Recovery, it is not what you think it is, and why I consider it Discovery and applicable to many.

Hell No, I don’t want to attend a meeting or be part of a Recovery community, I’m not that bad, and I am not that bad, that is for someone that has hit a big rock bottom. I don’t want to be one of those people, I want to be fun, fit in, and if I don’t drink, I won’t be that fun person. Many of us can relate to this truth we don’t say, but many of us think (or live by or believe). At least, I have had those thoughts, and I have seen so many people say, do and live the same way, unknowingly living a lie around the truth about alcohol or addictive behaviors.

I am talking about this because it is truth, and a topic and area that is misunderstood, similar but different from my career in Direct Sales. I am not a person that “got sober” or has been sober for the last decade, but for the last decade I have looked at my relationship with alcohol, and have drastically changed my relationship with it, which was a process and not over night. I have been part of recovery communities for the past decade, some I like, others I don’t and I have learned to take what I like and need and leave the rest (much like we need to do in many situations in life). Recovery and the process (lets discuss alcohol) is a spectrum, it is not this or that, it is a process, a journey and requires self awareness, education, habit changes, acceptance, and also, having discernment, exposing yourself to things that lift you, and don’t bring you down (this has been my experience, and how I came to create my own tracks to run on. Today, I don’t drink, and have no interest in going back, but I did this in my own way, on my own terms, and also did not do it alone, I learned from others, I took what I liked, and I left out what I did not like and created my own Recovery which is Discovery, Living HIPP. This is a process, it is personal and it is not black and white for everyone so I want to shine a light on the grey (and how I influenced my process with personal development, vision, creation and healing). I know many of you drank much more than you wanted to during Covid, and while perhaps some of it was fun, comforting, etc… too much of it is far from fun, far from comforting, and you are in your head, thinking WTF is wrong with me (many have that conversation in their head on a Sunday morning, and while we say we will change, we go back to the cycle which gets exhausting). There is nothing wrong with you, it is just our society and we don’t talk about Alcohol for what it really is, it is toxic (yes it is fun, yes it can be medicinal, yes it can be social), but it also damages us, slowly, temporarily (until we over do it again) and it just is a cycle of frustration & exhaustion for some. So, if this is you, don’t be afraid to reach out, you don’t have to quit, you don’t have to have shame, you don’t have to do anything, but be brave enough to explore it, ask for help and perhaps learn more. I am convinced if we have this conversation more, than more people would look at this like we look at food, and all the things we over do in our lives. Now there are some that could take it or leave it, I am not talking about you, I am also not talking about the person that is already in recovery, I am talking about the person who is in their head “I should cut back, I should take a break, or waking up feeling like shit”, know you are not alone. I tried to avoid this area and the recovery circles because some of it, I just don’t like. However, what I have learned and what I do like is the wisdom of people, the humility, honesty and example, it is compelling and it is social proof, you can and will get there some day, if you decide that is what you want and desire.

I think food & alcohol are the biggest “things” for people in their way to cope, over do it (we all have our thing), but also for some it is work, spending, but I don’t see those as damaging to how you feel in body/mind/spirit (however, for some it is, it is really about the individual and their own experience).

We don’t want to be labeled, I sure don’t and my response to it is you don’t have to. I always felt something was missing and what I learned is that it is a process, and progress over perfection is the spirit that works best for me and for many. We avoid all this because we don’t want to be here, and for some, it is a big rock bottom and they end up here as a result. It does not have to be, and that was not my experience at all, but if I did not create change, made progress, asked for help, I would have been led down a path where things got worst, and that is what happens.

The irony, at one point in my life the thought or idea of no longer drinking or being able to imbibe was depressing, I did not want to make this change and I also did not want to join any anonymous groups or label myself. So I didn’t…. I will share more on my own journey another time, but this post is about doing the unpopular thing and how our opinions and stereotypes can get in the way of truth and/or of creating what we actually want. Much like Direct Sales (see post #1 No Shame in This Game) as I write about my reluctant start with Direct Sales, and how the industry proved to be a positive thing in my life. I battled with the stereotype and stigma, and learned to let go of that, and see the opportunity and truth and to run with it. I believe in anything we do, we need to find our own voice and our authenticity. Likewise, we need to take what we want or like and discard the rest. In my DS business, I learned a lot about mindset, it has changed my life and many others in such a positive way. I believe the Recovery community could use more of it, and while some groups are black/white and right/wrong, many look at vision, and steps to make improvements in your life. Both areas share that quality, but it can be uncomfortable because it is an art, and it takes a quiet confidence to be willing to step into a system or school of thought, which might be outside of what you are accustomed to. It is becoming more accepted and truth be told, we are all recovering from something (it will always be that way), as that is life and that is growth. Some more than others, but having a positive alignment and process is what I have chosen on both paths, these paths chose me, I certainly would not have chosen these paths.

I also created my own path of Recovery, and with Living HIPP, it is the process of discovery and recovery and is a continuous lifestyle and way of being. For me, I am 100% AF, and God willing I have no desire to go back. It took me time to shift, and I want to say that is okay, and rather than respond and/or recover, why aren’t we talking about discovery, and lets give people the opportunity to cut down, cut back, take a break and for many to realize they are better off without and then to truly become FREE of the grip alcohol has on many of us (I’m talking about many drinkers, the many many people I know that can’t live without it). Do they all need to quit? I don’t know, and what I do know is many don’t want to “get sober”, I surely did not, but what I did want was to feel my best, to be free from the cycle of off/on and the reality of how addictive alcohol really is, I was bamboozled big time, and that is what I want to share. Also, I want to open up Discovery (Living HIPP) to everyone, even reducing is better than pretending, and I think in order to normalize this, we need to be more honest with the process, and that it is a personal journey for everyone, and people can create their own patchwork (as the Founder of She Recovers shares so compassionately).

In these two blog posts, I am speaking up about two areas that were hard for me to integrate into. I had my own bias, I had my own stigma and I really did not want to do either, until I figured out a way of doing it in an positive, curated and authentic way. This all comes down to a bigger topic beyond the industry or beyond recovery, it is about how we have the power to lift each other up, support one another, try something out, and ease in, without labels, without putting others down, without shaming or blaming. There is so much shame attached to this, and I want to lead others (and everyone) from shame to shine. Let’s shine a light on this and lets help each other shine.

The stereotype and the truth of Direct Sales, being a Mom Boss and advocating for Women, Teamwork & Integrity

How in the world did I get here? The remarkable similarities of Direct Sales Industry and the world of Recovery, thou different in many ways, they both are misunderstood and share some things in common like stigma, resistance, a spectrum (varying levels of beliefs, behaviors, personalities, demographics and practices). The one thing they have in common is this…. Most of us are not looking to be part of either community, it is not attractive and in fact, there is a stigma attached to both. We do not grow up with dreams to become a Direct Sales person and I can assure you for those in Recovery, we don’t grow up saying, I want to have a problem with alcohol or “name thing”, I want to join a group, ask for help or miss out on social things. In Post #1, I will talk about my resistance and reality in a 20 year career in Direct Sales, while it is not for everyone, I am here to advocate for it, because I have experienced both positive and negative, and it is time to ask women to RISE and speak up for each other, especially in areas that are misunderstood, associate with stigma and realize the power is in our uplift, rather than our tear down. I will get to Recovery in Post #2, but for now, lets talk about the misunderstood and controversial Direct Sales Industry.

"Hell No, I don’t want to hawk products in someone’s living room, I worked my butt off to get to the board room, this girl is moving on up!"

This was not part of my vision, and quite frankly, I can remember the feeling in my stomach when anyone approached me about hosting or buying from this sort of business. I too, had a stereotype and stigma associated with it, up until I started a business in Direct Sales 2 decades ago (I still cringe when I see people doing it in a way that is not authentic, transparent and in line with how it can and should be done. I personally, did not want to be “that person” (stocker in the grocery store always bugging people about my products or business). Rising through the social ranks of “your not good enough” (my own battle of wanting more in my life, but seeing social barriers and differences), I had worked so very hard for a decade trying to prove my worth, from being a first generation college grad, getting my Master’s Degree in Training & Development and building a career in HR and Leadership Development, always performing at the top, and producing results for my companies. Motherhood changed all that, and when child #2 came, so did the end of my corporate career, I became a full time stay at home Mom, and lost myself that year. While I wanted to be home with my kids (and wanted them at home, I did not love being the full time care taker, and I missed having purpose and passion that I once had in my career. I also missed making an income, I have been financially independent my whole life, I like to earn income, to invest, create, transform and grow (financially and personally), this all came to a screeching halt (in the name of motherhood, something so precious to me, and my desire to integrate and be present with my family throughout the day. I was in search of a part time career (and income) that was flexible, that paid well and I could do on my own terms (that did not exist and I did not have the bandwidth mentally & physically to create it, as I was overwhelmed with young children. Ultimately I wanted to be a Leadership & Team consultant, and help companies build positive community, teamwork, happy employees and performance/results (that was my wheelhouse in the corporate world, and I believe in the power of people, mindset, teamwork, positive leadership and higher performance. I can assure you, this feisty blonde, that worked hard to expand her border beyond her working class roots did not dream about doing business in someones living room selling lipstick, that was not part of the plan! Ding Dong! No, it’s not Avon, but it’s an invitation to an Arbonne party at my neighbors house…. I did not know my neighbor, but the words on her homemade flyer that landed at my mailbox jumped out at me “I want to be home with my kids, have a flexible schedule and am launching my Arbonne business”. Who the hell is Arbonne, and this is what I want too (yet, take out the sales, selling make up, and preconceived notion I had about women that did this, I was way too professional for that, and secretly in my head, I was “above that”. Long story short, I ended up reluctantly joining, with a ton of skepticism, and fortunately, an open mind, it was my open mind and positive spirit that led the way and lead to my success, I went from embarrassed about the industry to an advocate for it! I experienced so much good and I saw the benefits, and how it can be a positive experience for women be it financially, professionally, personally and what I observed most was women and moms having a sense of purpose, a positive community they were part of, and the power in dreams and goals, teamwork, leadership, and the difference between a caring spirit and putting people first. This became so much more than making money, it became a platform for building a better life, that is, with the right company and people around you.

Recently, a person wrote about the DS industry and referred to it as only a pyramid scheme, predatory, and in sharing her story she shamed the entire industry and every woman in it (or at least attempted to do that). However, if you know the industry and have had a positive experience (even with some negative situations or challenges), you see through the bashing and realize the bigger picture, the power women have in our words, and our ability to either lift each other up or tear each other down. Her tone and spirit was a tear down (melt down), and to me demonstrated the larger issue at hand…. Our beliefs, attitude, words and thoughts have the ability to either tear down or build up people, brands, companies, teams and communities and each other. I am not here to talk about her or her war on Network Marketing/MLM or Direct Sales—I am here to share the truth, the truth that exists in every industry, company, brand and community. Our attitude, thoughts and behaviors are powerful, so much that we have the power to either take each other (or reputations) down or build them up, it is that simple. It is time for women to build, build each other up, and remove the labels, the wide net and the sabotage that exists because of some bad or examples or behaviors which are found in every circle be it corporate, community, industry or profession. This industry in particular, is more complicated and also it is done badly by some, therefore, it is misunderstood, and rather than label the entire industry, perhaps we shine light on the positive and support the women that are making their lives better because of it (and doing it with integrity, authenticity, and similar to other entrepreneurs that have their own business.

