Write that Love Letter!

I have written notes or letters to people on occasion because it is important to say it, write it or share it, that is, the love/impact or influence a person has had on our lives. I think back to my dear friends when they lost their Mom to a form of Alzheimers which took more than a decade of her memory or life (I never got to share with her the depth of her influence on me, and I was able to share it with her kids, my friends when they were saying good bye to their mom, it was a letter). I wrote letters to my in laws a few times when my kids were little, just expressing how much they mean’t to me and us, I was planning on writing another one but then my MIL became ill, and I just did not do it. I know what it is like to hold back, put it off and not say the words that are important to say. I also know what it is like to share, communicate and I try to do so in a few words (verbally), in audio or in a text, but a letter, a letter is even better (does not have to be handwritten, I have learned that it is easier and gets down when I type it out and send it out via text). It does not matter, just allow this to influence you to share it, say it now, let them know, a love letter does not need to be just to the greatest loves of your life (I tell them more often that I love them each time we speak), say it also to those people that have been in your life, perhaps they are no longer there or active in your life, but have had a profound influence on you at some point in your life. It matters, it matters a lot. I don’t like to build relationships just hitching on the “It” person or the person who can get me ahead professionally (viscerally that just feels gross, because quite frankly it can be gross). I like to connect with those that I genuine connect with, where my soul resonates with theirs, and letting them know that is the greatest gift we can give. It does not have to be a letter, how about a simple text? Words have power, as does our spirit, and my spirit loves love, it truly appreciates good people, and those that live a heart centered life, and who also show what is possible. Likewise those that have poured into me, they helped me to build to where I am today, it was never just me, it was divine guidance, and the beautiful people I have been surrounded by. I recently shared a love letter that I wrote this past spring (and finally sent it a few weeks ago when she called me, and I said, I have a letter for you, it’s on my computer, I just need to send it your way). This person was a Mentor to me for years, and in the past decade plus, I have not had that kind of mentorship and I felt the difference, I know what it is like to have someone in your corner, building you up, loving on you, believing in you and there for you. It makes such a difference, I want to continue to be that for others, and also know that those people (which are limited in my mind) are there for me). I don’t look to many as a Mentor, I really don’t, I did many years ago, but I grew out of that, and I grew into discernment, and also, knowing that relationships for me need to be genuine and they need to be built upon trust (not what can I do for you sort of arrangement). You will read below about Rita, and the role she played in my professional life, and while she was my Mentor, she was a Mentor to so very many, I often thought it was too bad she was hidden to the world behind one brand or one industry (I don’t know that she see’s it that way, but I did), she has so much more to offer, and while she is mostly retired, I am reminded to continue to carry her message and light, but in doing so, to add my own. I am so grateful she was my example for so many years, and she continues to be quoted, referenced, and shared about in many of my teachings and what I share in the world. Here is the love letter I wrote (and sent) to her, I hope this inspires you to share more, care more and take the time to share your love (it is the best gift you can give)! XO

Dear Rita:

I am writing this love letter to you, because you are one of the top people in my life that has made such a positive impact on me, I know there are so many that feel the same, but even if you were talking to thousands in your audience, you were talking to me. I first saw you speak in Nashville, you had me laughing so hard I was crying, and you probably had me in tears too, because I saw a woman on stage that was beautiful, Oprah like, a Mother, a Sister, and you shared many stories, but the message was this, you came from humble beginnings, your Daddy was a Mechanic (side of the road story) and what you shared spoke to my heart, a young Mom from a working class family (full of love) that wanted more in her life, I saw my story in yours. I also wanted to be where you were, to be inspiring, teaching, lifting others up, on stage and in a big way: sharing, laughing, loving and inspiring women to believe in themselves, and to be more, do more and have more.

My sister came with me on that first “NTC” (2002 or 2003), while she was only in the business for a year, we both laughed so hard when you and your sister were on stage, the antics and sister humor had us in love with you and her, that is the feeling you gave me, and it never left me, it only grew and still resides and is a part of who I am, you influenced positive change in me by your example and encouragement.

I went on that trip not sure I wanted to do this (Arbonne), is this all real, do they really give out cars, and why did I just get my Master’s Degree to sell lipstick, it was hearing from you, seeing you and the connection I had with you that confirmed that this was viable, and also that I could do this, and the rest is history, I went on to promote to the top, and you were there, for every step of the way (every phone call at promotion, and the laughter and learning that came with it all, I grew so much, and learned so much, all because of you).

All the lessons, the mantra’s the quotes, the “Rita-isms”, they are all part of me, and I continue to use them, teach them, share them because they are real and it is part of your legacy. Having been part of your community changed me and made me better, so much that I wanted to be more like you, and while I don’t do it on stages, I do so on line, and I feel that my spirit dulled out a bit, and I am remembering who I am, who “trained” and mentored me and that God has called me to do more. I was one of the “lucky ones”, and it was not luck, it was divine and it was part of the plan after all. Out of all of those women, thousands and big audiences, I was one that actually grew to have a relationship with you, one that you poured such love into me, that to this day, I know I am still your “Baby Girl”. I am tearing up as I write this because your words (all our words) have such power, and as I write, I am realizing my job is to continue to share the words, this love and conviction with others—I learned from the best!

I remember a few first time meeting Rita moments, I was so excited and in awe, starstruck and fortunately it went from that to pure ‘heart to heart’ relationship, and for that I am so grateful. I will never forget on the NVP trip, seeing you in Starbucks (in Spain) and I had to share with you “Rita, I want to be like you some Day”, and you looked me right in the eyes and asked why? I tried to explain I loved how you made people feel, and I wanted to do that…. I could articulate that answer better today, and simply, I wanted to remind women of their worthiness, and help them believe in themselves, as I know what it is like to waver on that, and that is something you did for me (and many) and I want to continue to do that for others, because we all wear a little sign that says “make me feel special/important”.

I love you Rita Davenport, and even thou I don’t get to work with you and that dream of being on stage with you has not happened, you have impacted my life in the most profound and positive way, you are now part of me. I hope I make you proud some day, by using my voice as a force for good. I love you with all of my heart, and I am so very grateful God put me on this earth the same time as you (what you used to say to me).

Love,

Pam Guyer

A few years back, I was not thinking about adding new friends or thinking friendships would change in my life, I felt grateful to be surrounded by good friends and many of which I don’t see that often, but they are just a phone call, text or funny meme away. There are people that I pick up right where I left off, and there are decades in our friendship, I adore these people. Lifetime friends are precious, and these relationships can bring you right back to the younger you, it is amazing how so much time goes by, yet you can still go back to that teen memory, college memory or twenty something memory, and the laughter, connection and spirit all come back, it is a beautiful thing and I so love this and these people in my life.

We create friendships along the way, some are great ones that endure, and others will come to an end, it is just life, and I think what is most important to us all to remember is this…. Surround yourself with the people that genuinely are there for you, in good times and bad, and that have your back and equally, you have their back too (which means enduring all the times together, the good, the bad and the ugly, with hopes & dreams of more good). Likewise, go where the energy is, and where the love is, you will know it, you just have to trust your gut, your feelings and base it on the truth: who is there for you, because of you, not because of what you can do or have done (friendship is not fleeting, it is like family, and that is why your circle is so important as are your choices). I say it to my kids constantly, and to all of you “surround yourself with the good ones, the ones that truly are there, that are true blue (genuinely there and authentically good people) they are the givers and caring ones, they want the best for you, and you feel the same about them”. This is such an important life lesson because who we spend our time with matters, as does the quality of the person, my circle gets smaller as I age and I really like that, because it is genuine, and my people match my energy (meaning they are equally committed, caring, trustworthy, supportive as I am in a relationship, therefore, we discern who we spend our time with, for it is precious). My downside is that I let time go by, and I don’t reach out as much as I should to the many people I don’t spend as much time with, but their friendship and life is important to me, so we don’t always have time together, but their value and importance in my life is strong (how many of those people do you have in your life, I love “love”, my thoughts about people and their light is a vibe, and it is that vibe that is also part of my virtual friendship circle, it is there, it is just not a daily thing, but it does exist in my heart).

While my professional life and my personal life blend quite a bit in my friendships, I value having space outside of my professional life with my friendships and relationships, and that helps me feel grounded, and private which is good for someone that shares publicly, on line is just a snap shot and highlight reel, the BTS is much more deeper, richer and real. I love when relationships foster through business, I have some lifelong friendships because of that, and it’s important, to me, they need to go beyond a brand, a company or a personal interest because that is friendship, and that is authentic to me. If I like you, I like you, if I don’t, I don’t, and the latter truly is not something I spend time on, because I just want to see the best in others, and to surround myself with genuine, caring, loving people (it is very simple, and that is all values driven).

I am writing this post and a brief love letter about a dear friend that I met in my 50’s, I was not looking for her, but she landed in my life, and we have the most beautiful, close, empowering, authentic, positive friendship, so unexpected, but so divine and part of the plan. Her name is Lisa, but I have a nickname for her that I will refer to as LL in this post, her life is private, so I want to honor that but also I want to honor her, and this beautiful friendship, and I hope that this can inspire you to know that there are people in your life that you have not even met yet, that will become important in your life, and to know that as you get better (personal growth) you are in a place to create more of this, and it is genuine, not based on anything, just based on love (and laughter, having fun in the ordinary moments of life). I met LL when we moved to our Coastal Home on WBL in Beverly Farms, a coastal village north of Boston, this move was close to where we raised the family, and Charlie and I joined 5 other families as we built new homes on a exclusive and small lane-- our next phase of empty nesting, and a new chapter of life. At the time (4 years ago), in my mind, I had all the friends I needed, I was surrounded by love, and in moving to a new community and local place, I was not looking for new friendship, I just wanted to like my neighbors, and be around good people (while I am an extrovert in appearance, I have some serious introvert in me, and I like my space, I also like privacy, which again, professionally I am not private, but personally and at heart, I am). LL and I hit it off when we met, she moved in a few months before me, but there was something about her I liked, but it wasn’t any different from the rest of my neighbors, because I liked them all, phew, good people, a private small lane filled with good people, the box had been checked. After moving in, any time we gathered, LL and I would find ourselves connecting, chatting, and there was this sense of sisterhood, I could not explain, but I felt it each time. Later I would learn that our values are similar, family, as mom’s, caring/kind spirit, home/decor, coastal living, humor (we laughed at the same things) so my humor and heart clicked with hers, that is the most simple way to describe it. While we are close in age, her kids are older, she got an earlier start on starting her family, so for me, it is a great influence, because she has been through my parenting stages, and is on to that next phase of married kids with children, it is beautiful to see. At this point, our kids and each others families are like family, so not only have we created this beautiful friendship, but we also have extended our family, because it is just who we are as people, and to me, it is a great blessing and something so unexpected in my life. While LL is a great example for me raising young adult children, she shares that my vision/spirit/leadership is a positive influence on her, she dedicated her life to her family, and now it is her time to not only be there for them, but to discover more of her. I love being on this journey with her, because she is such an incredibly talented, beautiful soul that has so much to share, I can’t wait to see that continue to unfold and manifest more in her life. We have all the conversations about life, we have the deep conversations that are meaningful and thought provoking, we have the “you can’t make this stuff up” banter, we have the encouraging words for one another or we will be the voice of reason, and more often than not, we laugh, we laugh at each other, with each other, and for me, I am that silly girl, that same girl and friend I have been since growing up on Moncrief Road, now I just bounce down the road to my friends house as a grown woman, and also bring my juvenile spirit with me, that spirit has been part of every meaningful friendship and relationship I have had, it is the essence of me.

Mel Robbins will often talk about making friends at Middle Age, and I never thought about it, until she spoke about it. I then thought of my own personal experience and would agree, and confidently can say, “there are people that you have not even met yet, that will become an important part of you life and special friends.

The laughter, while we talk serious life issues, we are there to both lift each other up, and release some steam or get things off our shoulders, we walk together (literally and figuratively in life). We have our own lives, but we are in each others corner, either in big ways, or the small things that are just that, small things. We dream together, but we also just talk about the simple not so important things which to me is grounded, and a great balance of real life, we most definitely keep it real, and we laugh quite a bit, it is so sincere and genuine.

There was a time I was going through a challenge, and LL was able to look at the situation objectively, and see an entire conversation and communication and remind me of this “Pam, that is not a friend, a friend does not say that or do that”. I knew it in my heart, but to hear that flat out, and to have someone speak wisdom to me that I was not listening to from others that have given me this advice before was impactful. I was ready to hear it, and I believed it too. That is just one small example but a big one when it came to my own decisions and choices of who I allow in my close circle of friendship, meaning close friendships that are like family. It all makes sense to me now, sometimes we want to believe in more, but honestly, your heart and gut already know who is in your corner, who genuinely cares for you, and each and every one of us deserve that and nothing less. This vibe is and has been my foundation my entire life, it is how I am built, it is the family I came from, it is the family I built, it is many friendships I have had over the years, it is important to me and therefore, it is okay that not everyone is in the circle and/or not all friendships are life long, because some are only mean’t for seasons and some are part of your life, as many of my life long friends are just that, life long friends. I can be grateful for all, and I can also be grateful to continue on my path and walking with those that truly are on the journey with me, as I am with them (that is a beautiful thing, and that is divine in every way).

