Back to school this year, is something we could never have imagined or expected, and here we are, a Pandemic, I feel like we are in the eye of the storm, but we don’t know what lies ahead.  We are in the middle of a Pandemic, something this country has not seen in over 100 years, we can agree it is an unprecedented time—to that end, it takes unprecedented action.  

My son is a Senior in HS, we are starting out remote with a chance we will go hybrid come October.  Personally I wanted to see them go back in the classroom, because I feel now is the time as the winter months could bring an increase in infection and we might all be sheltered in place (we just don’t know).   I also wanted accommodations made for teachers (high risk), to teach their class remotely while the kids are in the classroom (these are my personal opinions of what I wanted to see happen, based on the data and guidelines for the state).    It is September, and here we are, remote learning at home when we could be in school, outdoors, interacting, before the cold weather and possibly surge requires a shut down.   Across the country so many are either remote, hybrid or in school, depending on the area you live in, but for all of us, it is different, and we are all trying to embrace the “new normal”.   

As a parent, I feel for my son, it’s his Senior year, this really sucks. I also feel like we are robbed as parents, this is it for us, our babies last “back to school”, an end of an era, I want him to experience it all and the feeling of Fall, Football games, friends at school, that exciting and at times daunting high school experience.   

As I gave thought to all of this, I did what I always do…. I have my moment, I express myself, I try to better understand decisions or look at the other point of view, and I then accept this is the decision and I need to move forward.   Moving forward and complaining about how much this sucks is not enough, it is never enough for me.  I need to remind myself to look at the good, there is always good, there is always light in the dark, and there is most definitely always a lesson (and yes, an opportunity to grow).  

The lesson is for me, because I need to go through this process to model it in a way for my son (whether or not he picks up on it, I see it unfold and have this knowing this will serve him some day).   In this very moment (and after complaining myself), I pause, and I think and I remind myself subconsciously to some degree that I am raising either a blamer, a complainer or a leader—so while we all agree this sucks, and we all agree we should have gone back in person, the dialogue stops there, it shifts to what WE can do, how WE can make the best of it and we pivot (we pivot our attitude)!  

So beyond the, this sucks, and all the reasons we want to get back to normal, get them back in the classroom and the real valid concerns from all of us parents, let us be reminded of the benefit which we are not seeing but they are getting one of the greatest life lessons.  With my son, I just casually say and we both point out the benefits, yes this is a bummer, but here is what is good: literally roll out of bed (no drive), slippers on, gaming during the day, kick ass lunches, nice breaks during the day, puppies in between classes.   And quietly I know, that while we would both choose for him to be in school, next year he will be away, so I know in my heart, we will look at this time as a gift.  

The Lesson:   Attitude.  

So what are we teaching and why don’t we use this time to shift how we teach our kids (hello education reform)!  

ATTITUDE.  LEADERSHIP.  LIFE SKILLS.  TEAMS. 

If I could rewrite lessons plans from high school that I failed so miserably on (and to this day have never ever ever used)—I would write courses on the following as curriculum:

—Leadership: integrity, hard work, commitment, positive attitude, personal development, people oriented, team work, courage, brave, vulnerability, strategy, collaboration, inclusion, diversity, service.  

—Attitude: mindset, gratitude, compassion, positivity, shifting, acceptance.  

—Life Skills: mind/body/spirit, self assessment/aware, time management, executive functioning/organization, balance, vision & goal setting, alignment, core values, problem solving, communication, presentation, personal brand, authenticity, social media detox, meditation, exercise, diet, career, hobbies/interests, family/friends, kindness, community, diversity, creativity, discovery.  

—Team Work:  collaboration, edification, inclusion, respect, managing conflict, setting expectations, tolerance, style comprehension, empathy, listening skills, communication skills, project planning, formation, performance, recognition, guiding principles, rules of engagement, positivity, supportive, common goal/common good, kindness.  

Obviously all of the above are weaved into the curriculum to some degree and in some way, however, there is too much, too many lessons (academic), too much testing (numbers and pressure) and not enough on Life & Leadership Skills which by far are what will not only help these students as individuals but will help our world be a better place.  

So the lesson this school year needs to come from us as parents and teachers alike.  Our ability to take on this unprecedented time, and not only survive but to thrive.  To make the best of the situation, and when we do, we (they) will look at this and know they can handle the next challenge coming their way, and how they stuck together as either a family, a class, a school, a community and as a country.  

We are in this right now, so I don’t expect us to be so forward thinking, and to breeze over the challenge we all face in this: it is real, and it is hard.  However, we do have a choice, we can’t control the decisions made, we can’t control the things that are simply out of our control, what we can control is our mindset and how we react.   It is our job (I believe) as parents and as community members (in our respective communities) to lead with a positive attitude, lead with kindness, lead with a spirit of team work (we are in this together, stop blaming the world), lead with faith and belief that we will get through this, lead with generosity, who can you help, who can you support and who can you lift up.   We can go down with the blamers and complainers (have your tantrum but get over it), or we could rise up with the ones that choose to operate from a place of love/kindness/compassion and tolerance.  So, my guess is that every student in 2020, while frustrated (and rightfully so), will gain the most life lessons and opportunities that will serve them a lifetime.  How can we ask ourselves when it comes to how we were living and learning and say, is there a better way?  What can we learn from this?  How can we shift how we live and teach and invest more time in the things that really matter: life skills, mindset, self care, time management, and bottom line: how to be a good human (why can’t it be that simple)! 

So, if you are a parent reading this and you feel frustrated, I hear you, I get it, and let's have our tantrum and move on.  What can you do in your home (regardless of ages of your kids) to make it fun, to make it meaningful, and also to give yourself grace when it is falling apart.

Remember, we’ve got this!   We can do hard things, and even thou we don’t see it on the lesson plan, the lesson is one of the greatest lessons your child will receive this school year and beyond, don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn together, have fun together, and embark on new thought patterns, mindset and attitude—it is everything!!!!!!  XO

This should apply to life at all times, but this particular time that we are in, it is important to “Stop and Smell the Roses”, as my Dad would say about enjoy the simplicity and beauty in moments of your day.    I was sharing with my coach that I miss my schedule, going to Yoga, hitting Starbucks and feeling more free to just be out and about—I think we all miss that sense of freedom and our Fall routine.  I work from home and love doing so, but if I don’t get out, I can go a little stir crazy (I think we all know this feeling from Pandemic).    

So daily, I am either discovering something new (and at least a few times a week I will drive somewhere and take in the beauty) or appreciating something that is there, that I always see, but have not paid attention to.   I am going so far as to take a picture of it, to capture the moment, and to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me, and truly being in the moment.  I am sharing this here on the blog, because perhaps it will inspire you to go on a treasure hunt each day (a photo journal), in your yard, in your neighborhood, in your community or perhaps even a field trip, and discover the simple things along your path. 

 I am thinking of this as 2020 vision, because there has never been a time where we really need to appreciate the small things, to live in the moment and operate with gratitude, and choose joy in the simple moments in the day.  To look at life through these lenses is a gift, it makes life so much more enjoyable, and it truly allows us to explore, to appreciate, to be present, to observe and to practice gratitude.   A work in progress for sure, and accepting this as a practice helps, where progress is preferred over perfection.  

My Dad had this incredible gift of living this way.  He looked at life through different lenses because life was not a guarantee and because of his health, he never took it for granted.  Likewise, he truly valued the important things, and marched to the beat of his own drum.  Now, don’t get me wrong, he had his moments, man did he have his moments, but he balanced those and regrouped from those with a vibrant spirit and an appreciation of the simple joys in life.  He would tell us all the time “stop and smell the roses”, I am sure I would eye roll at that, but as he left this earth, his words, lessons and wisdom stayed with me, and this one saying speaks an abundance of wisdom and truth to living a peaceful, joyful, fulfilling life.   And no matter what, just don’t quit!  

So today, on my beach walk, I was giving thought to this, I was thinking about my Dad, this saying and the appreciation of simple joys along the way.   Of course, I had to stop and look at the beach roses, and be reminded how important it is to just be present, to just take things in, to be aware, be grateful, and to see the beauty that exists everywhere.   If you look for the bad, the ugly the problem, you will find it, in fact, it is everywhere.  However, if you look for the good, seek the beauty, be in the moment with gratitude and appreciation, you will see how blessed you are and how beautiful life can be, even in challenging times.  

