Moms - The Guilt and The Glory
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Moms, the Guilt & the Glory!

Mother’s Guilt…..  it is something we all know, working moms especially but all moms experience it, we are never doing enough, and the guilt resides inside of us, because lets face it, when they are little, we don’t want to sit on the floor and play all day, or get our hands in play—dough, at least this Mom did not (and the Moms that made the homemade play dough just made us feel worst).  Keep reading if you can relate…

As a Mom Boss, I can assure you I have felt Mother’s Guilt for many years.  I would tell a story about being a “work at home & stay at home mom,” and that is the reason I built a business from home, but the truth was, I was on my computer & in my home office a lot.  I was not present at times, and that became my challenge, opportunity & focus in most recent years.  I felt guilty because I would rather be on my phone, than on the floor reading Brown Bear for the 50th time.   I had to play mind games with myself, and make myself be present and in those moments-- I enjoyed it all, the kids, the business, the flexibility that I had, but it was far from perfect, it was the art of imperfection.  The guilt was always deep inside because I felt like I could never do enough or be enough for these three little people that owned my heart more than anything or anyone in the world.  Mom guilt is real.  

Over the years, while being a Momboss, I have enjoyed flexibility in a big way.  For the most part, I have been able to design my life, and plan my work around my family, I am so very grateful for this, and it shaped who I am today.  


Let's be real though.  To be successful, and grow my business, I had to sacrifice, I had to work hard, and while I loved it, it did pull on my time with my family, and my ability to be genuinely present in my life.  Balance is an interesting theme, one in which I struggle with, and one in which I try and master now in my life.  You reach a point in mid-life that you do prioritize what is most important, and what is not.  The Ying & Yang of life, the Ying & Yang of being a Mom, which in my opinion is double the challenge on your heart, emotions, thoughts, & time.  

As a top leader in my business, I had to work hard to achieve that spot, to earn the income I was able to, and to teach many others to do the same.   I would not change any of it for the world because if I compared what I did to what I would need to do if I worked full time for a company outside of my home, it was a blessing & gift to be home, have flexibility and be able to be in & out of my kids daily lives.    While I was able to be there for so much, I also missed things too.   Birthdays, big games, performances, school events—you name it, I have missed it as I needed to be on a work trip and or an event.  Moms guilt weighs on us, but we need to remember that this is part of it all, we do need to miss some things, but we don’t need to miss everything!   There are seasons in our lives; I have had many seasons in which I sacrificed, made the difficult choice to travel or work, and not be at home.  Likewise, at this point in my life, I am making choices that honor the moments that matter most, as I am reminded we do not get these back.

Most recently, I was faced with yet another schedule conflict, something I know so well after being a Mom Boss for over 16 years.   When they were little it was easier, Cameron had no idea I missed his 2nd Birthday for a work trip, we just celebrated another day.  My heart ached but he was none the wiser, cake and ice-cream made for a grand celebration, even thou it was four days after his actual birthday.   Taking red eyes home to make it for some of Kaili’s dance competitions, although I was tired, I warrior-ed on & was there, be it late & exhausted!  It is part of the gig, part of being a momboss or working mom. Our love for our kids is most important, but it does not mean we love them less when we are not there for the more significant moments.  We can’t possibly do it all, but we can try and give ourselves and each other grace.   We are all doing our best, whatever that means to us personally.  

This month was Cam’s Junior prom, my three babies are all teenagers, and I only have a handful (just a few years) to have these moments, these milestones, these times that mean more to me than anything.   I had an important work conference, one in which I wanted to be at, and also needed to be at.   I had to coach myself and treat myself like I would another Mom on my team.  I would ask myself the question I would ask another woman:  “What is going to matter most ten years from now”?  The answer was clear but challenging, I only get one Junior Prom with Cameron, and I choose Cameron this time because years ago I didn't. I started this business so I could put my family first.   I chose to fly to the event to see my team and make an effort to be there in some way—it was a quick trip but made me feel more connected.  I flew home to see my Cameron off to prom, to be there for my middle son, the one that seems to go under the radar but deserves to be under a spotlight.  It was his moment, and I was there.   Now, if you are reading this and you were on a trip during prom for one of your kids, there is no guilt, no judgment because I have missed big events (and a few years ago missed Kaili going to a formal dance because of a work trip).  We do the best we can when we can—remember the seasons in life.  

Let's celebrate the moments we can be there, and forgive ourselves and have more grace when we can’t.  

