much about it—it is such a waste of time, energy and life. I love the rituals and the experiences, so I still do them, it is more about the getting together or the memory than it is about the drink, we just think it is the drink because it immediately calms our nerves so we want that feeling. It is a behavior change, which takes time. For most, there does come a time when you are done with your back and forth or having this be your thing, you try to prove otherwise, but this is your thing.

I no longer count days, I did the first year or the time I had to start again (which I don’t recommend but that is my story). I wasn’t that bad, that thought kept me stuck in a place of not allowing it to click into FREEDOM. I had to realize this….. It wasn’t that good…. my belief system needed to change and I to rewire my beliefs, and I also had to navigate a way to have fun, to be me, to show up authentically and unapologetically me, and also respect others for where they are at. Stop the shame and blame, let’s just cheers each other on!

I’ve decided I will count years, because I did enough of the Day 1’s, 30/60/90 day cycles, I am just in it, this is how I live, I am not going anywhere in terms of a goal, because I met all the milestones, all the holidays, the travel, the loss, the firsts of everything the year of freedom, all of it. I am just me. Living my best life and inspiring others to do the same. Do you need to be AF to live HIPP, no, but I will ask you to explore your relationship with it and hopefully change it (a process you begin, and I have some great resources for you).

Each month I reward myself with a Spa Day or a Spa Service.

It is hard being AF in an Alcohol obsessed world. I still like to party…. Yep, and I do, I just don’t have alcohol in my drink. I sing, I dance, I raise a glass (and I insist on a fancy glass)…. I just don’t have alcohol in mine and it is the best decision I have made for myself—it is in fact my super power. It did not start that way, and I think it is okay for people to explore this. But let’s stop pretending that alcohol is the answer as it very much is the demise for many. Also, let’s be inclusive of each other…. You want a drink, go for it. You are not drinking, cool. Let’s normalize being inclusive, that it really doesn’t matter what is in your glass, it matters how you show up for yourself. I call this HIPP SIPS, it is our ability to raise a glass together, an AF option or your drink of choice, lets just raise the bar (pun intended) on how we socialize, how we gather and disrupt the narrative on having fun.

Cheers to us!

Wisdom is built with experience and experience is what we earn as we build our life, our careers/businesses, our families and ourselves. There are times we need to rebuild, because life works that way, things change, we change and we are always evolving and our priorities change throughout life.

I do believe we learn from those that have been here, and that age is a beautiful thing because it means experiences, wisdom, and we learn as we get older that the small things really are the big things. As important as it is to push, work hard, dig in, it is equally important to be still, to rest, to practice self care, to take time to meditate or breathe, to nurture the body/mind/soul.

I gave a lot of thought this week to growth, and how much we grow in a decade.

Typically that growth comes from the challenges in our way, not from everything working out great, success is not linear, it is a messy line, and for most, a scribble.

I have spent my 30 year career in Leadership Development & Training dedicated to Personal Growth, I enjoy it, I have interest in it, I have had the opportunity to view it from a corporate level, to a entrepreneurial level and personally I had to go through my own reinvention a few times in life (and I am sure I will have more).

I have explored the male dominated space of Success, and have also been able to discover other Thought Leaders that are Women are they focus on Hope & Healing. Hope & Healing, this is something we all need, and there are seasons we need it more than others and more often than not, we are healing early Trauma’s be it big trauma or what be a smaller trauma. It is so healthy to get to know yourself, how you mange your emotions, how you process things, and also do you have a support system and framework in place to plug yourself into? It is really hard for women and especially Moms to put themselves first, and to realize self care is not a pedi and a mani, not even close. Any sort of Spa day, nail appointment, hair color & cut is a feel good thing, it’s either pampering or just a lift in the way your feel when a new hair doo or after a service. Real self care is so much deeper and some of it feels good and some of it is really hard. Self Care is and should be a daily practice, a part of how you experience the day and an earlier morning wake up is a great start. This is all fluid, don’t try and do everything all at once, pick a few things and continue to add various practices as you go.

Here is the key….

You are not going to feel like doing most of it. Truth!

Exercise:

Exercise is good for us but do we really want to either go for that run or go to the gym? Not always, it is important not to base these decisions on your emotions because often times you won’t feel like it.

Meditation:

How about Meditation, everyone is saying to meditate but you just can’t get yourself to do it.

That is so normal. Meditation does not come easily, in fact, I find it really hard sometimes. Each season I need inspiration, motivation and a new idea so that I can get better and more consistent with my Meditation Practice. You hear people say it’s amazing, but you just can’t get yourself to sit still, breathe and your mind just can’t slow down. That is okay, that is how it works. Start out simple. Shorter segments to begin, and you can increase time as you get more comfortable (which takes time). If it feels awkward, it is, until it isn’t, just like anything new or a change you make. Quiet the mind. Learn the power of the breathe and give yourself space and time to meditate and pray or affirm positive things and feelings in your life.

Mindful Mindset:

This is such a great practice and will truly help you live more in the moment and to be more present. Likewise, when you focus on a positive mindset, you lean into opportunity and gratitude as opposed to complaints and where things might be lacking. The power of our thoughts has a direct impact on our experience and outcomes. Focus on the problem, you will get the problems and they might multiply. Focus on the Solution and what is possible, you will create more than you could have thought possible.

Having a resilient spirit and being aware of this can truly help you adjust and reset throughout the day. Negative thoughts appear, they are normal, but are they good or healthy for you, not really. It is okay to acknowledge, and also to process but training your brain to think at a higher vibe and level will change your life.

Seasonal Vision Board:

Have you ever done a mini board? It is a Seasonal Board on things you want to do, create or be this Season. In Living HIPP, we plan our life and nurture our spirit based on the Season. It is a feel good approach, that connects you to the beauty in the season and to unlock those emotions that appreciate all the senses in each season on the calendar and in life. Fall is coming and now is the perfect time to get clear on your Vision this Fall.

What do you want to do personally this Season?

How do you want to Feel?

What business or career goal do you have?

What memories will you build that are Fall Favorites and ignite the spirit this season?

What 30 Day commitment will you commit to?

What will your morning practice be?

A New Season means a new opportunity to shift our energy, regain our focus, to establish boundaries that protect your peace and time and daily habits that feed the soul.

Living HIPP is all in the planning and preparation, it does require a plan, it does require a schedule, it does require a Formula and it gets even better with a Foundation (we build that as soon as we can).

Are you ready to fall in love with Fall?

It is all about the experience…. Taking time to enjoy the journey. Giving yourself moments of Joy. Feeling the senses greet the signs of the season, and being mindful of the season we are in.

We can feel this in our homes and we can feel this in our hearts.

It is a beautiful feeling, spirit and energy, don’t miss out on all the good stuff, which is the spirit within!

You can convince yourself you’re too old, you’re too busy, you can’t handle it or you are not enough.

You are not enough….

How many of us had held onto that belief, or have allowed that subconscious thinking to hold us back, set us back, allow our story to be written by someone else or just hope and pray to be chosen.

I did that, I felt all of this even after writing Living HIPP, after I reached what I thought would be my pinnacle and purpose, launching from there.

I did not realize I needed to grow. I was immersed in personal growth, yet I needed to grow more. I had only scratched the surface, I needed to go through it to grow through it.

So while my message was clear, I needed to experience more challenges and I needed to go deeper into my own healing and my own journey of feeling mislead and trying to find my way back to me.

How many times have we abandoned ourselves in the name of peace, acceptance, resistance or fear.

A clear message, a detour and It did not go down as I expected.

Rather, I was taken down. I thought my resiliency and grace was part of my growth (to some degree it was) but what I did not realize is that I did not protect myself like I should have, I did not speak up like I am capable of and while I was proud of my ability to be grace under fire, I actually allowed toxic behavior to happen to me and in front of me (it did not happen to me, I allowed it to happen to me). I can’t change that, but what I can do is speak up in a larger way on creating cultures and communities that genuinely commit to and support people be it a group, a team, a community or even a company.

I move forward with grace and I move forward with boundaries, and also a desire to turn another challenge into lessons and into a blessing, for myself and others, things get better when we get better.

This detour of personal & financial loss took away from my vision and dream of growing HIPP and having it be the brand I know it can be and more importantly, what we need. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, and while it was not my choice, and it was hard, and unfair and frankly wrong, I grew through it. While it brought me down, it did not take me down—in fact, for the first time I stood up for myself like never before. I did not allow unfair circumstances and loss to drive me back to old thinking and behaviors, we outgrow places, we outgrow people and sometimes our values just are not aligned, this is true for all of us in various ways in life, in work and on our journey.