XO 

No matter how much work we do on our mind and body, inevitably there will be times that our natural instinct, our temper, our reaction will prevail—it’s real, its life, it’s us.  To do the work on the Mind & Body helps mitigate so much, we learn not to sweat the small stuff, it truly helps us on our journey on becoming a better version of ourselves.  

My Dad was a great example of this my entire life.   He did not have an easy life, yet he got up each morning (before the world) and did so in a cheerful, grateful and punctual way.  

As a child he experienced things no child should ever experience, he never talked about it to me, but as an adult I can clearly see it was trauma, and I believe had an impact on his health.  At the young age of 29, he had a massive heart attack, and was not expected to live.  He fought through, and surprised the doctors as they say he fought for his life.   A heart condition so severe, that he was no longer able to work.  I will never forget being in a Psych 101 class my Freshman year of college and learning the role of the male, the provider (breadwinner) and how important it is for them, and if taken away, some cannot survive.  I then thought of my Dad, and realized how truly remarkable he was, as he was fighting a fight most men don’t, and doing so with grace and dignity.  He also fought addiction, and lived a great deal of his life in that journey, he worked on himself daily, which is something I reflect back on and realize how truly amazing and strong he was.   

Charming, handsome, kind, funny, fresh would describe him well.  He was a deep thinker, he loved deeply, and he had so much wisdom when it came to life (I have been told he has helped so many people, but I never knew this, he never spoke a word about the good deeds he did).  He also would fly off the handle pretty easily, and it was usually about the smallest of things (but because he was taking care of himself in mind/body/spirit, he managed to learn not to sweat the small stuff the majority of the time.  The big things in life he handled with empathy, compassion, understanding and resolve.  The small things, he could brush off, with the exception of times where he would just react, raise his voice, swear and we would all have a laugh afterwards of his reaction (I think we all have had at least one parent like this—or perhaps we are that parent).   The story I will share will then explain, the Mind, Body and the Bee!

My Dad, as I shared above, worked on himself and sought ways to take care of his Body (by walking), and calm his mind (usually by driving, listening to music or reading).   I will never forget one day he was on the deck, it must have been late summer, early Fall and he was reading a book, Relaxation Response, by Herbert Benson, M.D.  There was a bee buzzing  around him, he calmly swatted to whisk it out of the way—this went on for at least 6 times.  The bee was persistent and after so many whisks which were calm, my Dad had enough and took his “Relaxation Response Book” swatting it at the Bee yelling “you M——r F——g Bee!!!!  It was funny and we all laughed at the irony of him reading a book on relaxation and mind/body and the reality of annoyance and reaction.   To this day, this story makes me laugh, and any time a Bee is bothering me, I always think of my Dad.  

 A few years later the story came full circle as I was a Recruiter at a teaching hospital in Boston, and I was working with no other than Herbert Benson the author of this book, I was able to share the story of my Dad, and he laughed and thanked me and asked permission to use it in his speeches.   

So did he close the book, give up and just react to life?  No way, he lived the book, he got up each day, stuck to a schedule, enjoyed his morning coffee and the sunrise, he loved to drive and listen to music, that relaxed his mind and fed his soul.  He walked daily, he met up with friends, he read, he helped others, he spent every single day with family, he visited his grandchildren (daily).  While these things don’t seem like a big deal, they are, they are everything.   The bee is in our life daily, it is the things that distract you, bother you, and buzz around in your head.  When we do the things that bring us joy, that calm the mind, that lift the spirit, we take the sting out of the Bee.   

Bee the change you want to see in the World!  XO 

You heard it here first, it is time to create your Joy List—a simple list of the things that bring you JOY!   Life is hard, emotions at this time run deep and/or negative as we deal with a time that challenges our ability to cope, stay positive and sane.  I always talk about the hamster wheel of life, it is something we all find ourselves on, going through the motions, perhaps letting the day manage us rather than us managing the day.  It is normal and what we need to do is jump off, and not allow every little thing to dictate our experience and how we engage in the day to day.  I believe new seasons are our opportunity to reboot, cast vision, gain clarity on the season ahead and living our best life.   A tool I have created is a simple act of creating the JOY LIST, a list that simply reminds me of the things that bring me joy.  It can be added to, as I go and live my life, but in doing this list, it is a great resource to truly remember and embrace how to live with joy and what brings me joy.   A simple place to start is a simple list of some things in your day to day life that bring you joy.  From there, you can add to it, you can do a focused Joy, and focus a list on a particular area, person, season, or facet of your life.  To begin, I recommend a basic list that you can add to and that is simple.  Joy is simple, it is always there for us to access, and it happens throughout the day if we are aware, and if we choose to choose Joy.   This is a great exercise because it truly enables you to appreciate the small things, to realize all of your blessings, and to focus on the good, now, more than ever, we need to focus on the good.

Here is an example of my simple Joy List:

Joy Is…

Morning coffee, my kids laughing, sunshine and a blue sky, a sea breeze, the wind, walking in nature, a clean kitchen, upbeat music, child’s pose, smiling at a stranger, acts of kindness, eye contact, belly laughs, a fabulous meal, a good night’s sleep, my bed, crisp air, warm memories, being still, magical mornings, clarity, hugs, family pictures, inspiring others, listening, walking w/a friend, a fuzzy blanket & book, the night sky, the moon, the smell of summer and fall, personal notes, clear eyes, warm & fuzzy thoughts, snuggling with my puppies, my babies, coffee & jazz with Charlie, the sight of the ocean, peaceful moments of sitting outside, reflection, season changes, kids coming home, kids leaving home, new fluffy towels, pretty rooms, happiness for others, spiritual connections, white feathers, red cardinals, a newborns cry, a road trip, a full house, advocating for others, the spirit of the season, good people, love, healthy choices, God’s creation, faith, hope, wonder, imagination, gratitude, pizza, dense chocolate cake with raspberries, humility, humanity, the sweat from exercise, tan feet, pretty hands, a great outfit, lip gloss & shades, my right size, inspiration, words that inspire, flowers, a bath or shower at night, my clean routine, sugar scrub, getting jammies on, charcoal mask, a twist cone w/chocolate jimmies, my yoga mat, top knot days, giving compliments, receiving compliments, real conversations, helping others, a bag of chips (yes, the whole bag), driving w/music blaring, dancing, singing, being weird, energizing a room, lifting people up, speaking, standing up for others, preaching, teaching, being quiet, thoughtful acts, giving gifts, using my gifts, laughing in church, when I seek joy, choose joy, and live with joy!  

Now it’s your turn, write your Joy List and let it serve as a reminder of all you have, all that you are and all you see in others.  Choose Joy!  XO

It’s that time of year, and in 2020, it is the year and season of the unknown.  

We have all been thrown off track in a big way with a Global Pandemic, it has impacted so many and as we begin a new season, we do not know exactly what to expect, and many are left in the abyss of the unknown, it is not a comforting place to be.

Typically this time of year is back to school for Moms, and back to business for those of us that work, it is a time to get organized, sharpen the pencil on our year end goals, and enter this season with clarity in the chaos of life—it usually takes the month to ramp up and truly get into the new routine and schedule, at least for this Mom Boss!

Like many of you, I am feeling a bit anxious, I don’t like not knowing how the school year will play out, I don’t like that I don’t have my routine to settle in to like I normally would if this Pandemic were not our reality.  So, as I share here it is from a place of vulnerability because these are things I work on, these are things I do as I try and navigate this “new normal” as we are calling it.   I miss my freedom, I miss the schedule that I knew, the enjoyment of seeing my kids thrive and be free, I miss my yoga studio, I miss it all!

Tantrum:  Before we get in to some solutions and tools, let me just have a tantrum for a minute.  I hate this, I am so mad for my kids at college, I am so mad for my son starting his Senior year, knowing he will most likely be home and not with his peers.  I hate that these fleeting times and years are getting ambushed by this virus.  I am mad at our President and lack of leadership, he did not cause the virus but he has not taken the action that is necessary, and don’t even get me going on the division in our country.  I hate bullies, and the man leading this country is nothing but a bully.   Ugh, my emotions run high, my anxiety is high and I don’t like this.  This SUCKS!   End of rant.

I added my tantrum because I want you to know I am never all rainbows and unicorns, in fact, I’m full of so many emotions and anger, anxiety, sadness, to name a few are part of my daily experience, and for this reason, I leverage tools, practices and actions that help me navigate this challenging time.    

We cannot control the world around us, but what we can control is how we react.  