This was one of those moments that I needed as a Mom.   At the end of my life, it is not about a business trip, title or what I accomplished, I want to be known for inspiring others, and most importantly, being a loving Mom.  We can’t be there for everything, but when we have the freedom to make that choice and be there when we can, that is everything.  And for that, I am grateful! 

Pam Guyer
In the Blink of an Eye
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In the Blink of an Eye!

I was warned, I was told, I was taught that it flies right by, and “in the blink of an eye,” they will be graduating high school and on to that next chapter.  

My oldest, my only daughter, my sweet girl, my Kaili has her last day of school as a Senior today.  It is bittersweet; it is a happy day, it is emotional (for me), it is unreal that we are here, how did this happen, am I ready?  I know she is prepared, but I am not sure that I am!  Gulp.

This little girl, this girl right here, has brought us such joy.  She has been and continues to be a delight to parent.  

Happy, kind, sweet, funny, grounded, fierce, loyal, smart and compassionate are just a few words that describe my little girl.
  
Does she have her moments, yes, she sure does, but as I have said for years that when that happens, it is well deserved. We all have our moments.  Otherwise, she is positive; she is sincere, she is fun.   I would have wanted more daughters but God gave me only one, and now, I would not change that for the world, because she is amazing, she is my girl, she is my light, my love, she is my Kaili.  

Any Mom knows this feeling. My heart is full; my heart is out there in the world, my heart is made of this girl and her brothers.  You can’t even explain it, but it is a love like no other.  I am no different from any other Mom, the fact is, we all feel it.  It is pure love.  The love of a Mother is so incredibly strong that it is endless.  I wish my Mom were here; I wish she could see this day; the upcoming graduation and moving into college. She has always called Kaili her sweet girl and has been in awe of her kindness and her heart.  My mother in law was particularly close to Kaili, her first grandchild, and she helped me to take care of Kaili as I navigated being a part-time working mom. She relished in having “her baby” at home with her on those days I would be in the city.  I wish Peg were here to see this last day of school jus as she was at the bus stop on that first day of Kindergarten. Peg was in awe of Kaili’s beauty, the inner and outer beauty that was and is captivating and so pure, real, and radiant.  

The firsts and the lasts.  
The milestones.  
The Joy. 
The Pain. 
 The ages and stages. 

One thing that is certain is that time does pass.  Time is our most precious gift.  Time is everything.

The first day she ever got on that big yellow bus I had tears; tears of joy, fear, love, and rawness just poured down my face as I let go of her.

Today, there were no tears on her last day; there was this knowing, this feeling, this connection that she and I have.

She knows my sentimental heart, our bond, our love, and we add this to the memories of her life, our time, this time right here, right now.

In the blink of an eye, just like that! 

We will be at graduation, and then dropping off at college.

But for now, for today, I am here, I am feeling all the feels, and so proud of my girl!
 

 

Pam Guyer
Wife. Mom. Boss. Mess.
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Wife. Mom. Boss. Mess.

This picture.  This you guys captures my life, my family and the truth of being a mom, being an entrepreneur and trying to “do it all”!

You know that is a myth, because behind every story, behind every pretty photo and behind it all, are messy things, be it stories, situations, daily grinds and challenges that are minute and of course big life challenges.   If you have gotten to know me or my message, it is all about not “doing it all”, in fact, I don’t believe in that (we don’t do it all without breaking a sweat or having a break down)—the truth is in the messy, in the real real, and allowing ourselves to share those truths as moms, as women and as leaders.  

I LOVE this picture because it perfectly captures the real real.  

Let me bring you back.  This photo is from a photo shoot for Living HIPP; we wanted to capture a few with me and my three kids (notice oldest son is not in the picture nor was he at the shoot because he could not miss football practice).   Can we photoshop him in?  That never happened.

We were doing some pictures in my backyard, and my youngest son Colby was throwing the ball around, dressed in his sports clothes, and would not get dressed for the photo shoot.  I remember saying, “Colby, please take a shower, you need to look handsome for me, please”!  Colby did not shower, and less than five minutes before he was on camera, he ran to his bedroom and put on his “nice clothes”!   He slid in last minute all dressed and ready to go, my daughter and I work like, "c’mon Colby, really"?

While it was the usual chaos behind the scenes, what is so great is that it captures us. Look closely, his shirt is not buttoned correctly and is a complete mess!  It makes me laugh, and laugh really hard, as I am smiling at him, and thinking “you little _____,” and not knowing that his shirt is a mess, which is the brilliant example of how things really roll in our beautiful and messy lives.  This picture is gold to me.  Why?  Because it is me.  It shows the truth of my life, the moments and details I miss as an overwhelmed (crazy) mom.  It captures my kids, the humor, the story of a girl that walks the line (big sister) and her younger brothers that jump over the line, the playing, the wrestling, getting sweaty, and challenging me.  