I have connected some dots, something I could not put my finger on, but a feeling and knowing that needs to be said, needs to be shared and in the name of creating more kindness, optimism & positive support in all our communities, especially for women and moms, because the last thing we need to do is tear down each other, our industries, choices, lifestyle and journey. There is no shame in this game, and growth & recovery do not happen by a tear down, because in some ways, it is more of a meltdown, and that is when we need to look at what our intention is, and how is this impacting the livelihood of women, moms and those brave ones that become entrepreneurs—because this is not just an industry, it bleeds into the system and structure of business and where do we draw the line? Lets support each other more, and perhaps take on the bigger topics in the world that need our attention and advocacy like gun violence, safety in schools, inclusion/kindness, and words (yes, the simplicity of words, we use them for something or someone or against). Let's use a collective voice in the name of positive support and change and the power of being a builder rather than a basher (unless of course it truly warrants our criticism and voice).

I have been part of two communities and not by choice, the first one has been my career, which was a 20+ year career in the Direct Sales Industry. I reluctantly started a business in Direct Sales not because I wanted to sell make up, because I wanted to make up for the missing things in my life after becoming a Mom (purpose, passion, recognition, professional work, income, leadership, mentorship to name a few). I had my skepticism about this industry and I did not want to be that person, so I ambivalently started my business, with a combination of hope combined with fear and skepticism (are these people trying to screw me). No, everything I had thought about the industry (and the reputation historically) was not my experience—I saw a platform that embraced personal growth, leadership, teamwork, service, kindness and becoming better. I have to say, this industry blew me away, it is the best leadership and personal development training I have been exposed to, with a background in Leadership Development, this says a lot. There are parts that are uncomfortable, and there are companies, brands and people that do it in a way that is aggressive or questionable, and that is not representative of the entire industry and the positive experience that many women have.

The industry has become more accepted, and it is not uncommon to see a woman or mom align with a company or two as a brand advocate, some looking to build an organization but most just looking to make a side income for recommending products they use and love. There is a learning curve, and being able to follow a system for success (in the company) and be authentic in your personality/voice, is an art, an art we teach as leaders.

I could quote my Mentor Rita on so many things, in fact, I quote her constantly, she has been a speaker and expert in personal development for decades, she is the greatest speaker I have ever seen, and how blessed am I to have been mentored by her. I will never forget telling her that I wanted to be like her some day…. She asked me why…. I said, because I want to make people feel the way you make me feel (and the way you make people feel, you make us feel like we are special). It’s true, I said that to her in a Starbucks in Madrid, we ran into each other and had coffee, we were on the same trip together, but I did not know her on that one to one level that I do now.

I spoke in Austin, and she came to the green room to see me and cheer me on. “I’m here to watch you baby girl, I left my hotel suite so I could be here to see you” she said in her southern accent, as in, “I care about you and I want you to win, you are not alone on that stage baby girl, Momma Rita is right behind the stage”. I asked her, what do I do, how do I do the best job possible? She answered: “speak from your heart, be yourself, there is no one who can be it and say it like you”. BAM! I took her advice and got on stage and did just that, but also, I took this advice with me in every situation, because it is the most important advice that we all need to hear. Not only do I go back to it, but I teach it. Whether you are speaking on stage, at an interview, in a conversation, working, playing, what ever you are doing, do it from your heart and be you! That is the magic. It is always the magic. It is the best advice for all of us.

Another lesson that I have been thinking about this week that Rita would teach from stage, “What good are Low Hopes”. She would make us laugh and also remind us not to play small, not to worry about what others think, or think we are thinking too big etc…. I loved this. I have felt this way my entire life. Hope has been in my heart and what good is it too not have hope. High Hope (even the song) has promise, rhythm and a vibe or creating more. As does the song “Higher and Higher”, as we have heard Oprah use on the OWN Network, it is a feel good vibe about lifting ourselves and each other, higher and higher. These positive words and affirmations and songs just feel good.

Lift our Spirits, we are not mean’t to look down, we are mean’t to look up.

Happiness is a choice, we are not always happy, that is just not normal, but we can choose happy.

Compare yourself to no one except who you were yesterday.

Be Kind to Everyone, you never know what anyone is going through.

Joy over jealousy, it is so much better to feel joy for yourself and others, no one is a threat but you.

Ask yourself “how you can be of service to others”. You are made for more!

Let your light shine, even on your dark spots.

Believe in the best in yourself and others, your spirit creates the vibe.

What you think about you bring about, think good thoughts about yourself and others.

The power of our thoughts is huge and it is the one thing that I work on daily. Negative thoughts are part of how our brain works as humans, it’s okay, and yes, we have bad days or moments. However, we don’t want to reside there, and live from that space of scarcity thinking.

Last week, I experienced an interaction with another woman/female entrepreneur & coach. Man, did she “put me in my place” when I spoke up about the book she just published which is a tear down of the industry of Direct Sale/Network Marketing which is an industry I have been a part of for 21 years. I tend to speak up, especially when I believe anyone or anything is being unrepresented in a fair way. This is both a strength and a weakness, I rocked her boat, even thou I was diplomatic in my feedback, I also wanted to share that there are positive things about the industry, and while her experience was negative (and there is a negative side) I have experienced both positives and negatives and wanted to share the positive, which is not "toxic positive”, it is just TRUTH.. I was shot down for sharing my truth!

I do not know this person, although she is in the recovery community and formerly in Network Marketing Industry—so we have some similar circles. I share this because, in all fairness, I don’t know her enough to know the context and to perhaps see where we might agree on a few things (in fairness to her), however, reading (listening) to her book did not convince me of anything but the scorn she has for a top leader in the NM industry, her cattiness and mean spirit that quite frankly roared even louder than the shitty behavior she experienced at her company. This conflict and gossipy/mean girl behavior is the problem that needs to be addressed in American Culture—can women stop shitting on each other? By all accounts, she (Author) is smart, a loving and devoted Mom, and is a natural influencer, and motivated woman. A FB friend & leader in the Recovery Community (and someone I respect) recommended her book which basically slams the Network Marketing (MLM, Direct Sales) Industry—calling it predatory, a pyramid scheme, and so many negative things (which we all know, none of us want to be part of any cheesy schemes or cringe business). The industry gets a really bad rap, and some is understandable because some companies, brands, and leaders give it a bad name and practice and build in a way that is not ethical or okay. However, there are many companies, brands and people in the industry that do good work, lead with integrity and many that benefit from the industry. I politely commented on the post acknowledging yes, some of that does happen in the industry, but not all companies and not all professionals—I went on to share the positive experience I have had in my 21 years in the industry. Not only have I had a positive experience, but I have either helped or observe many benefit as well, some financially, some professionally, some personally, and mostly, seeing women feel empowered, be part of a positive community and thrive in their relationships which go further than business, we have many life long friends. The feedback was not well received, the person that posted was respectful and acknowledged my POV, however, the Author of the book commented and her response to me (she does not know me) was rude and condescending (she took it down hours later). Oh hello Author, I’m Pam Guyer, this Mean Girl BS behavior does not fly with me, I welcome a word in private hun, so we can talk about this toxic behavior, that you are promoting in your book (anyone just has to download to audible and hear your tone, the bitchy vibe and see that you are doing the same thing, shaming other women as you mock and belittle other women in your narrative of people in the industry. Clearly you and Kimberly (top leader in your company) have had a tenuous relationship it appears she was jealous of you and you were jealous of her (from what I can see). Rather than see this conflict and also the parts of her and this you do not like or subscribe to (which is fair and fine), you decided to take down the entire industry and everyone in it (or at least attempt to, but my thought is that you only showed your cat claw rather than growth. Have you thought of taking a break from the scene, perhaps recover some true personal growth and to lead with grace and be better than that (sure, call out the industry on some bullshit you see or have experienced, but to use such a big microphone and blame the industry for your drinking, and all your wrongs, hun, it just does not make it right! You have been on the crazy bus for for years (meaning a busy life with triumphs and trauma). 5 Babies alone is enough already, most women find it hard to cope as a Mom and you are so right, it is isolating and people want an escape (my DS business became my great escape and was actually good for me as a Mom, and yes, it did not make my life easier, added work is hard, lets be real). You then went on to launch a business, you say u didn’t mean for it to grow, but it just happened, yes you did, like me, you probably did not want to do the business because u were embarrassed and did not want to be one of those people, but you saw these women making money and you said “why not me”. In your “all or none” (assumption) way, you dove in head first, your life became all about your biz and you lost yourself (is that you, is that the industry or is a bit of both)? You were way busier than you planned to be, you lost balance in work & life, but the carrot in front of you and your personality was all about winning, being praised and you got caught in that cycle. You drank your ass off (coping with a crazy and unrealistic schedule) and you lost yourself (it sucks to try and pretend to be someone you are not, no wonder u felt like shit). A DUI on the night of your car presentation must have been more traumatic than u can explain, and the pictures of you sitting on the laps of executives, smoking cigarettes and drunk (that really sucks) and it is embarrassing and it must have really sucked that someone would post pics of you like that (it is total BS and I am sorry you did this and that this happened to you). I would be mad too if someone did this to me, trust me, I am mad too about some things that happened in my business from other women, and it is worst than what you shared. But, it’s not the industry, it’s not the companies I was with, it was what happens with women (and some really shitty things happened to me which were unfair and BS). I don’t blame the industry and brands, it is a deeper issue of women, as beautiful as we are, we can be ugly, and man, did I see the ugly in others.

The drunk escapades captured on SM is another trauma, and good on you for eventually getting sober, I am in awe of that win, you took on another really big thing and that is bad ass and thank God, because we all know the demise you avoided (you had your bottom and you stood up), truly a miracle, I mean that in all sincerity. The cancer diagnosis and it coming back, again, another trauma: 5 babies, mom of 5, built successful business, rock bottom DUI, hospital stay from drinking, cancer diagnosis, surgery, sober, sober recovery, coaching program, book, new business (sober coach), another book….. I am tired writing this. I am exhausted because even thou it is not a hashtag life anymore, doing all this, having all the projects and deliverables and packaging all the shit you did (lost yourself in your success, didn’t feel aligned with the company and people you were with, felt shitty, did shitty things and then packaged it all into MLM, that cheesy industry and that leader Kimberly, it is all their fault and we are going to take them down for all the shit they did (and I did). Otherwise I am now a recovered good person and I continue to perform and produce but with information that distrupts an industry, I am the new disrupter and I am going to make a name for myself and tear her and them DOWN! You must be exhausted and that one last opportunity to knock down the Queen (Kimberly), did that feel good, are you satisfied or do you need more, is the white supremacy your way to get on TV and more PR? Really? When does it fucking stop? Like Rachel Hollis, when are you going to stop, learn, breathe and live (off social media, off of making money from people (yes, you still do that) nothing wrong with it, but come on now, where do we draw the line? Hate and jealousy are loud in your book (no, not just the mlm people, YOU)! Perhaps a little less…. Less words….. Less promoting (I want to be authentic, scathing tone about filtered pics yet your videos on your page are mom shaming and all filtered. Nothing wrong with that but c’mon, you are doing what you are putting down others for doing, what is up with that? You still have the hashtags, but it’s convenient to put down the industry because some of it is gross and cheesy, we all know that, but you had to make every point to instill fear, shame, and attack the credibility & authenticity of those in the industry that do great work and who are great leaders and representatives for the industry, for the “Boss Babe” for the “Mom Boss” and the woman that wants to be part of something outside of her home and perhaps her community of people that nag and complain on day long.