My dear friend LL not only became a bestie, but she taught me even more about friendship, she came at a time I thought I had all the friends I needed, and she taught me that not all friendships are mean’t to be, and it was not just her speaking this, it was truth staring me in the face, and this made things more clear, and while not easy, in the end, better (my little girl Pam had a moment with wiser Pam, and we both agreed that I no longer had to please everyone, and I no longer had to accept anything less than love and loyalty in friendship and life). I think BTS (behind the scenes) friends are the best, and she is one of them, in fact, most of the key people in my life are BTS, my family, my friends (many of which I don’t always see, but they are there). We don’t have the SM fake laugh pics, we have the BTS, LMAO moments and those are priceless. As a SM personality and brand, I get the pics, I do them (pose in a brilliant and creative way), I share life on line, and I say this from a space of it’s okay to share the highlights, but let's be clear, they are highlights. The real reel is the good juju that happens when no one is looking, and it is the genuine relationships built on vision and values and values being most important in this equation. LL is a special person, she cares deeply, is loving and will do anything for anyone, I am one of those lucky ones, and I think she knows she can expect the same from me. When God puts people like this in front of you or on your path, invite them in, know they are mean’t for you and that you get to decide who gets your heart, your energy, your love and your laughter, it is a gift, and in friendship, it is shared mutually. As friendships change, and I look to myself and look at what kind of friend I am to a person, admittedly, I think, I am terrible at keeping in touch with my long distance friends, I don’t always return a text or want to do things in groups all the time (I way prefer small intimate conversations), I also have good intentions of getting together, albeit to get sucked into my own life, and daily routine…. However, one thing I know to my core is that I am a good friend, I am there for the people I love (friends and family) and I am loyal, I will be in your corner, I will cheer you on, I will show up when no one else will, and I will hold your hand, your heart, your body while you need me. I will say the tough thing, but I will do so with love, and will admit when I am wrong, and apologize and move forward. As a middle aged woman, I can say I am not the perfect friend (because I am far from perfect) but I am the genuine, loving, caring and fierce friend, and that is a gift that I hold dearly in my heart. I have had a lifetime of both good friendships and not so good friendships (or have experienced women not so kind, friendly or good to me, it hurts and it sucks) but I have learned that has nothing to do with me, and that is no longer my problem (a decade ago I wanted to change this and everyone, but that is now not my stance). I just want to lock arms with, bothy physically and virtually, with women that are positive (genuinely and sincerely) in making their lives better, being good to each other and raising the vibe of those around us all while growing personally (and professionally if we are in business).

To think each decade of my life “Friendship” has had both a positive an negative tone to me because I have had both the good and not so good experiences…. Here is the good news…. We choose who we surround ourselves with. We choose how we spend our time, we choose authenticity and relationships which are not forced by brands, WIFM or all the other inauthentic vibes that are not timeless and do not work for women that truly crave genuine, happy, real, simple and loving attributes and people, when you know, you know!

You have not even met some of the people in your life that will become your people and you dearest of friends, how cool is that? You also are invited to reach out to those you love and remind them of why you love them (you know the friends that are life long that you adore), and you get to walk away from people that perhaps you care about, but perhaps it is time to move on, because moving on is truly what is mean’t for you.

Friendship is not based on anything (IMHO) than heart and mutual respect, it is in that you discover more of who you engage with, do life with and in that, God will send the people that are mean’t for you, and he will also remind you of who is not. Listen, follow your heart, and continue to follow this simple mantra and way to live “go where the love is”.

Let me say it again…. Go Where the Love Is, that is where you belong, and you belong, my darling, you belong right here! XO

This summer, I have been encouraging you all to make it the Summer of You. Lets break down what that actually means. It is the Summer you look inward, rather that outward at what it is you want, what it is you dream of, and what it is that is holding you back, it is so very simple, but not easy. We get swept into our busy calendars and lives and before you know it, September is here and we are exhausted, have not made progress and perhaps did make some good memories, but at the expense of our own wellbeing and here we are, not making the internal shifts we know we need to make in order to become who we are mean’t to be, it’s exhausting….

There is another way, and the way is within you, and the guide is within you, and let me help you tap into that genius that is you. The key is simplicity, so it requires you to get very clear on your vision, even if it is simply how you to experience summer, and more often than not, your old ways or what you “see” on line are not in reality how to do it, at least not some of what we observe or believe to be true. The answer lies within you, it is found in nature, it is often in silence, and it requires daily spiritual time to center your mind/body and spirit. The summer of you is a spiritual journey, one that ignites the spirit within, and connects with the spirit and energy of what is around us be it nature, people, experiences or the simple effects of sun, water, earth, and air. You do not have to do a deep dive into these topics, if you are interested, by all means, do that, however, what is important and what most people miss is the deep dive into you, which is the deep dive into quiet moments each day that allow time and space for reflection, presence, visualization and clarity. This is the key, this is the place to begin each day, and with that, you base your experiences around that, that being your vision and making sure that your values are defined and aligned. This is applicable to life, and while building our foundation, we create formulas to help us create our daily habits and rituals which support our best selves and our best lives. Don’t allow another season to go by, it will in fact fly by, and the changes you desire will once again be put off until you are ready…. Let’s turn that theory on it’s head, because this is just deflection, it is fair, it is not understanding there might be a better way or that you have the power within, you really do. This requires you to tap into the power of NOW, now is the right time, and this is the Summer of You!

Top Tips to Create the Summer of You:

—Get clear on your Vision, what do you want to create this summer, how do you want to look, feel, describe what an ideal day looks like, and what you feel like, and what is most important to you (values).

—Assess where you are now, and where you want to be, and see what the gap is, what is it that you need to change to create more of what you want, and what do you need to do or address to remove what is not working for you?

—Calendar & Planning: Review your calendar, and take an honest look at what is on there and how it aligns (or does not with what is most important to you). This is the boundaries part of Living HIPP, you do need to be a gate keeper (the gate keeper trend on SM is just that a trend), I say be the gate keeper of your calendar, your energy, your priorities and commitments, it is a success strategy of life, one that the sooner you learn, the more you earn (time, income, joy, purpose, authenticity, positive relationships, positive spirit and living).

—Morning Time: This has been part of my life since becoming a “Mom Boss” 22 years ago, it began before that just for exercise, but it evolved into spiritual/personal growth time for me. This changes depending on your season of life, when my kids were little, it was exercise and perhaps some reading (we are talking a few pages devotional), and it grew to more, through gratitude, journaling, affirmations and prayer/meditation time (and I switch things out, gratitude is the consistent practice, as it meditation and my approach is very informal and relaxed). You don’t have to dedicate the entire morning, just begin with 10 minutes a day to begin, if you can commit more, do it, you will feel grounded, balanced and mentally prepared for the day, it works!

—Movement: Exercise, in Living HIPP, it is a must do daily activity. We recommend walking outside every day, no matter what, again, even a 10 minute fresh air refresh sesh can do wonders, clearly more is better, but for now, use walking as a daily do, and if you are trying to change a habit (eating/drinking/scrolling) replace it with a walk. Do it with a friend (lift each other up, listen to each other, and have great conversation or laughter). Do it alone (this is important too) and listen to nature, or use this time for a Podcast, I suggest personal growth, something that inspires you, helps you and fills your spirit with hope and vibrancy.

—Enough is Enough: Okay, I have not used this term much on the blog or vlogs but this simply means, knowing when enough is enough and this is for those of you that feel you need to do more, more exercise, more performing, more work, more cleaning, more more more!!!!! No my darling, less less less…. Less is More, and when we learn to simplify, and find that balance of productivity and peace, that is where the magic exists. Some need to learn not to “do” all the time (while we praise people for performance and productivity) it is not really the best thing or living your best life. Being is where it is at, how are you being, and how are you able to know the difference between the too!

—Hydration & Happy Hour: We have fallen for the belief that drinking alcohol is what creates the fun times in Summer (I surely did). I get it, we have all had our fun, and not everyone needs to remove it, but what if we changed the narrative, and leveled the playing field a bit more (drinking dehydrates your body/mind which impacts your spirit, you think you are having fun, and maybe u are for a hot minute but for the next 24 hours, it is dulling your spirit, your vibrancy and it is destroying your body (unless you truly drink moderately, which most people say they do, but lets be honest, they don’t, they just don’t binge or go completely nuts, we need to redefine this, especially at middle age). What if you drank less? Yep, what if you made this less of a thing in your life, what if you did not care about the social norms and become part of the new social, which is inclusion, we don’t care what is in your drink, we just care that you raise a glass, have some fun, and hydrate well (and that is remove toxins like this from your clean living habits, and at least, cut back on them). You heard it here first…. The real Happy Hour comes in the morning, it is for the HIPP AF lifestyle that is sans alcohol, and wakes up with bright eyes, and see’s clearly, it is most definitely the best and worst kept secret. In HIPP, we don’t punish ourselves or miss out, we just take care of ourselves and begin the process to discover more about what makes us feel good, not just in the moment, but sustainable feel good vibes, and AF lifestyle and discovery is a thing, it is about making it less of a thing in our lives, and for most, that is a process, and at HIPP, we know it well. Let’s redefine how we have fun, and be able to do so without betraying ourselves or our body/mind/spirit. Progress over Perfection, that is our approach, that is where the majority needs to be, because it is in that work, that we begin the process of truly living better. This applies to everyone that drinks, because it is not about the drinking, it is about the thinking…. No shame, no judgement, no anything, just living better and learning to live in alignment with how you want to look & feel, and finding alternatives approaches to old habits, beliefs and behaviors.

—Top 10 Summer List: I have written about this and talk about it every year. I suggest this for all families or Moms, to do every summer and to have big and small things on the list, it is fun, it is purposeful and it helps make sure you are making memories and are seasonal in your approach to living. When it comes to YOU and the Summer of You, I suggest a top 10 list just for you and this should include things that are centered around Body/Mind/Spirit. What can you commit to this summer that will help your body be more fit, stronger, healthier (through either exercise or eating or both)? What can you do to exercise your mind and mindset, in addition to morning practice (I call them magical mornings as mine are AF), add specific tools like affirmations or mantras to anchor you this Summer. Self Love and Self Talk are so very important to living HIPP, we all have a conversation with ourselves daily (it actually is the most we communicate with someone, ourselves), what are the words you are saying, what are the thoughts you are sharing and how are you treating yourself? Speak love into yourself, speak life into your life, and make sure that conversation is positive and not negative, we all go negative in our self talk, it is human nature and habit, begin to change that conversation and this is the Summer of You, so make it happen NOW!

—Day Trips: Summer is time for family and friends, so hopefully you are vacationing, traveling or doing more recreation as people do in this season, for some, it is a tradition and what they share with others. Be sure to add day trips to your adventures this summer, and these can be with the people you love, and I suggest adding a few for just you. Time alone is important too, it allows for going inward and igniting your spirit, it allows for getting to know yourself better, and this relationship you have with yourself is important, and time to nurture it means that you build it and therefore, show up better in your life and for those you love. I love alone time, in fact, I need it, in order for me to show up for others and to be who I want to be, I need to reset, retreat, and restore my mind and spirit and time alone and rest is important in that. A day trip does not need to require the entire day, this can mean a full day trip to a location you don’t frequent or you want to discover, or it can be as simple as a trip to the farm stand, turn your errand into an experience, that is the vibe we are after, that is in fact living HIPP!

Self Care: The Summer of You requires Self Care, it requires Daily Habits and Rituals, many of which I mentioned above, it requires planning and it also requires commitment, make this a priority and you will both feel and see it’s positive effects. This also allows you more time, and this is because you are not going through the motions, and no longer part of the rat race, you are living with mindfulness and you are discerning how you spend your time, you are equally valuing hard work with rest, both are important, and balance is the pinnacle for wholeness, because women have been trying to reach unrealistic expectations and rather than just lower the bar, why don’t we just redefine the bar, and bring balance back, it is not a bad word, it is not about perfection (that is a bad word), it is about seeking to live whole and that a balanced life, one that is centered in a foundation, that helps us sustain and build a life we love. It is solid and it is the ability to lead with love and not fear, to make progress and not focus on perfection, to create more and do less, to be authentic and unapologetic, to put our family first, without guilt, shame or having to perform and meet someone

The Story is not going End this Way....

I have written my own life story, meaning, I have created most every opportunity and changed the circumstance, from getting myself into college after being told by my guidance councilor I was not college material, to climbing the corporate ladder to building successful businesses but most importantly, to finally finding a man that matched my commitment (oh the heart ache prior to that) and the life we built together. It has been such a good story, and one I am so grateful for as I reflect on life and sharing my lessons along the way.... I share this from a place of story telling, it is my story, and the intent is to inspire others, to take ownership of their life, be it a situation, big picture or the small thing that is on your heart and mind, but you can’t even articulate or deal with, which at times can be denial, deflection or distance, awareness but not quite ready to deal….. There are times we are completely motivated to create change and/or opportunity, that we are on fire and unstoppable, I know that space well too, I know both sides of this thing, the ability to create more, but also, the need to change, grow and evolve, it is a balance of the two…. We are the ones we are waiting for, and when we come from that place of ownership and leadership, that is where the magic happens, but it is important that we realize we don’t (and should not) do it alone, there are people, leaders, mentors, communities all along the way (but we have to want it, and be willing to be the catalyst for change).