The look on my face here is love, it is laughter, and it is us.  This is us.  

My story is that of being a Wife, A Mom, A Boss & a passionate soul that has learned how to embrace the mess along with the simple joys of life.

There is not enough hair, makeup and lighting to cover up the truth of how we live, and when we allow that story to be told, and we find that humor, it turns a picture into a story, and this story is mine.   My girlfriend saw this pic recently and reached out laughing because she knows my boy so well, she knows me, she knows us, and we both laughed at the spirit of it, the truth in it, and how it truly captures the real real.  

XO

Pam Guyer
SOUL
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Be Such a Dope Soul!

I love to look into people’s eyes to see their soul.  Are you living your soulful life?

Your done soul is YOU unapologetically!

That zest, that spirit, that inner HIPP, that is you, that is your vibe and it is what will lead you to living a heart-centered and soul filled life!

Are you following your heart?

Your heart's desire is there for a reason, it is a guide that is trying to catch your attention and help you to live your purpose, and bring out your best life.  It is the soul that whispers.  It is the soul that brings us to our purpose.

When we are truly feeling passionate, it is our connection to our soul.  Society is the enemy at times when it comes to our Soul.

Be still.  Be quiet.  Listen.  Listen.  Listen.

It will speak when you stop talking.

It will speak when you let go.

It will speak when you simplify.

It will speak when you stop comparing.

It will speak when you slow down.

It will speak when you are grounded.

It will speak when you are grateful.

It will speak when you are open.

It will speak when you stop doing and start being.

Listen Soul Sister, your Soul is so Dope—it is there, you are spirited, you just need to peel off the layers of shoulds, coulds, and others paths, to create your own.  Your soul is unique, it is just you and you have everything inside of you to not only find the path but to blaze a trail.

Let's do this.  It will be magical and oh so dope!  XO

Pam Guyer
Find Your Tribe
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As I work to grow and share the lifestyle brand Living HIPP, I am keenly aware of the importance of tribes, and how they truly create the vibe.

It occurred to me that this applies to all of us, we need to be cognizant of our tribes and who we surround ourselves with.

Did you know you are a reflection of the 5 closest people you surround yourself with?

Write those 5 people down on a paper. Beside their name, write words that you would use to describe them.  Look at these words, are they positive, are they inspiring, do they make you feel good, is this someone you want to aspire to be (even in only some areas of their lives)?  

If you love the answers and this excites you.  Congrats, you are with the right tribe. If this list of names and descriptions doesn’t excite you, perhaps you need to think about what you desire more of in your life and align with the people that demonstrate what you value.

Think about this...

What are your values?
When it comes to people, what is important to you?
Are you a Dreamer?  
Do you live each day in reality and the “lot” you’ve been given, or do you have a dream in your heart?
Do you have magical moments?  You know those moments that you feel God (and the Universe) are conspiring with you?
Are you seeing the best in others? When you do, you bring out the best in you!

AND MORE...

How about less judging and more acceptance?
How about less complaining and more complimenting?
How about look at the bright side of things rather than the darkness?
How about recognizing your strengths and not your weaknesses?
How about being braver to be you, and let your inner spirit soar?

Take time to look at your life, look at your tribe and make sure you are surrounding yourself with people who build you up!

Not everyone is going to like you, and that is okay.  They are not your people, they are not meant for you.

Find the people that lift you higher, believe in you, appreciate you, and bring you joy.

A tribe is found in the vibe.  May yours be filled with heart, soul, and kindness!  XO

Pam Guyer
Losing Our Dog
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I did not grow up with dogs; I had no desire to have one as an adult.  When my husband and I got engaged, he made it clear before our wedding that a dog would be in our future and that was non-negotiable, he could not picture life without a dog.  At the time, I did not understand, but I knew it was important for him, so I agreed, yes, when we have a family someday, we will get a dog (buying myself some time).  