You brought such shame and blame to the Boss Babe, Mom Boss or anyone that chooses to call herself what she wants to (who gives a shit what we call ourselves)!!!!!

While the Author experienced success (which is not easy), she eventually realized this was not for her, she had some negative experiences and left the industry (nothing wrong with that, it is not for everyone and there are parts of it that can feel inauthentic, if you don’t use your personal voice, share your view and do things your way (as long as it is compliant and true). I too, have had awful experiences, but I don’t blame the industry, it is just what can happen in any industry with women working together. I have also had such incredible experiences and a mentor that taught me so much about mindset, heart & humor in leadership & life. It is the best lessons I have learned on leadership, teamwork, empowerment, and women edifying each other and the power in that (not condescending comments about love bombing which ruins the whole point of actually love and integrity that exists for many leaders in and outside of this industry.

The book is not a fair and accurate account of the industry as a whole and the thousands of women that enjoy it, it focuses in on the negative, which does not apply to every person, company and brand. While I don’t argue some of her points (I agree, some companies, people and practices are YUCK), but also they do not represent the entire industry, and her strong words talked about “all companies”, which is not true, and not a fact (even the failure rates, which there are a lot of people that don’t stick with it, it is hard, it can be uncomfortable and it is not get rich quick. Many people join a company to get the consultant discount, they are part of the “failure rate” but they are not even building, they never wanted to, they just want the discount, again, there is more to the story. Also, she had a bad experience, and it no longer aligned with her and her values, that is okay, but to try and take down an entire industry is irresponsible and in doing so, she is black balling millions of women and mom entrepreneurs, that enjoy their business, make enough to pay for soccer cleats or dance lessons, or maybe they are not making money but feel confidence and growth in their community. It is not black and white, it is not all or none, it is okay to uncover some things that can happen in a company or industry, but it is not okay to tear down an entire industry (for profit no less), because you want to be the next Author & Speaker to emerge. The connection between the recovery community and NM industry is interesting, I would want to explore that topic more, because I see both positive and negatives in both communities, and ironically, I feel the recovery community could benefit from some of the personal development and great training I have had in the DS Industry which has helped me in my own journey. I find it interesting that a female leader in the recovery community would shame women and the industry they are in, there was absolutely no grace, slack or fair assessment given, her black and white thinking came through powerfully, so if I were not familiar with the industry, I would think they are all scammers and all people involved are dumb (brainwashed) or unethical, which for most that is not the case. The white supremacy (tagline in the book) to me is unfounded and a reach, I think that sells more books, and is just not relevant to this industry, I am all for social justice and I am more concerned with what was happening in marches on the streets and not “white girls” selling lipstick or a dream. I am interested to learn more, but I have to say that in my experience in the DS community & recovery, they both have so many benefits and yes, some flaws (and both are totally misunderstood so to me, they are similar in a strange way but very different). To blame an industry on your drinking is absurd, perhaps the stress can contribute (I understand that personally), but it is not because of the industry, it is our coping skills, the social dynamic of drinking and how we as Moms or women use maladaptive ways to cope with hard situations. I left a successful business (a huge income that was residual) to join a newer brand that I was recruited into as a seasoned leader, I have every right to scream from the roof tops my frustration and disappointment in both the companies and the industry (shitty things happened to me too, far worst than what happened to the Author). However, it is not just an industry thing, it is not the company it was things managed poorly, which can happen in any industry. Making this about an industry that employs (contractors) many women and causing that damage is not productive, because at the end of the day, this exists in all industries, and the far bigger issue is leadership, women and how they treat one another and how we allow this bull shit to happen.

Enough about her linear experience (which does call out some things that need to change in the industry), I want to share my voice, what I have experienced and while I have had both success and failure in this industry, I own it, I have had some really difficult challenges this past decade, it would be easiest to blast the company and industry, but that is not fair or true, it is a specific leadership/mangement issue and I also own my part in it too. No shaming, no blaming, just me handling my personal situation in private because it is not an enterprise wide issue. What ever happened to hate leads to more hate, her book is a hate letter to her former company, to it’s top leader and to every person involved in the industry. This is total bullshit, some things shared are truths or the worst case scenario, but there is also so much good, so many leaders that have integrity and are heart centered, and so many truths that she did not tell because she could not, she was on a mission to burn down the industry, tear down it’s top leader and even made sure she got the last word in (true, the end of the book she even says “to Kimberly if your listening", that was the biggest passive aggressive bitch slap). It is actually embarrassing if you listen to the audio of the book, and how juvenile it is, and the bitchy tone and girl drama that she demonstrates in her “rhetoric” on this industry and it’s people. We can do better than this and I believe she can do better than this.

Truth be told, we can rip apart this industry because it does have some questionable things, and it is about an uncomfortable topic, selling and selling to friends (I had my challenge with that, and we can all admit we don’t want to be that person and we don’t want to be sold to, used and we don’t like fake and insincere people. Duh Hun, those people exist everywhere, and in the DS industry you can smell them a mile away, in fact, sometimes we think that about everyone in the industry, until they prove otherwise (been there and done that).

Calling the industry and those involved predatory, is not fair and is quite honesty not accurate (yes, I am sure there are companies and professionals that are, and that is not okay, let's call them out. So when she made these comments, she was insulting some people that I love, from Mentors, to Leaders, to Teammates and Sideline Friends and the amazing people and leaders they are. The reader heard what they always assumed, I heard insults directed at people I know that are not doing this or that are not like this (she cast that net too wide).

First of all, Rita Davenport has been my Mentor since my first year in business. She was the backbone of my previous company, and Rita was a motivational speaker, that used humor and heart to get her message across. I learned so much from Rita, I continue to quote her and use her lessons in my own business and life. She is a Master at building belief and confidence in others, creating a positive culture and community and elevating how women work together, expecting better from us. You (Author) could benefit from her lessons, they are universal and help people more personally than professionally. It applies to personal growth be it Recovery, Reinvention or just becoming a better version of you. She leads with her heart and leads with love, we used to call her our very own Oprah. She inspired me beyond the industry, because of her I want to encourage audiences and women as she has done with thousands but outside of the industry and in this ever changing work from home world. There are hundreds of examples I could give, and hundreds of leaders I know in this industry from both of my companies that I respect, admire and am proud to call either colleague or friend. They are mothers, doctors, lawyers, scientist, teachers, nurses, stay at home moms, and they work in retail, finance, construction and all industries—they all have their own story and own reason for being part of the industry and they have either touching, inspiring or impressive stories—and some have regular stories and they join for one reason, and stay for another. Some quit, in fact, many do, it is not easy to build a business and it is hard hearing no, working out of your comfort zone, asking for favors or the sale, and in that it can become inauthentic, and that is where strong and positive leadership helps coach and guide them and also for them to establish their own voice, message and connection to what and why they are doing this. There is always an up and down feeling in a business like this, sometimes you are on fire and up, other times you are feeling down or down, you heard no too many times, you started acting too much like someone else in the business and you did not stay true to yourself. With the right company and leadership, you learn to find your voice, grow as a leader, be authentic about what you love and to meet people where they are at. Some just want to work a little, while others want to crush it, we meet people where they are at.

I would rather have seen a more accurate and fair book written, it only included hate, negativity and did not address those that enjoy the companies, industries and communities they are in, there are thousands of stories, and I am one of them.

I’m So Glad that Did not Work Out!

I am currently in a season that I have to believe this, that I have to have faith that all is happening as it should.  I am blessed and life is good, but we all will experience adversity in life or business or both, and I am leaning into my knowing and also remembering how true this is.  There have been turning points in my life, where I thought “why is this happening to me” or I thought that things did not work out as I thought they should.  In almost every situation, what I learned was that everything worked out exactly as it was suppose to, and each adversity became an opportunity, a lesson, and ultimately, a gift.  

Going through the timeline of my life, here are the a few things that did not work out for me or go as expected:   

You are not College material! 

Advised not to go to college by my HS Guidance Councilor.  

I will begin with my teen years, and that time I heard the words “You should consider something administrative in the workforce, not college”.  These are the words from my HS Guidance Councilor—I wanted her to tell me she saw I was smart but just did not apply myself, I expected her to see the light inside of me.   Much to my dismay, I took her advice, and begrudgingly started a job at AAA—this experience led me to follow my heart and decide that this was not the place for me.    I tried to like it, but I did not, I knew there was more for me, and thankfully my friend’s Dad believed in me too, and helped me interview and apply to college.  

I learned many things from this, mainly as an adult, to realize that what people say, judge or label you as, while they might have some credentials, your knowing, your voice, your truth is stronger.  This girl (you know, the one who’s college councilor told her she was not college material), she went on to graduate Sigma Cum Laude w/a 3.8 GPA and went on to earn her Master’s Degree.  

Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride!  

That Relationship that did not work out.  

In my early 20’s, I was working hard at both my career and a relationship which was important to me.   I took pride in being loyal, being committed and my dream was to get married and have a family some day.  I was in a long term relationship with a great guy, and in my mind he was the one, but my gut said differently as things would happen, and I had to see the writing on the wall.    We got engaged and that was the big step and the beginning of everything.  However, there were issues of trust, things that happened, and while my head and heart wanted this to work out, and tried so hard, my gut in the end, held the truth that this was not for me.  It was hard and scary to walk away, it took me a few times, and it just mean’t that we were not meant to be together.   I will never forget the hurt, sadness and feeling broken when things fell apart, would I ever meet anyone, I was too picky and I don’t even like to date.  

While this was a difficult time in my life, and at the same time I lost my Dad, what I did not know is that something better was coming along.  I had no idea that there was another man for me, and this man would come along in the next year, and relationship drama would not be a thing, just two people falling in love, desiring the same things and fully committed to each other and our future.   That relationship thank God did not work out, and this led to the story of my life and my family, meeting my husband, and we would have 3 babies, when I thought I was losing, I had no idea I would later win the lottery in this area.    I had no idea my life was mean’t to go a different direction and when Charlie and I met, my story took quite a turn: first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Kaili in the baby carriage!  My guyer babies and our Guyer 5 Crew is MY EVERYTHING!

The Money Pit House Offer

As an engaged couple, we were excited about purchasing our first house—I worked two jobs to save a down payment for a home, this really set us up well to begin our life as homeowners and live our dreams.  We were torn on where to live, I was from the South Shore (of Boston), so my pick for the town to live in was Cohasset, the gorgeous coastal town we celebrated holidays at my Uncle’s house.   My husband is from the North Shore (North of Boston), and in this area, you are loyal to only one—he could only see his life on the North Shore, but was willing to move south for me.  