Suffice it to say, I had to create every opportunity along the way, and I had to work harder, longer and stronger than many of my compatriots (or at least that is how I felt at times, being financially independent and no one saying, here you go, let me help you with this) . Had I not followed my heart (also defined as Desire) at each of these life stages (young adulthood, all of my 20's and into my 30's my life would look very very different). I worked so hard all along the way, to the point, it became exhausting, and thankfully I changed that too, and in my 40's found a sense of balance, wellness like I have never known before, and this brought happiness and peace, hence: Living HIPP (in that life stage I changed my relationship with Alcohol and it became so limited, but I still had work to do, and I knew that in my heart). It was more than Alcohol, it was everything, but the wellness choices also included being honest with myself and Alcohol, and changing my relationship with it. Life disruption happens, and in that, so does stress/anxiety, and it’s taxing impact on our mental health and well being (so I unknowingly put myself in a space of stress as it relates to business/finances and all the work I had invested in my career, I was back to what I was doing my first year as a business owner, not a good place to be, and quite honestly a huge step backwards…. Let me take you back to my story after creating living HIPP, writing the book, living it and taking a chance on something, only to learn that I was not prepared for being blind sided (without going into detail, I can share that I was looked at as a competitor as opposed to a colleague, and the ramifications and behavior in that were damaging, to me, my mental health, my leadership and future (knocked down, and not much help getting back up, it is a lonely place to be).

So back to my story…..

I took a chance on myself and a new business, and while there has been many good things, overall, it was a very challenging time both professionally and personally…. Life would hit me HARD with a business change that cost a lot financially and mentally, and losing my Mom and sick in-laws and then losing them, I unravelled, and in that felt depressed, the personal loss on top of the stress business and some unfair things, made me go from thrive to survive mode, it’s not a great place to be. I also fell back on some old coping habits that no longer served me, and drinking became a thing again, while it is not the big dramatic scene we want to believe, it is often a quiet struggle, and a knowing that it makes you feel like shit, those 3am wake up calls are brutal, as is the night sweats that we blame on menopause, oh, and on that topic, why are we not talking about Alcohol and it’s negative impact on Menopause, it needs to be said, so there, I said it! The truth for me was this….. I knew that alcohol was always going to be a thing for me until I walked away for good, it does not get better, even if you temporarily prove it does, it will always come back and show you and prove to you how it makes you feel. I now know that, and I now have freedom from it, and I no longer have FOMO, in fact, I have JOMO, I genuinely and sincerely am so Happy and so Free without it. At times it did not seem that bad or I didn't seem that bad, and picturing my life without it just felt too hard, or like I was missing out and I did not want to become "Sober Sally" she is the Karen of Sobriety, I didn't want her life, because mine is far better and that was yet another thing that turned me off..... Updated to say, I actually have a friend Sally and she is Sober, that is not the Sober Sally, I reference this lightly, because I admire most Sober Sally’s, just not the Karen’s, they exist everywhere, just not in recovery circles. Like all communities, industries, groups or circles, there are people you like and those that you don’t, we need to discern and be aware of our vision and values and align with those that vibe with us, I had to sort through this world of Recovery and Sobriety (btw, I don’t use sober as I just don’t like the word, I am a word snob in general, so AF is more in line with how I approach this, no right or wrongs, just my preference). If “sober” is your word of choice, awesome, it does not matter, what does matter is that you live better, and from all accounts, living better actually is a reduction or removal of alcohol depending on where you are. I had to navigate the world of Direct Sales this way too, I did not want to be part of it and I certainly did not want to be the Salsey Suzie, the one that is chasing you down in the grocery store to buy her product and today’s version of her is on line constantly selling her products, when in fact, you just scroll by because you don’t care about a sales promotion (hint, people don’t want to be sold something, they want to buy you). Yep, things are not always what they appear to be, and sometimes we need to put our preconceived notions aside, and also realize you don’t have to be like Sally or Suzie, you can be you, and you can take what you want and leave the rest, and that is exactly what I did in the process of becoming Alcohol Free (or free from Alcohol as that is the ultimate goal) and I also rebranded my own experience and my own brand within the DS industry, because there was so much to it that was good, and I needed to tap into that, and do so authentically and with a spirit of living better. Both of these areas, while different hold so much in common, and that is getting past the negative image or thoughts and breaking through misconceptions to the transformation, and life changing results that are both positive and make life better, I found both to serve more positive than negative in my life, and it is the ability to discern and allow your vision and values to guide you, and to put everything else into perspective, which is such a grounded space to learn and grow. I also had my adversity, challenges, success and failures along the way, that is part of it, it is life, it is hard and it is part of the journey to greatness (which is defined by you and for you). In Living HIPP, I chose best practices from both business, recovery and my own personal experience in my 30 year career in Live & Leadership and created a framework to help busy women go from busy to balanced, and from exhausted to energized, all while building a life (and business) they love. I don’t care about what business you are in or even if you started your own business, because what we need to make sure is happening, is that we are in the business of you, and the business of you is the foundation we build, that helps you live better, think better, choose better, and become more balanced (yes, a family first approach to life, which is about building your life, and allowing your business/work to fuel that).

In my AF journey, I saw this to be different, I knew in my heart I wanted different, I would voice it in groups, and have been doing this since about 2011 or 2012--I just did not know how to not fall into the traditional world of recovery or the misconceptions I had and/or the people that I don't want to be like (lets face it, they are everywhere). Also, my husband drinks and his drinking was a trigger for me, that was a big mountain I had to learn how to navigate, climb and create my own path, a trail where I had to step into my own power, change the rules, set the boundaries and do so in a way that was about me and not about him. This is not unusual, in fact, a lot of married couples deal with this sort of thing, it is not about drinking necessarily, but it is about the things we deal with, and let me be clear, we ALL deal with the things. I believe a lot of couples deal with this, and it is not a big problem and we will do anything to make it not a problem (drinking) that we dance around the topic, and the conversations and struggle is secret, yet we prioritize it in our lives (at least that is what I did, and what many people do, it is everywhere and it seems to be the secret glue that we think holds it all together, but in fact, it is the gooey mess that we are stuck to, and we can’t seem to get unstuck, until we actually do). This is BTS truth in so many marriages or relationships, yet, we don’t go there, because we think it will look bad, so we imply that the image of our drinking is fun, happy, spirited when in fact that is just on the surface, the truth deep down inside is that it sucks, it eventually sucks the life out of us, in the most quiet, insignificant way (until someone begins to have bigger problems which can present in other ways that we continue to just skirt by and ignore)…. I love the festivities, I love the rituals of raising a glass, I love the laid back attitude and good time cheer, I still experience all of this, I just do so without alcohol, because I realized it damages my spirit, when all along I thought it was fueling it, it was adding gas to the fire within….

This marriage stuff is still a work in progress for me, we are in a good place, but clearly I still have my moments when people are drinking too much and I just have no interest in being part of it or around it --late night is not my vibe and I often plan my exit, and always have my exit plan, the introvert part of me needs this, as does my spirit, because mornings are sacred to me, and each morning is magical, when you no longer drink Alcohol. On the other hand, people having drinks does not bother me, I actually like it when it is chill, I like the ritual, and I have my fancy glass or cool can (yep, for me it is about the experience, and I want all in when I want all in, just hold the ethanol thank you very much). I love the vibe, that is what I create around me. I did not die, I just no longer drink because it is not all cracked up to be what we (I) have been buying into for years, I know, how stupid to think it makes us more fun, sexy, alive and cool. It might feel fun to begin (yes, lets be honest) but it is not that cool and it is far from sexy, it actually makes people look like shit, but let me stop here, because no one wants to or needs to remind us of that. When I removed alcohol, I became alive like never before, I finally accepted that the only way I live well is AF (period end), and I am grateful to be in this space, I did work hard to get here, much like my hard work in life/work: getting out of debt, buying homes/selling homes, turning a house into a home, building businesses, raising babies, creating a close knit family & team culture, dealing with mental health (oh yeah, that is the reason why so many women drink, the MH we all have be it anxiety, ADHD, depression, and mix that with middle age (40's/50's) it is quite the hormone disrupter, the one we don't talk about. While I am AF, my life is not, and that is where I learn to co-exist, and that to me is understanding people can still enjoy it, have fun with it, and their story is, in fact, their story (at one time I really liked it, so who am I to judge or to say otherwise)…. Anyway, I had to get out of the drinking cycle once again (which on the outside did not look bad, was not a big story of bad things happening like what we expect needs to happen, no, it was a quiet conversation in my head, and I knew it had to change, either I had to change or it was going to change me, for better or for worst, and the latter was not an option, so it finally clicked and I am in the space I always wanted to be in, and that is being the most authentic version of myself, and she is AF, and that is the greatest space to come from, I am truly me. I do want to speak loudly about the negative impact Alcohol has on Mental Health (btw, we all have MH), it depresses us, makes us more anxious and it’s impact is progressive, I used to drink years ago to self medicate my anxiety, I did not realize it made me more anxious, and my body had the wisdom, and I just had to hear the lesson, make change, and to it again and again until I learned to think differently, so often times it is not our drinking, it is our thinking (this is not about the rock bottom drinking problem, this about the woman at middle age (40/50’s+) that wakes up in the middle of the night, or wakes up feeling groggy/gross and says she’ll do better or take a break only to be back at wine o’clock the next night or a few nights later, rinse/repeat, rinse/repeat (hint: not age specific of gender specific but this is my HIPP audience)—it is not just drinking, for some it is other habits that do not make our life better, but Alcohol is the one we don’t talk about until after the problem, so how about we socialize it a bit more, and begin to look at this from wellness choice, and not a social norm, because it is killing us.

I “should” have a decade or more, but that is not how it worked for me, and that is why I don’t like a black/white model and I don’t believe in a linear approach, it typically does not work that way. I believe I progress, I believe in education, I believe in AF as a wellness choice, I believe in taking a break, I believe in the AF30 (the way I started over a decade ago, but I have since called it that), and adding those up to reach 100 days and on (this is what many do, many programs and I infuse it with what I have done in business, and goal setting and also transformational change (offerings with Living HIPP), I also have a vetted list of programs in this space that I recommend, and many of which that helped me from courses, to coaching to communities, this will be downloadable from my site at www.livinghipp.com.

I got really good at taking breaks, I actually made it less important in my life, but what I had to do was to walk away from it, and in that, I would find Freedom. This work no longer was the physical work, it was not the process (which I strongly believe in a system and steps) I had to shift my mind, and it had to be subconscious thinking (I had to rewire my brain around Alcohol and it’s truth). “I no longer drink anymore”, I was finally ready to say it, and for me, it had to be that next step, and in this statement, became me speaking my truth, owning my story and these few words gave me so much power, and in this declaration, I found freedom. I have not arrived, and I will continue to make this a priority in my life, because Alcohol is not just a behavior, habit or ritual, it is an addictive substance, one that alters the brains chemistry, and I no longer wanted it in my body, and at mid life and in my Second Act, it is the greatest form of Self Love and Self Care a woman can give herself (if she wakes up at 3am and/or relies on her wine to relax but it actually is causing havoc). Most people feel this way, but we just don’t accept the truth of it, and we work hard to keep it in our lives, I know, because I did, until I learned more, and kept at it, and eventually completely changed my relationship with it, and in doing so, in this way, and through living HIPP (and other resources) I went from Alcohol to Alchemy, a place of freedom, a place of living, and a place of discovering the magic within me, and that is without Alcohol (full stop)!

The End which was the New Beginning….

The story was not going to end that way.... What that mean't was that I knew what would happen if I went back into the drinking cycle, and while I could convince myself "I wasn't that bad at times", the truth was that I was so close to it getting worst, and I knew it in my soul. I was walking on the edge, and the paths were so obvious to me, and the drinking path I knew would lead me to insanity (doing the same thing over when you expect a different result—that is the definition of insanity, many know it intimately, we are just not quite ready to claim it and own it), with underlying MH, my brain needed to be clear and free from a substance that F's it up, and the exhaustion of the drinking cycle was not fun, I literally felt like shit, why would I do this to myself. Likewise, with young adult kids, my vision for my life was very clear, and being a Mom that is present, fun, engaging, and reliable, that version of me is AF, because the drinking me could be a liability, and from what I have seen, it only gets worst, and that was and is not how I am going to write my story. No fucking way is my story going to end that way, it is going to begin, and it is going to be beautiful and based in wellness, not in regret (HELL to the NO)!!!!!!! My Vision led the way, as did my Values and all the work, nothing was wasted, it was just a Path forward, and the Framework for Living HIPP became my Framework to many areas in my life, one that I am able to live AF and today, commit to it (it is no longer a decision, it is just how I live, and it is a priority in my life, therefore I speak about it and share it, because it is important, and it is a key to living well, and the more we speak about that truth, the more shifts we can make).

My hard work in life looks so different than it did in my 20's/30's, today, my hard work is on myself, now much of it is actually enjoyable (hello Yoga and daily practices of HIPP), but also it requires consistency, it requires honesty, it requires humility, it requires daily habits and it requires sometimes feeling left out or different, even thou I know in my heart it is best and I am so much better.... Leadership can be lonely, I am leading in Lifestyle right now, and I have chosen a path (and blazed a trail) which is not taken by most, and even those on it, don’t think or see what I choose to, and I infuse it all with Living HIPP, it is not just about drinking, it is about LIVING, and creating a LIFE you LOVE, I am Pam Guyer and I am your YOLO Instructor, You Only Live Once (while that is Big Yes Energy), sometimes and most often it requires NO, lets reframe it, you only live once, why on God’s earth would you spend it hung over, buzzed and not present or living with shame, regret and beating yourself for drinking more than you said you would….. F that….. You don’t have to quit, but how about you become more confident in your own skin, more radiant in your own vibe and you become bold enough to not care about fitting in, because you were born to stand out!