Here are some steps to take to ensure you are embracing the season the best that you can, it is work but it is so worth it, because it allows you the opportunity to do your part, and your part is working on you, it is doing the best that you can, it is not complaining or blaming (sure, u can have your tantrum, but then move on, take action, take charge of your mindset, your example, and your life)!  

1.  Decide 

Take ownership of your life, this season and decide to do what you can to make the best of this situation.   Part of this is acceptance, being willing to realize you cannot control it, and letting that go, and looking at what you can control: your attitude, your daily actions, and how you show up in the world.   Decide to be positive, too be part of the solution, to practice grace, empathy, kindness, flexibility and authenticity.  

2. Practice Gratitude 

Gratitude helps with your Attitude, and your attitude will be important to continue to work on this season and beyond.  List 5 things you are grateful for each day.  It might be the big things in life or it could be something as simple as coffee.  This practice grounds you, shapes your attitude and will help you from the negative thoughts swirling around in your head, to shift to the positive, the possible and the blessings.  

3.  Magical Mornings 

This practice helps me tremendously, especially if I find myself in reactive mode or on the hamster wheel of life.  Magical Mornings are the time I dedicate in the morning to filling my cup, the physical cup gets coffee (so pour yourself some coffee or tea) and the most important part is filling my mind with good thoughts, inspiring reading and time to mediate and reflect on my day, my life, my thoughts, my mindset.   There are many tools you can use, and I switch out various ones, depending on where I am at and/or how dedicated I am to this practice.   Here are some tools I use: devotionals, prayer, self improvement books, journaling, affirmations/mantras, gratitude journal, vision board, Dharma Alter (yoga practice w/a place to meditate), breathing/reflection time.   Even if you use one of these tools each morning, dedicating 15 minutes, it will ground you for the day—mind/body/spirit, it is nutrition for your mind & soul, it is a big part of Living HIPP!  

4.  Self Care 

There has never been a more important time for so many of us, than the need to practice self care. Self Care is also Self Love, it is a practice where you are in this process of self discovery, what works for you and what does not serve you.   We gloss over this topic all too often, because we either think we don’t have the time, we are in denial, we are too focused on others, we confuse it with being selfish, but self care is one of the most important topics when it comes to your life.   Start out with the basics, and access where you are:  Sleep, Eating, Hydrating (are you getting enough water), Exercise, Mind Health, Community/Connection, Spiritual Practice.   Just by reading this list, you will know the top 1 or 2 areas you need to work on, take them on first, add them to your daily work, and come up with a plan to improve that area of your life.   When I don’t focus on this area, I go way off course, so when I get too busy or don’t focus, I find myself in reactive and survival mode, which has such a negative impact on how I feel.  Be sure to plan out your daily self care routine, and write down and commit to the things that will help ground you, care for you so that you can care for others.  

5.  The Family Schedule (or your schedule)

Your calendar/planner is one of your greatest tools, it can get you from overwhelm (which I find myself in that state often) to organized and on purpose.   A few tips to run your calendar, and something I have been doing and teaching for over 2 decades.  First, write in all the absolutes: this might be kids school schedule or pick ups/drop offs, appointments (for some of you it could be home schooling time).  Write in your work schedule and for those of you that are self employed like me, write in the hours you will dedicate to your business.  

Many are truly struggling with kids at home, home school demands and you don’t have much of a break (I feel for you and I know it is difficult, frustrating and the pressure is real)—somehow carve out time for the kids to do their school work, have their quiet time and allow yourself time to do your work.  My advice is to give them quality of time, so when you are with them, truly be with them, but when it is time for your work, allow them a show, video game or some way to have them have their quiet time while you work.   Make sure your calendar is aligned with your vision and you add things and activities that move you in the direction you want to go—look at your calendar differently (discerning) this season so that you spend your time in the way that you want to spend it (not just have to spend it)!  

6.  Create a Joy List

Brainstorm a list of things that bring you joy.  This will help you to lead your life in a way (in the midst of the chaos) to truly appreciate the simple things in life and to acknowledge the simply joys.   Remember and practice that these simple joys are things you can experience throughout the day—this allows us to be more mindful, to be aware of the beauty around us, the gifts we experience each day, and especially when things go awry (which they always do), we can then redirect and find solace in the simple joys in each day.  I will just name a few of mine to get you thinking: sunshine on my face, the birds singing outside, my first sip of coffee, my kids laughter, my dogs excited to see me, the smell of the ocean, the pretty trees that surround me, belly laughs….

7.  Keep it Simple & Lean 

There has never been a better time to simplify our lives and this can happen in so many areas.  Number one, only put things on your calendar and/or list that truly matter—gone are the days where you rush, and do it all, now is the time to realize it was all a circus, the amount of stuff and busy schedules in our lives now cries for less, less clothes, less distractions, less relationships that don’t matter, less stuff in general.   It is a great season to declutter, this process is always cleansing and just feels good.  Take on either one room at a time or even one area of a room at a time, if you don’t love it, then donate/discard it.  Do the same for the people in your life, only surround yourself with those that build you up, that you enjoy and gently let go of the rest.   I realized through Covid that I have been so busy in my life, that I have not reached out to so many friends that I don’t see all the time, but I care about and this Fall I am going to make an effort to reach out, even thou I can’t see them, I can make those important connections to life long friends.  Who can you reach out to today?

8.  To Do List 

I am a fan of the list, I run my life by a list, and there are times I am super productive and other times that I just focus on the top 3 things.   Lists help us organize our thoughts, they help us to get it off our mind, and into action—and capture both the mundane and the important tasks be it life/work/self.  When my list gets steal, or I am no longer inspired, I start a new list (for some reason this one act gets me fired up again, and productive).  My list is usually two columns  Home & Business—the home column is anything to do with my home & family from call the painter to schedule Colby’s dentist appointment.  My business to do is to schedule an event to reach out to this person about starting a business with Beautycounter or write blog post for Living HIPP.  When I am super intentional w/a focus on self care, I have my own little list of things to do each day with a box to check:  70 ounces of water, podcast/walk, exercise, yoga, etc….  

Lists shouldn’t be daunting (although admittedly there are times they get that way), if you feel that, reboot and start a new list, feel the vibe and energy to crank through your list but carving out time to do so.    A new list is always a fresh start for me, ignite your inspiration, motivation and momentum by starting a new list!  

9.  Set Goals 

Vision and goals truly get us from going through the motions and reactive mode to being on purpose, living with intention and of having a vision of where we want to be and the goals help us to take action on how to get there.  Each month I set both business and personal goals, and if I am honest, usually one takes presidence over the other (although it does not have to, but that is how it often works out for me).  While I have my goals for the month, I often break them up both weekly and/or daily, depending on what it is I am working on.  

There are times when I need to work on my personal goals more than my business goals, because lets face it, if I am not feeling whole or the best I can, the business goals just are not as meaningful or impactful—if I am at my best, my ability to attack my business goals usually is far greater.  There is an ebb and flow to this, and this will allow you to work on what is most important to you at the time.  Setting goals has been the road map of my life, from the time that I first got myself in to college, at that young age, I lived it, I created a different life because of it, I am a huge believer in goal setting.   Vision setting is an even bigger topic, and I believe in this with my whole heart, and actually did this from a young age (not even knowing what it was).  I had a bulletin board on my wall as a teen, with words that inspired me, pictures I loved and I visualized what I wanted and how I wanted to be.  It is how I live my life to this day, it is so powerful and while we are in the middle of a Pandemic, we still need to have a vision of our future, our best version, and align our daily life in a way that is congruent with that vision.  

10.  Have Fun!

Back in my Training & Development days where I facilitated leadership and team building sessions in my Corporate career, we always added as a last step, Have Fun!   It’s weird to add but isn’t it so important to add?   In my life, fun has been the main theme in what I wanted my entire life.  When it came to a boy or husband, he had to be fun.  When it came to work, it had to be fun, when it came to friends, they had to be fun.  When it came to myself (and all the underlying feelings of anxiety or reservation), I had to be fun & have fun.  For years (and years and years) having fun usually mean’t drinking (and yes, there were many fun times, I’m not gonna lie), but that is not the fun I am talking about (and lets be honest, it is not always fun)! 