Life was fast & furious from the moment we said: “I do.”  We built a brand new house, had a baby on our wedding anniversary and had three kids in 3 years.  Sold house, moved, job changes for Charlie and I started a business—there was barely time to take care of our home & family, never mind a dog.  We moved again to a home with a big yard, and we were excited about this next chapter.  My business was booming, the kids were now toddlers and preschoolers, we had an au pair who loved dogs, and the two of them worked on me to get one.  They argued that Adelle (our au pair) was there to help, and it was good timing.  Charlie convinced me to look, so we drove 1 1/2 hours to “just look.”   An hour later, we left the breeder, with a puppy in my lap, who cried the whole way home because she missed her mom, my heart was breaking for her.   Adelle kept the kids up and knew we were on our way home to surprise the kids with a “Christmas Puppy” a few weeks before Christmas.  We came in the door, put her down, she walked, and they all said “what is it,” they were so confused, and within a minute they were beyond excited, the Guyers got a puppy!  We named her Brady (after our beloved Tom Brady), her full name is “Brady Christmas Guyer,” a sweet yellow lab to add to the excitement & joy that already stirred in our family home.  

It was not all joy thou, Brady was my “Marley & Me.” She would jump on people when they came to visit; she would eat food off of the counter and out of the kids' hands. She was known to get full sandwiches from the kids' hands. She was constantly getting into things whether that was chewing on shoes or furniture, eating the food off of the counter, or getting into the trash.  “You Stupid Dog,” Would be a line that could be heard so often in my kitchen, the kids would laugh, and I would get frustrated, but also would be equally happy to see the kids with her. There was so much love right from day one until the day she left us.  Brady loved being outside, she loved her little sister Poochie (who adored Brady) and tolerated the new puppy Lulu (what happened to this Mom that did not want dogs)!  She loved to go to Bumpa’s beach, and at the old house, to sit out on the front porch.  More than anything, Brady loved her family.  She was the epitome of a family dog.  

Her aging was symbolic of life-changing for us, we both lost our Moms these past two years, and watching Brady get old, and the decline was another sign she was aging and changing.   Gradually Brady began slowing down, she could not go on long walks anymore, she could no longer jump on my sons bed to sleep at night, she stopped climbing the stairs, she no longer jumped up to the counters to get food.  She limped along, until she could no longer stand at times.  We tried to treat her and make her comfortable, but we all knew. Brady was beginning to lose her quality of life.  After a recent episode, we also learned she had Vertigo, and the Vet said it could also have been a brain tumor. Brady could barely walk, could not stand for long, her legs would give out, and cause her to fall. It was the hardest thing to see.  We knew it was time, we prayed about it, we hoped she would improve and we realized, it was time, it was her time to move on.  I remained strong in the days leading up, through the tears from everyone, and I insisted we were doing the right thing. I stayed focused on the responsible decision, the one which was best for Brady at this point in her long life.  This all changed the afternoon we said goodbye.  

The boys missed lacrosse practice so they could say goodbye to Brady, it was heart wrenching to see my babies cry, as they had to let go of their friend, the person that held all their secrets, their hopes, their dreams, their fears and their challenges.  No matter what kind of day they had or what was going on in their lives, Brady was always there and always full of love and comfort. She was a fixture in our home and a large part of our family.  I cried. I cried for them, and I cried for my husband (who had to take her in), and the loss we were all feeling and I cried for Brady.  My last words to Brady that day were “I am so sorry, I am so sorry Brady” before I told her I loved her. 

Even though we have two other dogs, the house feels empty without her.  Her dog bed and water bowl are there. Her treats and her hair are everywhere.  She was with us one minute, and gone the next.  She went peacefully and fast, yet the loss of her for us is painful, and will leave a hole in our hearts forever.  We said goodbye to Brady, and we said goodbye to our childhood years, the time from tots to teens. We know the next phase will be college for each of them and that time of our life is behind us. However, it will always be a part of us and the cherished memories that we will revisit over and over. 

I never understood the pain of losing a dog as I do now.  They really are members of your family.  They represent family life and create such a beautiful and full presence in an ordinary day (which I appreciate more than anything these days).  We took this picture of Brady the day we said goodbye. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.  We miss our girl, and we will always remember you, Brady, you will remain a big part of our story, and growing up Guyer.  You cried the day you came home, and we all cried the day you left our home forever — you will remain in our hearts forever, your paws have made a permanent mark in our lives.  

I AM….
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The power of “I AM” can transform your life, your day and your moment.

I AM, and what comes after it can empower you or deflate you. Choose your words wisely and decide to make them power statements.
I love "I AM" statements, because they are our opportunity to decide, to declare and to own our space, ourselves, and our power in the world.

They are our truth, they are our statements that allow us to be brave, bold, and badass—even when we are feeling vulnerable and afraid.
We need to speak life into ourselves so that we may speak life into others. I find myself doing this and then also not doing this, and saying things to myself that are not filling me up, they are bringing me down. Do you do the same?