In another post I will share the Vision I have for my life, and the one I have had for a decade, and I am living it, I am her....

I am a woman of grace, I am present, I am free, I am clear, I am whole and I am that Mom, the one my kids are so proud of while they have their drinks and are in that stage of life, in every social situation, they look on the menu for me "Mom, they have Mocktails" and we have a lot of fun, still share in "good cheer". We laugh, and of course, I sing, dance and do all the crazy things I do because that is me, and it is me straight up, no buzz needed, just pure expression, pure fun and no longer needing the help of alcohol is pure magic, it is the biggest power play, and it can take time to get there…. It is no longer Alcohol in my way, it is Alchemy as the Way, and I will continue to share my story, in the hopes that I can help you write yours. It is not about the Alcohol, but when we remove it or cut back on it (to begin) we open up space for so much more, more joy, more freedom, more realness, more authenticity, more grace, more love and hope and most importantly, more Peace!!!!

BTW, to be clear, this is not about just removing Alcohol, I see people do it, and they are focused on fixing, F That! In recovery and living a life of personal growth, we do need to grow, heal, recover, be self aware (and sometimes deal straight on) but also, we can focus on gratitude, our vision, our values and lead with love and not fear, and that is exactly what we do in Living HIPP.

I have had this pull in my heart I am suppose to do more, share my voice with the world, and while I do some of that in my writing, I have not created that, YET (in the way I feel I am suppose to). I only want to do so if I am genuinely helping others, and I have had to allow that to just be a result of my hard work in this way, and believe that will come to be, when it is mean't to be...

In this process of letting go (meaning no longer trying to keep alcohol in my life in some way) I have truly opened up space for contentment, freedom and this knowing, this knowing deep in my soul that I am doing the work, I am doing it daily and I am prepared to continue to live a great life, one that is Happy, Peaceful, Purposeful and Fulfilling, things I have known, but to know it in this way and finally feel on the other side of Alcohol is Alchemy.... Yes, from Alcohol to Alchemy, that is my journey, that is my mantra (if you know me, you know I have many) and this journey is not just for me, it is for all of us). The work that I do is about Vision, I have been doing this work for decades, and it has shaped my life in big ways, and it can shape yours too. When we let go of the argument in our heads (man do I know that tug of war pretty well and I wasted precious energy on it), we allow space for Discovery, what I like to replace Recovery with, because it is not about punishment, it is all about empowerment (that is how I live my life and have lived it way before Alcohol was a thing in my life).

So for those struggling, perhaps it is time to shift the focus on your Vision, what is it that you want your life to look like, how do you look, how do you feel, what are you doing and how and with who are you doing it with?

Perhaps you have time or momentum but still experiencing FOMO, that is okay and normal, keep building that JOMO spirit within--this is all about a Spirit you are cultivating, it is a shift in energy and focus. The Vision work is important, and as one builds time, it truly opens up space for the GOOD, the good being the things you want to do, the way you want to feel, the sense of purpose you have and aligning that with your Soul, it is such great work. You might not feel this yet, and that is okay, this is never about trying to fix anything or thinking what is wrong with me, I don't feel that hope or peace.... Hope & Peace come from clarity, it is clearing out the space in our heads and hearts for more goodness, and that typically is created through gratitude (yes, a consistent daily practice over and over and over again).

These are all shifts, they are always shifts, they are not a destination, they are a way of living.... It requires choosing you, it requires choosing to see the light, it requires living a life force energy of love and not fear (while allowing ourselves to have all the feelings, because we do, and that is okay).....

What is your story, and based on the path (actually what you are doing, and the role alcohol plays in your life) what are you writing and creating and manifesting? What If....

What if it could look different? What if you allowed yourself to truly make this change, and make it for good (even if you don't feel like it is forever, you never have to say that by the way)....

What if you open up to the possibility, and just do the work. The work is not sexy, it is not easy, it is not joyful and it is most often not fun.... However, in the work you will feel sexy at times, you will feel joy, you will have fun, but that will be alongside the challenges of creating change, and doing life differently....

I would not spend time writing this, on a Saturday morning, as I sip my coffee and listen to Norah Jones, in my home which I created and was part of the Vision....

I have my hard days (not alcohol related, just life related) but they are 1000% better and also I can do anything I want in the world, anything, the only thing I cannot do is drink alcohol, because if I were to drink (which I have zero interest) it would take away, and I would not be able to do all the things, and be all the things I am mean't to be!

TY for coming to my Ted Talk, I hope these words land on the right people, be it someone trying to stop drinking, or maybe you stopped but you just need to live, and come alive with a positive heart and spirit. Open your heart to all that is possible, and believe in more, sometimes that requires us to do less, what is your less?

My first official Spring Break was my Senior Year in College, a trip to Jamaica with the school, I reached my goal of going away by my Senior Year for Spring Break, which was a big goal as I put myself through college financially, I had to work extra hard and extra hours to take this trip.   It was my first time away on vacation as an adult, I will never forget that feeling of being in a warm tropical climate while it was cold back home in Boston, I said to myself, I need to do this every year, I sincerely meant it at the time.   That did not happen, as I began my career, I had other goals professionally, and I am not proud to share that I went 4 years without a vacation, by choice, because I was working hard, saving money and after getting myself out of debt (another goal), I was promoted and wanted to crush my professional role—thankfully, I have a completely different POV on work/life balance and lean more into life than work.    

My First Spring Break….

Spring Break 1989, Pammy Mellor, long blonde hair, a tan that rivaled a Hawaiian Tropic Ad and a petite stature for this bubbly personality.   This trip was so much fun, aside from Aerobics, my sport at the time was my tan, and I got pretty dark, I spent a lot of time sunbathing.   

Bob Marley was the soundtrack of the trip, and forever more, I have enjoyed his music, and it brings me back to that time in my life, which felt the vibe of the island and the youthful spirit within.   Dancing in caves, tanning on the beach, glass bottom boats, coconut milk, red stripes flowing and my long hair braided is what I remember most.   While life has changed greatly from over 30 years ago, the music of Bob Marley, is timeless, while it brings me back, it also brings me to the present, and the wonder of music, moments, seasons and how it lifts our spirits in many ways.  

Oh how I would love to go back to the Dreamer, Pammy Mellor, who had no idea what life would be like, but had great expectations, imagination and belief to step into each opportunity and decade/season with vision, hope and a commitment to create more for myself which ultimately inspires those around me to create more in their lives too.  

I would grow in so many areas, and life also would hit me hard, as it does all of us, but we can do hard things!

Spring break today, oh so very different, and this last one, was a Yoga Retreat in Costa Rica, with Bob Marley on the Playlist, and the spirit of freedom and love pumping through my body.   While my mind went back to that trip, my first Spring Break, it also came back to the present moment, and how grateful I felt for this life of mine, how my story was written and how my spirit is very much the same, and during a trip like this, it ignites the spirit.   

We become wiser, we become stronger, we become more experienced, we become more vulnerable, we become more spiritual and we become our own teacher, and lead the way, when we are intentional about how we live and clear on how we desire to live.    

In the moment of being in the Shala and listening to Bob Marley, I felt such contentment, this word gets a bad reputation, but I propose it is the best gift and we should all seek contentment in areas of our lives.  A person that strives and pushes and screams and races, would say contentment is being stuck or just comfortable, a wise person would say it is being present in your life and feeling peace, those two things are magical, they are happiness they are the answer that so many are chasing.   When I find myself in this place, that is where I am at peace, it is not about how much you make or what you acquire (I’ve been on that track and while money is important, it is not success).  Success is living a life you love, it is about the time you spend, not the dollars, it is about what you are willing to sacrifice and what you won’t.  It is also the courage to be aligned with your integrity and authenticity, not participating in the gold rush, I have done that and it feels exciting at the time, but it is not even close to true joy and happiness.  

As we grow, we evolve, as we age, we become wise, as we change, we prefer different things, a different lifestyle and we have the power of choice.   Stepping out of this trip and this Spring Break with so much inspiration, gratitude and love for where I have been and where I am going.   Life is but a dream and we all can be the main character in our own story.   XO 

I am just back from a 7 day Retreat in Costa Rica, at Blue Spirit Yoga, world renowned for Yoga in the magical landscape of Costa Rica and the Blue Zone, a place where nature and your spirit come alive.   This Retreat was special for many reasons, and for me, it was lead by my Yoga instructor of 15 years, the talented teacher I have grown up with in my Yoga practice, her name is Tricia, owner of Elephant Tree Yoga, and her gift and calling is to teach.   

There were so many gifts in this Retreat and I want to share them in a way that inspires you to discover more of yourself, your spirit and growing your commitment to living your HIPP life with Yoga, either on or off the mat.  

I am a Yogi, I am fully into my practice, and consistently practice on the mat in studio 4 to 5 days a week, this is important to my recovery journey, going from a hustle bustle lifestyle, and years ago a drinking lifestyle to my Yoga lifestyle, my Alcohol Free lifestyle, which are all part of my journey in Living HIPP.   You don’t have to be a Yogi to attend a Yoga Retreat (one that is for all levels) and you don’t have to be AF to attend many, however, you do need to have an interest in better living, and bringing more healthy practices into your life.   Likewise, you are open to living more mindfully and practicing daily things that feed your body/mind/soul with goodness and light, it is such a transformational way to live, which requires us to be more grounded, and to simplify our life, so that we may amplify our energy and experience.   

The benefits are endless and are important to whole living, at a Retreat it is transformational and even the daily practice of Yoga on/off the mat creates positive change.  It is you, it is your spirit, it is your heart, it is your mind, it is your spirit, all being nourished and fortified with loving acts, loving thoughts and intentional living, all while navigating challenges and all the thoughts and experiences that we have and some that we heal.  I can’t think of anything that helps facilitate us back to our core being, and helps us live authentically and to ignite our spirit and essence from within.    You are the one you have been waiting for, and you already have everything inside of you that you need.  

This Retreat was filled with so much, and while I can describe some of it here, it left me with a feeling and more clarity on my Dharma (purpose) and how I continue to inspire women and use my voice and life as a force for good.  

I feel completely renewed and revitalized, which is an important process and experience that we should all experience each year (and also each season in our homes and in our lives).  Being in nature, not having any of the pressures of every day life, and the busy work we all juggle in our day to day lives.  While life is much less busier than it was just a few years ago, it remains important for me to Retreat and have time away from the distractions of daily life.  

This and similar Retreats provide time and space for creativity, connection, clarity, solitude, rest, realness, kindness, compassion, healing, mindfulness, contentment, peace, love and reflection.   Likewise it ignited my energy, my charisma, my joyful and happy way of life, something that is just part of me, but often can be buried with fear, should-ing on myself, taming (or at least the taming I inherit from those around me that don’t have the same spark or energy) and life….    We all do this and while I coach and inspire other to live out loud, let their light shine, I had that reminder again to really open up to the vibe of me….  We need explore who we are authentically and continue to write her story….   This keeps me grounded and true to myself, all while having vision, imagination and aligning with my values.  

Ask yourself this….   Who is She?  

She is a leader, she loves big, she performs, she entertains with humor, she smiles, she laughs, she inspires and she raises the energy around her, she has been doing this her entire life.   She sings, she dances and she loves love, she loves when people are having fun, when there is joy and laughter and it is real, and people are authentic.   She also loves deep conversations, humility & vulnerability and to surround herself with positive, kind, loving people who also just want to laugh, learn, and make the world around them a better place by making themselves a better human.   

She also requires alone time, while she is a master at getting a group going, leading the charge on building fun loving laughter through her words, actions, or dance moves (as she tries desperately to sing), she balances that with rest, introspection and time for reflection and relaxation.  As much as she loves to liven up a crowd or a group, she craves time alone and enjoys exploration and down time, this is how she builds her energy and cares for the introvert that she is, all while being extrovert.    She has a business mind (vision, innovation and opportunity) and a heart centered soul, she loves work that has meaning and creates positive impact on the lives of others.  

This Retreat was all about doing as much or as little as you choose, which is great for all women, because for too long we have had to wear the mask of doing it all, and in most cases socially, women rely on Alcohol to do so, and then we think we can’t have fun without it.   I get it, as I felt that way years ago, and it was a hurdle for me to get over, even thou I loved the feeling of being AF, I had so much learning and mindset work to do around changing my beliefs around drinking….   Now I love to share my life as an AF woman at middle age because I want to demonstrate for others that are curious or desperate, that life is better and even more fun, for many of us on this path.   It does not mean everyone needs to be AF, it just means it is another option and it is not what you think it is, trust me on that, it is a gift that you have to work for, and get over the hard and challenging process.  