What I know now what I did not know then is that, I needed to experience more, more adversity, more experience and be exposed to rejection and see it as protection. Likewise, I needed to address the things within me that needed to be addressed, when we get sick and tired of our own old patterns and behaviors we make the decision to change. I decided to change. My foundation is solid, my belief system is solid, my values are solid and other people’s behaviors, opinions or actions are outside of my energy field.

I stand, I breathe, I inhale love, I exhale OPBS (other people BS).

I let go of wanting to please everyone and be liked by everyone.

I let go of a vision I had of what I thought I should be.

I let go of the shame of not performing or more accurately, fitting in and “on brand”.

I let go of the ego that wanted to prove them wrong.

Not only did I let go. I firmly built a boundary of superficial behavior—others can follow, no me, I have to lead and/or be in alignment with my core values, energy and depth, it is far greater than the surface stuff which many get caught up in and align with.

I stood up for myself.

I used my voice and in doing so, I spoke up for women everywhere.

I might have stood alone, but I stood up in dignity, respect, authenticity and truth.

When you align with your values, you know it and you honor it. It is pure confidence but requires humility.

So in the decade from writing the book, I had no idea how much I would need it this past decade and how it would become the tracks for me to run on. I have put it to the test, have created the framework, and the platform to create positive change. So as much as I thought I was writing it for others years ago, I ended up writing it for me. Not the words, but having to do the work, create the framework and create a capsule where I could support myself, my mental health and build my foundation.

I had a nerve to say to myself that I was not good enough, smart enough, connected enough, strong enough, or ready enough…. We all go there at times, I know you have said the same thing too. Let’s remind each other and let’s choose our Dreams over our Doubts. We are changing our story, we are digging deep and bringing our best selves forward, in love, in light and with intention to make the world a better place. It all begins with us.

Who am I to create a Global Happiness Brand that changes how we live and work?

Who am I not too? Why Not Me? Why not YOU?

My entire life I have had Visions and Dreams and the only way they came true was that I did not stop when things fell apart. I might pause, I might rest, but God does not put a vision or dream in your heart without knowing you are mean’t to do more.

One thing that I am so grateful for is the lifestyle I have built in this life of mine. Flexibility has always been important to me, and I learned to build a system of support over the years to be successful. Even when I did not feel successful, I realize it was just another sign post along the way, pulling me towards this thing that I know deep in my heart. My purpose is to uplift, teach and inspire millions, my voice needs to be heard by many and my words and story is that of resilience and following my dreams, not the underlying doubt we all experience. The timing does not make sense to me because I am more limited around what I will do, how I will work and balance, mental health and the freedom of space and time (I value this so much at this stage in life).

What I do know is this….

I don’t have to worry about all of the details: timing, fear of being too much, fear of not being enough and how can I possibly do this. I breathe and remember I am not alone, I am being guided, I am the leader I have been waiting for, I am the person I have been waiting for. I can’t control all of those things and I certainly don’t want to worry about them. What I can do is this (and you can too).

—Take charge of what is in my control: my attitude, my habits, my wellness, my mindset my beliefs

—Do the Next Right Thing

—Follow my HIPP Life Plan the best that I can (progress over perfection)

—Let my spirit soar, no one can crush that, try as they may, it’s belongs to me only

—Sincerely and Authentically Lead with Love, this has and will always be my North Star

—Go where the Love is, be with those that are positive, true blue and genuinely want the best for you

—Be brave enough to lead the way. People are wanting what I have, I just have to be brave & share

—The right people will show up at the right time. The people that need to hear me will respond.

As we begin another Season, it is the best time to get clear on your Vision and to move past your barriers and the things in your way. We are walking together, moving forward, leading with love and have hope and inspiration not only for us, but to share with others.

Let’s Do This!

This is 57, not a monumental birthday, just a space and time of feeling tremendous gratitude for the gift of life and personally, the gift of my life, I am a blessed woman. I have been doing a lot of reflection on my life this past year, it is part of my growth and healing journey, but also part of my calling to teach, motivate, relate and speak in a meaningful way about vision, dreams, goals, manifestation and being the designer of your life. It also requires me to be vulnerable, to share the set backs, the vulnerabilities and the challenges we face in life, the key is knowing what is in our control and that most is not.

This will always be a practice for me, and the only reason I feel more wise is because of age, it is the experiences and the lense that I look through.

The past few years have been monumental for me in a very quiet and private way. I have never had a problem speaking up, standing up or addressing things head on, I have had a mama bear, advocate, passionate spirit and voice for most of my life (my Dad would be the first one to say I had gumption and my Mom would say, Pamela just never would back down, don’t mess with her). I suppose being the youngest of 5 kids required that I found my voice early, but I have had to navigate using it through trial, error and purpose, which is super hard for all of us at times because our emotions, beliefs, sensitivity get in the way, as does our ego, it is hard not taking things personally—these are mind traps we step on through life, and in our journey to learn to live with grace, humility, encouragement, acceptance and a vibrant spirit is beautiful work (and hard work) and I am living proof of this.

People will disappoint you, hurt you, talk about you, be threatened by you, judge you, misunderstand you, betray you, blame you, abandon you. I have learned this at many stages in life and what I have learned is this: other people’s actions are not your burden and also they do not reflect the truth of what really is….. It is humbling to be able to find grace, live with grace and practice grace both for ourselves and for others, this is a practice, and as I have grown, so has my ability to navigate this. As a passionate, emotion driven, deep thinking, heart centered woman, this is really hard, and it requires so much time and space to breathe, to become, to surrender and to build boundaries like never before. At this age, I have never been more in touch with myself than I am today—I did the best that I could years ago, but I was busy, overwhelmed, and in those seasons, did the best that I could and I think that is just how life works. Mid life (over 50) is a different time, because we truly get our time back. I have space and time in my life like I have never had before (and I relish in it). I have been dedicated to my HIPP Lifestyle for over 2 years of consistent Yoga, and moving beyond my formula (what works for me) and truly building my foundation (it is such good work, and while it has not been easy, it has been transformational). We all have a foundation, a formula and I created a framework which I am excited to teach others, and help them grow into their higher version, which requires us to dismantle the walls, stories and OPO’s (other peoples opinions or actions) and truly to own our power and never give it away as we have in the past. The key to all of this work and to living a HIPP life which feels authentic, joyful, aligned and loving is to truly understand our own values and to truly understand ourselves and to redefine how we live (what ever that means for you). In this we make mistakes, we will always make mistakes, we are human and that is what we do. Owning our mistakes and moving on is necessary, in life (and in business, I use this for coaching women) we are in one of 3 modes: blaming, complaining, or building. We need to build our life, and we need to build a solid foundation that allows us to live life full out, which for most of us requires rest, balance, alignment, growth, wellness, and a consistent practice for mind/body/spirit (HIPP). In this work, we surround ourselves with the people we love and who love us unconditionally—I have the best team in the world, my family and my people are my everything, they know it, I know it and those relationships are what matter most. Family is everything. Friends are like gems, the ones who love you, appreciate you and want the best for you through and through, those are your people.

You don’t do any of this work alone, this is spiritual work, it is a matter of handing things over and having faith you are being guided in ways that enlighten you, raise you, protect you, love you and free you from the people and things that are truly not for you.

I have asked God to do this for me, his answers have not been my choices, with the exception of freedom. He has worked miraculously in my life, and it did not feel that way, at times, it came in the way of hurt, pain or getting the short stick. None of that matters, what does matter is that we remember who we are, what we stand for and we stand up and do better, taking responsibility for ourselves and our experiences. My boundaries have never been better in my life and this has me standing on solid ground like never before. No achieving, no approving, no performing, no acceptance, no, none, nada….

Am I still ambitious, yes, but in such a different way, will I perform, not for anyone ever again (I did that for years and it was appropriate in corporate and in business), but not anymore, my worth is not in my connections, bank account, title, brands, networking/relationships, and what I observe and have done…. My worth and my life and love and spirit and heart are very simple, they are within me. They are me. They are not for everyone and everyone is not for me (this is HARD for a people pleaser, especially one that has a vision of changing lives globally). I’ve always had this spirit and energy, but what I have learned is that it grows and becomes stronger and wiser as we age. Life is far too short and far too precious to spend it on building someone else’s dream, falsehoods or the BS that happens out there, none of us are immune to it. We just need to awaken to it. Be in relationship with ourselves like we never have been before. Positive living, positive thinking and positive frameworks are essential, and sometimes they take negative experiences or challenges to arrive at. Keep moving in the right direction which is the “good” direction, it is where you are genuine, joyful, peaceful and free. It is leading with love.

What does this mean for you (the intention here is to write, share, and in my healing and hope and HIPP Life, I inspire you to be aware and to grow and evolve too)?

Before we make changes or grow or create more, we first need to understand the current situation and events, and get clear on our vision—this is what we do in Living HIPP.

Are you LIVING a life you LOVE?