If you find yourself in that space of not thinking this way, and you have the need to feel more empowered, centered, and positive, begin with I Am statements. Make them true to you, who you are, what you want and perhaps what you need.

My “I Am” Statements:

—I Am Strong
—I Am Present
—I Am Light
—I Am Healthy
—I Am Peaceful
—I Am Joyful
—I Am Confident
—I Am Powerful
—I Am Happy
—I Am a Warrior
—I Am Productive
—I Am Passionate
—I Am Positive
—I Am Spiritual
—I Am Dynamic
—I Am Love

Create your list of I Am’s statements that will empower you to own it. What are you putting next to I AM and is it working for you or against you?
Lets change that today, lets speak life into ourselves so that we may speak life into others. We have one life, and many opportunities to make it great. Lets begin with I Am….

XO

Pam Guyer
The Power of the Ponytail
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The Power of the Ponytail is one of my expressions around girl power and being who we are.
I love the power of the pony, and how to use our girl power as our super power.
I love being a girl, I love girlie things, and I love the power that my ponytail brings to me.

I think it is okay to want to be pretty, and you can be that and powerful. We want to teach girls to be boys, but why not let it be okay to be pretty, and to celebrate the girl in you, if you like what it stands for. I think being yourself is the most awesome thing you can do, be authentic to who you are. Boyish, awesome, Girlish, so very awesome—why are we trying to dull down what makes some of us sparkle & shine?

The power of the pony, exactly what is it?
I love to throw a ponytail in my hair and get shit done.
I love a messy bun and yoga pants on the daily.
I love to wear my hair in a pony tail, and be on stage empowering others.
I love to wear a ponytail when I wash my face at the end of the day.
I love to wear a ponytail with a baseball cap. A little boy and a whole lot of girl!
I love how a ponytail takes a girl to a woman.
I love how a ponytail can be a power move professionally. Screw the corporate hair image...
I love how a ponytail can be a sweet hair style on a warm summer day.
I love how a ponytail is our power play and our girlhood to womanhood.
I love how a ponytail shows our face, and does not hide the fact we are girls, women and oh so feminine.

The power of the pony is a metaphor for the power we hold as women and girls.
It’s a "you go girl" spirit.
It’s a beautiful advantage that we take for granted.
It is our statement on being a girl, being a woman and celebrating that.

The power of the pony is the power of she. It can be neat, it can be messy and by all means it should be both!
We are not fragile, we are strong, capable, smart, passionate and pretty. Pretty powerful, with the pony or not….

XO

Pam Guyer
Step into Your Greatness 

Believe!  This topic is coming up a lot in my life, between parenting, my relationships and my own experience in life.  

I have reminded my kids over and over that you have to believe in more, you have to imagine, and you have to have faith.  Dream Big and go for it!

At times, things in life might feel impossible or based on “reality”, you might need to accept the situation.  However, if I lived my life that way, it would look a lot differently.  My story is one in which I followed my heart, I dared to dream, I cast a vision and I did the hard work to reach all of these milestones and trajectories—it changed my life.  I find myself currently in a place of resistance, and I can feel it all over me.  Your gut and your feelings (even when things seem to be impossible), truly know the path for you, we just need to be brave enough to step into our greatness, to step forward and have the courage to believe in more, and be willing to leave our mark, not for ourselves, but for helping others.  

Here is some advice that is proven, it worked for me, and it can work for you.  

1.  Try.  You never will get to where you want to be unless you try.  You’ve got to take action.  

2.  Invite Yourself.  Don’t wait for someone to say “you should be this, earn this or go here”. You’ve got to see it for yourself, even if it seems impossible.

3.  Decide.  What ever it is that you want or desire, decide to go after it, no one ever achieves anything, without making the decision to go for it.

4.  Believe.  While facts and figures may not agree, your belief is more important and this spiritual shift and energy will manifest your desires.  

5.  Put Your Blinders On.  Stop paying attention to nay sayers, doubters, and conservative views, you’ve got to take risks and be willing to fail.  

6.  Ask.  You’ve got to ask for what you want, only those that ask, and take action will achieve their dreams.  

7.  Fail.  You’ve got to fall down, you’ve got to make mistakes and be willing to be different, and brave enough to fall.  It strengthens you.  

8.  Work Hard.  In any endeavor or stretch, hard work can diminish fear, and hard work will make you stand out and achieve.  

9.  Be Positive.  You move forward with a positive mindset, about yourself and those around you.  There is nothing to be gained by putting others down.

10. Just Do It.  Timing is never good, there are lots of reasons you should not, ignore those excuses and take action.  Just Do It!  