We made an offer on this big money pit, a house nearby the Ocean that was a money pit, it needed work but it was a great opportunity for the right buyer.  At the time, I felt like we could pull it off, and renovate over time.   We made the offer and thought we had it—and the next day we found out it fell through (another offer was accepted).  This was upsetting, a gut punch, it was a tough one to get over, we knew the location was amazing, and that one hurt.  Looking back, it was mean’t to be.   We were not mean’t to live on the SS, we ended up buying a new home on the North Shore, because my mother in law would be able to help care for our kids when we had them (that was a huge incentive to move North).  Now, almost 25 years later, I can say we have created an amazing life on the North Shore, and two decades of that was spent in our community of Hamilton/Wenham, where we raised the kids.   I have fallen in love with this area, and most importantly it has been the people (all the friends over the years, we have been so blessed).  I would not change any of this for the world.  So while that house offer felt like a huge loss, it was a gift, because we landed exactly where we were mean’t to be.  

The Basket Business or RE

I was looking for a way to make an income from home with flexibility, while the vision was to be a Training Consultant working part time, the thought of that and 3 babies under toe was too overwhelming, I did not have the bandwidth.   I love giving gifts, so I thought and looked into curating gift baskets (and simultaneously was interested in Real Estate).  

The basket business never got off the ground, but it did open my mind to a business from home, and so I considered Direct Sales.   This was so out of my comfort zone, and truth be told, I was overqualified to be the Avon lady, I just got my Master’s and I worked so hard professionally to advance my career, doing business in a living room or kitchen table was not appealing to me.   Neither was asking for friends and family to buy product and also the reputation of some pushy people in that field, I did not want to be her, the lady you avoid in the store.   What I did want was this:

Flexible hours, to work from home, work around my family, positive people and to make a professional income.  

It was my desire that got me to look at this industry, and it was plugging into the system and getting over myself and my obstacles to learn how to grow a business, learn how to build and develop a team.   The rest is history as this one decision (looking at a different business at home and stumbling into Direct Sales) changed our family financially and changed me personally.   For 2 decades I have been able to work from home and build my business around my family and teach others to do the same.  I am an advocate for this industry and in choosing the right company.  

Selling the Dream House

That was a tough one, but looking back it was the right decision and it allowed us to diversify and eventually build our home near the beach.   We did not have to sell, and were not sure we wanted to, all I know is our tax bill was high, and I knew we had more projects to do and had this feeling we should consider this.   While it was hard to move out of the home where I raised my kids and loved so much, I felt grateful to have another place to call home.   This one decision led to a decision we did not anticipate, it enabled Charlie to start his own business (which was by default) and had we not made this move he would have not created Guyer Group, which has been instrumental to our family.

This goes right up there with, sometimes you have to give up something really good to make space for something really great.  

The list of things not working out goes on, but for now, you get the point.   This is where we grow spiritually, this is where the magic happens, this is where we trust the process and know that everything is happening for us.   I had to remind myself of this, and that everything is as it should be.   So when things don’t work out the way you had hoped, remember this, rejection is God’s protection.   Things are working out as they are suppose to and trust that you are guided and that you align with what is mean’t for you and not what is not mean’t for you.  

My newsfeed these past few days have been flooded with the sad news about Heather Armstrong, Dooce, the OG Mom Blogger.   I began blogging in 2010, I have not followed Dooce but give credit to her and the many others that paved the way for sharing their voices on motherhood, and life, which includes both the beauty and the challenges.  Heather spoke honestly about her challenges and how Mental Health is a part of all of us to varying degrees.  If you don’t know her, she is one of the top Mom Bloggers, is a truth teller and has been open about her challenge with alcohol and mental health with humility and humor.   Everyone’s posts are heartfelt, and the OG blogging community is shocked and saddened, she had an influence on their careers and her many followers.   Apparently the past decade has been difficult, she has gone to the keyboard perhaps before taking a pause and deep breath, and in these rants she created questions from others, and some cruel feedback (according to posts of others this week).  

Everyone shared that she was the best, she was smart, talented, humorous, edgy, and honest.  Some admired her success and sass, others put it and her down (over the years), anything to take someone down a few notches.    Heather took her own life this week, tragically there is more to her story than any of us might know.  

In posts, a common theme from other well meaning moms or influencers was that in addition to all her amazing qualities and incredible success was that she was flawed.  

“She wasn’t perfect”, “she had flaws”, seem to be the consistent description.   These were all well meaning and the context of each post was positive, emotional and in support of her and her family.  

I could not help but think this…..

Perhaps she is not flawed, perhaps she is whole, like we all are and in that we have our light and we have our dark.   If flawed means mental illness, addiction or unhinged behavior than we have a ton of work to do.   When are we going to normalize mental health, when are we going to allow people to be whole and when are we going to create a kinder community and circles that embrace the whole human (with grace and kindness as anchors)?    I don’t know her personally and I don’t have all the details, from what I gather there has been an unraveling of sorts, which can happen, it can happen to all of us.   If you have been judged, attacked, put down and it has been repeated, it is mental abuse and for those that are highly sensitive people (which I am guessing she is), it is really difficult.   I can’t imagine the volume of critics on line, and also, because she was successful, she became a target for some.   A few women even admitted being jealous of her (because as women, we get jealous).    We need to do better.   We need to pay more attention to how we treat each other as women, we also need to pay more attention how women and mom’s care for themselves and others.   I have been saying this for years and I feel like I am banging my head against a wall (not because I do it all, because I have had all of the challenges, the push back and we just need to lead with love and not our insecurities and fears).   Women are burnt out, especially Moms, it is next to impossible to keep your head above water some days.   The pressure is real, the challenges behind the scenes are real, and we spend more time talking about what is on the outside of a woman (her purse, her dress, her shoes, her lipstick) than what is going on, on the inside which is far more important like  her thoughts, her fears, her desires, her challenges, her truths, her heart.   

This is a throw down, I don’t have the amazing following that she had, I need you all to help me share my voice.   

Enough is enough and women and moms need to put themselves and their mental health first (period end) and support each other and not judge each other.   

She is not flawed, she is human and she is whole.  What that means is that she has amazing strengths and she has challenges and vulnerabilities, She is you, she is me, she is us.  

Why are we waiting for the extreme to happen and say we’ve got to do better.   Why is it that we don’t have conversations about mental health for all Mothers?  Why is it that we have been bamboozled by the gateway drug Alcohol and not made the connection that it is connected to Mental Health yet we normalize it like it is all good.  Big industry markets to Moms and women and drinking has gone up significantly—there is a direct connection to alcohol and it’s negative impact on mental health (among the physical damage it causes to our bodies).  This comes from the girl that used to love her drinks, until I realized I had my own challenge with it and had to navigate my own path to freedom.   We are hardwired to believe it is all so normal, it’s not normal, it’s toxic and it is time to shine light on this and other ways we are poisoning each other and ourselves.   

If we call mental health, alcohol misuse or other behaviors flawed, we are setting everyone up for failure and setting a bar high that is not real and does not exist.  However, social media would say differently, as women compare their crazy lives to the Pinterest worthy images on line.   It is all BS, no one is immune from any of it be it situational or genetic.    

Can we celebrate and acknowledge and level the playing field that we are all Whole, not perfect, not flawed, not measured by anything or anyone?   Imagine if it did not matter what others thought (no stigma) and we did nothing but support one another, can you imagine the love and compassion we would create?  

I created Living HIPP years ago because I finally put self care first for myself, little did I know it would become by tracks to run on over the next decade, and I would learn more about my own mental health and how I needed to support myself with grace, compassion and lower the bar some days.    The lifestyle is progress over perfection, can we please celebrate each other, can we please celebrate progress and can we please make it clear that perfect does not nor should it exist.    How does she do it all?   She doesn’t period end.   Somehow “balance” got to be a bad word, because we know Moms are busy and get things done.   If I did not focus on balance, I think I would have hit absolute melt down and burn out, which exists for many, we just don’t see it.  

More over, can we please judge each other less and love each other more.  It is pretty damn simple yet we either put ourselves down or we put others down, we have to change our ways and create more positive, loving, heart centered, kind behavior between women, we are the ones that will change the world when we change how we treat ourselves and others.      

My prayers are with everyone impacted and with every person that struggles out there.   I especially pray for her children, and as mother’s we need to look at this like it could be any one of us.    Can we shift the conversation more, can we support each other more, can we be real with each other, life is hard, and we need each other, we need encouragement and we need to lift each other up, not tear each other down.   It begins with us.   It begins with how we talk to ourselves.  It begins with how we discover ourselves and get to know the whole human, the dynamic woman that is talented, funny, pretty, successful and the parts of her that are more vulnerable, that need extra love, extra grace and extra compassion.   She is not flawed, she is human and she is whole.  Remind her of that.  

I believe in a world that is kinder and in communities where women stand up for each other.  We need this more than ever and our strength is not in pretending perfection, it is on being real, being whole, being human and being kind.  The picture on this post is my first blog, HIPP Moms, a place to be self aware and practice self care, and to lock arms together as Moms and raise the spirit of our Nation and World.    The pillar Inspiration in Living HIPP is being inspired, not threatened, by the amazing women and world around you.   XO 

I am just a girl who dreamed about having more in her life, and took action to create it.  

I have this combination of confidence, passion and energy that is at times challenged with fear and doubt, my positive and confident voice always prevails.   I believe in miracles, I believe in happiness, I believe in dreaming, I believe in having a Vision and I believe in developing a plan and doing action to create what you desire.  

I believe in the power of teamwork, positive leadership, collaboration and kindness as core values to everything be it work, relationships, friendships, family, culture, brands and companies/schools & teams.   I believe in positive role models and mentors and that we all play that role and offer positive support to the next generation.  I believe in kindness and generosity and helping those in need.  I believe in the human spirit and building a life that honors our body, mind and spirit—this is lifelong and is based on progress, not perfection.   I believe we all have a spark inside, and we need to ignite our own, and then help others find their own.  I believe in encouragement, kindness, smiles at strangers, saying I love you, hugging, holding and being there for friends and family—even strangers at times.  

I believe in miracles, in new days in hard work and in rest and ease.  If I were not a dreamer and a doer, my life would look far different, and if anything, I am proof that we can indeed manifest an amazing life when we find courage to follow that dream, grow that vision, set those goals, work hard and also learn the art of letting go and just being (balance is such an underrated and misunderstood word which we need to talk more about in the name of mental health, physical health, wholeness and wellbeing.  

I am married 25 years, we have 3 amazing adult children, and our proudest accomplishment is raising 3 amazing human beings.  We are recent Empty Nesters and this stage of life is exciting and new and we are learning about each other again.   No one prepares you for the letting go of children, and how they truly do spread their wings.  We are embracing it all, the wonderment of seeing them grow, the love we have for them and our close knit family of 5.  I am most grateful for  the special relationship we have with each kid, it truly is remarkable and everything we dreamed of (somehow and someway, we ended up here).    The past years have been difficult and good, we have enjoyed the teen and college years with the kids, but saying good bye to our parents and caring for our aging parents has been hard.   For the first time ever, we have freedom we have never had before, it is fun, strange, and gratifying.   We have moved 5 times, renovated, decorated and created amazing places to live with a vision of living by the beach some day—we now live by the beach and enjoy this amazing space and location that we call home.   We have two cockapoos that we are crazy about, they are adorable and love being home with us (our phrase is Life is Good on West Beach Lane)!   Not only is life good, but it is all so simple, the older we get, the more simple we become which is a great place to be.   I work limited part time (because I want to), and am building the brands Living HIPP and Pam Guyer, I am a speaker, teacher, motivator and life architect.  I am insanely grateful to have built a career in Direct Sales for over 2 decades, it has been such an incredible opportunity to learn, teach and grow.  I love when women rise, when they are empowered, when they build confidence and grow as a leader, I have had the good fortune of doing that and helping so many create positive change in their life.  My entire life story is about casting vision, setting goals and working in the direction of those goals all while accommodating my busy family life, my own challenges and following my heart and not the crowd.   I do Yoga at least 5 days a week, walk every day outside (usually the beach), listen to Podcasts, produce my Podcast and write about Living HIPP, creating a life and lifestyle that includes Vision, Manifestation, Growth Mind Set, Daily Habits & Rituals, positive leadership and a spirit of progress over perfection.    