Also, it is not overnight, it is a process for many, so I invite you to explore this and not need to make any decisions or define yourself or commit to anything, because that is an old model, that does not work for everyone, and Living HIPP has been a modern day “discovery” program/lifestyle that offers more prevention and positive change outside of traditional recovery or programs that might not be for everyone.    While this was not an AF Retreat, it was most definitely supportive and ideal for AF curious, or AF women, as drinking was not highlighted, celebrated or promoted as some “wellness” retreats or venues will do, which is just the wrong message, as it is not glamorous, healthy or cool, it is just something we have been seduced by, addicted to (yes, as in I can’t imagine not drinking, so many are in that boat, and I was one of them).   No shame, no blame, no anything but truth, and saying, it’s okay, and it is a process, and the more you learn and the more you really observe, you will see how it might not be as great as you believe it to be (alcohol that is), and you can begin Living HIPP, and making changes and ultimately (hopefully) achieve freedom from it.   Events like these speak to our soul, and while that was no longer an issue for me, I know the value of Yoga and Retreats and how it helps us find our power within, and your power does not have a drink (alcohol) in it’s hand, that is just an old belief, old habit and a can of “courage”.      There is a better way, and you can begin exploring that, and Living HIPP is a soft landing, because we believe in progress over perfection, we know this is a process and that is the truth of it.    It might not be alcohol for you, perhaps it is food, work, technology, procrastination, negative thinking/self doubt, and for most of us, a mental health “issue” (not the best word) that is underlying our coping mechanisms.   The work of Yoga, meditation, compassionate self talk and movement are all tools that support your best life, and help to redirect old habits into new ones.   Again, this is not just about habits, it is more importantly about better health and better choices.  

Retreats are that opportunity to get out of your daily life and into your best teacher and student, yourself.  As spiritual leaders, we guide you through this process but it is you that really molds the experience and also the degree in which you open up into healing, transformation and positive change.     I am looking forward to hosting a Retreat next year, as so many women need this opportunity to give themselves the gift of time, yoga, movement, reflection, visualization, and application.    I have been teaching adults in leadership and personal development for 30 years and to combine that with my Yoga experience and my own grief and growth journey, I am well equipped to serve and bring others on this journey with me.  

Retreats are not only trips to beautiful places that are warm and sunny, they are weekend getaways, can be done throughout the year daily and in Living HIPP, we practice the importance of Retreat in our daily lives, and that can be at home or a visit someplace local that fills your spirit.     When we live HIPP, we choose to Retreat, and we understand the importance of tapping into our essence, and living a life that we love from the inside/out.   XO 

We are just back from an amazing trip to the Swiss Alps, the Views and Scenery was epic, as was our experience hiking with snow covered mountains around us, it was simply majestic and breathtaking all in one.

Life moments be it every day moments or extraordinary adventures often mirror life in some way, and in Living HIPP and writing and sharing, I often use my life as my classroom, as it teaches us so much when we are tuned in. To that end, my experience on the Mountain relates back to my and our experiences in life. I am reminded that in life we climb in different seasons, we need to be challenged along the way and through that adversity or effort, we get to the top and the view is worth the climb, and it is part of what we have to do to get to the top. I am also reminded that it is not about getting to the top, while that may be the goal or vision, it is in the climb and in the journey that we experience the moments, the meaningful ones, the challenging ones, the connections and conversations and the thrill of the endeavor (all the feels). While I would love to say once we get to the top, we stay on top, we dominate and it is just clear skies, sunshine and eas…. We know that is not true, because life shows up again, with directions for a different climb, or perhaps to navigate downhill to another area, and to be ready to change directions, because change is always part of the journey.

Some seasons or moments we are in the Valley, and that just does not feel good, and sometimes it is out of our control that we are there, or it is something we could have avoided, there is no blame or shame in any of this, there is only learning if we are doing this thing called life in a loving and compassionate way. The Valley is not all bad, the Valley teaches us and prepares us in a way that we don’t always understand, it also shows us and gives us reason to climb, to get back up that mountain and be on the path forward—or perhaps we discover there is another mountain to climb, the more present we are, the better we navigate the path forward. While difficult, Valley’s teach us about love, about ourselves, our values, our character and our vulnerability and courage—who you are in the Valley says more about you than who you are at the top of the mountain. While the Valley is important to the Climb, it is a place we do not want to reside too long, learning to pull ourselves out of it and ask for help or build support is important. Pride gets in our way, fear of what others think stops us from breakout and through, self awareness and surrender or action is what will change the situation we are in and/or begin the healing process. No one on earth is immune from the Valley, unfortunately, some people become jaded in it, and rather than take responsibility, they will take any opportunity to blame others—which most often is a deflection of what they need to look at in themselves—this is an opportunity of growth for all of us, and it is in our choices we are either held down or lifted up, our spirit will lead the way. This is basic human conditioning, and in the interest of creating more positive energy, positive support, kindness and collaboration, we need to not settle for this and while we can’t change those stuck in the Valley, what we can do is change ourselves and find our way out. Believing in more and believing in what is possible can help with this, also patience, grace and compassion, those are the best gifts to give yourself and those around you—the view and experience will be different, it will be far more spiritual and less stressful with this spirit.

The journey is truly the majority of where we spend our time, the paths will bend and curve and we need to learn how to bend and curve with them (we won’t have all the answers and we don’t have to). We need to flow with the river but also climb the terrain and face the elements, it is in this work that we grow, that we get strong, that we learn more, and we also lead, even thou it doesn’t feel like leadership. It does not matter who follows, it matters that you lead, and stay true to your vision and values, it will test others, some will rise and others will choose another path, and that is all part of the climb, it is not to please others, it is to lead the way, to do so with intention and also authenticity, and in that, you teach others how to climb too, we all go at a different pace and that is okay, the spirit is to help others up which means to offer support, but there are times we just need to climb with or without others, depending on the circumstances and what the purpose is.

The view is worth the climb and the top is for everyone, but not everyone will get there. When we can be on this journey and help others, that is what life is all about, not everyone will want help, and in our journey, we can climb with those that share our vision and energy, and are on a mission to create positive change. It’s not always going to feel positive, and that is okay, let that be signals and signs along the way directing you towards what is mean’t for you and what is not mean’t for you. Forward motion, building momentum, consistent activity and you will arrive, however, mindset, attitude, belief and positivity will be what keeps you there longer, and truly feeling connected to this experience beyond the physical aspects, to feel it in your spirit, and have it lift you and others higher. Also, we have to have vision and belief, because without it, we lose visibility and we let challenges or distractions get in our way.

On Our Trip….

Seeing the Matterhorn on our journey was awe inspiring and one of those moments in life that you know you will seal in your mind. We had poor visibility one day, scattered clouds the day before and I kept praying for a clear day, so that we could see the Matterhorn in all her glory, and that is exactly what we got. It was better than I expected and I can’t even begin to share the experience and feeling I had….

It gives you the sense that anything is possible, and also feeling nature and being in nature in a way that is extraordinary is such an incredible uplifting experience, both spiritual and magical. We don’t have to wait until we go to the Swiss Alps or to another part of the world to have these experiences, we can have experiences in nature every day, while they might not be as awe inspiring, the are most definitely inspiring and the more mindful we are seeking simple joys, the abundant we are in these experiences every day. Micro Moments happen throughout the day, be it a beautiful view, a strangers smile, a loved one you are thinking of, or a moment of peace and contentment.

We can walk outside daily, and find so many beautiful sites along the way, so it is not just about the majestic scenery, it is about the beauty that surrounds us every day. The beauty begins within, it is when our spirit is one with nature and goodness and life force. We get distracted, annoyed, stressed and it takes away from this experience, as we grow, we learn to navigate this, it’s okay to do those things, but when we learn to reset and redirect and be present and joyful and grateful, that is where the magic happens. The magic is you, you don’t need the Matterhorn or any Mountain, you just need openness, curiosity, kindness and optimism to see the beautiful view! XO

I don't know who needs to hear this, but I know we all need to be reminded of this, and I invite you to stand up in your power, and that is authenticity and love (because fear holds us back and keeps us small), love is always the answer.

Love is......

Building a relationship with yourself, yes, it is becoming your own best coach, cheerleader, friend and person.

It is the ability to turn down the noise around you, what others say, do, and the constant info in this digital world—your answer does not exist on someone else’s page or reel. The answer exists within you, which requires you to stop searching, chasing, comparing, pacing and to let go of that energy and embrace your magic, the energy of you.

There is not a course, a coach, a company or a community that can save you or be the next big thing, you are the big thing, and it is in the small things that we create change. Positive change is not about always being positive or never feeling fearful, it is about going there and recognizing it, and taking responsibility to shift and choose love.

You are the one you have been waiting for.

Being able to discern this will be the breakthrough you need to step into living authentically and finding your voice, not her voice.

Let programs, people and things inspire and support you, but don't let them be bigger than you. Trust the wisdom inside, trust the voice that knows you and believes in you and surround yourself with others that encourage you and believe in you too.

We hold such power in the way we speak to ourselves, navigate our life and how we see ourselves in the world. We are human, and in that, our default is to be hard on ourselves or to be hard on others, and this is most likely old thinking, beliefs or behaviors that just need to be processed in a more positive and productive way. We also tend to "should" all over ourselves. I should be doing this, I should be able to do that, again, we will hand our power over to expectations of others or what has always been (and perhaps our old ways of thinking).

As much as we say not to do this, we do it, simply because we are human.

It's okay, it is part of how women (and men) have lived for years and years... What is not okay is when we let this be the way we live and we don't change or don't become aware of the important role we play in the relationship we have with ourselves.

Talk to yourself like you would encourage a young woman or child, imagine the loving words you would hear each day. Stop trying to fit in, you were not mean't to do that, you were mean't to stand out. Understand that not everyone is going to like you, get you or treat you kindly.... You can't change them, you can only change how you proceed and who you show up to be each day. Also, it is not your job to please everyone, once we get that, we get more space, time and freedom to be in places that are good for the body/mind/soul (it is a feeling, and trusting this is a way to develop discernment and trust in yourself. This is not hard to figure out, you just have to be in touch with yourself, your vision, your values and develop this trust in yourself, your intuition and wisdom. You intuitively know, it is a feeling and rather than try and get everyone on board (impossible), let go of others, let them do their thing and you do yours, and the right people will be by your side.

Your spirit holds so much power, be present with it, and rather than numb it away, invite it in.

Our worthiness or “enough ness” comes from within, it is God given and it is also part of our DNA, it is in you. Even so, we can look outside of us at times for validation, and then we question ourselves and in that, give away our power.

Am I enough?

Did I do enough?

Will they like me enough?

Have I performed enough?

Is this enough?

The Super Woman BS has to go…. We can be powerful, we can be impactful, we can be ambitious but also, we can be truthful with the unrealistic expectations we create and the bar we raise when we are This is coming from the girl who strived for years. Hard work is important, as is performance to some degree and having vision and goal setting is key....

However, none of it matters if you are not true to yourself.

It will not help you be happy. We need to give ourselves and each other permission to exhale, permission to not perform, permission to be vulnerable and powerful, because we are both. It’s okay to rest, it’s okay to retreat, in fact, it is what brings us back to balance, and when we are in a state of balance (feeling grounded) we feel more at peace. When we feel more at peace, that is where we feel happy, joyful and it is creating more space to feel, to experience and less time performing and pushing, which is not a healthy lifestyle, we need balance, and we need our nervous system and coping mechanisms to be supported, in healthy and mindful ways.

When we step out of the race, and let go of the pace (keeping up with others) we honor ourselves, we honor each other and we honor what it means to create a life you love, not an imitation of someone else’s or the expectations you feel you must meet.

You've got to get to know what lights your soul on fire. You've got to really get clear on what you want more of and what you want less of in your life. You've got to get brutally honest with yourself, and lovingly, guide yourself toward what your body/mind and soul is telling you (not what you see on line)—this is not over night work, this is intentional, wise, introspective and daily work, small steps, simple shifts and building a strong foundation, a grateful heart and positive mindset (not to a perfectly positive mindset, that is not real life).

Cultivating and reframing how we live...

You don't "have" to do anything. You just have to pause, get curious, get clear on your vision and values, and build from there. Faster is not better. Humility is, as is vulnerability and honesty.... That does not mean we need to focus on our fears or insecurities, it just means we all have them, we all have our strengths and weaknesses and the compassion we have for ourselves and others, the better we will pave the way for the next generation. So how do we achieve, or create or get better, yet do less? We rewrite the rules, we discover more about ourselves, we ask questions and we listen to the voice within. We get to know what inspires us, what heals us, what helps us, and we are brave enough to create that, not what we think you want us to be. We create a better relationship with ourselves, and we commit to this relationship as a priority in our lives.

Stop doing more.....

Pause. Breathe. Exhale.

Do what brings you joy....

yes, I said it and I mean it.... design your day in a way that you feel aligned with your best self, your best self is love, she is hope, she is cheerful, she is authentic—she also is quiet, reflective, needs support and time for restoration. She also is whole: meaning she has her strengths and she has her challenges in body/mind/spirit, we all do.

I know we want to numb it, run away from it, hide it, outsmart it, push it down or make it go away..... We need to heal it and that begins by welcoming it in, living with grace and compassion and feeling all the feels (we sit with our emotions, which is both brutal and beautiful).

Build a life that honors who you are and who you want want to be. It is not a different person, it is already in you. Remove the layers, the layers of doubt, the layers of expectations, the layers of not good enough, the layers of stuff that you have been carrying too long. Drop the weight, it is not yours to carry, know you can hand that over and in doing so, you open up space for renewal.

You are here to love. You are here to love others, but we can''t love others fully until we love ourselves. Loving ourselves is listening to ourselves. At HIPP, we lead with love.