 

This is your call to action to step forward and into your Greatness what ever that means for you. You have one life, be brave enough to take a step forward and go after what it is you want, and in doing so, leave your mark, encourage others to do the same!  

XO

Pam Guyer
Let Them Judge You  
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There will be critics, and it is hard when people say things about you that are either not true, far too judgmental, misinformed and quite honestly mean spirited.  I have had my share of this over the years, it is hurtful, it is frustrating, but the truth of the matter is, there will always be critics. Let them judge you, let them spend their time this way, and let them go (it is about them, not you).  The truth is, there will always be critics, and there will always be people that want to bring you down, especially when you dare to be great, or when you shine, they will want to dull your light, your spirit.  Shine anyways, and don’t ever let the darkness of others stop you.  The fact is, they are not brave enough to be in the arena with you (Brene’ Brown), it is easier for them to put you down, than to rise to their own greatness (greatness is not just success, greatness is goodness, it is being a good person, it is sharing love in the world).  

While this is happening, know that there are people that are cheering you on, spend your time with these people that get you, are there for you, and are inspired by you.  God (or universe if that works better for you) is working on you.  He is preparing you, and believe in that, and have that faith and belief in your heart.  There is not one person that has achieved greatness that has not had critics and others trying to tear them down.  

I dream of a world where we do less of this.  I dream of a world where we put an end (or at the very least make drastic changes) and stop the bullies, mean girls, or negative behavior that is happening.  While we may not stop it, I believe we can do better.  The more we focus on this, and focus on building others up, I believe we can shift this and create more happy (kind) people. Where do we start?  Start with you.  Ignore what others say and do, and know that you are being guided, all you have to do, is see the best in yourself and others.  It is never about being perfect, it is about progress. 

Speak Life into Others.

Cheer others on.

Don’t Gossip (I know this is hard, but try and do it less).

Look for the best in others.  

Choose to be Inspired.

Be the Encourager.

Be Kind.

Serve others.  Help those around you.

Treat others the way you want to be treated.  

Ignore those around you that are not your champions or that are trying to bring you down.  Also, this is really important (and we all need to remember this daily), ignore that voice inside, you know that bitch, the one that gets on your case.  We all have her on our shoulder, and our job is to not listen to her as well.  Acknowledge her, but move on towards the feelings and thoughts that are positive and build you up.  

You are enough.  You are special.  You are smart.  You are kind.  Remember, you are God’s child and he made you for greatness.  God does not make junk, so don’t you dare even go there, rise up to who you are mean’t to be (perfectly imperfect).  

Your job is to honor that, live that way, and erase the words and images that say otherwise.  Be You.  

Do You.  

XO

Pam Guyer
Follow Your Gut

Your Gut.  Your Intuition.  Your Inner Wisdom.  Your Heart.  Your Soul.

This is the voice you need to listen to, it is the compass from which to follow.

For decades, we can get tripped up by Society, and what is going on all around us.  Suzie gets a new pair of shoes, or gets a job, or is going to a particular school, or vacations at a place…..   Sally all of a sudden, wants what Suzie has, or wants to create a better version, or her own unique experience, not necessarily because she is following her heart, because she is following Suzie’s lead, this my friends is Society and selling ourselves short of showing up as who we really are.  So not good and a big problem in our world today!  

Here are some ways for you to follow your gut, rather than be distracted by those around you:

—Get quiet every day.  Find peace and serenity and just sit still.

—Stop comparing yourself and your journey to others 

—Listen to the inner voice, whisper and be open enough to hear the messages.

—Don’t put boundaries on what is possible.  Your greatest aspirations are not the norm, they are bigger than you

—Be Open, Be Brave, Be Bold, you are going to have to go in rather than look outside of you.  Have the courage to do that.

—Simplify Your Life, you can’t get clear on things when clutter in your home, head or heart weight you down.

—Don’t compare yourself to others

—Surround Yourself with Positive People 

—Be genuinely happy for others.  What others do or achieve has nothing to do with you or your path.  Choose to be inspired by it.

—Peel off the Layers (yoga is the best way to do this) but if that is not for you, go to therapy or talk to someone to let go of things

—Journal, writing things down helps to define your words and path, draw, journal and create your ideas that exist in your heart

—Be brave enough to remove the people, things or activities that are not feeling right or fulfilling within.  Let it go.

Your gut is your best friend, it knows what is best for you, and will be there when you are ready and willing to listen.  That bitch knows what is best for you, just listen, and trust it and take action on it.