I’m talking about the genuine belly laughs, the taking a break from working hard and just having fun.  If I think about this as a Mom with littles, perhaps it is a spontaneous drop the school lessons, your phone and just go do something fun, goofy and in the moment that makes the kids laugh, and gets them out of their own feelings around school/being home and change in schedule.   In this time of Covid, we need to redefine Fun, we need to maximize opportunities to just keep it simple, to seek light in a dark situation, to create the magical out of the mundane, to dream rather than do, to embrace laughter as our love language.  Some ways you can create fun:  create a top 10 list for family fall fun, do field trips, daily fun breaks, back yard fun, theme family dinners, date night in, watch a comedy on Netflix, call a friend that makes you laugh until you cry, think of funny things over the years, you know the ones that still make you laugh.  They say that laughter is the best medicine, we all need a dose of laughter and fun!  

So, it is a different season my friends, but remember, you’ve got this, we are in this together and we will not on survive, we will thrive!  XO

A metaphor we all use, we usually reach this point when we need to create change in our life—it is a constant evolution of getting out of the day to day and into a vision of what works best for us.  We all have our “line in the sand” moments, some of us give thought to it over and over again until we finally decide to just take action.  This looks different for everyone, and the topic is obviously personal to you—I would argue that we have these in many areas and aspects of our life.   It usually falls within the major areas of health, finances, relationships/family, work/career to name a few.  I would propose at this time, the end of a season, in the midst of a Pandemic, many of you (us) are having our line in the sand moments, if this is you, then you will want to read on!  

I was walking the beach, I was giving thought to this, my coach pointed out to me a few days earlier that I just needed to draw the line in the Sand (you know, just decide, declare, and commit 100% to my boundary & goal I was setting for myself).  So, I actually physically drew a line in the Sand, it was a way for me to visually see what I was working on, to commit to myself and encourage myself to just do it, the key to moving forward is to stop thinking and start doing (yes, I know because I need to remind myself of that often), take action on what I said I would do, create, and no matter what (with even a set back), never give up!   Are you still with me, if so, then let’s do this!!!!

Line in the Sand is not bad, it is OPPORTUNITY to draw the line, create a plan, take action, and move forward in a positive direction (something we need to practice in many areas of our lives).   Here are some things I am doing, that you can do too, as you draw the line in the Sand and/or work toward a vision, goal, dream, or transformation of some sort, both big and small.   Yes, it may be a negative thing in your life, but don’t let that bring you down, it is not negative (even thou it feels that way to you), it is there to help you make some changes, and if you take that step, you are going to move forward in a positive direction, I promise!

Here are some simple steps to get you started:

—Cast a Vision!

There are several ways to do this, but for me, a Vision Board is the most fun, visual, and a compelling exercise to build your vision and see it, manifest it, and create it.  

Another tool I use (and have taught) is your One Year Letter (you can even do a 5-year letter), but one year is where I want to target for myself personally.  It is written in the present tense, it describes where you live, how you feel, what you are wearing, who you are with.  It is so powerful and a great way to put words to your vision.  

—Set a Goal!

I am all about setting goals, it is how I got myself into college, how I put myself through college, and how I work booth personally and professionally.   I like 30 and 90-day goals, and the goal-setting really depends on the goal itself—what is most important is to write it down, post it, and view it each day.  

—Build Your Belief!

Belief is so important to everything we do.  We can be our own worst enemies at times, and our unconscious thoughts can wreak havoc on our desire to create change or build something better in our lives.  There are a few tools that I use, and it is that time (a new season) for me to sharpen my pencil and create practices that build my belief, my attitude, my alignment with who I am, and how and where I want to be.  One important practice, especially to building a positive mindset is GRATITUDE, a daily gratitude practice is a game-changer.  Write 5 things down that you are grateful for, it is that simple and it shifts your attitude, simple, no-cost, and hugely impactful.  Another practice that is usually more challenging for people to embrace is Affirmations—they are so effective, and while harder to do (create), they are personal to you, build you up, and are the most loving gifts you can give yourself each day.  This is word porn on steroids.  

—Create Your Action Plan!

Now that you know what you want and where you want to be, you create a plan to get there.  This should include both daily/weekly and monthly activities.  If it is on your calendar, does it support your goal and vision?   It allows you directions and daily actions to move toward what you want.    These actions can be great accountability to “check off” when you achieve your task, goal or practice.  

As we enter another season, it is time to draw the line in the Sand, and to be clear about what we want more of, and what we want less of, and as I like to say, JUST DO IT!

This one is for all the parents that are sending their kids off to college, especially this year, a time of uncertainty, anxiety, and the “new normal” of Campus & COVID living.    I know it is just not those of us that are doing this now, it is those that have done it (you did it, perhaps not a Pandemic, but certainly an important time in your life), I honor you, and those that know someday they will (you are home with younger kids, and the thought of your kids going off to college just seems like a lifetime away), just take it all in, as someday, before you know it, yours too will be leaving the Nest.  

Pre COVID, leaving the Nest was such a mix of emotions, so very excited for them, a little sad (or for some a lot sad and tears) and this knowing in your core and fiber that life is changing, they are preparing and it truly is the beginning of a next chapter, they are no longer under your thumb, under your roof, and part of your daily life anymore, sigh….

I can remember people saying how they get used to them not being there, and things function well (even thou they miss them) and when they come home for breaks, you are then ready to see them go.  I did not understand that until living it, and yes, I had tears, I missed them, I had this deep feeling inside knowing, wow, this is it, we might have them home during breaks, summer and even after graduating or maybe not, but not for long, they really are getting ready to fly!  

We talk so much about how to prepare for everything and everyday life: food, your home, fashion, makeup, exercise, and on and on….   We don’t talk about this so much, the big deal of and how to prepare for your kids leaving for college and leaving the nest.  This is a big deal, and this is emotional, and this is such a happy time, and it is sad, and we question ourselves, (this interesting balance of confidence and self-doubt) did we do enough?  Did we spend enough time with them, did we prepare them?  Will they like it?  Will they find their tribe?  Will they be safe?   And this year, we stop at that question and hope and pray for the best.   Extra anxiety for all of us, as it is not the traditional college experience, and we all just need to do our best and remain positive, flexible, and collaborative.  

I am trying to celebrate this year, this send-off and act like it is normal because it is sort of normal, it is sort of the new normal, and sending them and knowing they may bounce back here sooner than later feels strange, and not knowing just makes me feel a little anxious, and out of control.    I look back to the Spring, when they came home for Spring Break and never went back, they were sad (mad) to miss out on Spring at Campus and the fun and traditions that they had looked forward to.  While they were upset, I reflect on that time as so precious, and someday, they will remember how upset they were (rightfully so), but also will look at it as a beautiful time in their life, spent with their family, in a way we will never have again (finding the gifts in the times of challenge).   

No one prepares you for this, raising these incredible humans, holding their hand, their heart, taking care of every precious and mundane detail of their life, and then all of a sudden…. letting go!   I feel like saying, “that’s it”, but I know, it is a natural progression, and this time of college is another precious time where they are really preparing to fly.  Building independence, building confidence, following their hearts, being challenged, embracing the fun and youthful time they are in, and expanding their world, their friendships, their view, and their experiences.  

So we don’t know how long school will last this semester on Campus.  I really hope they are not home, taking classes on Zoom and spending all of this money on tuition for such a small experience taking them away from their college experience.   This very well may be the case, and I have decided I just need to accept it all as it comes, and they will need to as well.   My advice for them is to enjoy each moment, each day, as we embark on the unknown—my advice for myself and for those of you in this stage of life is to be positive (even thou I find myself going negative), be open-minded (are you a complainer, blamer or builder as an example for your kids), and know that we have this, no matter what comes our way.  

Sending them off, especially for the first time is hard, it is exciting, and in my experience, it is a mix of emotions.  This year, I am sure the experience includes more worry and/or anxiety, not only for the parents but for the students as well.  We just all need to embrace it, take it one day at a time, and enjoy it in the present moment.  

So if your a Momma Bird, sending yours off, know that you did a great job, know that they will fly (in fact, they will soar).  You did your job, you prepared them for a time such as this, and while you send them off, you will always be their Nest, their Momma Bird, and the wind beneath their wings!

XO

While we are not traveling these days due to COVID, I am reminded how travel is such a gift, and I will admit, I miss that opportunity to just plan a trip and to get away.  I am going to be honest, while I love to travel, it also wreaks havoc with my anxiety.   To this day, I do not like leaving my kids—I don’t mind the time away from them, that is not it, it is my fear of something happening to us or them (hello anxiety, hello fear, you can STFU and get out of my head now)!   Family travel, on the other hand, is my jam, I love love love when Guyer 5 is on a trip, I love it when my babies are all with me, I am fully content, fully excited, and I did not leave a piece of my heart at home, my people are with me and as long as it is everyone, I am so excited and happy to travel.   