The answer to that question is what will help you in your journey. I need to remind myself to be present, as I am a Visionary and finding that balance of here and now is important. True love, true joy and highly spirited living does not come in the form of what you have or things (even though they are fun and rewarding and pretty)—it is all in the JuJu. The life JuJu and Spirit, energy (your HIPP vibe) that holds value and is meaningful.

If I focus on the things that weigh me down, have not worked out and challenges (which we all do to some degree) I am only feeling it, attracting it and blinded by it (I know I know).

When we learn to shift and focus not only on what we are creating, manifesting and working on, we shift that energy. The key is not just on the creation, manifestation, the work is not just activity, the work is BEING. It is on the feelings, the emotions the energy and the present moment. It is both the simple joys and the tsunami of love you have for others. It is in the loving voice, the sarcasm and laughter, the magic that happens within you and between you and others.

You are the magic. You are and will always be the magic, and when you inspire others to discover, feel, their magic, you are lifting spirits and in doing so, lifting your own.

Okay, so the million dollar question is this….

How do you find your magic?

It is not outside of you my darling, it is not in that program, that person, that brand, that next venture or anything, it is inside of of YOU! It is you being you. It is you allowing your spirit to soar. It is you leading your life with love. It is you being the love, unapologetically and authentically—no one has access to you, or power over you or is better or less than you. You just need to show up as you and that better version of you. The better version os not the bitter version (oh I know, we all have that asshole in our lives, the inner mean girl, voice or gremlin that brings us down, it is always there and our job is to hush her with love, and take our power back. She is all the things that handicap our growth, our love, our leadership and our vibrant and authentic living. She is comparison, she is jealousy, she is negative talk, she is gossip, she is wrong….

People around you have her leading the way, so in order for you to truly rise and to truly lead your life with love, you need to be that magic, that love, that light, that beautiful version of you, it is your light. Your light is your love, it is your caring spirit, it is your positive thinking, it is your acts of kindness, it is the love you give to yourself, it is the love and service you are to others. Your light knows how to spark light in others, it is not competition, it is collaboration and elevation and edification.

Others will attempt to dim your light, this will always be the case, especially if you shine bright. Pay no attention to the dimmers and the downers and focus on the light and the love, that is what will not only light the way for you, it will light the way for many.

I have created a lifestyle and life that I enjoy (and I have bad days, and also fears and vulnerabilities), but for the most part, life is so good. Living in our Coastal home has been a dream for decades and to be here, at this stage feels really good. My daily schedule is by far a dream come true (I am so grateful for my business and GG, hard work does pay off).

--Magical Mornings (coffee, morning thoughts/gratitude, no hangovers or cloudy haze is magical), this is my happy hour.

—Yoga every day, it is a commitment to my HIPP life and supports me in mind/body/spirit. Beyond Grateful to drive through my communities to my Yoga studio by the river.

—Work from Home: I love getting cleaned up from Yoga, sitting by my big windows, seeing the ocean, sipping coffee or water and doing my work. Flexible work and working how much and when I want to is so important to me, it is how I have lived for decades. It is a gift!

—Walk the Beach: A Podcast and the beach, the sights the sounds, the smell, the beauty is breathtaking. Sometimes it is routines and sometimes I just pinch myself, when I am aware and present I pinch myself, and that gratitude shot is joyful.

—Music, Errands or Outings are always part of the day. The errands and running around are part of life, I just add music and enjoy the ride (spirit lifting, soothing, energy or healing). Outings are even better, giving myself the opportunity to have an experience be it meet up with a friend, go to a coffee shop or farm stand, or see a pretty sight or lovely experience (these need to be created, and they matter).

—Dog Walk: time with my furry friends, fresh air, movement is good for us all. Simple joys are abundant, we just need to look for them, create them, celebrate them and experience them by seeing them. Be it, feel it, do it, share it.

—Dance in the Kitchen, Stir up the Spirit, Share the Love and add this spice of life to your daily routine and your procrastination and your mundane list of things to do.

—Rest and Read: Rest, put your feet up, breathe, recharge, refuel, read something good, read something that takes you away, let words fill your heart and soul like affirmations, mantras and invitations but also allow yourself to get lost in a book and a story that takes you away.

Don’t wait until….

Create a lifestyle you love, it is that balance of doing the stuff you don’t want to do, delegating and saying no to what you can, and opening up space for simple joys, experiences, healing/heart centered living and giving yourself permission to retreat, be present, and shut down the noise around you, and tune into you.

I am an advocate for Direct Sales (aka Social Selling) for women to create more income and opportunities for themselves and their families.   This was not an industry I respected nor did I think I would ever be involved, but for 20 years it is what supported me in creating my HIPP Life.  

Not all companies are equal, so it is important to align with one that aligns with your values, has a fair compensation plan and provides a positive culture and community to grow and to create meaningful change.  I have had the good fortune of working with 2 great companies, which do important work, offer  great products and more importantly, a great opportunity to create an income stream while learning and growing.   

Things have changed in the two decades I have been a leader and associate in this industry, today, it is far more relevant to be an affiliate of brands, to sell on line through your personal brand and authenticity.   When I first started out in the industry, there was a big dream of living differently, and achieving that through this business model and community.  While that is true for some, what I like now is that it is a viable income stream, that can be what you want it to be.   I see far more people satisfied with being an ambassador and enjoying the part time income while sharing the benefits of the products and community they are part of.  The gig economy is a thing, and most people are looking for additional ways to make an income that can be done remotely and is flexible with their lifestyle.  Having an affiliate relationship with DS brands has never been more relevant because of how we buy products, the power of story telling/social selling and ones ability to share from a place of authenticity, which is important to all of us, we don’t want to be sold to, we want to learn more about why people are passionate about brands, products and their experiences.  

So, if this is a great option for many, why are some not doing it and why is it harder for reps to share the opportunity than it is for them to share the products?

This answer is so simple, yet not as easy to address when it comes to our misconceptions, and our ability to break that down is what opens up the opportunity for many more.  

First of all, most of us do not want to sell, we don’t want to be that person that is always asking for a sale—to this day, I feel this too (we don’t want to be something we are not, and that is a good thing).   I understand this because I had this feeling personally, and I have helped many to see past this feeling and see the opportunity and what it really can be and is.   I learned to become passionate about what it really is and what it really isn’t, and this passion helped me to help others see this too.  

I had break through my fears, my comfort zone and also all of my misconceptions, I had to get to the core of what it was and how I could help others with it.  In doing this work, my favorite “product” became the opportunity, because I clearly saw what it did for most people, and none of it was guaranteed, it was truly an option for what they deeply wanted and were willing to work for, which is the key in coaching anyone in a business like this. It is never about one option or what you want or the company goals, it is always about the person, what they desire, what they genuinely want, what they are willing to do and helping them get what they want (and to help them see that for themselves).  

Back to the theory of most people are not looking to do sales, in fact, most don’t want to.  What I learned is that many are and were looking for what I could offer, and that was the following:  

—People want flexible work, they want to be in charge of their own time and calendars.   You decide when you work.  

—People want extra income: this can be just an extra few hundred a month or thousands, everyone can use that extra income, and they decide what that will be for themselves.  

—People want to be part of something bigger than them, when you are with a company that has a mission or changes lives, it is meaningful work, which is something most crave.  

—People want to be part of a positive community, this is so important to our mental health, it can have such an impact on how we live.  

—People want to help others, that is at the core of who we are, we are able to do this through products and through the business, which is unique and powerful (it is perfect for that person that does not want to create it, they want to easily access it).  

—People want to grow personally.  We don’t talk enough about this because we have not adequately described what this really is.  Simply stated:  we want to feel a sense of purpose, we want to feel inspired, we want to feel confidence, positivity and a sense of wonder.  These feelings are all available, and it is our ability to be open to it, and also to share it with those that are seeking it.   

—We want to grow our Vision, we want to be able to Dream again, to be more present, to be healthier, to be active, to make better choices.  None of this is guaranteed, but it is a community that inspires these things, and also one where we are encouraging each other.   

These are just a few things that are hidden treasures in a Social Selling business, and for some, we grow as leaders and in business and it allows us to expand and lead our own mission and vision as a result.  

Not all companies or brands are equal and it is important to associate with those that resonate with you.   Fear will play a role in this process, I don’t know that anyone looks at this as something they do not see themselves doing and/or they do not want to be a sales person or “one of them”.  I have learned it is far from that, but it takes an open heart and mind, and the best thing you can do is be authentic, let yourself shine and use this as an opportunity to grow in many ways.  

For years I have been preaching “we can’t do it all”. This message is so important for Women, Moms and each age group be it Gen Z, Millenials, Gen X or Baby Boomers. We have created this false vision of what a Modern day woman is, and truthfully, the model is killing us.

We are stressed. We are depressed. We are over scheduled. We are tired. We are never good enough.