We lead our families, our lives, our careers/work, our communities and each other. Not everyone is in this space, so stop trying to win others over, you do you and the like minded people will be there with you. Boundaries are Beautiful and self care is the key to how women live, because if we don't take care of our foundation, we are not going to be able to build the life we want. Rome was not built in a day and neither were you.

This work takes time. This work takes a positive mindset and attitude. This work is based on love, and it is hard in a world of fear and uncertainty. Don't let that harden you. Stand with me, hands on HIPP. Let's lock arms, standing in our power, in our worthiness, in our truth, in our love. There is enough room for everyone to stand, in fact, the more we collaborate and support each other, the more we RISE. #pamguyerspeaks #livinghipp #redefinehowwelive #retreat #restandrestore #pesonaldevelopment #leadwithlove #progress #positivity #love

It is so hard leaving home, moving on but it is part of the circle of life.

As my husband and his sister recently sold their parents home which has been called home for over 60 years, I am feeling all the feels, some of the wounds I felt in leaving my childhood home. In the updated version of Living HIPP, I share even more about losing my Dad and how that was a Trauma experience in my life (unexpected, although years of a serious heart condition and his sudden loss at a young age)—I share more and explore that more in the book, but the fact remains, we do somehow go on, and while we need to heal and honor our grief of letting go, we also need to heal and to be gentle with ourselves as we do so.

Moving out of my childhood home was traumatic, but at that point I was so full of grief, that we just did it.

My parents put there house on the market, accepted an offer and 2 weeks before the closing my Dad had a massive heart attack at home, and he died that day. The grief of that loss was and is a big part of who I am, it was so hard, but I did move forward, some how, some way, when I didn’t think it was possible. The fact that we had to move out of our home 2 weeks after was insanity, but my Mom was ZERO drama, she could have extended it, but she stuck to plan. It is so hard to move things that were last placed by those we love, I will never ever forget that deep pain.

The week after his services, I will never forget my Mom and I taking my Dad’s box of cereal (he loved his cereal every morning, it was just his and his daily treat). We empty out the box in the trash, crying, both of us sobbing, because we knew the reality of this, it was the end of something so big in our lives, and the love of our lives. We did it, with all hands on deck (all my siblings) we packed up the house, and made it special for the next family (they were not the enemies, this was our home, and we left it with the best karma and juju and while none of us wanted to see it go, it was a financial need for my parents (and now just my Mom). It’s hard, there is no getting around this, it is just hard stuff, that most of us experience at some point in life. My Dad would say (about selling the home) “it’s just wood & glass, home is where we are” (to try and make us feel better about this home sale). This helped me make moves in our RE journey, and making a home is, has been and will always be one of my things (home is not a just a place, it is an experience and a feeling). However, when we leave a childhood home, especially one that has been in a family for a long time. It is just hard stuff, many know this feeling, we all experience that difficulty of a life stage, it is sad, but also, we do get through it, as our loved ones want us to.

In this situation, I feel my own loss, my own memories of this family, my kids growing up at “The Bumpa’s”, and that second home for all of us to retreat to.

My Dad always said “it is just wood and glass” meaning that home really is where your heart is and where your people are. It is so true and a great reminder to all of us as we navigate change, be it our own homes, our family homes or the homes we raised our family in. I became accustomed to this when we sold our first few homes—I would get the itch to move every 3 to 4 years—I loved the process of buying a new house and creating it into a home. I love all things home, from design to creating a vibe and also having it be the place your shoulders come down, home to me is sacred and should be a reflection of your spirit and the love you have. The hardest move was years ago when we sold our dream home where we stayed the longest, over 8 years—it is what my kids consider their childhood home. This place was so special to us, we loved the location, we loved the renovation we did, and I had this feeling that it was time to move on, as we had intentions of a beach house, either a a second or primary home some day. Looking back, it was all mean’t to happen, and here we are, living in a primary home we moved to 4 years ago, it is the one by the beach—we knew this would happen, we just did not know when and where.

Something really strange has happened in this time of empty nesting and reaching our vision and dream to live in a coastal community by the beach. We had the opportunity to possibly purchase my in laws home, and while there were so many reasons it might make sense, we truly love where we are and did not want to leave. My usual itch to move is not here and that feels weird, it is this knowing and this grounded feeling of being where we are suppose to be, and knowing this place is special. This was a change for us, and we both feel this way, while the kids love it, it is really Charlie and I that feel so at home and grateful and blessed to call this home.

Home is not just a place, home is a feeling. It has always been important to me, almost like a hobby but also true passion, making a house a home. We never know where the future will take us and also at some point might we think it is too big for us, I don’t know……. For now, and for the foreseeable future, we are beyond grateful to call this home, and our investments and decisions over the years in Real Estate have paid off. I always want my home to be a place where my kids walk in the door, and their shoulders go down and they get that feeling of home. Home is where your story begins, and not where it ends. XO

This post is personal and it is shared in the name of creating a Life You Love. I love life, I love love (yes, I love kindness/love/good people, they rock my world). I love my family, friends and happy moments of pure joy and laughter. I love deep conversations, authenticity, laughing, making people laugh, and simple joys and inspiration every day. I am blessed beyond measure, I have already experienced so much goodness. I am passionate about my family, our love, our relationships because I put my heart and soul into all. Each stage and decade I learn and grow, and all my experiences (the good times and the challenging ones) were built around me growing, stalling, looking for answers, and having to trust myself and coach myself. My biggest tool is Yoga on and off the mat (among other important choices)--but that is just part of my story of happiness, inspiration, productivity & peace.

Pam Guyer is..... (people's words, not mine)

Dynamic, Magnetic, Funny, Kind, Loving and the real deal.

Best Speaker, Motivator, Inspirational and Passionate.

Heart Centered Leader, Mama Bear, Advocate, Loyal, Positive, Encourager, Funny, Cheerleader, what ever she touches turns to Gold (well, not really but I love that people have described me that way). Spiritual, Brave, Strong, Relatable, Role Model & Mentor.

She's our Oprah. She's Magic.

I know that girl, she is part of me and it's hard to write the glowing things that people say, but it is important that I am clear on these things, because other people (OP) will say other things (we need to remember what other people think or say is none of our business, that's on them/their stuff).

I am a Dreamer, Believer, Manifester, Doer, Intuitive (high EQ) Champion/Cheerleader, Spiritual Leader, Whole Human.

I am a WHOLE HUMAN. You are too! This is Authentic Leadership & Living....

What you don't see behind my cheerful smile, my beautiful & blessed life, my positive spirit and my post worthy pictures are my struggles, setbacks, sensitivity & successes as it relates to MH.

MH stands for Mental Health in case you did not pick up on that, it is something we all have and we all benefit from addressing and accommodating in our lives. We all have it be it situational or baseline, it hides in our busy lives, fear, need to belong/accepted, denial, distancing and numbing.

You don't see these things, but I deal, manage, accommodate them most days, some days more than others. Living HIPP is not this happy sappy brand, it is actually tools, rituals and practices that promote self care, positivity, and a proven framework to build a life you love based on You. It is a road map and blueprint to help us accommodate our own health (mind/body/spirit) and to lean into our best life (always lean positive or present) while embracing the whole human, because we all have these parts of us that make us brilliantly shine (but many stay in the dark of their thoughts and judgement). Living HIPP means more to me now than it did a decade ago, I created what I did not know I would need more than ever. But this is not about me, this is important for all of us, at least those of us that want to live our best life & live with love, joy, peace and the unknown. These are tools and a proven framework, daily practices & rituals (hope and healing) and also giving yourself grace, rest, and compassion when needed--women are desperate for more of this and I am here to share it.

These MH issues I shared are not me, they are just a part of me, and at times they are dormant, but other times they can be triggered and I need to accommodate--my daily practices are like preventive care--it just helps me live better. My lifestyle and choices on the daily also help to accommodate, because without intention and action, I would not be able to RISE and answer the call to show up as my best self, which is the whole human, all of it!

In the past decade, I have had to assess, accept, treat, love and integrate the parts of me I have wanted to run from, because they are more fragile, vulnerable, it's easier to be performing than it is to just be (neither are wrong, it is just a state of self awareness).

BTS and part of my Living HIPP (and the reason behind it) is accommodating my own Mental Health journey.

Behind my smile is also Anxiety, ADHD, Addictive Personality (hello Addiction), Depression--I am not those things, but they are part of me and something I am aware of every single day. I don't focus on the problems and these things do not define me, I address them, treat them and nurture them (because avoiding them does not allow us to grow). For the majority of my life I had to work extra hard for everything (yes, I was a hard worker) but having serious ADHD (which I did not know or treat appropriately) demanded so much (it's exhausting) as I reflect on it. I wonder how many people are brushing off their "things" and trying so hard to be "normal". What if I told you your life will become better, when you begin this work (and it is not overnight). It's worth it and YOU are worth it!

I focus on gratitude, my blessings, feel good vibes, simple joys, authenticity & wholeness. I equally practice and have a tool box that helps with healing, awareness, habits, behaviors, mindset, spirituality and mind/body care.

Why am I sharing this?

I am here to inspire millions (I know that to my core), how can I inspire you and the world without sharing the whole picture, my whole human experience and Living HIPP became the lifestyle & framework to support not only my Mental Health but to live a life I love.

Mic Drop.

Peace. Love. Heal. Be Real.

Do you need to go on SM and say this? NOOOOOO, this is your invitation to get to know yourself better, to accept the whole you, to expand in your beauty, to love the shadows and bring them into the light.

I am not titles, brands, companies, clubs, my strengths/weaknesses or my setbacks/challenges or what other people think. I don't fit into any narrative out there, I can't force one school or thought or the other, I have my own thoughts, and I want to shine light on this in a positive and helpful way. I can't try and fit into an ideal or area, I can only share my truth and tell my story. I am me.

I am committed to living how, where and the way I want (HIPP) on my own terms (FREE). I am also committed to inspire you (all of you) to do the same. The most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. Be there for her, listen, take action, surrender, be brave, know that we are all fighting a battle you don't see. Don't focus on that, flip it on it's head (acceptance) with love, care and being self aware. Darling Girl, your love, your heart, your spirit is your superpower! Let's unleash it like never before, let's embrace the things you have been avoiding and let's make room for the amazing life you have and to truly let your light shine. Need I remind you that your light and my light and her light is what makes this world a brighter, happier and kinder place. Stand with your hands on your HIPP! XO #livinghipp

Dear Pam:

You have been filling people up, helping them believe in themselves, find and feel their worth, lifting them up and raising the bar on how women and girls care for ourselves and each other. It is a heavy burden as you have learned, because not everyone has the same spirit and belief system you do—it is both inspiring and at times a challenge. Despite that, you continue to advocate for women supporting women, and also you are learning there is a learning curve, and your job is not to convince everyone, it is to align with the people that share the same beliefs as you.

In all of this work, you are brought back to the number one lesson, and the importance of having a practice where you love yourself first. Self Care and Self Love are essential to living a happy, abundant, positive and spirited life.

Your ability to reinvent and reimagine is key to your growth, it also can be an example to others, we never arrive, we are always invited to assess where we are and how we are, knowing we are empowered to create change and also to embrace choice—and knowing we are where we are suppose to be. You have reinvented yourself multiple times, and at this phase in life, you are now reimagining what mid life and empty nesting looks like, while you are in the sweet spot of kids flying home, and not fully out of the nest, you have time to look back, to be present and to reflect on the wonderment of life. This is a beautiful time in your life, don’t waste it over the angst you will feel or the old beliefs or feeling which at one time were important to you. Embrace this time as you are, and have the courage to use your voice like never before, but before you do that, make self care, self love and balance in your life a priority. While not a word many thought leaders want to use, you understand how important it is and how women need to hear it more. You are brave bringing up a word that is misunderstood and not embraced by many modern day women, “balance”. Yet your heart desires it, your nervous system requires it, and your wisdom at this age has learned that ambitious endeavors are good, but living in the present and taking time to pause, to breathe to be is what matters most. The magic is in the moment and you are the magic, you are the one you have always been waiting for. It is your second act, and let me remind you it is not an act, it is the real thing, and time is the most precious gift you have, as is your health: mental, physical and spiritual. Feed your soul with good vibes, feed your body with things that are good for it, feed your mind with positive thoughts and affirmations. Remember, the most important conversation you have in your lifetime is the conversation you have with yourself. Speak love, speak encouragement, speak spiritually, speak positive, speak truth, to those around you. More importantly, speak this to yourself and practice the power in that, words have power and how we speak to ourselves matters, it matter a lot.

Pam, I am so proud of you, I know your heart, I know your big love, you love: love and that is one of your super powers. Not everyone is on this same wavelength, and that is a reminder to serve those around you first, the ones that appreciate you, respect you and love you.

You preach positive living, but you know it is not about always being positive, happy or cheerful, you are real, you encourage all the feels, always keep it real, with yourself and others. God gave you a spirit and energy to rally people, your voice matters, share it generously and widely. Keep moving forward with good intentions, always promoting progress over perfection, as we are humans that have emotions, opinions and our own story—this compassion is important, give it to yourself as much as you give it to others. You have known what it is like to be loved by many and also you have experienced the ugly truth around the work we still need to do, that work is not your responsibility, your responsibility is to practice self care, self love and to inspire this daily practice in others. It is time for women to give themselves permission to slow down and not rush and race through life, busy is not better, it’s a distraction, be the gatekeeper of your precious time and energy.