When my kids were little, Charlie & I did travel without them and had some incredible opportunities to see ‘some' of the world.  It was always so hard on me, I would be in full anxiety mode, and I dreaded leaving.  I would put a pretend smile on my face that I was so happy to go, and yes, I was excited and happy to go, but I also felt this sickness in my stomach, and worry of something happening.  And yes, for the record, I think of the worst-case scenario (how can I be this person that works on my mindset but lets my mind jump to the irrational thoughts and absolute panic and fear).   I always power through, I typically put a smile on my face, gulp my fear, and know that once I arrive at my destination I am fine, and I settle in and most of the time have a blast!    Recently, my father in law dropped off a folder of “Pam Stuff”, with many sweet documents that my mother in law saved on things that I had given her or she had collected.   Included were two multi-page documents of us traveling, and directions on the kid’s schedules, routines and the coverage plan of baby sitters and care.   “Pam & Charlie While in Hawaii” and the other “Pam & Charlie while in London”—it was such a treat to go back and see all the work that went in to being away and the amazing tribe of people that made it possible.  I had to laugh at my instructions on the kids and how to feed them, the importance of their schedule and routine (man, I was a stickler about their routine, and while I worked a lot, I really put so much of my heart and soul into our family life.  

Take that Trip!   As I reviewed these documents, I remember that in spite of my anxiety of leaving my kids and traveling, I still did it, and Charlie and I still made time for it as a couple.  I was fortunate to have earned so many trips with my company that we got to travel to Hawaii at least 7 or 8 times (one time bringing the kids), we also had several trips to Europe, one incredible trip that I earned and the other times were me meeting Charlie while he was away on business, I am so very glad we took each and every one of these trips.  

When they were young, in addition to Hawaii, we did trips to London, Paris, Madrid, Barcelona/Lisbon and each of these getaways was amazing!   My favorite was Paris, it was part of my 40th birthday celebration and we had a blast.  More recently, we visited Dublin, while Charlie was on business in Barcelona, I met him in Dublin (which was this Irish girl’s first time there).  Ironically it was a snowstorm and the city was shut down, so we spent our time at the local pubs, and yes, most nights at the Temple Bar, it was a blast!  

Over the past few years, we have wanted to go to Italy, in fact, it was supposed to be a trip for my 50th birthday, but my Mom was sick and it was not the summer to have travel plans.  We keep saying we are going to go and waited as Kaili is going to study abroad, but now all of that is canceled and uncertain, so most likely she may not have this experience while at college.   If she is not able to go, we have some other ideas, which we will need to be patient and flexible with.   

So, while none of us can really make big travel plans these days, what we can do is dream, we can also plan (even if we can’t plan dates), we can save, earn and prepare so that when the time is right (which it never is anyway), you can create those memories, have those moments and Just Do It!   I know it is not easy, especially when they are little, but it is so worth it.  Interestingly enough, we traveled more when they were little as a couple than we do now.  It is harder as they get older for other reasons, and the timing is never good (and that is exactly why you should take the trip)!  

I am looking forward to the time we can travel again.  I am looking forward to the next family vacation and travel which is my absolute favorite (because I stress less w/my people being with me).   

We can’t book the actual trip, but what we can do is travel in our mind, dream in our hearts and put pen to paper what travel we would like to do as a family, what travel we would like to do as a couple and perhaps even what travel we will do by ourselves.   Where do you want to go?  What do you want to see?  What trip can you plan, can you work towards, and can you make a reality when we get through this lockdown?   Before you know it, it will be time to pack your suitcase and discover more of the world and the destinations you dream of.  

Happy Travels!

XO

I have joked about the COVID 15, the 15, 10, or 5 pounds that many of us have gained during the months of being home, not as active and eating or drinking more than we normally do.   I would argue the majority feel this way, perhaps silently or even so sharing our woes of how we put on those extra pounds.   Let's be clear, there are major issues far more important when it comes to this virus, so in no way does this compare to the real challenges, so let's remove that thought, and get into what is weighing on (literally) people’s minds, including my own.  

I find it interesting that many women don’t talk about weight and/or their is shame in having the conversation (or the concern about body image and the example we are setting).  I agree, it is a sensitive topic, one in which we need to be aware of, but let's be real, and let's be completely honest….  Women and their weight is a big topic, it is a daily thought, feeling, or action for so many women, some even so subconsciously (even the thin/fit/whole food eating ones, they, in fact, obsess about it at some time in their life).    This blog started out as a place of inspiration, motivation, and all things HIPP.  At the time I started the book & blog, I was in a really good place, and my mind/body/spirit were aligned with where I needed to be and this became a lifestyle for me (one of transformation, balance, authenticity, and aspiration).  At my core, I love to inspire others, I love to look at the possibilities, I love to get people dreaming, casting vision and becoming the architects of their lives, it is who I am, what I do, and what I love to inspire and teach. What I realized in the process (when life happens) is that in order to inspire, you need to be real, you need to share the truth, and while it is uncomfortable and includes topics that are not so inspiring, it is important to share, and to be transparent, because that is what people relate to, and living HIPP is the intersection of who you are (strengths & weakness) and who you want to be (vision & personal development/goals).  I am going to admit, I have become annoyed by the facade out there, the sites upon sites that are going to teach you, inspire you, and share only a curated image of life.  Now, I realize we all love the fancy pictures (um hello they are on my site), but when the words lack the truth, only some of us can see right through that.  An example I will use (and I am not bashing her) is Rachel Hollis.  I give her enormous credit for the brand and business she has built, it truly is amazing.  While I admire a lot of what she has done and how “she does it all”, I had this feeling it was a facade, I even shared with my girlfriend that I don’t think it’s real, there is something off about her husband (which I have always thought he was a tool, and I felt such a visceral bad feeling seeing them market themselves as the “it” couple, no thank you)  I could not believe people were paying money for their advice.  

I call BS on the lifestyle staging on line, because I know behind the scenes there is chaos, self-doubt, comparison, and personal challenges that are being hidden by busyness, achievement, knowing it all, and doing it all (ouch, truth).  I understand this, because how can you be an expert, and attract others when you are not “all that and a bag of chips”.  But as I shared in my book written almost a decade ago, the problem is, many of us (my people) want to eat the whole fucking bag of chips.  Truth (and humor)!   I am a “woman empowering woman" sort of girl, I love cheering others on, it feels weird and against that belief to “call out the BS on the internet and entrepreneurship high ways” of women sharing how great their life is and how important their services are, and they charge a premium when in fact their rates far exceed their expertise and real earned experience.  So, let me be gentle too, let me applaud those brave enough to put their stake in the ground, and share their voice.  It takes courage, and it takes dedication, and I love nothing more to see a woman shine her light.   I can’t preach on this anymore, but what I can do is be real, and share the “real real”, and while most of the sites and sounds are all that and a bag of chips, I am going to delve into said bag, and tell you what I do, what I struggle with but also how I always survive and on some days and seasons, thrive!

OOPS, I did it again!  Yep, COVID came, yoga stopped and I leaned on food for comfort and just let go of my routine of self-care.  Yes, I have had a few self-care days here and there, but my routine of living mindfully (living HIPP) went by the wayside, for far too long.

And I ask, why why why did I let myself go here, get here and let it get this far (15 pounds over my comfort level).  Yes, I realize I am not huge, but 15 pounds more on a petite body feels awful (so it is all relative my friends).   

I had a few day ones, eat well, even for the day, but by Monday afternoon/evening I am eating crunchy salty chips mindlessly (“WTF is wrong with me”).  Yep, that is how it goes until it finally clicks.  
My husband reminds me that when I get to a point like this, not exercising, not motivated, I just am not myself and not feeling my best.  This is not a great place because my baseline (underlying all of my tools) is depression/anxiety and other challenges like ADD, etc…. Now not to go all psych on you, I don’t like to deal with these topics, I want to bury them, hide them, I don’t want them attached to me.  The work I need to do is to be more accepting and to treat myself like I would treat you if you told me you experienced some depression or anxiety—I would understand, be compassionate, and think you were courageous and brave to share that with me.  I believe most women experience various levels, and we hide behind food, alcohol, shopping, socializing, work, busyness, and things that help us deter from the feelings, thoughts, and real stuff going on.  