Now you just have to have the guts to listen to your gut!  XO

Pam Guyer
Laugh Lines

Mid life and what it presents can be a challenge, an opportunity or both.   

This is a time in your life where you really begin to get the importance of “it does not matter what other people think” and also to be yourself, and follow your own path, not the path of others.  It is also when you realize that hustle is important, but peace and joy are more important.   It is a time for some of us that are able to take a deep breathe and say “what the heck just happened”.  Meaning, life just went by so fast, yes we accomplished some things, yes, we had great memories, but when do things shift from “doing doing dong” to “being being being”?    It is up to us to determine that.  It is up to us to be bold enough, brave enough and wise enough to really understand it is not about what you achieve, it is about the joy you experience and the peace in your heart.   It really is about the small things.  

All of a sudden, you look up and see your laugh lines.

You criticize yourself at first (because we women are pretty damn good at that), and then you catch yourself, and you say, okay, this is me, and this is mid life, and these are my laugh lines.  This face has seen a lot over the years: birth, death, many homes bought, many homes sold, starting of businesses, ending of businesses, friendships gained, friendships lost, dreams imagined, dreams achieved, building big, deciding on small and less might actually be better.   Emotions of joy, pain, sadness, happiness, love, anger, peace and angst.  Many good days but some bad days, and a roller coaster ride that has gone fast, has not stopped and has gone up and down and around.  In all of it, the laugh lines were there as was the laughter.  In any moment, humor and the simplicity of laughter can really just bring us back to our true joy.  They say laughter is the best medicine and I could not agree more.  

Laugh More.

Love More.

Time is going to pass anyways, and before you know it you have your laugh lines, and the years of laughter and love show up.  Embrace the beauty in it, and most importantly, embrace the moment, be mindful of the time and try and embrace more “being” than “doing”.  If you have worked hard your entire life, perhaps it’s time to shift and not only work hard, but be present.  Peace is in the presence, it is the shift from doing to being.  It is making the choice between the Award or the Reward—the award is the title, recognition, level, accomplished tasks, and spiritually, it is the Ego.   The Reward is the empowerment and confidence that comes with being you, it leads to: contentment, present moment, character, and feelings of joy, peace & clarity.  Spiritually, it is the soul—the Soul is the invitation to true happiness, joy and laugh lines that match your destiny.  

Laugh. Live. Love.  XO

Pam Guyer
A Year Without My Mom

I write this post on the day you left this earth, the day we cried by your bedside telling you how amazing you are and how much we love you and are going to miss you. It was early morning, the birds were chirping outside your window the sun barely beginning to rise, and you were ready to let go of our hands, and join God and join Dad in Heaven. It was beautiful, it was difficult, it was sad, it was your moment, it was your time (God’s time).

A week prior to that you were not ready and you had said “this is happening too fast”, but you still would not give any attention to your Cancer, you would not give it the time of day until the very end when it finally took you away from us. You left just like you lived your life, you were brave, you were strong, you just “did it”, you made everyone around you feel loved, you were sweet, polite “yes please” and you finally let us take are of you. I still can’t believe it and it still does not seem real, there are so many moments I want to or I go to call you, and I remind myself you are in a different place and you are with us each day in every way.

I know everyone thinks their Mom is the best, but one thing we all know (all 5 Mellor kids) is that we did have the best Mom. We did not have much growing up, and we certainly had challenges with Dad’s health, but that never impacted your ability to be the most loving, kind, funny, creative woman and Mom. You literally made every single person in your presence feel better, with your cheerful spirit, big wide smile, hardy laugh and loving hugs.

Your grandchildren all adore you and miss you terribly, however, they all have the gift of Nanny, they will always live with your spirit, kindness and love for the rest of their days. All 5 Mellor kids, you would be so proud Mom, as we are all somehow putting one foot in front of the other and living our lives (with this huge loss in our hearts). We have a group text, and we reach out at least weekly to share a memory, a laugh, some love and encouragement. Being the youngest I am so grateful for older brothers and sisters as they have stepped in for you and Dad, and they are enjoying the milestones of my kids, and are not only aunts & uncles, they are like grandparents too to my babies. Family is everything, and you and Dad have created a legacy that will always live on.