I think what I have learned is that balance is the key, a combo of working towards something, action, productivity while also being, flowing, and knowing the benefits of the pause, and the importance of intention and mindfulness.   

Life is just one big classroom and I am sitting in the front, like I always did (well, at least in college & grad school).  

But I’m not sitting in the front for just me, I am sitting here as a Mom, as a Leader, as a Believer, as a Coach, as a Mentor encouraging others and cheering them on.   While so many of my dreams have come true, I continue to have a dream and vision to do more, be more and impact more.  The BEST part of this stage in life is having the FREEDOM to do it.    I am sharing all of this to remind you that you are ENOUGH, you MATTER and it is time to put your Fear aside and LEAD with LOVE.   We all get caught up with that voice and I am learning over and over that we need to build a stronger voice from within.  Your internal wisdom believes in more, she knows what you are capable of and she is directing you in that way.   Also, you are not alone, WE are doing this TOGETHER!!!!!!

I’ve Changed….

I have been doing a ton of reflection and also in awe of life stages and phases, each decade presents a new opportunity and challenge. I am in the process of change, and this type of change is requiring me to PAUSE and Be.

There are times this comes naturally, and the topic of Vision, Life, Wellness, Family, Home, Purpose & Service feel like oxygen to me, they are part of who I am at every step in my life. It also is uncomfortable, because I am changing, it is no longer about performance, achievement, recognition and approval (which I need to remind myself of at times), at this stage in my life it is all about the feelings, the experiences, my relationships, what I consume or expose myself to, the people I surround myself with. I can’t help but realize how important balance is and while we strive, perform and do all the things, what is most important is the being, and the ability to create that space and awareness to live aligned, authentically and fully.

I am too young to retire, and old enough that I don’t play the games anymore—you know, network with this one, pretend to love this, that or the other thing…. I see people going through life changes and they are already at the lesson and “arriving”, I want to send a gentle reminder to just be, because life will inevitably change, as will you and your priorities.

I think of the last decade since launching Living HIPP—life actually got hard and what I thought Living HIPP was became so much more, as it was my tracks to run on, as I navigated challenges both personally and professionally. I will no doubt talk and teach about these in the future, but for now, I am doing the work behind the scenes, it is what I consider to be my hard work these days (it changes as we grow).

I have been successful in business because of two things: 1. Hard Work 2. Passionate (I believed in what I was sharing), while it was product driven companies, and I loved the products and use them all, it was always about what the business and industry I was in did for people, for Moms, for Women…. THAT, is what fires me up! These things do not apply just to the industry of DS, they are available to everyone. Empowering women has been at the cornerstone of my work for 3 decades both personally and professionally. I know what it is like to want more. I know what it is like to cast vision. I know what it is like to stretch, and create more of what it is you desire in your life. I also know what it is like to address the “less”, the things you don’t want and also the “less than” feeling we all have a different times in our life. For the rest of my life, I want to help people believe in More. More for themselves and more for each other (lets make our world a happier and kinder place). It begins with us, it begins with truth and it begins with building our foundation and creating a formula to support that. Living HIPP is the Lifestyle Brand that address wholeness: mental health, physical health, spiritual health and building a positive space (home, work, community, and mindset).

I believe so strongly in a mind/body/spirit approach to life, so much that I created Living HIPP.

1. Empowerment & Flexibility: you decide when you work, and build your business/work around your life.

2. Personal Growth: you work on yourself, learn/grow and in this journey you become better and make progress.

3. Vision: You cast a vision for your life, you create steps to move in the direction of that Vision.

4. Kindness: You practice it with yourself and you encourage it in others, our world needs more Kind People.

5. Vulnerable: You are human therefore, you are vulnerable. This is your super power, release shame and own it.

6. Spiritual: Allow your experience and your spirit and the universe or God to guide you. It is magical.

7. Physical: Take care of your Body, it is the only vessel you have. Exercise, and consume good things.

8. Mental Health: Be aware of what you need, and make sure your Body/Mind/Spirit are all cared for as these all impact your mental health.

9. Purpose: Do work that inspires you. Be a force for Good.

10. Embrace Hope & Healing, they are both part of living, we never arrive, we are constantly living and growing.

Are you in a transition period or life stage? How are you feeling? What are you doing? How are you being?

Change is something we can always expect, and without change we would not grow. Your best teacher is you. She knows the way, she knows what needs to change. She also knows it is a process, allow her to experience it all.

XO

Self care is the foundation to better living and the answer when it comes to growth be it personal growth, business growth, professional growth and transformation in every area of your life.  It helps us move in the direction we want, and it helps us rise to our full potential, our higher self (and that is where the magic happens).   Self Care is not a destination, it is not only a daily practice, it is a commitment to yourself, it is self awareness and going inside yourself in deep and meaningful ways, true self care takes true courage and compassion.  It is listening to the wisest of all, you.  It is learning self acceptance, compassion, nurturing and healing.   You become the caretaker of your body, heart, mind and soul—you create a support system that adds hope and healing.    Self Care is Self Aware, and is the key to rising to your greatest potential, listen to her (your positive voice inside) and hush the naysayer in your head and those around you.  Rise to your potentiality.  

The following is my personal TOP 10 SELF CARE practices that are part of my life:  

10. Mantras on Letting Go 

Let it Go.  NBD: No Big Deal, DGAF:  Don’t Give a Fuck, Rejection is God’s Protection, Release (say it)

Mantras on Letting In Abundance, Positivity, Love, Joy, Peace, Health, Alignment, Impact, Innovation 

I am worthy, I am enough, I am strong, I am brave, I am love, I am healthy, I am light, I am joyful, I am present, I am confident, I am caring, I am spirited, I am blessed 

 9. Declutter Spaces and/or Rooms

Clutter can bring me down and make me feel overwhelmed (but I am not a neat freak, I just enjoy clean spaces and simplicity.   Take a few minutes to clear out space, this is therapeutic and helps you release stress.  I created a support system where I have help with this, which allows me to spend time doing the things I love.  

This is on going, and requires patience.  Create places and spaces you can enjoy each day, and this gives us that feel good in our space.  

8.   Stop Approach (Red Button)

Any time you go negative in your thinking or talking, you hit STOP (visually in your mind picture the Red Stop Button) and reprogram your words, language and thinking.  An immediate shift in energy.   This is a visual tool which you activate to completely shift your mindset and energy.   Negative thoughts come up for all of us, and we need to protect our headspace and release these thoughts and generate positive ones.  See the good in all things.  

7.  Therapy & Healing Modalities 

Therapy has been an important part of my support system, a person to listen objectively and encourage and guide me as I navigate life’s challenges and opportunities.   The deeper we get in to our becoming or unbecoming, the more powerful Therapy can be.  An hour each week or even a few times a month to dedicate to yourself, current events in your life, and/or healing the parts of you that need your love, attention, compassion and letting go.   Other Healing Modalities can include but are not limited to: body work (massage, cupping, energy work), mindset/spiritual work, acupuncture, trauma work, routines & rituals, etc…. 

6.  Walk in Nature 

This is the best tool that everyone can use and do daily.   Sometimes it is just a walk outside in the neighborhood,   and for me, the beach and other times an easy hike in nature (it is mostly just walk outside each day and simple).  

Fresh air is something we all need, taking time to get fresh literally provides a freshness and reset.  Movement is the other benefit, movement like this each day helps our energy, increases endorphins, and gives us this sense of being present while moving forward.   The sun (vitamin D) or daylight is another important element, it is another element that naturally heals the body and gives us this feel good vibe.   Walk with wonder and gratitude with the simple beauty around you, this awareness fills your heart with the joy and gifts of simplicity and the beauty that exists around us each day.   Walk by yourself, even if it is to clear your head, listen to a Podcast (learning and being inspired) but also walks with a friend are so good too—I love to do both.   Walking together, talking, sharing, supporting, laughing, releasing, encouraging is so good for the soul, walking is the new, lets meet for drinks, it is so much better!  

5. Eat. Drink. Sleep. 

This one is critical to self care and something we can be challenged with.  Sleep is foundational to our health, there are seasons or times when we need to give extra attention to making sure we get good sleep.  At times my sleep routine is really good, and other times I fall back to habits that keep me up (technology in bed).   I attended a lecture on the importance of Sleep at @canyonranch and while I knew it was important, it made me prioritize this basic human function as our bodies heal in our sleep, it is so important to our health.   Eat just refers to nourishing our bodies with whole foods, anytime I am eating clean I feel better (it is a simple concept), I try and stick to an 80/20 diet and when I do, I feel so good.   Drink, we will get to “drinking” soon, but for the context of this one, drink means drink enough H20 each day.  This really is important and creating this habit each day just becomes what you do—I like to have at least 75 ounces a day, I pay attention to it, and when I don’t, I just don’t get enough.  Water helps to do so many things, detox the body, hydration, better skin, and better functionality.  Don’t think of it as a chore, think of it as nourishing your body, that is the mindset of self care and Living HIPP.  

4. Exercise 

A must for everyone at every age.  What you do is up to you, and most importantly, do exercise that you enjoy.  Exercise is an endorphin super booster, it just feels good afterwards (and the effect is residual).  Walking outside can be your exercise, and if you are wanting to feel even better, commit to another option which can be done at home or at the gym or studio.  Having this part of your daily routine is a game changer, we all need to move our bodies at every age, keep your body moving.   Sweating each day is good for the body but also good for the soul.  

3.  Yoga & Meditation 

Yoga is one of my top self care tools, not only is it a tool but it has become a way of life (hence: Living HIPP).  

Yoga happens at the studio and on my mat, but also is something I take with me in my life (it becomes part of how you see yourself and the world, and let me just share it is so much brighter).   Yoga is the ultimate double dipping, I practice hot power yoga and the work out is great, but the impact on mind and spirit is more powerful.   

It calms the mind, it is a moving meditation, it pushes you, it also helps you surrender and rest—it is an important part of my HIPP Care Plan for Mental Health.   Meditation is so good for mental health and clarity, it is not easy, and for some of us, it is just trying our best (I mediate in all ways, it can be walking, sitting, breathing or guided, start small and add on).   Breathing is an incredible tool to access any time during the day.  If I feel anxious or rattled, I just go to the breath which brings me back to the present moment.    There are many breathing exercises you can google on line like box breathing—my advice is to keep it simple to begin, breathe through the nose (inhale) for 5 seconds, hold 5 seconds, release through the mouth 5 seconds.    This is a great Pause moment to ground yourself and think (breathe) before you act.   Sitting in Silence is hard and it gets better with practice, it is a practice.  