We get caught on that Hamster Wheel, you know the one where you are racing every day to catch up, and you truly are drowning in expectations that are fake, and other people’s dreams, and what you think you should do, and what others are doing. This framework is broken, it’s been broken and it is time for us to redefine how we live, how we lead, how we perform and how we fake it till we make it. The problem is this…. We never make it because we can’t fake something we are not. While we can have aspirations, and grow, evolve and step into our higher power, that is only the result of going within. To following our heart. To navigating through the chatter, the busy internet, the busy schedules, the BS we think we should be and are not….

HIPP is a framework that is for those that want more and want less. It is about building a stronger relationship with yourself, loving your whole self, making accommodations to thrive rather than survive, and it is a spirit that is loving, kind and positive, it does not compete, compare, criticize & conflict because it is not about a race, a to do list, performance—it is all about having a Vision for your life, getting clear on what you want more of and what you want less of. It is having courage to change, and it is curated for you and by you—the framework is the proven method, yet you are the key player in designing your life. The spirit is love, it is self love, it is lover of life, it is love for those around you, it is love for a neighbor or stranger, it is love and light in this world that is chaotic and has so much conflict. We can’t solve the problems of the world, but what we can do is work on ourselves—we are not broken, we have just been misguided, confused, busy, stressed, overwhelmed and surrounded by a story and image that does not exist, is not true and does not serve us.

It is time for women to surrender, hold that white flag up and say, we have had enough!

Enough of the Superwoman Image and doing life without breaking a sweat. That is a myth.

Enough of the competition and more collaboration, we will only truly RISE if we do it together.

Enough putting down others to make ourselves look better or feel better.

This has been a generational curse of women, and we will never truly lead the way if we keep leading based on the condition of the individual and not the team. Our power is when we bring out the best in ourselves and each other.

It starts with us. It starts with a decision to lead with love. To rise above the noise and the majority of people that are conditioned by this and to step up into a powerful position of strength—knowing there is enough room for everyone and knowing that when we lift others up, we raise the energy, standards and behaviors around us. We all rise.

The over/under exercise, is one that you can do for yourself. It is deciding for yourself what you will choose over the other. As humans we all have the ability to go under, it is what happens and in order to change how we do things, we need to be clear about what is important to us, and what we are committed to doing about it.

Here are some over/unders that I came up with, but I encourage you to make a list for yourself—based on the things you either want to work on, or that are already something you practice. Being aware of this is what helps us to live mindfully and with intention. Likewise, it helps us to show up for ourselves and each other in a positive way, rather than a negative reaction which we can all have at times. We are human so grace and compassion are always part of our journey, and highly encouraged as you human through life.

Joy over Pain

Love over Hate

Kindness over Cattiness

Compassion over Criticizing

Abundance over Scarcity

Authenticity over Artificial

Human over Hero

Faith over Fears

Dreams over Drama

Present over Past

Progress over Perfection

Balance over Busy

Simplicity over Stress

Family over Everything

Courage over Confidence

Healing over Harming

Friendly over Fierce

We are inundated with images of how to be, what to do, offers to change our businesses or change our life. There is so much noise.

We must turn down the noise and tune into our knowledge, wisdom and best guide, our internal compass which is the answer to our next step and path.

Getting clear on that voice requires us to live differently and with a caring spirit.

Begin your journey on taking back your power and your essence, and do this one step at a time.

What over/under list can you create to guide you toward your light. What whisper do you need to hear to tune out the noise, and tune into the wisdom and light?

Let’s Do This!

It’s not the company you are with, yes, double entendre intended, be it a company or the company and people you surround yourself with. These things are so important, but they are not the secret sauce.

You are the secret sauce.

You are the key ingredient and in order to truly rise, in order to lead your life with authenticity and love, it is you that you need to partner with.

Choose You.

Choose You, over and over and over again. Always choose you.

Stand up for all that is good, all that is kind and be the kind of girl (woman) that is brave to stand alone. When we try to fit in, we are sculpting ourselves and molding ourselves into someone else’s expectations and not our own divine light. Authenticity takes courage because sometimes it requires you to be left out or kept out (by your own doing), both become part of the result when you brave the elements of human behavior. This is next level growth, not a light topic, but the simple mantra to is to follow your heart and not the crowd. Being true to yourself is the bravest act and when we settle for less (which I certainly have done) we betray ourselves and our true spirit and gifts.

Let your light shine. When you do, the right people will find you. Have you spent too much time shining a spot light on others that you did not value your own light within? We have all done it because the intention is good. Often we are wanting to be “enough” and the truth is, we are not feeling it in some way—this is an old story that shows up in our lives over and over, with new versions and new distractions which blind our ability to see clearly and to see, what are we trying to “achieve” and where are we going?

At mid life and more importantly living in a space as an empty nester where I can breathe, see, reflect, grow, balance, nurture and play, I see life so much more simply, and through lenses of simple joys and the gift of true joy.

The world is filled with too many things right now, and these things are bringing women down, in order for us to rise, we must do things differently.

Perform, be beautiful, don’t break a sweat, do all the things, be at all the places, and most of which is just the highlight reel, the instagram worthy pictures and memories we create.

We need to remind ourselves and each other over and over that the pictures and posts are just a snap shot, they are the highlight reel (which is fine and good to celebrate life moments or simple joys) but they are the highlight, and we all have our behind the scene, sometimes they are small things and other times they are big life situations that tug at your heart. Non

Where do you stand in this sea of women, and moms and leaders, and groups and tribes?

Does everyone have a seat at the table? Are the relationships genuine or are they based on how you perform and what you offer? Is the sisterhood based on your loyalty to a company, brand or association or is it based on you? These are some deep questions that are not every day kind of questions, but they are important when it comes to authenticity and living a life that is positive, authentic, kind, sincere, genuine, joyful (true deep joy), free and based on your values, not the values of others or a framework.

Are you brave enough to be different, are you brave enough to stand strong with your own light and cultivating that from within?

This does not mean you are not part of groups, or companies and all the benefits that come with the power of this, we are in fact better together. What it does mean is that you stand true, in your own strength, power and light which is authentic to you. It is powerful to stand with others, and the power of positive, authentic, loving, kind women is unstoppable. It begins with us and our ability to rise and to stand for something but not stand for the BS that also can come in some circles.

This is not easy work, but it is such good work, and when we truly allow our light to shine, we can inspire that in others. It seems obvious and simple, but so many are not doing it. They might sometimes let their light shine, but they are blinded by someone else’s light which can lead to comparison, copying, fabrication and false living (trying to be a version of someone else). This is a problem, and this leads to false relationships, associations and recognition and value to some degree. Viscerally I can feel and see someone trying to be someone else or just desperate for the recognition, relationship, positioning etc…. Because at some point we have all been there, and the bottom line is this, it is really hard to try and be something you are not and even worst it is hard to grow to your highest potential when you keep yourself in a box and someone else’s framework, and footprint.

My intuitive nature feels on overload. I sense this and have sensed this for a long time—to the point it is something I feel the need to speak up about.

So what are some ways to let your own light shine and to authentically be you in your higher person and true nature.

—Spend time alone, write, journal & brainstorm what ignites you, inspires you and lifts your spirit.

—Write down what makes you special, yes, what is it about you that the world needs more of (even the most simple things).

—What does kindness mean to you? How are you kind each day?

—How are you kind to yourself? How do you speak to yourself? What do you do for yourself? How do you care for yourself?

—What is your Vision, what do you want this year, in 5 years and get clear on what that looks like.

—How do you want to feel? What do you want more of in your life? What do you want less of?

—What daily habits or routine can you commit to?

—Are you in relationship with yourself? Do you practice this each day and look for the simple joys?

—Be with the people that have good energy, not just on the surface, the kind of good energy that is genuine and from within.

—Don’t settle…. Surface relationships are just that, surface…. Invest your time, heart and energy in the ones that are deep, are genuine, are truly loving and true blue.

There is so much more to be said on this topic, but this is the start of aligning and growing like you never have before. It is you growing into the most authentic, loving, kind, confident and loving woman that you know.

There are those that follow and those that will Lead. Be the Leader of your life. Lead with Love: yourself, your family, your purpose, your team, community and passion and purpose.

Living HIPP is so much more than a feel good brand. Yes, it is all about the good juju and feeling good, but that only gets better and more meaningful when we lead the way with authenticity, vision, purpose, positivity and our incredible spirits. It is alignment and it is full on real, heartfelt, positive, dynamic, and it becomes who you are (not everyone will make the full life journey with you).

You are the one you have been waiting for. Spend time with her, get to know her, love on her and remind her that the answer is not outside of her, it is within her and it has been there the whole time.

Ignite the spark within and let your light shine bright! XO

This statement shifted everything for me, but it took me time and it was a journey in getting there.