The year was not easy, it brought up feelings I don’t think I ever really dealt with in losing Dad. It was hard, but as anyone knows that has suffered loss is that you don’t have a choice, you just need to get up each day and put one foot in front of the other. As you would say, it could always be worst, and I realize that, and I turn to gratitude, thank God we had so many years with you, thank God we had a Mom like you and those reminders help me to keep things in perspective, and also carry on. We talk a lot about you, and it is warm and gives us all “happy thoughts”. The White Feathers are constant reminders of your presence and beautiful signs from you, please keep them coming. My wind chimes in my yard, are also a reminder of you, I call them Nanny Chimes. The bird feeder outside of your window is now outside of mine, I love to see them and I remember how much you loved that. I don’t fill it all the time like you do and I can hear you now say “Pamela, you’ve got to keep it filled with food”! On the boat anytime we feel a warm breeze, we call it “Nanny Breezes”. Constant reminders of you, your love and how much we love you.

There is no other love like that of a mothers. I thought I understood loss by losing Dad at such a young age, while that was difficult, there is nothing like the loss of a mother. The beauty in it is that there are a tribe of women (and men) that reach out to you that have lost their Moms, they know, they support you, they encourage you and they stand by you. I have had so many do this for me, and I now know, and will do it for others.
I miss you and I love you with all of my heart. I miss your advice on parenting, I miss sharing with you what the kids are doing, and also your love, how much you loved me and how much you love my family. I see your love in them. Kaili is so much like you Mom, the kindness, sweetness, and special way about her is so much like you, I consider you both my bookends in womanhood, and I could not be more proud. I have to have faith that you are there, you are part of it all in this wonderful spiritual experience of life. Life is but a dream.

While we had to let go of your hand one year ago today, I am never ever letting go completely. I will always hold on to your hand and heart in a spiritual way. I will always talk to you, talk about you, and let your example guide my wisdom and my path. I will do all of this while I move on, move forward and live life. We all know how precious (and short) it all is. Cancer took you too soon, but your love and spirit will live on forever. 

I love you mom and miss you with all of my heart. The world would be a better place, if we had more people like you!

Pam Guyer
The Truth about Marriage!

Today, we celebrate our Wedding Anniversary and 19 years of marriage.  This year especially is hard, because tomorrow will mark one year since my Mom’s passing—I swear she waited a day so that we would not share our anniversary with her passing.  This week is an example of how life is, many celebrations but also reminders of how vulnerable we are, how precious life is and how we need to Warrior On.  As a bride I had so much hope, so much wonder and so much excitement about the future ahead of us.  

As we celebrate 19 years, I reflect on our Marriage and how life has changed in these past two decades.  Our daughter came home from the hospital on our first wedding anniversary, and then within the 3 years following we had 3 babies, 3 and under.  Our first decade was full of homes, babies, businesses and the busy-ness that comes with all of that.  Our first 17 years were magical in many ways, while some days or moments were hard, we had so much fun, we grew our life, our family and had heart & humor at the center of it all.  We have had our moments or our disagreements but have always stayed on the same page (in the big picture).  The past 2 years have been HARD.   We have had too many changes, and also have experienced loss, and family health issues, and have had our share of bumps in the road.  So I suppose marriage is not always bliss, while it is magical, and amazing to have a life partner, it is also hard, marriage is hard and humor and love are the two things that help us get through the difficult times.

Our kids are the center of our universe, and while we try to put our relationship first, it does not always work that way.  The truth is, we love our kids more than life itself.  The joy that we share and the love that we share for our kids, is incredible, and something we value and cherish deeply. The past few years have been hard (we never got the 7 year itch, we got the 17 year itch), and life has thrown us many curve balls, and we are just taking it, and being there for each other, and putting our family first.  Humor helps us through the difficult times.  Humor reminds us both how much we love each other and how good we are together.   Looking at the entire 19 years, we have had a blast, I mean it, an absolute blast!  We have had so many laughs, so many important moments shared, we have been touched deeply by others (mostly our children) and feel incredibly blessed by our life.

I write this post sharing some truth because I believe people need to hear it.  I believe people need to hear that while we are a great couple and have a blessed life, we have our own struggles and marriage is not always bliss, it is so friggen hard some days.  Anything worth having in life will be hard at times, we will be tested at times, and this is truly what marriage is about.   We love home, we love family and we value our marriage and our life together.  It is that core, those values and this way of being that keeps us strong when we are challenged and life is hitting us hard, or harder than we would like.

The truth about marriage is that it is hard.  It is the most amazing thing to share a life with someone you love.  It is amazing to have someone that has your back, believes in you, loves you unconditionally—because when things get hard, you have the solid foundation to stand on (and lean on).  

Today I celebrate 19 years of marriage with my best friend, my rock, and for my family, our everything.  I hope my daughter marries a man like my husband, and I hope my sons, grow up to be like their Dad.

XO
 

Pam Guyer