2.  Music, Dancing, Laughter & Fun 

Music can be the soundtrack of our lives, it holds space for our whole human expression: happy, sad, excited, lazy, serious, silly, grief, gratitude, hope, healing, challenged, hardship, good times, bad times (you know I’ve had my share), memories, happy moments, seasons, stages, people, imagination, vision, energy, peace, surrender, affirmations and inspiration.   Music helps lift my spirits and also heals my heart, it is an important part of my framework each day which unleashes my energy & personality while also comforting and soothing.  Dancing is a must daily…. In the kitchen, in the car, singing, dancing and doing so like no one is watching (I do this every day).  

Laughter and not taking yourself seriously is key (life is serious but you don’t have to be).  Laughing connects us, it is part of relationships, deep conversations are a must, but laughter and fun are equally important.  Make sure you are having fun, and as you get older, your definition of fun will evolve and that is the greatest gift when you discover it.  

1. Alcohol Free, Say what…. YES!  

My number 1, the thing that is most important and is my secret to living HIPP is being Alcohol Free.  YES, who would ever have thought that something I loved so much, depended on for social occasions, relaxation, celebration, connecting, unwinding, soothing, and my reward would end up becoming something that I took long breaks from and ultimately walked away from.  There was a time when I enjoyed it, and I did everything to keep it in my life in some way.  At mid life, the truth was it was just making me feel like shit (it was hard to let go of my love affair w/drinking, and it took time to arrive where I am today.  I took breaks and drastically changed my relationship with Alcohol this past decade, and guess what, any time I was not drinking (breaks meaning months/years), I was Living HIPP.     This #1 thing in my Self Care is now the foundation to my living HIPP, but it did not happen over night.  It was a process, and that is why I am speaking up, sharing my experience, because those of us that are not rock bottom but know deep inside alcohol is sucking our mind, body & spirit, there is a way to change your relationship with it and ultimately be FREE from it.   For anyone curious, my advice is to take a 30 day break, this allows you to see how great you feel (and yes, you will miss it and some days will be hard).  I have completely evolved (and again, it took time), my happy hour is in the morning, waking up clear headed and just me is the best gift.  I now refer to this time as magical mornings, who ever would have thought the answer to having everything is removing this one thing.   My advice is to start here:  stop thinking of alcohol as self care, it actually does the opposite, let’s call it what it is.  Even allowing yourself breaks (30 days or more) will help you discover more, and replace this habit with a healthier one.  This is a big topic, and it is so misunderstood and I want to share ways you can change your relationship or become better educated so that you can make choices that truly add to your self care and wellness plan.  This is the big one we don’t talk about, because of the way it is currently looked at in our culture/society but just learning more, will allow you to listen to your body and not the crowd!   More to come on my #1 Self Care tool that I implemented, but not over night, it was a process and I think that is important to share as well.  XO 

I actually have the audacity to believe….

I am creating a Global Happiness Brand, and inspiring millions to merge their work/life into one plan and practice that elevates them to live their best life.   Is it too good to be true, no, because it is not a destination, it is a way of living and tracks to run on—it is a daily practice that helps us move in a positive direction (and learn to be more intentional and present).  I am doing this work part time, from the comfort of my home on my own schedule and helping millions worldwide.   The brand changes the way we work and live, makes our world a happier place, and becomes a revolutionary kindness movement (kindness to ourselves and each other, what a concept).   It is not my brand, it is OUR brand, it is for anyone that desires more and less in their life (more: purpose, joy, connection, energy, alignment, authenticity, positivity, kindness, better health, more wealth/success).  (Less: negativity, procrastination, isolation, intimidation, bad habits, feeling stuck and the rinse/repeat cycle of staying in the same place).    This multi billion dollar brand will become a movement and a way we come together in a positive way and encourage the best in each other, the more we live and promote it, the more it becomes how we live.  The brand is is a spirit of love, love for self (self love, compassion, acceptance & growth) and teamwork, respect, generosity, kindness, support, compassion and edification of others(building each other up).   It is a force for good, helping those less fortunate, and lifting everyone up, no matter race, religion, demographic—it celebrates unity, positivity and kindness.   It is the only brand that merges emotional intelligence and mental health, self care/self aware, and adapts to a higher good, you become better while you make the world better.  

I am in a new chapter, next chapter sort of phase in life.   Being an Empty Nestor is both emotional and exciting, I am leaning in to both but leading with a positive spirit and opportunity, as it is a time to rediscover me, rediscover us and write new chapters in our Book of Life.   I don’t feel ready, but I know I will never feel fully there, and that is when I remind myself to JUST DO IT and to jump in with two feet.    The fact is, I’ve been doing this a long time, I had this vision years ago, I started speaking up, on line, through written posts, video’s and wrote a book about it.  The last decade since the launch, I have had to put it into practice even more, and while the message is the same but more meaningful, the need is greater, and I believe in the power of this lifestyle, spirit and brand, and together, we can make a difference, but it begins with you.  

Let me be clear…..

I am unapologetic and authentic in this Vision of mine.  It’s real.  I believe it.  No one else is doing it (some do similar things, but it is a piece I see missing, and I know it will change how we live.  I am FULL STOP doing so on my own terms—but I can’t do it alone, I need not only a team, but it really is a movement that requires a diverse group of women leaders, that are passionate about creating a life they love, leading with love, and kindness and collaboration as a way of life.  It is not just pushing, it is learning to ease and receive.  

I’ve done the hustle, I’ve done the bustle, I have worked hard, I have had success, I have had failures (lessons).   At this stage in my life, I no longer will hide behind myself because I “should” do this, that or the other thing.   I do not base things on my profession anymore, I have a purpose, and I am being called to do more, but miracles will need to happen because I can’t do this alone and I am not going back to the grind, I am at a place in my life of balance, and I value it so much, and serve better in this place.  

Having worked with people for over two decades, helping them cast vision, set goals, create a game plan, I have learned that most of it relies on how they manage & coach themselves, more than the importance of action steps in business (action steps are fundamental, it has to happen, but how you do it is the difference maker).   Based on my own needs and experience and that of others, I created a proven framework that is universal for anyone to use, and customizable for you—which becomes the formula and foundation of your life (better living, health, happiness, balance, productivity, inspiration and creating more joy and peace.   I will share this more with others as we trademark this and make it more available for people to change the way we live, and make it better.  

This brand, lifestyle and approach is "progress over perfection", that is what we find to be more realistic, whole, human, and includes the love, compassion, encouragement and empathy we all need, we need to have it and we need to give it.  It is called GRACE.    I will not hustle or jump through hoops for anyone, I will ease with grace, energy, commitment and consistency.   I will practice and teach the importance of rest, resilience and how to reignite, as humans we need this to not only perform, but to sustain, it is a powerful practice when you learn more about yourself and how you operate best.  

Pam Guyer is an Author, Speaker and HIPP Brand Ambassador, her team inspires people, companies and the world to Live HIPP.    Most of her work is digital and virtual, and while she lives her HIPP Life (her life by design) she and her team are inspiring others to do the same.    HIPP stands for Happy Inspired Productive Peaceful, it is the only Social Brand that promotes positive mindset & mental health for both work, home and life & play.    

The future will include more work and philanthropy with the HIPP HOP Foundation (HIPP people helping Other People)—that is down the road.   This brand is not only a force for good, it is changing how we live, work, in all our relationships, most importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves.   If you desire creating more in your life be it happiness, simplicity, joy, freedom, positivity, peace and learning how to navigate challenges by pausing, resting, slowing down, feeling and letting go, this lifestyle and brand is for you.  If you want to feel better, have more energy, be allowed and encouraged to be imperfect and “eat the cake”, this brand is for you.  If you want to lead your life, your family, your business and yourself with love, this brand is for you.  Living HIPP is more than a proven methodology, it is a spirit that helps you come alive, and will do that over and over with you, because life is not a straight line, it comes in seasons.   You will have days that you are not energized and feeling happy, that is okay, that is your signal to rest and reset and that is what we do here at Living HIPP.  

Why do I believe wholeheartedly in this?  I have lived it and I live it.  Personally I have had a lot of success (relatively speaking) and I have had a lot of failure too.   Life is a spiritual journey, and the more we can lean into that (and self care) the better we become.  The highest version of ourselves, we rise to our greatest potential.  

No one created my life for me, I co-created it myself with God/Universe, my Angels and the incredible people I have surrounded myself with over the years both personally and professionally.   At every stage and at every age, I have had to grow, change, be challenged and get through challenges I did not ask for (that is not just me, that is you too).  

As I begin my next chapter (Empty Nest) and am in my 50’s, I want to make our world better, but I can’t do that unless I am doing my best to care for me like I never have before.  The key to our greatness is not outside of us, it is inside, it is expression, compassion, growth, vision, care, love and courage to rise.  

Who is Pam Guyer?  

She is first and foremost a Mom, her 3 children are her everything and her best work ever.  She is a wife, and is writing a new chapter as an Empty Nester with her husband, we are rediscovering our relationship, ourselves and creating new pathways as old ones no longer work for us.  She is the Matriarch of Guyer 5, our family name, brand, unit, connection, where we preach family first, laugh often, have fun, love each other, and most importantly, be kind to ourselves and then to others.  She is a loyal leader and friend, her family and extended family is her everything and while she might get overwhelmed and go ADHD on you, she is the first person that will be there for you, and she is the one that will hold your hand, hug you, love you, make you laugh and stick up for you and cheer you on.  While she is a speaker and loves to share life lessons & wisdom, she is a great listener, and her compassion, love and empathy are felt by those in her company.  

She is unapologetic and lives on her own terms, she has found this voice throughout her life.  She values balance, time, rest, positivity people, encouragers, home, deep conversations, progress over perfection, kindness, creativity, following your passion, building belief, courage, taking chances, living outloud, living quietly (having alone time and down time).  She enjoys magical mornings, Hot Power Yoga, coffee, kind people, her cockapoos, inspiring others, making them laugh, encouraging them, cheering others on, and seeing people grow their vision, mindset, leadership, love, style and authenticity.   She has a magnetic ability to draw people in, and a sincerity that keeps the good ones there.   She is a natural influencer, and when she believes in something, you will too (if it speaks to you).  She is authentic, vulnerable and will share her challenges through humor and will talk about the importance of healing.  

She writes, she speaks, she is the highest paid speaker from home (yes, I am claiming it, and going to create it). 

Pam and her team have trained and leveraged Leaders/Coaches that teach this methodology to entrepreneurs, moms, professional groups, teams, and corporate brands and companies.   We proudly enroll thousands of Brand Ambassadors around the world that practice and promote HIPP Brands and Living HIPP.  

If you desire more dreaming, more mindfulness and intention, and feeling better in Body/Mind/Spirit, this is for YOU!

It is not my brand, it is not your brand, this is OUR BRAND.   It’s all about doing it and sharing it, in the interest of making our world a better and kinder place.   XO 

There is a local story that is tragic and unimaginable and I can’t help but think we can and need to do better.  