What started out as a big Vision to help others and make our world a Happier place, became a personal roadmap with twists and turns for me personally as I launched lifestyle brand Living HIPP a decade ago, this past decade I put it to the test, and it became a framework, system and ultimately a formula for me to live my best life (with lots of turns and bumps along the way—that is life right there). This was not the path I chose, this was something that chose me.

I have been on this “Living HIPP” journey of personal growth for over a decade. What you may not know (or perhaps you do) is that part of that was addressing my relationship with Alcohol, addictive tendencies and getting to the root cause (this is hard stuff and not easy to navigate). I am fortunate in that I never had any sort of rock bottom, only because of the work I did this past decade (but I did have lots of pebble moments which was my internal struggle in my head and how that dulled my spirit & vibrancy). I have no doubt if I did not address it, it would have become a bigger problem, I believe that is what happens (that is why I have proceeded with caution and taken long breaks in hopes I just would not desire it). I was a “grey area” drinker meaning, it was not always that bad, I thought I could pull it back (and took long breaks gladly at times)—looking back, I realize that I put so much time and energy into trying to make it work for me because I could not picture my life, my marriage or my personality not having drinks, even on occasion (this was a while back but an important loop because I believe there are thousands of women and guys too in this space) but you are not that bad and you do the "detox to retox" thing, which we all know gets old. Even thou I knew it was not serving me and my best life existed Alcohol Free (AF), I allowed myself to go back a few times and I did not realize the denial I had, because “I was not that bad”. This kept me stuck in a pattern of long healthy AF breaks which was me “Living HIPP” (my formula and foundation of healthy living in mind/body/spirit (which became my tracks to run on). It is not just Alcohol for me, I have an addictive personality which can be food, work, tech, and some good things like Yoga, good juju, love & laughter—life is too short and we must have fun so the latter is the good side of this part of me.

In the work that I have done on myself to pull back the layers on this, what I learned is that I had untreated ADHD (I laugh about this but it played a role in my ability to stay AF) and Anxiety in addition to Addiction (that word is scary to me because it is so misunderstood and when untreated can really lead to serious problems for people). The fact is, we are all addicted to something, it is a continuum (or spectrum) and our society only looks at one end or the other (and so many of us are in our heads and bobbing in the waters thinking we are the problem, or thinking it is not that bad, or thinking, next week, next month or on Monday I will change and do better at XYZ. All this to say it is a journey, and shame, stigma and I’m not that bad keep us from seeing “it’s not that good”. I embraced “it’s not that good in 2022 and also embraced how happy I was without Alcohol, another long stretch of living HIPP which for me is Yoga, Hydration (water), more self care, gratitude/compassion/grace and a balance of rest and productivity. I was ready to fly, but I did not realize I left the bird house open and on my trip to Italy last year, I slipped (I drank a few times on the trip)—having a drinking culture and college age kids and a husband who used to be my drinking buddy years ago made it that much more of a challenge. Even thou this was a disappointment, it proved to me exactly why people who are sober just don’t drink (because it invites the behavior back in, and that is why it is really hard to moderate for a lot of people (seemingly non problematic drinkers that think about it, and the mental gymnastics we play in our heads, I did not realize how duped I was, even thou I learned more, I still had this underlying belief how much I thought Alcohol was normal and a reward or relaxing or fun. Many years ago it was some of those things for me, but at mid life, never ever ever have I said “I’m so glad I drank last night” TRUTH!

After Italy I had that WTF, you were doing so well, how did this happen? I also thought back to how great I felt, Yoga every day (that is my biggest tool), time for self care and loving my AF life. At times I used to think I was missing out, but in the past few years, I looked at it differently, I realized the magic for me is in just being me (AF), being present, grounded, balanced, I no longer wanted it, I love my AF life, magical mornings (hang overs suck), happy hour (coffee in am) and simple joys each day (clarity, peace, alignment, authenticity). When u let it back in, you open the door again (all the hard work I had done each year went out the window, but I finally closed the door). In mid July of last year, we went back to our home at Boardman to visit and see it before they sold it (that was awesome, emotional but really good). Following that I had a difficult work call about a challenge and I drank that night (even thou I had been through all of these challenging work situations and stayed AF all year and previously) I slipped that night. I had a conversation with my sister (who is AF and a certified coach in this area) and she helped me to see that it was my thinking and old beliefs (even subconscious to some degree) and that I had to work on that. She hit me over the head, at that moment it clicked, here I am teaching mindset work, studying this stuff, practicing it but I could not see it clearly myself (or I thought I did). On July 15th I said “I don’t drink anymore” (I never said this, it sounds so simple but I was finally owning this choice). I said it to myself, I said it to my husband, I said it to others if asked (or in a social situation) and this is the moment I felt FREE from it. I was waiting for this to happen (freedom), I knew it would, I just did not know how, I thought it would just happen. I am sharing all of this with you because I would have had a few years, but I slipped last summer—fortunately, I rebounded right away and in that, I accepted my truth, and for the first time in my life I feel freedom from it and I look at this as my super power rather than my problem. I realize I have not arrived, and I will continue to make this a priority in my life, I love my AF life, and I want to protect it like I protect my children (Mama Bear).

I know so many women are in their head on this topic, and to me it is just so misunderstood and also not black and white (and that is why people have rock bottom moments because there is not enough space and awareness for Discovery (and what the real journey looks like for most every person that struggles with this). I have done long breaks AF, in fact, much of my time in the past decade has been that, but I did not feel free because I always gave myself the opportunity (so slips and sips happen: also known as the F it’s, and this is the biggest set back)! I have had many long breaks 90 days, 6 months, a year etc…. (I always allowed myself a window to go back even thou I was doing so well without it)—I used my marriage as an excuse, and that I was not that bad which felt truth because I heard some scary stories. The thought of it now makes me shocked that I did this rinse/repeat cycle, but that was part of my resistance to some of the antiquated beliefs, support, programs and misconceptions about this hugely relevant thing many deal with in the privacy of their own heads, we don’t want labels, we don’t want forever, we don’t want to be one of them (gulp)…. I think it is time we normalize this conversation, we socialize in an inclusive way, lets level the playing field for those that don’t drink (for what ever reason even if it is just a break) and likewise, no shame for those that do (if you got em’, smoke em’). I want to disrupt social norms and level the playing field (because I know what it is like to be on both sides of this, and it is high time for change).

Today, I am in a different place, this past year (and more) means so much more to me because I am in with “two feet” and I never, ever want to go back. It is my choice, and it is a choice that aligns with my best life—and that is why I won’t have a sip if my monkey brain in the future says oh, but u deserve it, you were not that bad. I will remind myself NAFS (not a fucking sip) because it offers me ZERO. Plus, I have this freedom I would not trade for anything, I am so happy, I am so aligned with myself, I am a work in progress but I am doing the work, Yoga is my daily habit and I am grateful for my own path and healing. What I have learned about Alcohol is astounding and I am not anti alcohol, I am pro education, pro healthy living and pro, lets change the narrative of this toxic substance which can create toxic harm to our body (um, that hang over is telling you something), toxic thinking (I know how shitty it feels to feel shitty about this topic) and toxic behavior (yep, even once in a while, we can make an ass of ourselves or say something stupid). The toxic behavior is really in our own behavior and that we would know it makes us feel like garbage and does havoc on our brains/bodies/spirit but we do it anyways because we think it is fun or relaxing or belonging. No shame, no blame, just light, lets shine a light on this taboo topic and I am going to be a beacon of light because the truth is, if I did not address this, go through the process (mine is not a straight line, it is a toddler scribble with a crayon) but I am on the other side of it (thank God) and while the other side is AMAZING, I need to live HIPP (daily practices, community, mind/body work) to stay here and most importantly, thrive here!

I did not want to deal with this, I did not want this to be my story and I am humbled by saying this is who I am and this is something I am proud of and thankful for (when I once felt shame and regret and worked so hard to make it not my thing). The fact is, I do not have a Happy or Inspirational life without my AF lifestyle and Productive and Peace only come from Living HIPP (which is my daily practice, mindset and spirit that is vibrant and authentic). To be clear, there is no shame in drinking or not (that BS has to go), I don’t want everyone to stop drinking, I want us all to gather and support one another in a positive, inclusive and healthy way. Cheers to Us! Also, I want to shine light on the truth, that while we all think drinking is fun, sexy, cool and how we connect and vibe together, it is total BS, and I have learned that it just dulls our spirit, makes us feel like shit, and life is so much brighter and vibrant without it for some of us. “Celebrate Good Times Come on” this was a song in the 80’s and a party spirit I have lived since being a teenager. I branded and bottled the spirit (HIPP), it is not the booze we crave (even thou we believe we do and some are physically a slave to it), it is the spirit we crave, the joy, the bonding, the laughs, the love and I am telling you, it is brighter and better and more whole, true and authentic when you learn to have that spirit without the lubrication of ethanol. It might not be ethanol for you, perhaps it is negative thinking or vibes or old behaviors where you just protect yourself by a critical mind or skepticism, perhaps you need to shift your thinking, energy, mindset, thought patterns and embrace some happiness, joy, feel good vibes and even more deeper, love and grace.