Let’s talk about love, I love you. I sincerely love you and your heart, and your love for love, you love those in your life deeply and powerfully, and you are loyal and protect those in your circle. Continue to be unapologetic about being you, vibrant, happy, joyful and fun, alongside vulnerable and time for restoration, healing and time for reflection. While you love to laugh, be light and be fun, you have tremendous depth and your soul is meant to shine, your light is bright, let it light the fire within and radiate out in the world. Keep being you, keep sharing your positive vibe, keep standing up when others try and bring you down, and remember, that has nothing to do with you. You knew since the moment you understood your place in the world that you were special, you might not have all of the credentials but you have a spiritual knowing, invitation and voice inside that does not require validation, it is in your DNA. Your spirit is big, your energy is bright, and you have a quiet side that you like to turn down the noise around you, and tune into the wisdom within. Daily practices of gratitude, yoga and journaling/writing are tenants to how you live HIPP. You crave and seek balance, but in order to be your best self and to live HIPP, you require balance, which is a daily practice, and requires your facilitation and permission.

You are a blessed woman, seriously, think about the life you live, the love that surrounds you and the deep love you feel inside, this is your gift, this is your dharma and it is important for you to stay centered and grounded in this space. You have worked very hard to be where you are, your hard work is no longer the grind, you did that, the hard work is the ability to not be and do all the things, it is taking care of yourself first. You have learned to say no to people and things that no longer serve you. You have been able to build boundaries better than you ever have in your life. You have learned to (and continue to learn) to not be a people pleaser, you genuinely like to please others, but that can lead to a need for validation and acceptance (you have a seat at the table, because you built your own). You speak truth and try to do so with some sincerity, this will always be an art, and one that gets better when you create more time and space in your life to be, rather than just do. You have fulfilled many dreams, your life story has been about vision, desire, creating, working hard and leading with your heart. There is no longer a race, and there is not any competition, the only competitor you have is the person you were yesterday, continue with that spirit, not being the best but to be better than you were. It is time to play, time to do the things that bring great joy. Only you know what they are, and it is only you that can create that in your life. Laughter is your love language, continue to laugh, to sing, to dance and to let your spirit soar, it is ageless and timeless. Love is how you live, if you don’t love it, don’t do it. You find such satisfaction in the simple joys in life, keep doing the small things each day that bring great joy. You have enough love in your heart to share with many, share it, unapologetically, it is important to do, and it is important to teach. But remember this and don’t ever forget to love yourself first, love bomb all over yourself, because you deserve it, being kind so often and generous to others, keep doing and being that, but also invest in yourself, put your health, heart, spirit, mental health and well being first.

Your vision has been to age gracefully, you are ding it and growing into the woman you knew you would always be, it is a beautiful thing. You are present, you are joyful, you care about those around you, you care for yourself. You love beauty, and inner beauty remains to be the most important part to your beauty regimen. You are passionate, and voice your opinion, always do so with good intentions and when you make mistakes, own it and make things better.

Your younger version used to try and dull down or not shine, because of the opinions of others. You learned their opinions have nothing to do with you. Shine bright, lead with love, let your essence and your beauty be iconic in the life you live. You are a beautiful woman living a beautiful life, while you feel a tug for a bigger purpose, this is your purpose right here, to become your higher self, and in doing so, you inspire others to do the same. You are a visionary, you look beyond circumstance or probability and you believe in more. You manifest your dreams and also understand that it is not all in your control. You believe in magic, that zest for life, effervescent feeling and you create magic, it is within you. Learning to balance this magic with mindful moments is the art you are creating, the canvas is blank, the colors are bright and the artist is you, and you are here to paint a beautiful picture and inspire others to do the same.

The wisdom that you hold, is the anchor and foundation of how you live. You learned from the best, and it is your responsibility to continue their legacy, and to produce an even better example for the next generation to follow.

Every day is a gift, stay in gratitude, continue with a positive attitude and surround yourself with those that embrace this spirit of kindness and humility. We are not racing anyone, we are on a journey, and it is the scenic route that you will enjoy the most. Keep sharing your spirit, stay the course on living HIPP and know how loved you are, you are surrounded in the most precious, spiritual, authentic love. Go where the love is, because that is where you belong. You Belong.

XO

Pamela (your mother’s daughter)

There are different schools of thought around Dry January, and I think there is valid information in all schools of thought, but I think it is important to respect various points of view. I am sharing my POV because I have my own feelings around this topic, and I am sensitive not everyone thinks this way and that is okay. There are so many options, programs, ways of thinking out there, no one is wrong, it is about finding what is right for you.

In traditional recovery circles or those rooted from this that are now more flexible and open minded, there is this inherent thinking and dare I say shaming that exits and this is not a recovery issue, I believe it is a personal growth one. There are many leaders in this space that paved the way beyond a 12 step program, I thank them all, and I am grateful as they spoke to my heart, as I began my journey in this space. I have to say, that recovery has traditionally been dogmatic, and we are trying to get away from that, and also, it is important to realize that the old ways are not necessarily the best ways. I believe all programs and people have merit and they work for the people that relate and vibe with them. I actually like and rely on learning from everyone, and I can say that every single leader and voice in this space is someone I have learned from, and I thank them for that. I also had to find my own way, but I could not do it alone. I feel like I came in the back door with recovery because I was already immersed in personal development, my entire professional career (30 years now) was dedicated to Leadership & Personal Development and Training, so speaking, writing, and practicing this in both business and in life is what I have done and have focused on all while being a Mom and raising a family. There were times when I felt like I was drinking too much or I wanted to cut back and I did, but any traditional programs or linear thinking/shame sent me running for the hills, it actually worked against my ability to embrace all of it. I learned to take what I want and leave the rest but still, I had moments of thinking, I like my life better, because I was not trying to escape my life, I was trying to learn how to cope with Anxiety, ADHD, stress, motherhood and PTSD (which I did not know then, but I know now).

I believe respecting all Paths and that one size doesn’t fit all is prudent and necessary in Recovery, as is an open mind, compassion, and understanding different people need different things.

Let's get one fact straight and out of the way, Sober is Better. While I do not use the word Sober (because I don’t like it, if I like it down the road I will, but I have not liked it for myself for over a decade). I think most would agree, and they just used it because it is the only word really, and for many it is a badge of honor, as it should be.

I am not new to this scene, in fact, when I started this journey, Dry January was not a thing. In some circles I might be considered the biggest loser, because I resisted different parts of this and with that, slips and going back, this took me longer to grasp. To be honest, I did not love all aspects of it, and I still don’t, but I have let go of all of that, I take lessons and wisdom and have blazed my own trail. Living HIPP was created 12 years ago, back in 2009/10 when I got into Yoga and changed my relationship with Alcohol. For the first time in my adult life, I put myself first and I prioritized mind/body/spirit. While I had taken breaks from drinking, and got to the point where I was so limited and mindful, that worked until it didn’t (here is the thing, it was something I would need to deal with down the road, and that is what happened when I went through major change and loss). My journey was a dance, it was a 2 step, it was back and forth and while I don’t recommend it, I can also say I am glad I did begin what I call “Discovery”, because had I not, I would have had a serious Rock Bottom, I don’t doubt that one bit, that is just the way this works.

While living HIPP is more than drinking, it is about living a Happy, Inspired, Productive and Peaceful Life (why on God’s earth would we not want that or think that is not possible, it is and it is how I have lived and created so much in my life. Happy is not this state of everything is great, it is a choice in life, and life is hard, but we can choose to create our happy daily, and that is what I have been working on all this time. I was so excited a decade ago when I wrote the book Living HIPP, because I thought I could teach the world how to be happier, kinder, and to live with empowerment and intention as opposed to shame and oppression. What I did not know is the person who would need it most a few years later was me, when life blew up, and I had to climb out of the situation I found myself in, and navigate years of significant loss, it is part of life at middle age when losing our parents. All that to say I used drinking again to calm the nerves, to sooth the pain, and to cover up the depression and anxiety I found I was experiencing. I was not a big problem drinker, in fact, I was fun and also did not seem that bad, I would just over drink at times, but I knew it was holding me back, and at middle age, my body was not handling it as it did when I was younger.

I had tried different communities, some of which I loved and some I did not care for, and I was resistant yet hopeful, I did not like how the camps were so separate and also some recovery people or programs focused on the problems rather than focused on the vision and values (all while healing what needs to be healed). I began to see that my HIPP life had a formula (and being AF was part of it) and it wasn’t until I made it part of my foundation that I truly found freedom. Today, I feel freedom because I walked away for good and I just don’t drink Alcohol anymore, but I do insist on fun, I insist on inclusion and I insist on writing my own story, my own rules because while it is awkward at first, and it is damn hard work, it also does not need to be punitive. While I am an extrovert and introvert (and my introvert used to love the social lubrication), once I learned how to soothe myself and be socially, I insist on being included and having fun. I am AF but my life is not, and therefore I look at this and experience it through a different lense. I would imagine if things got worst (and I know eventually that is where I or anyone would end up) that I might think differently, but I sure as hell am not going to be silent or told that this is the way “sobriety” is done and be treated like the new kid on the block. I am not the new kid, I have been here all along, I have been here longer than many on line right now, and to be clear, I take this seriously because I have been around Alcohol Addiction my entire life. My Dad was “recovered” as they said back then, but basically, he was in Recovery and helped many people through AA which was the only option back then. My brother is almost 40 years Sober, 40 flipping years, and he does not say that or act better than anyone else, he reminds people that talk with him that we are all in the same day, it is all about the day and the choice (with compassion and humility as opposed to ranking more years sober). Longevity is important, but it does not qualify a person to think they have it all figured out, none of us do. Likewise, I observe people and having done this work, recovery in a different form, we all have room to grow. I believe when we truly love ourselves, we don’t judge others, we don’t shame others, we don’t need to be better than others. We just need to do what is best for us and so be it, that is it. It is okay to have preferences, I know I sure do. People in my life that I care about drink, I don’t judge them and I don’t think I am any better, far from it, I just ask them to accept me for me and I accept them for them and we can both leave shame out of our space and lift each other up, we can also raise a glass together. Friend can have alcohol in theirs, and I can have my festive drink without Alcohol, inclusion and integration are important to me, because it is my life and when I used to drink, I did not want to be told what to do and how to be, in fact, I still don’t.

I made my mistakes and I made good choices and while my only regret is that this did not click sooner, that is okay, because now I am sharing even more, opening up more space for the conversation of Discovery, which is normalizing looking at our drinking or cutting back or removing as a wellness choice. One leader in this space used these words that helped me “This is Your Thing”, and while I did not want it to be years ago, the fact is, it was and it was always going to be and it was a matter of both acceptance but more importantly to me, freedom. The reason being I am happiest now, I truly feel in my 2.0 (higher version) and this is the only way). I don’t need to shame others or think my way or the highway…. I just need to do what we all need to do whether or not we are drinking, I need to change my thinking. I also need to use my voice as a another voice added to the empowerment of better living, and I don’t replace anyone’s voice, I just add my own. There is enough room for everyone and quite frankly, the more people that embrace AF be it Dry Jan, or the others, the more we can educate and begin to change how to live. I am not anti-alcohol, in fact, I still serve it in my home with guests (and I have no shame in that). I changed my relationship with it to feel better and live better, not to focus on everything that is wrong with me, that in my opinion is what is wrong with some recovery circles but perhaps it isn’t wrong, perhaps it is just different. I choose to focus on my vision and align that with my values, I focus on being me, present, clear, vibrant and happy, and to heal the parts of me that need to be nurtured. I have learned that mental health and restoration and self care are and have to be a priority in my life (and I would argue every woman’s life).

I think what might be helpful too for some doing Dry January or taking a 30 day break is to stop thinking how hard this is (which is normal) and waiting for that drink on the 1st of the month. Think about how good it is, learn more about what it does to your body, learn ways to replace drinking with another way to calm your nervous system, let this be your time to change how you live, and see how it feels to wake up each morning without Alcohol in your body, and the better sleep, better skin, better patience, better focus, better productivity and time. It is hard and that is normal, but beyond the hard, look for the heart shots, they are everywhere.

I created a lifestyle brand 12 years ago that address looking at what you consume, and Alcohol and the reduction or removal was part of that. I can tell you all these years later that it is in fact the secret to my HIPP Life, and the only way I can truly show up as I want. You might not be there yet, and that is okay. I cannot emphasize this enough that this is a process, and we can’t be in our sober towers looking down thinking everyone needs to make it happen overnight and that it is black and white (it is life and death for many, but lets meet people where they are at). Perhaps take that message to some but not all. They are not there yet, we can only share (and share our stories, they are real), but my story (and God willing it won’t be) is not one that I am going to scream to the world to get into Recovery, stop drinking and that is the only way. Nope, I don’t think that helps people unless they have tried. I say try, I say take a break, I say discover, I say learn more, I say pay attention to how you feel, really, and I encourage some books and Podcasts. Now, someone that has some momentum and has built time and/or some trying again and they want to be AF, my tone is not as liberal and my conviction is even more…. At this point, I encourage that the work is no longer taking a break, it is the break away, it is breaking up with Alcohol which is making less important in your life. I also explain that it is the best decision, and when you approach it in an empowered way as opposed to a punitive way, you break free.

Living HIPP encourages 30 day breaks. Obviously, we all say, walk away for good, that is best case scenario, but for many, it takes a few tries and the sooner you get this and embrace empowerment and not torture the sooner you can begin to live an even HIPPER Life.