A 32 year old Mom who presumably had Post Partum Psychosis who does the unthinkable, I can’t even write it, that is how hard this is to comprehend, my heart aches for her children, her husband and her.   It brings up the topic of Mental Health and how we need to do more in this country to normalize it, and especially for Mothers, both new and the stages of motherhood, life and how we avoid the need to accommodate each mother with self care, support and dialogue around mind/body/spirit health.   Mental Health and Motherhood is completely a different experience and topic because unlike a woman or man without children, a Mother is responsible not only for her self but more importantly for her children.  Her children come before her and it will be that way for her entire life (well at least while they live home with her).  This demands so much from her:  so much time, so much energy, so much emotional and physical labor, it is like adding triple responsibility, triple weight to carry and less ability to take care of one’s self, when that in fact should be the priority.  We are expected to just do it, roll with it, and do so without breaking a sweat.    I can’t sit back and talk about this tragedy, and say we need to do more and do better without sharing my own story because it is in the truth and in our experiences that we shine a light on this topic and somehow change the way we talk about Mental Health, especially when it comes to Motherhood.  

Twenty Two years ago I gave birth to my son, he was our second child and came soon after his sister, being only 1 1/2 years apart.  The pregnancy was normal, but the labor and delivery was unexpected, and looking back, I was not prepared (as we don’t talk about how difficult child birth and/or post partum can be.  After 24 hours of Labor, I was exhausted, and they were monitoring the baby because he was showing signs of stress.  They said we should do a semi emergency c section before we need to fly into the OR with a full emergency surgery under stress.   My expectation of giving birth and already having gone through a full labor and ending up with surgery was shocking but we were committed to do what ever was best for the baby.  The C Section was done, and we gave birth to our beautiful son, we were so happy to have a baby brother to take home to our Baby Girl.   Adjusting to two was work, but in some ways the baby was so easy, what was I overwhelmed with when I had my first?  A few  months before getting pregnant with Cameron I had a miscarriage, it was sad but it was still early enough that it did not feel traumatic.  I wish I could go back and tell that sad young mom (at loss of pregnancy) it will all work out, you will give birth to a son you will adore, and you would not have him if this did not happen.   The hidden blessing I did not see because at the time it was just loss.   I was sad, but I didn’t talk about it too much, I just reminded myself that most women have them, and you will be okay.  Forward March…..

Our family of 4 was adjusting, I decided to leave my corporate career when Cameron arrived, while I wanted to be home with my kids, I did not realize how isolating that would feel and also how not having my own thing would impact me.   Winter was a harder time having a new born, but I seemed to get through it okay.  My neighbor who had 2 children would check in on me, and my mother in law became a big help with the kids, taking one while I had the other.   Within months Cam was sleeping through the night like his sister, I was getting him on a schedule and that schedule and routine became our foundation and it grounded me as a Mom, and helped the babies sleep well, eat well and I was proud of my ability to do this (everyone said of wait, you’ll be up all night)—I begged to differ.  

At 8 months old and a 2 year old toddler, we had sold our home, lived with my in laws and moved into a newly built home in the community we would raise our children.  The neighborhood was exactly what we wanted, and the real estate move was a smart one, I even sold the house myself.   I don’t know if that was a good thing for me to focus on (because I realized I needed something outside of motherhood) or if I took on too much, probably a bit of both. 

A month after moving in, the plane hit the twin towers, it shook me to my core, I will never forget not knowing what to do, so later that afternoon after naps, I grabbed my 2 year old and the baby in the bucket and drove to the Church in my community to pray, I just had to get on my knees and pray.  

I don’t know if this triggered the underlying feelings I had, I am guessing it did, but what I began to notice after these tragic events was that I was not feeling myself.  I no longer felt joy, I felt sadness but I was still able to take care of the kids, but as far as myself, I had no motivation.   I told my mom and mother in law that I was just not feeling myself, it was weird, I was so grateful, I have this beautiful life, these beautiful babies, this beautiful home, in this affluent and quaint community, how can you possibly feel down I would say to myself.   My mother in law was no stranger to Mental Health, she talked about being in intensive daily care in Boston as she had to deal with Trauma from her childhood, she encouraged me to call my OB/GYN.  My mother (who was more old school and a DIY healer and dealer encouraged me as well, as did my sisters who were both moms (but I do not recall them getting help when they had babies).  I called Hope, my doctor in Boston, and I explained that obviously the events of 9/11 are tragic and sad but I am thinking my sadness is beyond this (it felt like blues, nothing drastic, I just kept saying, I don’t feel myself).  

She was swift in her response, and said she was going to set me up with “the big guns” even if it is mild PPD, we need to make sure you are being treated.   She referred me to one of the top Psychiatrist at her Harvard teaching Hospital—was I over reacting or was this necessary, I never really figured that one out at the time (but now I know it was the first time I reached out for help).   Fortunately I saw him weekly, and in that began to feel better as the weeks progressed.  Ironically I found out (a surprise) that I was pregnant with my 3rd child, this was a shock, and I felt like it was the last thing I needed, I prayed to God to make it work out in his will (maybe I’ll have another miscarriage but if this is meant to be God, you will help me grow this baby).   I was in my early 30’s, and my mindset was different, as was my understanding of Mental Health and in the next paragraph I want to share what I thought back then, and how damaging that is as a woman and mom.   I didn’t know what I didn’t know….  The stigma was part of my problem….

Mental Health was a scary topic and something I did not want attached to me.  I was “normal” or so I thought, I was successful and self made, and the women in my family were born to breed, we had babies, and we had this natural way with babies.   After my first was born, I built my confidence as a Mother, I was doing it and I was doing a great job at it.  So much that I was able to get my first child to sleep through the night at 9 weeks, I dedicated everything to being there for my baby girl.  I remember hidden under all the pretty pictures, wonderful moments and dedicated mother to her child, was this rattling anxiety and fear that I would push down, I did not know what it was, but what ever it was it could not surface because I need to be here for my baby girl and take the best care of her that I can (I think most all moms know this feeling, especially with your first child).   When my doctor said Post Partum Depression, and referred me to a Psychiatrist, I felt some shame (even thou both my mom and MIL would tell me they were proud of me for speaking up and taking action.  Just the word Psych made me uncomfortable, and now I had to visit him in his home office in Newton, an hour drive away.   This was my secret, that only my husband, my mother, MIL and sisters knew—no one else could know that I did not have all my shit together, because I worked so hard to prove that I did.  My MIL offered to watch the babies while I went to my appointments, but I decided to go early morning, when my husband could stay with the kids until I got home—this felt more comfortable to me and made me more accountable to take responsibility for myself.   I would sneak out of my garage in my car, did the neighbors see me, did they think I was going to the gym or what did they think I was doing, I felt judged even thou no one was looking, I was looking at how it might look on the outside.  The garage door would go up, and I would drive out at 6am to make my 7am appointment—am I the only one in this neighborhood that has to go see someone because I don’t feel like myself?     The office was at his home with a separate entrance, I would pull up and hope no one would see me (like anyone would but this was my real emotions at the time), it was so out of my comfort zone, I had so many preconceived notions that added to my shame.   As I sat in the waiting room, I felt weird, strange and awkward, this is where crazy people come, not me…. am I a crazy person now even thou I did not do anything crazy?    The person after me could have been the most average guy, but in my mind he was crazy, and I wondered why he was here and I felt different from him, listen, I’m just here because I am feeling a little bit down (I would say to myself).   I had a lot to learn about mental health and I am thankful my perceptions have changed greatly, and that we all have a need in our lifetime to address mental health be it situational or part of our baseline, I think every person has something at some point in life they need to address, and we are all best at addressing it proactively, not as a problem.    

I am sure I spent my first few appointments trying to impress the doctor, he was a big time Doctor, a bit of a Nerd, but kind and intellectual.   As I got comfortable as weeks went on, he talked about medication and how normalizing it is, in light of being pregnant again, I was feeling better and he did not end up prescribing anything.   We were prepared that I might need to consider it after baby #3 is born.   By the holidays my mood was better, I was settling into the idea of another baby and leaning into my faith, God will guide me, and my Dad, my angel will be there for me too.  Man I miss my Dad, I wish Papa had met my babies, this was a can of worms I never opened up that residing inside of me—the TRAUMA of losing my Dad suddenly (calling 911 and watching him lay limp in our driveway was devastating, I never sought treatment after that).  His heart condition in my childhood caused great anxiety for me, I was always afraid he would drop dead at anytime, it is a scary way to live.  

This situational time, Post Partum that I did not notice until months after birth was the first time I actually asked for help and considered mental health—it would begin my journey of healing even though I had no idea it was just the beginning of baby steps into the discovery of mental health and how I would run from it as much as I could until I could not run anymore.  

As a young Mom I felt overwhelmed, what I did not know is that I had severe ADHD and Anxiety, I put support in place thankfully, but it took years before I really knew and accepted my vulnerabilities, maybe I could change.  I hid them in things like work, alcohol, food, performing, procrastinating and at times wondering, WTF is wrong with me.  I worked hard to cover it and make up for it, I did not even know what it was, I just pushed harder and buried it deeper.  

In my early 40’s it was the first time that I actually put myself first, self care became the foundation, as I discovered Yoga, the layers of armor I built began to open and the layers of “should" and “shame" began to peel off too.  I had such a great  transformation at this time, this is when I actually created Living HIPP, a positive lifestyle brand (Happy Inspired Productive Peaceful).  Little did I know that this brand became tracks for me to run on in the next decade as I would encounter adversity in business, life and difficult loss in these areas.   I will write more about this as I update a chapter of Living HIPP, it is all about Mental Health, Women’s Health and how we need to shine a light on this as part of the growth experience, not something to feel shame over, or embarrassed about or want to run and hide from.  The decade after Living HIPP was filled with so many incredible moments, I do feel blessed, however, I want to be clear that in this last decade after writing the book, I personally have been diagnosed, treated and live with the following:  ADHD, Anxiety, Addiction & Depression.   I am not any of those things (I struggled with that internally), they are just part of my experience, and it is Living HIPP and my personal growth that has allowed me to address and accommodate them.  While I am being treated and feel better, they are always part of me and that is why I talk about “Living HIPP” not because we all should be Happy all the time, but because we each can address our life like a business, and create a vision of what we want, and address our discontents.    The biggest disservice we are doing as women in not sharing our stories and not supporting each other more (this are personal situations and not everything needs to be shared, but it helps to be a truth teller, and to be real all while having vision and creating a life that accommodates our body/mind/spirit.  We push for doing more, performance and super mom and super woman, I call BULL SHIT!   Retreat and Rest are necessary for most everyone, especially Moms—women (and all humans) crave more balance, which requires more support, more mind/body/spirit experiences and more grace and permission to just be.  

In the wake of tragedy after tragedy, I can sit back and say we need to get better, or I can speak up and share my own story and how these challenges actually do encourage a better, happier, whole version of me (which was a process and was always about progress, not perfection).  

It is time for women to Rise Up, and in order to do so, we need to surrender and release and be brave enough to say, I need help and wave that white flag.  We need to Rest Up as we Rise Up!  

I am feeling the rebel in me being stirred up, and rejecting some of the messaging, pushing and self-improvement hype that I have taught, and subscribed to but also realize is one-sided, and does not leave room for the balance that is desperately needed in all we do.   As I navigate through my own experiences and observations of vision, goals, dreams, desires, and discontent, I know that hard work and action is essential, it is part of what we need to do to move ahead.   While we need to “push”, there are some of us that benefit from the ability to do this, and to do nothing, as in, allow things to flow.   Also, if we are always in a state of “doing”, we are not “being”.  I can’t help but think there has got to be a better balance, there has got to be more talk about rest too, about being and not about just achieving.  