Anxiety is more prevalent for me, I live with it daily, and it seems manageable.  What I don’t fully know how to deal with is depression, because it is not always there, it will out of the blue (or after periods of challenge, like COVID) come on, and I just feel blah, not motivated, sad or at times paralyzed to some degree.  I am thankful I don’t get this way often, but it is there, and I am somehow learning to accept it, and live with it.  I share this with you because I am not the girl that does it all, has it all together, and brings home the bacon and cooks it too!    If you see me shining and loving life, it’s real, it’s genuine, but also know that I work hard behind the scenes, and there are times I struggle behind the scenes, and the work I do is charting and course-correcting at times, some days are great, while others are a challenge, I am sure many of you can relate to this as it is not unique to me, but it is the truth on the other side of being a strong woman, being confident, being happy (I would argue being vulnerable shows even more strength and humility).  

I am the girl that somehow has managed to achieve a lot in spite of living with anxiety, ADD, and an addictive personality—I want an Olympic medal!!!! :)  So this summer, I am going to be honest, I am not feeling my best.  Yes, I write a blog around Living HIPP: Happy, Inspired, Passionate, Peaceful and truth be told, I am feeling the opposite in some ways, but isn’t that real, and isn’t that life, and isn’t that how many of us live (it’s not all rainbows & unicorns even thou I have those moments and days too)?   I can’t erase it, I can’t just pretend all is great, I can’t bury my feelings, I can’t run from it, but what I can do, and what I always do is that I start somewhere.  I actually have been working hard on some of this for the past few months, not losing weight but on being with myself, my feelings, and doing some internal work.   I have more work to do and I am finally ready to cast my vision, set my goals, and work on this (which usually takes a few setbacks which I am hoping I already have had), this is how it goes.  I need to start where I am. Simple Steps daily and for me, it is based on diet, exercise, and a positive mindset.  Mind/Body/Spirit is the cornerstone of my wellbeing (and our wellbeing).  

I wrote this blog post to share some of what is happening behind the scenes and mostly for any of you that are feeling the same way, or struggle with some of these things.   Life is about Seasons, some are incredible, we are at the top of our game, we are feeling good, productive, fit, and at peace.   Some seasons bring storms, storms that we either create or ones that we have no control over, and for some of us, we are weakened by the storm, we let our vulnerabilities have their voice, and we hunker down until the storm passes.   You can’t truly shine your light until you go through the storm, I am living that lesson and learning that lesson over and over.  

So my biggest achievements are not ones you can take pictures of, and certainly not ones that make me look like the “IT” girl.  No, no no no, that is not me.  I am fighting battles silently, but not just fighting, I am conquering as well, it is a bit of both.  I am also waking up each day with gratitude, looking at the beauty around me, laughing each day, dancing in my car or kitchen and I am dancing with the wolves (these feelings and thoughts that can scare me and bring me down).    It is all of it….
If any of this resonates with you, here is my advice:
—Know you are enough and know you can do anything
—Ask for help and/or don’t try and do it all alone
—Practice Gratitude: write down 5 things a day
—Exercise Daily (yes and eat good food, trust me)!
—Take action, rest is important, but make sure you are productive and/or active first (activity heals)
— Pray, Meditate or journal, it helps to process your thoughts

So, there you have it.  I shared with you what is weighing me down these days.  It is not just the weight, it is acknowledging that it is a season for me (and for many of us) that has been a challenge (and yes, some blessings too).  So, like anything in life, when I find myself stuck, I create my plan, I cast a vision, write down my goals, and plan my daily steps.  Some days I crush it and other days I don’t, but what I do know for sure, is to keep going, keep with it, and never ever ever give up!   XO

For each of my kids, I have a video made for their graduation from high school, this one was easy as Kaili did it for me and for her younger brother Cam.

In just one week recently, I heard from more than 3 people sharing how they loved how close my kids are, it struck me as I know they are close, and we are close as a family but I also see the sibling squabbles and the fights between my brood. 
This is a great celebration of Cameron, but it is also a great celebration of the Guyer kids, and the closeness between them, the love that only brothers and sisters know so deeply, and the love in our family.   When I see this, my heart swells as it is everything to me, my people, my tribe. 

Finally getting Cam’s video up on the blog, because in the next year it is Colby’s Senior year, and is his time to shine.  My family is my greatest pride and joy, like any parent, I have never known a greater love.   Yes, they drive me crazy at times, but more so, I am absolutely crazy about them, I know so many of you can relate to this feeling, this knowing, this being…

While we are not sheltered in place like we were a few months ago, we are still not venturing out as we had in summer’s past.  I miss the freedom to roam, I miss going out without a mask on, I miss planning for my summer vacation and I miss the ease of life as we know it.  When I find myself complaining, I remind myself (and those around me) how many lives are lost or impacted by this virus, and that puts everything into perspective.  “Suck it up Mellor”, I say to myself.  This is where a gratitude practice really becomes a tool to survive and to thrive during this time of uncertainty.

There was this pressure (self-imposed perhaps) to get stuff done, try something new, go after that goal, climb that mountain, sail that sea sort of thing during SIP.  I was probably one of those cheerleaders encouraging you (and me) to do some of those things along with taking advantage of the downtime and family time.   I did not do a whole lot during SIP, and my guess is that is exactly what I needed.  I sometimes imagine what it would be like to feel no pressure to do anything, be anything, achieve anything, and that others’ opinions did not matter.   My business needed my attention, which was purposeful as I knew people needed leadership, and the community I am part of is a positive one, that was a great use of my time and energy (leading through adversity is what I have prepared for professionally & personally).  

My quarantine project (which came on the later end) became my lawn and also gardening for the first time.  I can’t believe how soothing it became, and while my garden is one small bed (you need to start somewhere) to see vegetables actually grow is really rewarding (I think any gardener knows this feeling too well).  So while I did not want to feel the pressure to climb the mountain and sail the sea, I did take on something that started from nothing and would grow.   I am not sure I would call myself a gardener, part of the getting dirty I don’t like, but what I do like is the nurturing, the growth, the commitment and love each day, those are things that come naturally to me.   As we are still in this uncertain world, and we don’t have our regular routines, it is important that we each find some small thing that brings us distraction (attention) and a place to escape.   Isn’t it funny how mindfulness is so important, but the ability to escape is equally important at certain times or in certain circumstances?   My lawn & garden became my escape, my place to nurture, my place to grow (even thou I was at home I was traveling to another land).   This experience further taught me that it is not always about knowledge & expertise (while important), I put my heart and commitment into these projects, and the results were incredible—validating that heart & commitment can be a match for expertise any day of the week.  I always share in leadership training or advice to “lead with your heart”, it will never lead you in the wrong direction, and love is the top emotion IMHO when it comes to leadership and creating positive/sustainable results.  

What have you tried or have done more or less of during this time of Pandemic?   Have you found a place to escape?  While it is important to be present, to live in the moment, to be mindful it is also awesome to escape, be it in a hobby, a destination, a book, a movie/series or other ways to shift the body and mind away from the pandemic and into a story, a project, and something to nurture, grow and create. 

 If you are not up for a challenge of something new, even giving thought of visualizing some things you desire or might find of interest could be a good start.  Make a fun list of things to do, a bucket list of things you might try, or would like to do in the coming months and years.  

XO

Equal partnership is so important in marriage, life, and business. This is a time when we all need to pitch in, take on our share, and be in this together as a partnership and embrace teamwork.  All families work differently, and all couples have a different dynamic, so this is not a one size fits all sort of topic, but it is an opportunity to realize you are not in this alone. Nor should you be.  

If you are feeling like you are doing it all without much support from your spouse, then keep reading. It is unfair and quite frankly a topic that is probably already an issue that needs to be addressed, especially in times like this.   It is time to address equality in your household and time to level up the responsibility and support.  Again, everyone’s needs are different, so this is written for those of you feeling overwhelmed, that are doing it all, and desire to create change around this topic.  

Creating Equal Partnership is Imperative

There are so many responsibilities that land on your plate, and perhaps you are doing it all or trying to do as much as you can. The equality and shared effort might weigh more heavily on you.  Typically in families, the mom just does it, and let’s be honest, in most homes we just know how to do it and get it done.  

My guess is that if you are taking on the lion’s share of responsibilities and not putting a plan in place. You are feeling like you are drowning. You are feeling overwhelmed, and you are perhaps even resentful of your partner, your family, and the situation you are in.  