I was beyond thrilled to see that Taylor Swift earned Person of the Year, she deserves it and all that she does in this world makes it a better, HIPPER & happier place. She stands up for others, she stands up for herself, she has experienced major set backs and has been rejected, misunderstood, attacked and humiliated in public, which all has nothing to do with her. She is HIPP in every way, she leads with her heart, she has a generous and caring spirit and she makes our world a better place—can you imagine what our world would be like if most women lived this way?

I actually believe in a world where many can, I do believe that if people want positive change in their life, they can create it. They can also create a life they love, and in this process, grow personally, spiritually and radiate that positive vibe out in the world. In order to rise, I believe we have to fall in some way, otherwise, we would not know pain, desire, and the important relationship you build with yourself, it needs to be the priority relationship in your life.

When we let go of OOP (other people’s opinions) and begin to trust ourselves more, believe in our potential and let our light shine, that is how we rise (and (I believe we rise higher than we expected).

Not to take away from Taylor, I applaud her and I love her spirit, energy and the hope and kindness and messages she puts out in the world, and I think she would agree that she shares this with YOU.

Yes, you, person of the year!

What if we select you as Person of the Year, 2024?

What would you need to change to be her?

How would you need to grow?

Who in your life does not fit into your higher vibe and authenticity?

Who do you want to surround yourself with, this gets to the core of your values…

This right here is your opportunity to write out who you need to be in 2024 to rise to your potential and be another Cover Story. We don’t want to change who you are or fix anything, your essence is already in you. We just need to remove the BS you believed, you put up with, you like many women think about and you create this whole story in your head. It is time to write a new story, and this is one of hope, inspiration, authenticity, kindness, connection and leaving behind what no longer serves you (you already know what that is), just accept it!

I know you're afraid to do this because what if you don’t live up to it? So what, nothing happens from stalling, you just need to get clear on your Vision and your Values (the values are a key driver to full alignment, authenticity and genuinely creating a life you love. What if you fail? So what, what if you fly, you have wings you know, and they have been waiting for you and calling you.

Darling Girl…. Please stop trying to fit in, you don’t, you are mean’t to stand out, and to stand up!

Stand up for yourself, the inner self that radiates all that is vibrant, positive, magical and good.

What if you don’t feel it or you feel down, or not enough or judged? You will feel that, and you will have your moments and that is okay, it helps shape who you become. You will learn what you need, how you restore the mind and body and what sets your soul on fire. You will learn to be self aware and also how to practice more self care, you will become the person you have been waiting for, it’s been you all along darling girl.

Is it all bright lights, on stage and high energy? No, actually, a lot of it is behind closed doors, it is your spiritual work, your ability to retreat and restore and learning how to practice compassion for self and others. It will require you to peel back the layers you built around you, and all the stuff that truly does not represent you, the beautiful and magical you. Let’s uncover her. Let’s allow her to fly, lets allow her to fall, lets pick her up, dust her off and not tell the world about her struggles, lets shine a light on her essence, on her amazing soul, and on what makes her shine!

In order for us to rewrite our stories, we can’t edit and throw away what we have written so far, we build upon it, we leverage it as lessons and we take it with us, with confidence and walk into our purpose like never before.

How do you know who your 2.0 is, your higher self?

You need to get quiet. You need to stop looking around you. You need to stop being a copy cat, be inspired but let's take that and find you. It is that quiet whisper in your heart that says, you are made for more.

It is time for you to rise and it is time for you to get crystal clear on your vision and values and in Living HIPP, this is our framework that we create and curate based on ourselves, not a blueprint for everyone to use, it is a blueprint methodology and you customize and curate to fit you. The wonderful imperfect, beautiful, loving, deeply spirited person that hides behind a busy schedule, a need to fit in, a fear of failure or success, and bottom line, a feeling of not being enough. My darling, that is an old belief, an old story and one that has settled deep inside of you. Let’s gently welcome it to leave, and make space for your HIPP spirit and all the good that resides in you. We need you to step into this space, and we remind you, that you are not alone. We are doing this and we are doing it together.

Dream big about 2024 and stepping into the person you are mean’t to be! XO

Ben, lmk if you can put this pic on that frame “person of the year”. TY!

Life is the greatest teacher and such a beautiful space of growth, grief, love and fear. Celebrating our First Date and where we are now, it is so rich, and once again, one of my life defining moments of Hopes & Dreams hidden behind Fear and the Unknown. The time I finally said “yes” to my friend Mike who aggressively insisted I go on a date with his friend Charlie. It was out of my comfort zone, I did not want to go, I did this as a favor to Mike, not knowing it was a blessing to me.

Pam 28 Years Ago:

29 years old, love life DOA (break up/heartache)

Grieving, sudden loss of my Dad the year before, Sad

Living at my Mom's in law apartment, being her companion

Commuting into Boston, 3 hours in car round trip

Working at Deaconess Hospital, Recruiter & getting Masters

Got out of all the Debt I accumulated, saving $ for future

Driving a GEO (economy car), because my sports car was a financial disaster

Working hard all week, going to school in the evening (2 jobs)

Party Girl on the weekend, no Talbots Dresses allowed! :)

Pam Today, 28 years later:

Married, Pam, you are going to marry this dude!

Mom of 3, Pam, you are going to have the most amazing kids, a daughter you will adore and two sons that you will own your heart forever

Pam, you are going to move to North Shore, and all your hard work getting out of debt and then saving, will be the down payment to owning a home.

You will build 3 homes and renovate one, your home will be the place you do what you love, design, create, be cozy, and host your family & friends

You will be a stay at home mom, and realize, you need something for you. You will start a business in DS reluctantly, and create more success than you can imagine. It will be the vehicle in which you grow & discover your purpose. You begin to inspire others with your Vision, your Voice and teach and lead many. You were and are meant for more.

You will experience business challenges, and learn how to begin again. You will learn to find your voice as a Mom, and you will live in a community you have always dreamed of, you will travel the world. You will learn how to create success in business and family, you learned how to thrive on systems, routines, and building out a team--you will learn the importance of support and removing the image of "doing it all", you write a different story, and are unapologetic about creating the rules and not following them. You will have AuPairs that become daughters, you will have friends that become family, you will care deeply for others, which is being true to you, love will continue to lead the way. Love is at the essence of who you are and what you do. You will heal old wounds, you will see past experiences as Trauma--you will grow as a woman, professionally, personally and you will not abandon who you are and where you came from—you understand the value, and you create a masterpiece with that and who you are becoming, it is the best of both worlds. You will use it as part of your foundation, and your values will be your North Star, that and your Vision. You will transform at different stages and mid life will become your playground to discover and explore. You will discover Yoga in your 40's, and completely go from workaholic to seeking balance and peace. You will crave this balance & peace as foundation in your life, you realize it is important to who you are and how you live.

Your spirit is vital and it is the one thing that you know intimately, you will brand it, write a book about it and you will inspire others to create a Happy, Inspired, Productive and Peaceful Life. At mid age you will begin shedding layers of doing and you will give birth more to being. You will bravely address mental health, and realize it is something we all need to review and accommodate. You will struggle with over doing everything from drinking, eating, working, thinking and this will begin a process of discovery for you--you will open your heart to recovery, but you will rewrite the rules for you and others without tearing down what works for many. As a middle age woman, you will have experienced various levels of anxiety, ADHD, addiction and depression (it is a spectrum and you insist we acknowledge we are all on the spectrum and we address it proactively, as part of women’s health and leadership--you will ask for help, you will lead your discovery of learning more, accommodation and refuse to focus on just your challenges, you know the power of belief, mindset, vision and routine and rituals. You merge recovery with your years of personal development and you also create a space and movement called “Discovery”, you invite all women and people into the important process of self assessment, self care, self love and self aware, you speak your truth with the desire to inspire more, heal more and recover more space, and rewrite the story and level the playing field on topics that are tabu and need a spotlight shined on them, in a very inclusive way that encourages progress over perfection.

You begin to share more, and talk about the things we don't talk about, not because you want to, because you have to. Creating a life you love or happiness is not a grand place as described by some who just have not had the depths of Joy that you have. It is okay to have both, you know the valley well, and it is the peaks and the climb that get you out of it, that is the vision, hopes and dreams too. You learn that life does not happen to us, it happens for us, even in the situations we just can't bare or explain, we need to accept that and also that life is hard, but it is also so very beautiful and joyful. You become passionate not only about home but also working from home. You value flexibility, family time and this becomes the value that needs to be part of your work and life--you inspire others to create this and also to create a Vision for their lives, based on their hopes, dreams and discontents. You do this over and over, and at mid life, you have a better view and legit experience. You manifest many dreams and they do come true, you also have to navigate more difficult times including the loss of your precious mom and your beloved Bumpa's, and your dog Brady. You are a dog person now, you used to be afraid of dogs, but now you are crazy about them, you now focus on your cockapoo's, and enjoy a beautiful life with them on WBL. You have the most incredible relationships with your kids, as a family you are #goals, not because you are lucky, but because you and your husband will create that as a team, you will mess up but you will also put family at the core of everything you do, the investment will pay off tenfold. Your kids have the life you wanted so badly for them to have, they will have the same love and values that you grew up with, and a loving home. They will have the opportunities that you didn't and with courage, you will rewrite the story of your family and your life. Aside from your family, your greatest accomplishment out of all that you have created or done is becoming Alcohol Free. While it did not happen over night, because it did not seem "that bad", you knew in your heart it had to change, and you went long periods AF, until it clicked, and you proudly claimed, "I don't drink anymore". This is not easy in our culture, society and in your marriage and family/social life. You learned you could not do this alone, you also learned to once again, create your own path which honors your past, it does not shame it. Let's face it, you had some fun all those years. You knew the truth and you knew your best life and best self was AF and with the help of your sister and her example, you finally walked away from that elixir you occasionally danced with (and obsessed over) to choose Freedom, now you are inspiring others on their journey of better living. You insist on fun, you insist on inclusion and also no shame for anyone, lets all raise a glass together! BTS you heal, you also nurture your soul, the introvert in you that needs solitude, down time, healing and exhaling. Restoration and Retreats become part of your lifestyle, and you literally go from Bar Crawl 28 years ago, to Spa Crawl today, you give yourself a monthly Spa visit as a way to celebrate this hard work but no longer hard, it is just happy, kind, loving work. You are not the same girl you were 28 years ago, and you are growing with her, and nurturing her like never before. You laugh even more, get sillier and just let your spirit soar. You learned to cultivate the spirit without spirits and it is such a joyful, soulful, spirited and happy way of life (and yes, you still get mad and bring the fire, you are the fire)!

You are simple, yet you love nice things, you crave luxe experiences, and you balance simplicity with special moments. Your taste is still exquisite but your heart equally appreciates simplicity. At 28 you were all about the brands, and while you still love your brands, you have far more appreciation for Personal Brand, you care more about who a person is and how they treat others, that is how you value people and this is what separates you from the crowd, you lead your life with love, and you discern who you associate with in doing the same.

You are living your dream, and you and your husband did live out the dream of living by the water--it is a wonderful life in Beverly Farms, the ocean calms your nerves and it soothes your soul. You learn to go where the love is in all things, the people, the places and the sights & sounds that feel good and are good calm the mind and soothe the soul.

You experience all the hardship over the years, and experienced both success and failure in work and in life. At mid life, you choose you. You are stronger than you have ever been, and more clear on who you are, your value and not everyone will be in your circle, you are wise about your circle and trust your instincts like never before. You rise and remain unapologetic & authentic in your brand--you grow your personal brand, but on your own terms and authentically, you are whole, the imperfect and the vibrant one, you embrace the light and the dark.

You realize that you have been the one that you have been waiting for. This message is important and one that you are compelled to share and inspire in others. Speaking of which.... We are not competing with each other, we actually are more powerful when we collaborate and lift each other up, that is the spirit of HIPP! Women standing up for each other.

We all need to grow, heal and ignite the spirit within (HIPP) to create this. You will become the woman you visualized you would be. A woman aging gracefully, who radiates a timeless inner beauty, that becomes an invitation for another woman to do the same. You are self made, but not alone. You are incredibly caring, but not naive. You are vulnerable but you are also strong and brave. You feel both grounded and at times messy, you seek balance and peace. You are the leader and creator, you also need to be cared for and guided. You are spiritual and enlightened, your intuition and spirit is your gift. You are passionate, and that brings out the best and sometimes worst in you, you are letting go and building boundaries like never before. You are the example for many, because you are both vulnerable and vibrant, and you inspire others to tap into their magic and essence too!

28 years.

This is not just my story, it is our story. We all have our untold story, we all have our fears and anxieties, our challenges and our moments that we think we might break.

We also have an incredible strength and a spirit inside of us that will lead us, it will direct us, it will help us navigate the flow of life. If I have learned anything it is this…

Don’t settle for allowing life to just happen, and being on the sideline in fear or in waiting for things to work out in your favor. Be the author of your story and know that you already have everything you need to live an amazing life. Lead with Love, embrace fear (acknowledge it but don’t feed it) and while you create a life you love, take your humor with you, it is all about knowing when to be serious, and when to allow in the fun. Laughing and smiles are priceless, build a life where you can do that, because there will be times that you just can’t, and that is life, both incredibly beautiful but also hard, it is all of it, and you are the light which will lead the way.