We are all working on something, and it is not easy, life is not all rainbows and butterflies, but it is pretty damn magical and every single day, I choose magic, I choose happy, I choose simple joys, I choose progress (not perfection) and I choose me. I have a huge spirit (I always have), and from the time I was a little girl, people felt my magic and my spirit (and yes, some did not like it—F them). Most did, and what I did not realize is that it dulled down drinking (and I thought I was the life of the party), it turns out I am still the life of the party, only a more authentic and genuine version. It’s a unicorn lifestyle, at least while living HIPP, this is a Unicorn brand and the worst and best kept secret. It takes time to get there and I think we need to honor that and be okay with that. Also it is not just two camps, it is a process and steps and reduction or mindful is better than ignorance or worst, rock bottom.

In growing HIPP, I am going to talk more about this topic in the context of “Discovery”—as in helping others explore their relationship with Alcohol, and making this a conversation we have, one that we don’t wait until the wheels come off the bus. I am giving more thought to this and how I can help others but also the bigger picture of living a life you love (vision, values, balance, work/life, and happiness (it’s real and it is a choice every day). Progress over perfection in all areas of our lives, no shame, no blame, just building a life you love and building a system of support that helps you heal, grow, accommodate your mental health and face life challenges (none of us are immune, and the more we unpackage this, the more we will normalize it. Living HIPP is a exploratory safe space to land, to build better habits, to embrace progress over perfection and to focus on the solution and not the problem (yes we need to deal, heal and be real and open, but we don’t have to stay stuck in those rabbit holes which can be a downside of some recovery communities). No one is doing it wrong, every single community is right, they are just different, and it is important for you to see who and what you vibe with (there are some pretty cool people and programs out there that I can introduce you to). I want to see more collaboration in this space because it is so broad and there is such a big spectrum and we need to meet people where they are at and that is okay. I am AF but I still have a drinking personality (that sounds so weird as I write it), my point is, I know what it is like to enjoy the break or escape and I get it…. I get it so much that I broke through the BS and created in my own head, and it isn’t about the Alcohol, it is all about the spirit (more to come on that). BOOM!

I could not do this alone, and I am grateful to my family & friends that support me, mostly my husband Charlie who was my drinking buddy years ago, we have changed our lifestyle, while he still drinks, it is not daily and our home is AF most of the time except when we entertain or the kids are gathering on the w/e. My children laugh with me and I know they are proud, I am rewriting the story of our family and our life (and that just means being an example to them and I am being transparent so they see they have choices and life is far more fun (for me anyway) AF! They are crazy college kids and young adults finding cool bars and living that life (as I did), I am doing the best I can by showing them, my example and also that there is this other side to the fun and fancy, it is also destructive & a DB. All of you, friends & family, thank you, I have found peace in meeting up with friends, they drink, I don’t and we respect each other (either choice is okay, lets just be clear on what it really is and what it really isn’t and stop the BS & hype we all believed in. We entertain, but not as much as we use to, and I know my boundaries, limits and desires well, that is important to know and to build as I am AF but my life is not.

This is my Toolbox and resources I use, not just for this but for life in general and giving myself wings to fly. While I am an Empty Nester, I am building a Nest that is sustainable and truly the best place for me to land. Thank you to the following people, teachers, coaches, leaders and resources/programs. I highly recommend all, and in the future these may become vetted brands/services of Living HIPP (it is all coming together). I did not want this, because it does not define me (I know you don’t want it too, so we avoid, deny and escape, that is okay but at some point you will call yourself on your own bullshit). I have a big voice, a passionate heart, I love inspiration, motivation, my dreams and vision are huge, but there is no way in the world I could do any of that without addressing this for myself personally. Likewise I can’t empower and motivate women, and change the world like I think I am suppose to without being transparent and sharing my story, in the hopes it helps others create their own. It might not be alcohol for you (because it is not just that for me) it could be other things that hold you back, weigh you down (it could be your thinking) and I am here to shine a light and say, don’t worry, it is not you, it is life and it is normal and there is a better way. Let's define your path so you can create more of what you want in your life and less of what you don’t. My life is incredible (I am in awe sometimes of how blessed I am). I did not have a life I wanted to escape from, but what I did have was a little struggle in my head, that when things got hard (and hard things happened this past decade) it would be the boulder on my shoulder, and it is amazing to just release the weight and flow with life.

I can’t emphasize enough that this is a journey, there are so many good resources out there and what is lacking is Discovery and I will talk more about that. Likewise lets normalize the conversation, drop the labels (but use them if it helps, there are no right or wrongs, there are just different ways and their is a path and journey for you). It is about self awareness, assessment and building better habits, and better thinking (yes, your mindset is everything when it comes to this and quite frankly when it comes to living HIPP).

I have a Tool Box which includes Daily Practices and Resources that keep me on track. You don’t have to be AF to do these things, but they will help you move in the right direction. I am fully committed to my AF Lifestyle and yes, I am still the life of the party (well, not really but kind of true). I’m still fun, not because I drink or don’t drink, I’m just fun because that is who I am, who I have always been and who I will always be. I love to have fun, to laugh, to sing, to dance to play and I never ever want to dull my spirit again. At first it is awkward (not drinking), that is okay, changing any behavior or belief is awkward (removing your social lubricant) but what if we can make it less awkward, and more powerful, more fun, more exciting and more authentic. That is what I am doing and I hope you will join me in this Global Toast. Raise your glass (I don’t care what is in it), what I do care is that you are happy, you are joyful, you are kind, and you are inclusive to all, the drinker, the non drinker, the gay, the straight, the black, the white, the asian, the woman, the man, the “they” (I am still stumbling my words on that one, I’m human). The fact is this (mic drop):

“We are all connected and have more in common than we realize, lets embrace our inner HIPP (love) and take that love and light and share it with the world”. A Global Toast, A Global Hug, A Global Brand (HIPP).

Equal to my spirited personality, I love to stay home, I love cozy girl nights, jammies and not being social, this is my foundation and how I reset, and it is establishing this comfort without a substance which is most cozy, comfy, and real.

Here is my top tools (but have many more).

Yoga: Tricia (Elephant Tree Yoga), my favorite Yoga teacher in the world. This is my #1 tool, and a big part of my discovery/recovery.

Michelle Rene’ Coaching: My sister has been instrumental in my journey, she is a certified coach in this area and helped me to finally see what was holding me back.

Therapy: I have had 2 great therapists over the years, Jenn (who now is in the midwest) and my Yoga friend Jan, who I meet with weekly and we focus on mindfulness.

Treatment: I am being treated for both my ADHD & Anxiety with medication, this is important for me and helps, I want to be transparent on that & encourage it for some.

Gratitude: I was part of a Gratitude Group and continue to practice this every day.

On-Line Community: A group of bad ass people that are on this journey with me, we lift each other up.

Podcasts & Books: Reach out and I will recommend some great resources (and will be sharing more through Living HIPP).

Top Podcast: Hello Someday (my friend Casey McGuire Davidson) and top book: This Naked Mind by Annie Grace.

If you are struggling reach out, the first step is to ask for help. If you are thinking about this but like me “not that bad” and like me years ago, did not want to not ever drink again and just wanted to cut back, that is really the people I want to help because that was me and that is the reality that is out there, but people are too afraid to have this issue, problem, or they are not sure they want to quit (I totally get that and you don’t need to be anything, just be curious). It is not you, it is the Alcohol that is the problem. It is not you, it is how we have glamorized it in marketing, media and socially for too long. It is not you, it is us, the collective belief we have needs to change as does the narrative. It is not you it is about us, supporting each other and being unapologetic in how we socialize, we all can raise a glass to better living (and the irony is that the alcohol is poisoning us, making us addicted, and that is not the person at the end of the spectrum, it is the person in the middle that cannot live without it (I know, I know). What if you did not have to worry about quitting or not, or being sober or not. What if you just took an honest look at how it makes you feel (not in that first 20 minutes, that part feels great), it is the rest of the time when you are chasing that buzz that never builds, but you think it does because we get caught in the trap of more. Let’s disrupt the narrative, the marketing, the fake fun and really look at what it is (even if you have to in baby steps). This is not about right or wrong, one decision or the other…. This is about having a Vision for your life, how do you want to look, feel and how do you want to spend your time. Do you feel a sense of purpose, in alignment and like you are living or on the path of living your best life.