You Must Speak Up

There are ways to address this, and in doing so, it will begin a greater conversation of partnership and teamwork when it comes to family living, parenting, and equal partnership in living a family-centered life.   I was in this position years ago, growing a business and feeling overwhelmed. I needed to use my voice as a contributor financially, and I needed support and partnership in it as well. As a result, we were able to put support in place, and likewise, develop mutual respect in our partnership and marriage.  

Obviously every couple and person is different, so things will be different for everyone. It is a take what you want, leave what you don’t sort of situation to establish this in your own home.  I have been fortunate that my husband grew up in a home where his Dad was equally involved, and it became who he is as a person. Even still, I had to use my voice, ask for help, and establish some rules of engagement in being a dual-income family and sharing responsibilities at home.  

Note that we have delegated and outsourced many things to keep our home running smoothly, but when we first had these conversations two decades ago, we did not have the income to support that, so we did it, and did it together. Today, that is the situation most are in - both parents working from home, no house cleaner, no tutor, no baby sitter, so the demands on both parents are far greater, and most of it lands on you as the Mom. As a Mom Boss, it is even more challenging. Here is how to address this topic.      

How to Create Equal Partnership and Balance in Your Home

1.  Communicate 

The most important step in creating an equal partnership is communication. You have to express how you feel, what your needs are, and how this is an equal responsibility.  This conversation needs to be a meeting, not in passing and not as a reactive measure (admittedly I do that at times).

“Babe, can we take some time so that we can discuss a plan around how we get through this, I am feeling overwhelmed, and I have some ideas.” Set up a meeting so that you and he are not distracted. Also, once you both are on the same page, a family meeting (age-appropriate) might help so that everyone knows that this time requires teamwork from the whole family. This also allows a chance for the kids to share their feelings and needs/desires.  

2. Look at Income Roles

Less Income:  

I will never forget when I first started my business, I felt like I was drowning and did not have enough time for it (3 babies under 3). My husband would say, “You are working so hard and not even making money”.  It frustrated me even more.

I finally said, "I need you to support me. This gives me a sense of purpose. It gives me something outside of being a mom which feels good for me, and if I give it time, I know I can make the income. You need to believe in that and believe in me".  

This really helped because even though I was not making the income, I needed his support. I did most of the “at home” responsibilities but we carved out time for me, my work, and he became more involved.  

Income Earner:

For those of you who are an income earner (especially those of you that are serious income earners), you need to speak up.  Show him your income. Even though he knows it, put it down on paper. Look at it together.  In order for you to continue bringing in that income each week or month (and hopefully grow it), you need his support. You need to approach this whole thing as more of a shared partnership. Money talks, especially in relationships, and I know once my earnings increased, I truly felt more of a partner in our relationship and household (this right here is empowerment) and can be acknowledged and shared in a tactful & factual way.  

3.  List Responsibilities 

Create a list of all the responsibilities for home and parenting such as shopping, cleaning, meal prep and cooking, home school, and bedtime/bath time to name a few (obviously all depends on your family and children’s ages).  

Break down each area and decide who does what each day and week.  Perhaps one parent handles morning (wake/breakfast/day prep) and the other parent evening (bath & bedtime).  Just because you do them does not mean they are your responsibility. This all comes down to communication, negotiation and mostly teamwork.  This is how you build an equal partnership

4. Create a Family Schedule

Decide together what the family schedule looks like for the week, and decide who does what in each day. Plan this ahead of time together and agree upon how you will manage it. Considerations are work schedules. I know in our home my husband’s work has always been less flexible than mine, so we decided ahead of time what he could do and how he could “pitch in” to give me a break and provide support for me each day.  

If your kids are old enough, decide what they can do on the list above and in the schedule for the week.   Having this in place and visual removes the arguing, complaining, asking, and expecting he will just jump in and help (he doesn’t get it and he never will)!  

5. Delegate & Outsource 

I am a big believer in putting support in place, and during this Pandemic, I am reminded how much this helps and allows us to create more balance in our lives.  I am a very firm believer in NOT “doing it all”.   There are so many things we can outsource typically, but for now, during stay at home orders, the list is limited: grocery delivery, landscape and outdoor work (delegate that so your husband can free up his time to help you) - just these two steps can save hours each week for both of you to attend to what needs to happen at home.   

6.  Create a Necessary Vs. Nice List 

Have a conversation around prioritizing what is necessary vs. what is nice for each of you to help create an equal partnership. 

Our world has changed and as such, we need to change. As couples, we need to be in equal partnership more than ever when it comes to home and family (mental health/physical health and getting our needs met). Perhaps things like exercise, work, and virtual appointments are necessary to both of you.  Nice might be Netflix, a drive, scrolling social media, etc. 

Being cognizant of sharing the responsibilities at home and actually having a plan will help to decide what is necessary (and give each other time to do that) vs. what is nice (and for everyone, we all need our nice or alone time or downtime too).  If we make sure our needs are met, we can better enjoy the nice moments or downtime each day.  

7.  Set Expectations 

As part of the communication and planning, being clear of expectations, and setting expectations is important. It is important in business, and certainly home and family.  It is like running a business at times, as it requires open communication, a plan, management and collaboration, being clear on all of this, and writing it down (even post daily responsibilities for the family will help).  

Likewise, if we are establishing an equal partnership, we need to be okay with our spouse’s performance and let go of the fact that we can do it better (guilty here).  This has been and continues to be, the challenge for me.

During this Pandemic, Charlie has cleaned the kitchen more than ever and I so appreciate it. He has also been doing some of the cooking.  He is a MESSY cook and leaves fingerprints everywhere, which drives me crazy.  He also leaves things out on the counter, and don’t even get me started that he loads the dishwasher wrong. He puts some things back in the wrong place (can you tell I am working on this).  

Here I go, just writing it reminds me that it is easier sometimes for me to just do it!  I need to remind myself that done is far better than perfect, and while expectations need to be set, standards need to be lowered (or adjusted) to some degree.  The critical voice and eye need to shift, and we need to be aware of this in every way.  We are asking for an equal partnership, not a clone!

Practice Patience When Working Towards Equal Partnership

Patience is important in this process, but partnership is key in order to get through this time we are in and establish better practices that will help support you moving forward.  Remember, ask for help, communicate how you are feeling, approach this like a project or work, and remind him that his involvement is necessary at this time, and it requires everyone to rise up, pitch in, and do this together.   

You’ve Got This!  XO

The silver lining. Never has there been a time in our country (at least in decades) that we have been continually in search of the silver lining.  By definition, it is the light and the sun behind the cloud, and in some cases, the storm.  

While it does not feel this way, and while many of us wish this would stop and go away, we are being trained. We are being forced to look for the silver lining, which is helping us not only today but is preparing us for tomorrow and our ability to deal with adversity. IT is teaching us to make the decision to look at the silver lining.  Even in the most challenging of times, there is almost always an opportunity to look for the bright side or a small glitter of hope in the darkest of times.  

Doing Our Part to Make the Silver Lining

We must always remember and hold dear the truth that exists, and that is that love always wins.  The love in your heart is far greater and more powerful than the fear in your mind. Now more than ever, we need to practice the feelings of peace and the pathway of love.  

We are in the most epic, unprecedented, and challenging time of our lives.  

While it is scary, and life is much more challenging for some than it is for others, our challenges in this are all relative. They are relative to our life situation, our health, our family, our finances, and the lives we live.  If there were ever a time to offer support be it financial, emotional, or hopefully, all of the above, now is the time.  If there were ever a time to not think of ourselves but to make decisions for the betterment of others (to stay at home for example), now is the time.

For those that are more vulnerable and for all the brave essential workers and health care workers that are out there doing their job, now is the time.  This is a time for doing the right thing, for making the decision that helps strengthen all of us, and knowing that we all need to do our part, even when it is difficult, inconvenient, frustrating, and for some, unbearable.  

Facing These New Challenges Head-On

The challenges brought on at this time for so many are real. They are difficult, and they cannot be overlooked. Death, health complications, illness, financial implications, debt, mental illness, depression, anxiety, addiction - not the severe diagnosis, but the dance we all do with these topics. For some it is situational, and if not treated, it can lead to more serious consequences or diagnosis.  Difficult emotions such as frustration, fear, loneliness, grief, being overwhelmed, sadness, despair, worry, and confusion.   These are all real, these are prevalent, and it is time we talk about them out loud, as it is a time that all of society can better understand the feeling, the experience and remove the shame from these topics.  