I have spent much of my life setting goals and creating a plan to reach them.  I wholeheartedly believe in this and believe in hard work.  My hard work at mid-life looks very different from my hard work in my 20’s & 30’s.   Hard work back then meant Work Hard/Place Hard, and while that is well and good it is not sustainable and not always the healthy option for many.   I can’t help but think that we need to change the discussion, we need to support each other more and we need to encourage real conversations, authenticity, and daily rituals and routines that support us in living our best life or feeling better in body/mind/spirit.  

I have not personally done the 75 Hard Challenge, and to be clear, I am not against it, sometimes these challenges can be exactly what someone needs to discipline themselves, stretch or get into a better cadence of active and healthy living.  So I am not opposed to the program, I am just going to raise a flag (rather than an eyebrow) that the real challenge for most women I know is not about doing more or pushing harder (even though we all desire to eat better, feel better, feel stronger).   Permission to rest, permission to create balance, daily rituals, time to breathe and meditate, or time to heal is something we just don’t explore enough.   We cheer on the woman that raises the kids, bakes the brownies, runs the race, volunteers, and does it all….   How about we equally celebrate the women that say no, create boundaries, rest and restore and delegate and create an amazing support system because they can’t nor does she want to do it all?    

What if we were to do a 75 Easy Challenge, Easy not necessarily, some of this would be harder for many but would benefit them in profound ways.

75 Days Easy 

Must Do:

—Eat Whole Nourishing Foods (no packaged or refined sugars)

—Drink 75 ounces of water per day (hydrate your body & skin) 

—Eliminate Alcohol (not as deprivation but as a gift to your body and wellness)  

—Walk Outside 15+ minutes a Day 

—Exercise 30+ minutes a day (something you enjoy)

—Meditate 5+ minutes a day 

—Gratitude:  list 5 things you are grateful for (big or small) each day 

Morning Rituals (choose at least two)

—Reading spiritual or devotional,  At least 1 page a day 

—Journal, free writing to let things out 

—Affirmations, say positive affirmations in the mirror  

—EFT or Breathing Exercises 

—Visualization and Manifestation 

Mindful & Mindset 

—Be as present as possible (come back to the present moment) 

—Compassion:  Don’t judge self and others, just observe 

—Empathy:  Seek to understand (self and others) 

—Practice Positive Self Talk:  Affirmations and Audios 

—Lead with Love:  self love and expressions of love to others 

—Be extra Kind: kind gestures, smile at strangers, reach out 

—Forgive: forgive yourself and forgive those that have hurt you 

—Let Go: Let go of the past and stay in the present 

—Positive:  look for the good, choose the positive thoughts, words, and beliefs 

—Lift Others Up: Encourage others, offer support, cheer them on 

—Release Toxic:  try to avoid gossip, avoid negative people, and chronic complaining  

Being Vs. Doing  

Pay attention to how you are being as important as what you need to do.

—Be Present 

—Be Positive 

—Be Kind 

—Be Compassionate 

—Be Humble 

—Be Inclusive 

—Be Considerate 

—Be Loving 

—Be Accepting 

—Be Understanding 

—Be Open 

—Be Patient 

—Be Still 

—Be Vulnerable 

—Be Accountable 

So here is another way we can look at self-improvement…. In order to change or transform we need to be self-aware and balance our “doing” with how we are “being”.   This gets to the root of what we really need and helps to create change in ways we never have before.  We benefit from a whole human approach to better living, and in that our ability to shift ourselves and go deeply within is where we discover what we really want and who we really are.  

75 Days of being fully present, healthy, whole, mindful, open, and curious will create many more days that hardly seem hard.  

I enter this year with hope and also not having all the answers, while I have a vision for my life, I also get too overwhelmed by the vision I have of my purpose, and in that, I need to be present, open, and not doing anything, really focusing on the being.   I walk into this New Year with a strength I have never known, but I feel it and that feels really good.   As I look at my life, I am really blessed, I love my life, and there isn’t anything I want to change—I only want to align even more with authenticity and grow in areas of Mind/Body/Spirit.    The one thing I don’t feel I have done or aligned with is fulfilling my purpose and that is just something I feel and know inside.  I don’t know what that looks like, and I need to be okay with that.  I do know what it doesn’t look like and that is good in terms of setting boundaries, guarding my energy, and time and doing things I love.   I am supposed to make our world a happier and kinder place in a big way.  Part of me wants to say nope, I’m good but also part of me has this feeling I just can’t explain, it is a knowing….    I am guided and allow things to flow and happen while working on myself.  

Every year I set goals, and this year, I have not done so yet.  This is important to share because, over this past decade, I have learned that we have Seasons, seasons of productivity and results, and seasons of growth and being.  I am in a Season of being in flow, not having all the answers, and being okay with that (something I am working on daily).  It is a little uncomfortable, but I trust in God and the Universe that I am exactly where I need to be at this time.   While I have my own challenges, I also believe they are part of the bigger picture and that acceptance is important in moving forward.   My Vision feels too big, and I will share it when I feel I can articulate it best.  While I navigate through that, I acknowledge where I am at, and how life is so good, and nurturing myself this next year will be most important.  I truly believe for me, 2023 is a year of healing and hope—I want to go even deeper into my own experiences to heal some hurt inside.  We don’t talk about healing as much as we need to, because it is not a place of arrival, it is part of the journey and I want to explore that more.   Healing and growing will require more writing, more mind/body/spirit experiences, more movement, and more stillness.   I am so much more comfortable in my Vision Casting and motivational voice, I do want to share that as well this year, and while I do that, I will go inside even more and listen to my best teacher, me (my soul).   So while I explore this, in the next paragraph I will capture some things I want to do, be it this year or in the years to follow.

I want to write more books, and read even more.  I want to inspire more people and do so from the comfort of my home.  I want to create an income stream with my brand, and grow it so that I can grow so much more and make more of an impact.  I want to help women in midlife find their path, lean into living HIPP and create a daily practice.  I want to speak to the younger generations and influence them in a positive way.  I want to use my humor more, as it is a big part of who I am, and merge that with my caring spirit.  I want to feel my best and be my right size, I know what that is like and how that creates the energy for me.  I want to become braver to talk about vulnerabilities and help others as we all have these bubbles (thoughts) in our heads.   I want to drink my greens every day, I don’t know why it is so hard for me to stick to taking vitamins consistently, but it is.   I want to eat cake, dance on tables, and continue to be my raise the energy in the room girl, I want to do this on my own terms and truly aligned with my energy and best self.  I want to grow with my husband, empty nesting and for the first time, be able to work on us (as busy family life, business, and sick and aging parents have been our priority for the last decade).   I want to travel to Africa, Australia, and a few other places and perhaps speak in these locations as well.  I want to create more spa crawls and get paid to stay at spas and share more about them.   I want really yummy foods, beautiful places, and spaces and to look and feel good.   I want to sit down with Oprah, share my voice, and share from her platform to help others (and to remind her again of her influence on me).  I want to speak on a stage with a huge audience, almost like a rock concert but about life, about rising, about growth, positivity, self-care and kindness.   I want more special memories with my family, and experiences with each one of my kids.  I want all kids to hear my voice, and I want those kids that need love to feel mine.   I want to make this world a better, kinder, happier place!  

Dear 2022:

You were a year full of lessons, experiences, challenges, and incredibly magical memories.  

It is hard to put into words the growth I experienced, but the words do not matter right now, it is the feeling and knowing that carries me into the New Year.

My word for the year was Magical, and Magical in loud and quiet ways it was.  

The highlight of the year for me and my family was our trip to Italy, 16 days away on a trip of a lifetime.  

The moments, the memories, the time together, and the unforgettable experiences will stay with us forever.  This had been a dream of mine for a while, and to finally make it happen meant so much.  We must dream, and we must also do the work to get there.    We were supposed to go a few years earlier, and we had to postpone and now it makes sense, my kids were a perfect age and we all had so much fun.  

Our daughter graduating from College was another magical memory and moment that I felt fully present for.  

She has started her career in Sales, has an apartment in the city and my baby girl has started her big girl life.  

We love that she is local as she loves to come home to see us (and her puppies), and she and I were able to take our magical trip to NYC at Christmastime—something we have done every 5 years which we both so enjoy.  

There was more magic, but it was that kind of magic that exists in the growth that I experienced in challenging situations.  The year also presented me with some challenging situations both in business and personally.   While not easy, I must say that I navigated as best I could, which has been important to me on this journey.   There are lessons here and I don’t quite have them all or have all the lessons, but, I have leaned into my inner guide, also spiritually I lean on faith and feel guided and led through these challenges.    I continue to navigate through this, and while I don’t have all the answers, what I do have is more clarity, and I take that and myself into the New Year with ease.  

My experience at Canyon Ranch was another personal highlight and growth opportunity for me.  It was both vision-casting and self-caring, such an important combination for all of us that want to live authentically, vibrantly, and in our power and potential.  I was reminded how much I love that scene, how much I enjoy time to Retreat, and how I want to do more personally and perhaps encourage this in others.  I have facilitated leadership retreats over the years, I have been practicing mind/body for over a decade, and the topic of rest and retreat to reset is something I do, I need and I want to share more with others.  In 2022 I set an intention to have more Spa days, and I did—I want to grow even more in this and see how I can incorporate it into Living HIPP and inspire others to Retreat—even at home which is always a great ritual and self-care practice.  

The year was filled with Yoga, I made it a priority and it remained that throughout the year.  Yoga is my biggest tool for living my best life (among my foundation).  I practiced a lot and consistently and that showed up for me during the challenges I faced this year.  It was all so quiet, behind the scenes, and not visible (the challenges), however, my foundation supported me through these challenges and it is that to which I attribute my ability to stay the course.  

The most difficult experience for us was losing my loving father-in-law, “Bumpa”.  This was and is such a loss for our family and has demanded my attention through the Fall & Winter.   There are days I forget and then remember and feel the pain and throw myself into a project to forget the pain.  Being there for my husband has been most important as this loss is difficult for him.  Seeing my kids lose this special person in their life is hard, but in the big picture, we also were able to celebrate an incredible man, a life well lived and we take him with us in our hearts forever.  

This brought up some pain for me in losing my Dad, which brings up pain I don’t think I entirely dealt with years ago when I lost him.  I go into the new year looking to do more healing, going deep and giving myself even more space to heal and expand which is necessary for an Empath like me.   I have such compassion for others during loss, as I realize most of my adult life I have dealt with it, and it is part of who I am.  Loss requires both grief and resilience, and those things always reside within, it is part of the human experience, and I am making even more observations and the need for even more kindness and care in the world.  

My year of Magic was delivered in ways that were truly divine and in ways that I could not have imagined and did not feel magical but my eventual response was.  I learned that magic exists in the small moments in the day, so while I had magical moments that were big and dreamy, I had more silent moments that were magical, unspoken, but felt in my soul.  

We are healing.  We are all healing from our own things and from the Pandemic which knocked us down or off.  

It is a time of reinvention and in doing so, our world is different.  Listen to your voice inside, follow your heart, believe, and know that you are being guided, even if you are not sure of the way.  Just keep moving forward and let’s create more magic in 2023.