For years I thought it was the answer at the end of the day, the reward, the fun, the connection and the relaxation and break from stress that I needed (I really did). In the past decade, I did all the things, removed it, was mindful, tried moderation (this works until it doesn’t, meaning this doesn’t work, it never works unless you could truly take it or leave it). I did long breaks, I enjoyed being AF, I fought the negativity/beliefs/stigma/spectrum and I wanted someone to change some of the misconceptions and how vast and wide this topic is. Here I go again (I’ve done this in business), we should do this, that needs to change). I was waiting for someone to fix it when I was the one who not only needed to do that for myself, I need to use my passionate voice for a bigger purpose.

I am not an expert in this area, and I really don’t want a focus on quitting drinking because I want to focus on LIVING and life is beautiful on the other side. I do believe we are missing a whole piece and step and that is discovery, a soft place to land, to consider it, try breaks and/or drink mindfully. It is a start and that conversation is a good one to have. While dry January and Sober Oct are good (I am in favor) the downside is that some people are waiting to have that drink on the 1st of the month and that defeats the purpose and it’s not about white knuckling it, it’s about learning to change patterns of behavior, old beliefs and finding the joy in being present. My desire became freedom and I am there and I am so happy to share that it is amazing and life is in fact better. I did not get here by way of a simple decision, I got here by way of learning, growing, failing, and repeating. Lets take your messy toddler drawing and make it a masterpiece. Live vibrantly, and with buoyancy as it is a process and journey and there are so many signs along the way, we just need to be open and look for them. XO

There is so much I want to write about, and will do so here and in other locations—but it all takes courage, and courage is part of living a beautiful life (HIPP Life). We are often afraid to speak up, take action or address situations or create change because we are afraid of failure or success, what others will think, being misunderstood, being something we are not, and being vulnerable, being transparent and being Brave are not for the faint at heart.

The best thing we can do is to lean into ourselves, our intuition, our love, our hope and our greatness (essence) and not dwell in our fear, our misconceptions, our old beliefs, and validation on the outside, none of that will serve you if you stay there, let it be a directional to go another way, or to go within (listen to your voice, your wisdom, your inner guide).

Here is what is most fascinating (and frustrating) do it over and over and over and over again). If you did not get the lesson the first time, it will come back to teach you. It will continue to come back louder and louder until you hear it or it hears you. Why do we operate in a way that we try and live under the radar, and think we can do it all. I can say this because I have done this. I also have asked for help, built in support, discovered resources, and created a vibe that vibes with me.

The important word in my vocabulary and in those living HIPP is this (among many): Choice.

At any given time, we have a choice and while at times it can feel daunting, I want to remind you it is empowering as ever. When I go into daunting mode (which in some situations I do and it is normal and I need too because hard things are hard things) I am able to navigate through and choose empowerment and in that it is either action or acceptance or both.

No one knows your story, the untold one, only you know the dreams, the desires, the discontents and the discomfort you have felt or you feel. The love you feel so strongly that it is crushing and overwhelming at times. The obstacles in your path that you demolished that almost demolished you. The loss, the grief, the hurt, the pain the shame and self betrayal. Let me remind you that you also made it through every single one of those things, they are still with you but they do not define you or they should no longer weigh you down. It is your birth right to lighten your heart, body, mind and soul and to find the courage to RISE. You feel this incredible pull to do something or be something, you know you can and you are stuck in the fear or the old beliefs. I am here to say, it is okay, we all feel fear, or that old belief of “not enough” (no one is exempt from that). Here is the good news, the bright side and where we need to go (and try and reside in our head and hearts), you are being called to do more, to be more and to love more.

Might I remind you (and all of us), life is not a dress rehearsal and we never get our time back. We don’t know the time we have, and rather than stress over that, lets just embrace life, living HIPP and LIVE OUTLOUD.

Yes…. The world is a scary place, things are messed up and we all went through a global experience which created stress and put a light on how we live. To me, while it was a tremendously challenging time for many, it is now an invitation for us to step into our strength, our greatness, our best selves and walk this path together.

I am doing this work. I do it every day, some days it’s easy and other days I say do I really need to.

It goes back to this…. The choice, our lives are filled with choices daily that either move us towards our dreams or away from them. Stop avoiding yourself, stop choosing others, stop choosing the crowd and start choosing YOU.

Choose you every single day. Choose a positive mindset. Choose exercise. Choose good food and hydration. Choose Yoga (or meditation). Choose love. Choose light. Choose community. Choose the good juju.

As an Empath, HSP and person that is all EQ, Feelings have always been a big part of my life. There are times they have served me well, other times I did not know what they were and because of that, have held me back or paralyzed me in Fear or uncertainty. We all come with Feelings, and they are full spectrum from happy, sad, excited, regretful, anger, elation, love, angst and life stages or seasons can trigger any of these emotions at any time. Many want to escape, numb, ignore, erase, deny many feelings and emotions—it is easier sometimes to just ignore and move on. While it is okay to do this once in a while, it creates more problems when we don’t acknowledge them (feelings), sit with them, be with them and care for them (we even deal with emotions from every decade and stage in our lives, our bodies hold the stress, trauma be it small or big, is stored in our subconscious mind and in our bodies. Part of life is building a relationship with yourself and getting to know yourself better, how you manage your emotions and how you take care of yourself and your feelings. There are times in our lives we are so busy, we can’t even think about it and we go on auto pilot and just warrior on. This is okay at times, but is not sustainable and also can be damaging when we don’t address what we need to and allow our feelings to process and be heard, held and healed. Healing is a practice, an evolution, a season and in Living HIPP, it is part of life and is practiced in radical self awareness and care.

The feelings are the emotions and the healing is the journey in holding space for your whole self, and learning to create space for addressing either current events or things that have happened in your life.

When I think of my own life, I do see there have been many things that I have needed to heal both big and small (Trauma, Big T and Little T which are big Trauma and small Trauma’s). The thing that I have had to revisit, address and give myself so much more compassion, attention and space to heal is the death of my Father. While I thought I Grieved and knew this changed who I was as a person, what I did not realize is that it created this hole inside of me that could not be filled, I am in the process of still healing that hole. Grief is something none of us are prepared for and it is hard to understand until you experience it personally. It also requires some resiliency, and if I did not exercise resiliency, I would be in an entirely different space and that would have made things worst, so while we need to feel our feelings, understand the layers of emotions, trauma and events we had to endure, we also need to move forward, and in that process, make healing part of our journey. Writing this post is in fact, part of my healing journey and in doing so, I hope it helps someone build or strengthen their own healing journey too.

We are all healing from something. No one is exempt when it comes to hard times, things or experiences in life; resiliency is so important, as is compassion, self love and patience in this process. I realize now (what I did not then) is that our life should have time and space for healing—we may not even know that it is healing, it is more about nurturing our body/mind/soul (this is the healing in addition to the dealing with a situation or the hard things in life).

To be Real, is to Heal. To Heal, is to be Real. It amazes me that we don’t talk more about this, especially because there are so many situations that people need to heal from that are not necessarily anything they can speak about, at the very least, speak to a trained professional, therapy is a space for continuous growth and healing. I think it should be part of everyones Wholeness plan, a person to check in with on body/mind/soul and also to discuss current events, or better understand previous events, and how we can learn from them and most importantly, move on.

While my spirit is lifted and I am living life, I feel a ping of angst or worry and that is just part of how I used to live and also the fear of loss. I have spent more than half of my life without my Dad, and somehow, I just can’t believe it or understand how I actually survived and thrived (albeit with some pain and more healing to do). I try and keep him alive in my family, I talk about him often, I think about him and often times quote him, his wisdom, his humor and while the years go by, my love for him is alive and ever present—he is in me, as is my Mom. As a sensitive person, this loss can be felt physically, and there have been many times I have had a lump in my throat. There have been times I want to scream to the world or someone bitching about something so stupid, “do you realize how stupid that is and that I lost my Dad, that you are worried about something so trivial and people we love die, and other stories across the world of innocent people dying in tragic situations. Yes, I try not to live in this space, but my emotions and anxiety has been there and can go back there when triggered in some way. I was 27 when my Dad died, he had a heart attack and we had to call 911 while he was unconscious in the driveway, it was a nightmare. I grieved his loss, I cried, I screamed into a pillow, I ached, my heart ached so much, knowing I would live the rest of my life without him in it. I was sad, man was I sad, and each day I got a little braver with getting back to life, with tears in my eyes, and a pain in my heart that eventually did not ache as much, and joy came back each day in some small way. I did not go to therapy, get help or do anything, I just did not know that was an option and that was not part of my family culture. My Mom was a warrior, strong as ever and she led us forward, and I give her a lot of credit for her strength and ability to integrate back into life, and making sure we did the same. The resiliency and spirit she lifted is something I will always practice, teach and empower others with, because there is light, and it is important that we find it again, and feel it inside of us and know how to access it for ourselves and for others. Even thou we experience darkness, it is the light that helps us see our way out.