There is a continuum, a continuum that many people find themselves on and it is real. It is important to be aware of and to acknowledge the feelings as much as we want to escape, numb out, and ignore those emotions that are happening.   Navigating the emotions and true impact, and then being able to put things into perspective, and in the challenges of it all, be able to see the silver lining, and allow the silver lining to add light to the darkness and downside.  

Finding the Silver Lining

The silver lining in all of it is our ability to see the silver lining. That behavior alone is a gift, a gift at the moment but also a gift of learning this behavior and practicing it which will serve us in the future.  At this moment, there have been several silver linings, ones which impact some more than others, and it is important for us to look for it in most situations and certainly each day.  Silver lining moments for many are time with family, a slower pace, more conversations, simplicity, food and family time, working virtually, resiliency, a healthier planet, presence, creativity, and discernment (maybe saying no to all the homeschooling and following your heart with parenting).  This is our time to break out of the norm, follow our hearts, and trust our intuition as it has been trying to speak to us for a very long time. Going within will be our greatest gift in all of this.  

It has been and is the hardest thing we have ever been through, and we are still here. We are not done. There have been so many losses, life being the most important, and financial after health. My heart aches for the seniors losing their special events/graduations and senior week traditions, brides that had to reschedule, and women birthing at hospitals in fear of this virus.

We ARE the Silver Lining

In the face of it all, there is still a silver lining, and the silver lining is the human spirit. The brave health care workers that are saving lives, they are showing up, they are working together to protect all of us.  The support workers - health care, grocery, delivery, truck drivers, and public safety workers. They are making such low wages and still showing up, still putting their life at risk to help in this public health emergency.  The first responders are always our heroes, showing up in emergencies and in communities, making people feel safe and supported.  The Seniors being celebrated in a different way. \

While it hurts today, I promise you tomorrow you will know resilience, and you will use this in other life situations. You already took your most important class, and that is the Class of 2020. You are the example of strength, teamwork, resiliency.  The brides, the birthday boys and girls, the celebrations and milestones - they all matter. While it is not what anyone would desire or plan, we are all making the best of it.  This will go down in history as the most memorable time in recent decades, and the stress and fear will fade away. The memories of this moment and your milestone will be special in your mind as time goes on and it heals our hearts.  Those words do not offer much now but know that you are loved, you are celebrated, and you are being tested to rise above the ashes of disappointment and sadness.  

Let’s be There for Each Other Emotionally and Spiritually

Remember, it is okay to not be okay.  Have your moment, have your set back, and have your time of stress, sadness, or uncertainty. These are feelings that are real and need to be acknowledged.  Then, look for the silver lining. Look for the good. Look for the helpers and let that human spirit, that love, and this moment in time sink in.   When we come out of this (which we are slowly doing now), there are blessings and there are lessons. If we hold on to just a few of them, we are better because of this.  

It is especially challenging because we are all so thrown off. I feel it every single day, and that is my own struggle to be gentle with myself and others around me.

It’s hard, so let's remember to exercise more compassion, more empathy, and more flexibility with ourselves and those around us. We are in this together, and when we unite, we can get through anything. The silver lining is there, it is always there, just look for it, and let your heart shine too!  XO

Sunday rituals have been helping me stay on track for years. I typically use Sundays as a day to prepare for the week ahead.  Downtime is most important, so oddly enough, it is a day of rest, restoration, reflection and planning.   Some Sundays are full, and I just don’t hit half of the things I like to do, but today, the Sunday rituals I use are in every day as we hunker down, and learn to live in a more present place. 

Sunday Rituals Can Help You

If you are feeling less grounded, this will surely help, and also help you to bring some focus, intention, productivity and balance to the week.  I easily go off track, so these Sunday rituals are tried and true, and they create more of a soulful Sunday, which we deserve to experience every day of the week.  This is the new you!  

Rest and Just Be

I think the most important element to Sunday rituals is rest, taking time to be.

Be in Nature.  Be Still.  Be in Prayer.  Be Alone.  Be with Others.  

Fostering Feelings that are not just for Sunday, but available to you every day.

Be Open.  Be Compassionate.  Be Kind.  Be Loving.  Be Joyful.  Be Grateful.  Be Faithful.  Be Fruitful  Be Generous.  Be Forgiving.  Be Positive.    Just Be.  

Reflection is Part of It

There has never been a better time to go inside, remove yourself from the distractions around you (the surface stuff) and go inside of you, your feelings, your depth, your heart, your love.  Be open, receive, listen, accept, take in all the love inside and around you.  

Breathe in the peace, release the fear. 

Easy like a Sunday Morning….

Life is showing us right now the importance of the present moment and just BEING.  The need to slow down, the need to be mindful, present, less busy, less rushing, less doing and more being.  As I write, I am sitting home, sun shining in the window, jazz playing, coffee brewing (okay second pot), and all is well in my world.  It most certainly is easy like a Sunday morning around here.   At this very moment, even if chaos will come later.

I am so aware of how important this time is, and how each and every one of us needs this time (quiet time).  Time to breathe, time to meditate, time to pray, time to rest, time to just be.  

Perhaps this should not just be for Sundays, perhaps we can insert this into every day.  

Bring Being in the Moment to Every Morning

I try and start most mornings in this way, as it grounds me, sets my mindset, opens my heart and helps me feel more aligned with me (my inner HIPP) and not the day.  The days I wake up and jump in and react, are just hamster wheel days, and that hamster wheel is surface, frantic and what’s going on outside of us.  We need to go in, we need to connect with our inner selves, our compass, our North Star, and not run anymore.  This time right now is a gift, a gift and an invitation to get off the hamster wheel of life, and go inside, and tap into our intuition and soul.  Accept the Gift.  Seize the Moment.  Take Action.  

Planning and Prep with Sunday Rituals 

Sundays rituals are not all rest and recovery, they also include some planning, preparing and time to set myself up for a great week.   Typically I take time at some point during the day.  Coffee/tea and my calendar, I find a quiet spot in my home.  

Must-Do Tasks

I first make sure I carve out and/or acknowledge absolutes, examples are kids’ responsibilities, work events (even if virtual right now), and family obligations (again, less to do right now).

Work Time

Even though I work for myself and work from home, it is so important for me to commit to sit, meaning, decide when I will work my business, otherwise, the sock drawer and distractions get in the way.   I also break down what needs to happen, tactical actions to move my business forward.

Self-Care    

Sunday rituals should always have self-care built-in. This includes all areas from yoga, exercise, personal development, affirmations, and journaling.  I don’t write all of this down, but when I really need to ramp it up, I will write it out daily to make sure I am using my tools and including self-care daily.  

Meal Planning

I’ll be honest, I need to get better at this.  Some weeks BOOM, I got the meal planning/prepping down, and some Sundays I power cook, meaning spend the morning or afternoon in the kitchen cooking meals for the week.   It really depends on the week, but I find when I plan for healthy meals and commit to this, I have better options.  

More Sunday Rituals to Keep you Focused and Centered

These Sunday rituals are wonderful for helping to equip yourself for the week (and they are not just for Sundays), but some are things I do, and things I want to incorporate more of (like the hiking).  There has never been a better time to brainstorm a list of Sunday Rituals, which can also be sprinkled throughout the week.  

Sunday Bath

For years, I enjoy a Sunday afternoon or evening bath.  I don’t do it every Sunday, and I don’t always choose Sunday, I might need it on a different night.  But there is nothing like taking some time to fill a bath with warm water, Epsom salt (or lavender), light a candle, play spa/relaxing music, face mask and UNWIND.  So good for the body/mind/soul.  

Hike

I love to walk, and typically walk the beach as it is my happy place and brings me instant joy.  I think getting out in nature is so important.  I would like to add more hiking, so I am going to add this to my planning these next few weeks, and now that we have more downtime, what better way to throw on the sneakers and do a simple hike.  

Gratitude  

Not just for Sundays, but truly embracing gratitude and a practice, Sunday is a great place to begin.  

Family Time

Hike, Walk, Games (we are not so much a game family here), Family Movie Night (which we love, outdoor sports/play, Fireside Chats, Dance, Sing (or just chilling to music).    A Sunday drive can soothe the soul, perhaps go to a place you can run/play/and change the scenery).  

Sunday Rituals Can be for Every Day

So, it’s a time to bring Sunday rituals to every day of the week, but more importantly, be mindful of all that we have, all that is important, and experiencing small joys throughout the day.  

XO