Trauma….

While I knew it was a nightmare (and the moment I was afraid of my entire life was actually happening), I did not know how Traumatic it was. To be woken up early morning, hearing a bang of the kitchen door being swung open and hitting the cabinets so loudly and a voice screaming “Call 911, it’s George”. My heart dropped to my toes, my body felt like rubber, and my mother and I were on different phones trying to call 911, an absolute nightmare, panic and emergency we were not prepared for, even thou we have been fearful of it every day.

We ran outside after the call and Dad was sitting up against the porch in the driveway, unconscious and we did not know what happened. Mom tried to lay him down for CPR but he was stuck between the car and the porch, a neighbor came over in her pajamas and she told my Mom she could not find a pulse. We could hear sirens in the distance, it felt like forever for them to get there. My sister and her husband ran from their house down the street, he pulled Dad out on the lawn to give him CPR, my brother raced down the street in his truck and screeched as he stopped in front (he saw the ambulance from the top of the street and raced home not knowing what was happening), he left tire marks on the street. I screamed “I love you Dad” and they put him on the stretcher and into the ambulance. Please God, let him be okay, and can we please get him to Boston where his Doctors are (that never happened as we lost him that day in our local hospital where I was born). My entire life, from the time I can remember, I was afraid of this moment. I knew Dad had a bad heart, and no one knew the anxiety I felt every day, afraid he would drop dead at any time, every single year of my life.

The Trauma was that day, but also I later learned the Trauma was every day, anxiety that rattled inside of me, fear, angst, anxiety and something that would become my way of life. A smile on the outside, and a combination of happy feelings, and scared feelings were a constant in my daily life. If I heard a loud noise, I was afraid it was Dad. When the phone rang, was Dad okay, we never said these things aloud, it was the internal dialogue in my head, and my nerves—I would escape it with happy thoughts, laughter, playing with friends or watching a TV show.

My story may be different from someones else and I also realize I am blessed too (and that there are other situations that others deal with that a far worst). It is not a contest, it is not a comparison, it is not anything but a life experience and in all our experiences we have love, happy moments, hard times and fear/sadness & loss. This is the the whole human experience and to me, this is Wholeness.

I am sharing all of this because we all have our untold story. We all have our Trauma be it Big T or Little T, we have experienced the best and worst of times. It is important that we not reside in the Hard Times, in the Fear, in the Anxiety that seems relentless at times (it is real, we can feel it, acknowledge it, care for it and release it).

I cannot change any of it, I would give anything to have had my Dad live longer, to not have that awful day, that unexpected loss at such a young age (there are some things in life we can’t explain, we can’t change and we just need to believe we will be okay). We did not stay in the camp of, why did this happen, this isn’t fear, and I can’t go on (even thou we all had those feelings at different times in the grieving process). Mom facilitated resiliency, she reminded us to put one foot in front of the other, and that we would live life and go on with him in our hearts. We did that, and that resiliency is something we all need, it is that balance of healing and moving forward and that is where positive belief, thinking, love and hope help us heal. Spiritual growth is important, and this tested my belief in God, and I chose to believe, and it is the feelings of love, belief, hope, connection and eternity that helped me live life and experience spiritual connection with those around me, my Angels, and the people in my life.

Today, my life is designed with time and space for recovery and healing. We all need that to some degree be it reactive or proactive—healing is something our body/mind/soul constantly needs. It can be found in self care practices, in ways that we practice love. Love comes in all sorts of ways, it comes in the feelings we have for others (and ourselves), it is in words, gestures, gifts, hugs, kindness, compassion, grace, forgiveness and boundaries.

It is important that we share this with the people we love and who are important to us. Say it, write it, show it, be it.

Healing is doing better…. You might not be able to go back to the person you want to and say more, but what you can do is be the person you want to be, lead with love and share your love with those that deserve it. Yes, not everyone gets your love, and it is not your job to make everyone like you or accept you. Let go of that and lean into you, your love, your heart, your essence and first, share it with yourself, and share it with those around you. We do recover. We do heal. We do build strength. We do find our voice. We do share our voice. We do stay true to ourselves when we let go of the things that no longer align with our energy and being.

I have so much love in my heart. It over flows at times, and if I get overwhelmed with any situation or challenge, I always get centered, and lead with my heart (and I have learned this over time and through trying too hard, when we dismiss ourselves in that process, we betray ourselves and our healing. Love is truly the most magical emotion that can heal not only yourself, but you can help to heal others (a micro heal). Share a smile, kind word, your positive energy, outlook and light, share that light with those around you. This is love. This is healing. This is hope. This is authenticity and far more powerful than anything you can purchase, build or become—it’s all about the spirit, the zest and ability to love deeply, laugh loudly and to have hope, humor and healing along the way.

When it comes to lifestyle and living better, the personal development space, thought leaders, brands and trends are all over the place. I have been observing a lot and in this era of an open market place (Social Media) it is loud, noisy and anyone can be an expert, sigh… Contradiction seems to be the “hook” in marketing, but is it really helping others in a positive and growth oriented way?

There is so much good information out there, and inherently, I believe people sharing it have good intentions, at least many do. There is however, this trend of contradicting any statements, beliefs and theories, mainly to grab attention as opposed to creating a viable solution and putting things into perspective. There are so many content areas and topics that I am seeing “Don’t do This” or “This is Wrong” which to me, only adds to the confusion and disruption in this space—I believe we can find that “happy medium”. Lets take a look at a few schools of thought….. I will be expanding this summer on all of these topics on the Podcast this Summer.

Happiness

Happiness and Positive Thinking, is it Toxic or is it Healthy?

My answer is this, it is both and we need to better define the context and also protect the importance of positivity, mindset and how we can embrace it to fuel our life and experiences.

Hard Work

Some say Work Hard, Hustle and Push Push Push, while others talk about Flow, Rest and the power in Pause.

We know hard work is important, but where do we draw the line and how do we sustain this lifestyle. My answer is that it is not black and white and that both hard work and rest are important to establish in a healthy lifestyle. Here is the key, some people need to hear work harder, and need that push, while some people (Type A) need to hear, slow down, be present, rest, restore and just be.

Balance

Some will say there is no such thing, and many women and moms in leadership roles have thrown balance into the realm of not possible which adds to the expectations that we put on ourselves and each other, since when did Balance become a bad word. Having done the work hard/play hard, raise the family, be out of balance, try and restore balance and also try and have a family centered life my thought is that “Balance” is something we must bring back, and it is a healthy strategy to building a better life and one that supports the whole human experience. Balance does not mean we are always “balanced”, building balance into our lives is helping us be aware of what is important to us, taking care of ourselves in mind/body/spirit and prioritizing our schedule and life around our value system.

Excellence

There are some experts in the Personal Growth space that teach excellence, which in theory can increase performance in life or work. The problem with this approach is that Excellence can often be misinterpreted for Perfection and when we works towards Perfection and look for the Perfect and think as a Perfectionist, we set ourselves and those around us for failure and unrealistic ways of living. Certainly there are some stages in life or seasons for Excellence, but excellence as a way of life I think can do more damage than good. I would want to replace Excellence with Empowerment—which is a positive, forward momentum that helps us build confidence, belief, trust and emotional well being and safety in all we endeavor. Would you rather have your kids be excellent or would you prefer they be and feel empowered in their life?

Progress

Progress over Perfection—this is the theme in Living HIPP, it is never about perfection and is always about progress.

Black & white, right & wrong, this linear thinking can create more problems than positive change. Life is not linear, it is a scramble, a back and forth, a dance, a winding road, a step forward and a step back, as such, our spirit and approach to life should have that same flexibility and buoyancy. Ideally we expand, and in this expansion we grow, we open up and we create more space for better living. Likewise, we contract, inevitably we will contract based on our own doing or the circumstances out of our control. This is all part of the process, this is how we learn, this is how we grow. When we expect Perfection we are often disappointed and feel like a failure or not good enough because we did not achieve something or things did not turn out the way we planned or wished or expected. Life is always teaching us, and we learn that other things are mean’t for us and some things are just not meant for us.

So perhaps if we break down each topic, we don’t necessarily need to contradict and perhaps we better understand the context of each topic and how it depends on the person, on the circumstance, the season they are in and the personality type or environment they are in. Each topic here will be addressed this summer on the Podcast, Living HIPP—so that we can curate a plan that best supports us in the season we are in. None of this is “one size fits all”, our life plan, strategy, daily schedule and practices are on going and are created (and should be curated) based on our own personal needs and desires, that is what is most important. In addition to that, to have it impact the world around us and each other in a positive way is the key. We are better together!